Weekend fairs, festivals, etc. and fitting in Mass

[buc_fan33]

Also to clarify, our daughter is a young adult but because she is autistic, talks and acts more like a grade school age child would. She comes with us to the events mainly because we have no other caregiver for her. She helps us out to some extent with setting up and taking down the tent but generally just sits quietly most of the time. If she gets too tired or stressed out, however, she may act out a bit – another reason why starting off the day with a argument about going to Mass may ruin the entire day.

Thanks for the reminder on this. I had forgotten you mentioned your autistic daughter. Again, please don’t interpret anything that I’ve written in this thread, unless I’ve explicitly said so, as referring to you or your personal situation. The fact that you have an autistic daughter does add an extenuating circumstance to your situation, to be sure. At the end of the day, trust your better judgment. It sounds like you have a well-formed conscience. Trust your conscience. Blessings to you!

 

[paperwight66]

buc_fan33;14126582:

I hear you but I do not fully agree., Father! But you know that by now! Yes PP is parish priest… I had not realised it was an Irishism , sorry !

Using PP (Parish Priest) is not just an Irishism. It is the usual term in the UK for what in the States is called a Pastor, I gather i.e. the priest in charge of a parish.

To us over here, the term Pastor is a clue that the church is a non-denom. church.

 

[CatholicRaven]

Just to clarify some things, this is not a main source of income for us, it’s more of a hobby. The difficulty with going to Mass is that my husband refuses to attend – he’s been a lapsed Catholic for about 15 years now — and he sees my insistence on attending Mass in these circumstances as me placing an extra “burden” on us. It’s mainly a question of balancing the obligation to attend Mass against the risk of starting the day with an argument and putting everyone in a bad mood when we have to face the public. If he were in full agreement with me and supportive of making Mass a priority, this wouldn’t be a problem.

This is a bit of a different problem.

When he says it’s an extra burden, I think he really means it’s inconvenient for him… but instead of working it out with you, he pushes the blame onto you by starting an argument and being in a bad mood if you don’t pick what he wants to do (even though it’s not as important)? That’s not loving, it’s not a compromise, it’s just an attempt to be manipulative and controlling.

I would remind him that if the hobby is becoming a burden on your faith life, then the hobby is what needs to be adjusted. Isn’t a hobby supposed to be enjoyable? If you’re all going to have a bad day because it didn’t go his way and he’s going to pick fights about it, why bother with the event at all?

What would he do if there was some other reason you had to miss part of the event? What if you were ill, or a family member needed you? Would he be able to handle the booth himself for a couple of hours then, or maybe open the booth later (if the money is an issue, how much of the day’s profit will really be missed if you open 30 or 60 minutes later)? If the tables were turned and he had an obligation to meet, how would the conversation go then?

If Mass is important to you, even if it’s not for him, he needs to understand that–and you need to be sure to get that across in your words and actions. Respectfully and lovingly, of course… but firmly, too.

We can’t control another person’s responses, we can only control our own. So I’d let him pout about it if he thinks he must. You may have to simply do what you know is right, and decide not to argue about it and not be in a bad mood, regardless of what your husband does. After all, when we’re invited to an argument, we aren’t required to attend. I know, easier said than done, but it can be done!

Prayers!

 

[turtle18]

I would say go to masstimes.org and put the location in where you festival is. There may be a Sunday night Mass or early Sunday morning Mass in a nearby town, within 30 minutes.

You can always get a dispensation from your priest but I would agree with previous poster about is this your primary source of income vs. making extra money? Also, the scheduled you posted does seem doable, especially if you switched off-where one closed Saturday night and the other opened Sunday morning.

If all else fails and you do get a dispensation from your priest, you should try to find a Monday daily Mass you can go to. True, with a dispensation, you would not need to go to another Mass but I would always advise to try to go to Mass every week. One day you may be really sick or home bound and not actually able to go. The Mass is the most beautiful treasure we have here on earth.

 

[dixieagle]

This is a bit of a different problem.

When he says it’s an extra burden, I think he really means it’s inconvenient for him… but instead of working it out with you, he pushes the blame onto you by starting an argument and being in a bad mood if you don’t pick what he wants to do (even though it’s not as important)? That’s not loving, it’s not a compromise, it’s just an attempt to be manipulative and controlling.

I would remind him that if the hobby is becoming a burden on your faith life, then the hobby is what needs to be adjusted. Isn’t a hobby supposed to be enjoyable? If you’re all going to have a bad day because it didn’t go his way and he’s going to pick fights about it, why bother with the event at all?

What would he do if there was some other reason you had to miss part of the event? What if you were ill, or a family member needed you? Would he be able to handle the booth himself for a couple of hours then, or maybe open the booth later (if the money is an issue, how much of the day’s profit will really be missed if you open 30 or 60 minutes later)? If the tables were turned and he had an obligation to meet, how would the conversation go then?

If Mass is important to you, even if it’s not for him, he needs to understand that–and you need to be sure to get that across in your words and actions. Respectfully and lovingly, of course… but firmly, too.

We can’t control another person’s responses, we can only control our own. So I’d let him pout about it if he thinks he must. You may have to simply do what you know is right, and decide not to argue about it and not be in a bad mood, regardless of what your husband does. After all, when we’re invited to an argument, we aren’t required to attend. I know, easier said than done, but it can be done!

Prayers!

A very well-thought out and reasonable response.

 

[Jennifoo]

Just to clarify some things, this is not a main source of income for us, it’s more of a hobby. The difficulty with going to Mass is that my husband refuses to attend – he’s been a lapsed Catholic for about 15 years now — and he sees my insistence on attending Mass in these circumstances as me placing an extra “burden” on us. It’s mainly a question of balancing the obligation to attend Mass against the risk of starting the day with an argument and putting everyone in a bad mood when we have to face the public. If he were in full agreement with me and supportive of making Mass a priority, this would’nt be a problem.

No one, including your spouse, has any authority to keep you from attending Mass. If he’s going to have a tantrum. let him, but stand your ground and go to Mass. Nothing comes between me and God. He comes first.

God bless you.

 

[paperwight66]

No one, including your spouse, has any authority to keep you from attending Mass. If he’s going to have a tantrum. let him, but stand your ground and go to Mass. Nothing comes between me and God. He comes first.

God bless you.

I don’t think anyone has the right to guilt-trip the OP.

Unless, of course, we, too, have a difficult husband, an autistic daughter whose condition causes stress, and unless we, too, are struggling to keep a marriage and home happy.

Correct, nothing should come between God and ourselves. But we must fulfil the duties of our state in life as our first priority, as that is where He has placed us, regardless of how much we might want to go to Mass.

 

[MissRose73]

There is certainly essential work that can and should be done on Sunday’s. But not all work is that kind of work. Health care, utility, lodging and restaurants would certainly seem to me to be more of the essential kind of work. But lots of people working aren’t engaged in this kind of work. I’m old enough to remember when our local grocery store was closed on Sundays. We survived. We didn’t starve and we still had work. Our modern society’s drive to have everything available at all times is ultimately dehumanizing and leads us away from God. We should do all that we can to oppose that.

I work in a call center doing tech support. The queues are open 24/7 and must always have some staff present to field calls and assist customers. I am lucky enough to work a first shift starting at 7 am and out by 4pm. The only draw back to my current schedule with having Thursdays/Fridays off is I can’t go to Mass on Sunday mornings (unless I take the day off as vacation), and can only go on Saturday nights… A few years ago I had to work 9:30am to 6pm with 2 weekdays off, and the only place that I could go to Mass was at 8am Sunday then I had to often leave before Mass was done to make it to work on time. No church in my diocese had a 7am start Mass on Sunday nor nothing after 6:30pm on either Saturday night/Sunday night.

Some jobs are essential and don’t take time off like emergency services, gas stations, and hotels. Some things like most retail could be closed on Sundays or open on a limited hours on Sunday like many areas of Europe which give workers time to sleep in and if they wish, to attend religious services.

I did miss Mass 2 times during a vacation because I had issues locating a parish that was nearby to me with limited transport options. I did not miss Mass deliberately. I still confessed that I missed Mass due to those reasons, and the priest did tell me I should have tried harder to get to Mass. Other priests when I asked their opinions without saying what I was told said I didn’t commit a sin as I did make a good faith effort. I do say to travelers that DiscoverMass.com is your friend to locate times, church websites, and current bulletins - it has proven helpful to me a few times.

 

[1ke]

Just to clarify some things, this is not a main source of income for us, it’s more of a hobby. The difficulty with going to Mass is that my husband refuses to attend – he’s been a lapsed Catholic for about 15 years now — and he sees my insistence on attending Mass in these circumstances as me placing an extra “burden” on us. It’s mainly a question of balancing the obligation to attend Mass against the risk of starting the day with an argument and putting everyone in a bad mood when we have to face the public. If he were in full agreement with me and supportive of making Mass a priority, this would’nt be a problem.

This would be my response:

“Honey, this is a fun hobby and I enjoy doing this as a family. I **want **to attend Mass, and so I’ll be planning my time so that I can do that. You are under no obligation to come with me. If me attending Mass for an hour on the weekend is a problem, then maybe we need to rethink doing these fairs as a family or doing both days.”

Regarding your obligation:

You can ask your pastor for a dispensation if you want or need to.

Regarding your daughter’s obligation:

You need to discuss that with you pastor. Her autism is a factor, and we can’t really speak to that.

 

[Jennifoo]

I don’t think anyone has the right to guilt-trip the OP.

Unless, of course, we, too, have a difficult husband, an autistic daughter whose condition causes stress, and unless we, too, are struggling to keep a marriage and home happy.

Correct, nothing should come between God and ourselves. But we must fulfil the duties of our state in life as our first priority, as that is where He has placed us, regardless of how much we might want to go to Mass.

Excuse me but I’m not trying to “guilt-trip” anyone. I’m trying to bring an answer that’s simple, but true and helpful.

Many people have difficult situations and relatives and are still able to attend Mass, many of whom I’m pleased to share a pew with. Many have unsupportive, anti-Catholic people in their lives and yet still live their faith. I do. It’s not easy, but it’s not impossible either.

OP, I hope you’re able to attend Mass and get everything figured out. God bless you.

 

[Rosebud77]

I don’t think anyone has the right to guilt-trip the OP.

Unless, of course, we, too, have a difficult husband, an autistic daughter whose condition causes stress, and unless we, too, are struggling to keep a marriage and home happy.

Correct, nothing should come between God and ourselves. But we must fulfil the duties of our state in life as our first priority, as that is where He has placed us, regardless of how much we might want to go to Mass.

 

[Rosebud77]

Excuse me but I’m not trying to “guilt-trip” anyone. I’m trying to bring an answer that’s simple, but true and helpful.

Many people have difficult situations and relatives and are still able to attend Mass, many of whom I’m pleased to share a pew with. Many have unsupportive, anti-Catholic people in their lives and yet still live their faith. I do. It’s not easy, but it’s not impossible either.

OP, I hope you’re able to attend Mass and get everything figured out. God bless you.

Not a “guitl trip” post? hmmmmm

 

[Jennifoo]

You shall love the Lord, your God, with all your soul, heart, mind and strength. This is not a guilt-trip, it’s Sacred Scripture.

 

[Secret_Square]

OK, just a quick update here. I did make it to the Saturday evening Mass during the first event I mentioned. We got our tent taken down and everything put away JUST in time. My husband and daughter went back to the hotel and then out to eat dinner since they were quite exhausted and hot from sitting out in the park under the tent all day. I was too, but I was determined to make it to Mass if at all possible and even though my hair and my sort of vintage looking outfit (we try to dress in Old West or Victorian/Edwardian style for these events) were a mess, I went, and got my dinner later. I’m glad I did.

I also posed the question of the Mass obligation to my parish priest a couple of weeks ago and he said I would have to follow my conscience and determine how much of a priority it was for me.

 

[Reuben_J]

OK, just a quick update here. I did make it to the Saturday evening Mass during the first event I mentioned. We got our tent taken down and everything put away JUST in time. My husband and daughter went back to the hotel and then out to eat dinner since they were quite exhausted and hot from sitting out in the park under the tent all day. I was too, but I was determined to make it to Mass if at all possible and even though my hair and my sort of vintage looking outfit (we try to dress in Old West or Victorian/Edwardian style for these events) were a mess, I went, and got my dinner later. I’m glad I did.

I also posed the question of the Mass obligation to my parish priest a couple of weeks ago and he said I would have to follow my conscience and determine how much of a priority it was for me.

I like your priest’s advice. Did you notice anyone giving you a look at your attire? Thanks God for your faithfulness in giving your faith a priority in your life. It is encouraging to hear that.

God bless.

 

[1ke]

I also posed the question of the Mass obligation to my parish priest a couple of weeks ago and he said I would have to follow my conscience and determine how much of a priority it was for me.

So it sounds like in his opinion you do have an obligation and he is not inclined to dispense it. Or did you ask about dispensation?

 

[otjm]

I would say it is not wrong for you to sign up for the event which is a good source of income for your business. You need to grab the opportunity as your business depends on it. You are a conscious Catholic and the fact that you post here about your work/life and want to do the right thing, reflects that. Remember that the Lord wants mercy, not sacrifice. You are not attending mass for a good reason.

You can always confess missing the mass just for assurance, if that makes you feel better. But remember that we can miss mass with good reasons. And only you know that reason. We do not live your life. By putting importance in not missing it, God will surely bless you for it.

And I agree that there are advice here that bothers on legalism. They miss out on the spirit of the Sacraments and the love of God.

I would not counsel people very strongly based on legalism. It is a different matter if we talk exclusively on theory but with real people in real life, well, these are people, it has to be seen with compassion because God is a compassionate God.

There is the issue of legalism. There is also an implication that Mass is attended because of “duty”, whatever that means.

The issue is not the rules; it is the issue of why we attend Mass.

To provide a bit of perspective: If their child was laying in a hospital and might not make it through the night, would they be there?

My guess is, they would if it were physically possible. In fact, it is likely they would be there even if there was no danger of death, if it was physically possible.

Are all the festivals in an area where they cannot get to Mass either Saturday evening, Sunday morning, or Sunday evening? In some parts of the country, some of the festivals may be. But all? Not likely.

And if they care as much about Christ as they do their child, then any reasonable distance would be overcome; not because of obligation or because of guilt, but because of love of Christ - one so intense they are on fire for Him. Just as they are for their child.

On the other hand, if they are not on fire, then we all revert to rules.

 

[Reuben_J]

There is the issue of legalism. There is also an implication that Mass is attended because of “duty”, whatever that means.

The issue is not the rules; it is the issue of why we attend Mass.

To provide a bit of perspective: If their child was laying in a hospital and might not make it through the night, would they be there?

My guess is, they would if it were physically possible. In fact, it is likely they would be there even if there was no danger of death, if it was physically possible.

Are all the festivals in an area where they cannot get to Mass either Saturday evening, Sunday morning, or Sunday evening? In some parts of the country, some of the festivals may be. But all? Not likely.

And if they care as much about Christ as they do their child, then any reasonable distance would be overcome; not because of obligation or because of guilt, but because of love of Christ - one so intense they are on fire for Him. Just as they are for their child.

On the other hand, if they are not on fire, then we all revert to rules.

The rule is simple - one has to fulfill one’s Sunday obligation but if one is unable to due to acceptable reason, one can be excused from mass on such day. In this case, an advice was already given by the priest whereby the OP is to exercise her own conscience and she decided to attend mass.

Sometimes it is easy for us on the outside of another person’s life to determine for her because we are not there. The fact is we do not know for sure how important it is for her livelihood which is often acceptable as reason to miss the mass, the Church being a compassionate Church.

People who live in countries where they have to work on Sundays, not working means a big decision that affect their lives. There are also others who work ungodly hours and yet others where sometimes business opportunity falls on Sunday.

Thus while recognizing our Sunday obligation, we must at the same time be reasonable enough to make the choice. It is not about abdicating our obligation or missing mass on purpose. Many times the importance of the reason for attending or not, only the person herself knows and if needs be, to get a priest’s advice.

There are indeed devoted people who would forgo everything to attend mass, but if that is the case where no consideration is given for people with odd occupations to miss it, then that’s not right. That’s not what the Church wants.

 

[Rosebud77]

The rule is simple - one has to fulfill one’s Sunday obligation but if one is unable to due to acceptable reason, one can be excused from mass on such day. In this case, an advice was already given by the priest whereby the OP is to exercise her own conscience and she decided to attend mass.

Sometimes it is easy for us on the outside of another person’s life to determine for her because we are not there. The fact is we do not know for sure how important it is for her livelihood which is often acceptable as reason to miss the mass, the Church being a compassionate Church.

People who live in countries where they have to work on Sundays, not working means a big decision that affect their lives. There are also others who work ungodly hours and yet others where sometimes business opportunity falls on Sunday.

Thus while recognizing our Sunday obligation, we must at the same time be reasonable enough to make the choice. It is not about abdicating our obligation or missing mass on purpose. Many times the importance of the reason for attending or not, only the person herself knows and if needs be, to get a priest’s advice.

There are indeed devoted people who would forgo everything to attend mass, but if that is the case where no consideration is given for people with odd occupations to miss it, then that’s not right. That’s not what the Church wants.

Thank you for this. You took the words from my heart.

Also the analogy between a sick child and mass is not appropriate or valid.

Jesus is with us always and everywhere.

And yes a huge huge difference between missing mass and not being able to get there Or getting there in a rushed and exhausted state…

 

[otjm]

Thank you for this. You took the words from my heart.

Also the analogy between a sick child and mass is not appropriate or valid.

Jesus is with us always and everywhere.

And yes a huge huge difference between missing mass and not being able to get there Or getting there in a rushed and exhausted state…

Having known more than enough people who go to Mass because of the “obligation” and who express an attitude of the same, I used the analogy of the child. I have also met parents who are are emotionally removed from their children… I will happily stand by my analogy. Try reading Messy and Foolish, by Matthew Warner.