Weekend WITHOUT kids! Need to choose! :)

[AshleyBelle]

If only life’s decisions were always this “difficult”

Here is a little background, without getting too personal. My husband and I are expecting our fourth baby in December! Our youngest is just over a year old, and in two years time, we have only been out “alone” together once for a dinner, and once for a movie. Now that the baby is getting old enough to stay a night or two with grandma, my husband and I are planning a whole weekend to get away and spend some much needed quiet time together; KID FREE! (Except of course for the one kid who is pretty much attached to me for a few more months)

We’ve narrowed it down to two options… and I’m wondering if anybody who’s “been there done that” in the department of taking time away with your spouse has any advice regarding our two very opposite destination ideas…

The first idea, is to rent a lovely, quiet log cabin in the woods for the weekend, within driving distance, but still at least a "state" away lol.  We would also get to spend the Sunday morning attending mass at a nearby parish:)

The second idea, is to attend a weekend seminar at a contemplative benedictine monastery together.  We would attend vespers, and prayer services...spend time in contemplative prayer and reflection. And the seminar would be a series about "lecto divina" (praying the Sacred Scriptures.)

As you can see, the two options are very different!  I love the first idea because it would be very leisurely and relaxing.  There are horse carriage rides, trails in the woods, and beautiful views.  The second option would be spiritually rejevenating for us both.  But I wonder which destination would be of the greatest benefit to our marriage right now in this busy time of life?

Any advice is appreciated! Thanks so much for taking time to reply, and God bless

 

[saskatoon]

Take the CABIN!! It sounds much more relaxing and would give you quality time together. You could take a walk, have a picnic, and have some good conversation. Maybe say the rosary together in the evening. Use it as a second honeymoon and just enjoy the two of you while you can before the baby comes. Have fun which ever destination you choose!!

 

[Convert_in_99]

I vote cabin also. While retreats are highly beneficial to your soul, they are work. It takes work to renew your spiritual life, work to pray and reflect more than normal. Very mentally demanding. Refreshing to the soul…yes. Good for your marriage…yes. Restful…not usually. At a retreat you almost always follow a schedule (which often includes early rising.) You talk more in a discussion group or with a spiritual counselor rather than to each other. You are often not alone together, or if you are it is not for long periods of time. Your time together is scheduled along with everything else. You may find it hard to have spontaneous conversation and heart to heart talks with your spouse, when you are on a schedule (as most every retreat is.) You also may have little or no ability to, shall we say ‘renew your marriage vows in a physical way’ at a retreat center. Where as a cabin, plenty of time and opportunity for that.

Not that retreats are bad, they are very good. VERY GOOD. But they are often better taken alone, or for couples who are blessed to have more together time than a busy young family like yourself. With the cabin you’ll have relaxed spontaneous together time. Time to grow and pray and talk and just BE together. You will follow your own schedule. If you need more time to talk, or pray, or cuddle, you’ll have it. And you will have mass on Sunday alone together with the cabin trip, add some together prayer time each day and I’d say the cabin will be renewing to both your marriage AND your souls.

 

[rpp]

Not knowing you very well, I would point out that you can devote some time to spiritual activities, prayer and devotions. A big part of your decision depends on your spiritual and married life. The key question for you to ask is which of these choices do you think will better promote your marital unity? I have an idea of what the answer to that question, but I would not presume to advise or tell you. Just consider the questions carefully and you will make the right decision.

 

[lifeisbeautiful]

If there is one option that seems more beneficial to your marriage, take it. If not, is your husband able to handle the kids alone for a weekend? Are you able to? If so, I would definitely go to the cabin. You can then each schedule a weekend retreat on your own. I am one that is more in favor of silent, individual retreats, something that does not require you both to be gone from the kids at once.

 

[AshleyBelle]

If there is one option that seems more beneficial to your marriage, take it. If not, is your husband able to handle the kids alone for a weekend? Are you able to? If so, I would definitely go to the cabin. You can then each schedule a weekend retreat on your own. I am one that is more in favor of silent, individual retreats, something that does not require you both to be gone from the kids at once.

That is a really good idea I hadn’t thought of, thank you

And thanks everyone who replied! I think right now we are just feeling in our marriage that there is rarely time for “quiet” or just being together. But I’m not sure that we really want to leave the kids you know? We’re thinking that instead of planning a getaway with just the two of us, we might try a family cabin and take the kids with us We also might try making the “weekend marriage encounter” this year. We’ve always wanted to go and this year might be a good opportunity for that. It’s not until september, so we’ve got the whole summer to just enjoy our family.

I also agree with the poster who said we can make more time for personal devotions and prayer. This would be a huge help in our marriage right now. We both want to pray more, and spend more time as a couple in prayer, but there are always distractions with either the children to care for, or other things that make life busy. I think more than just “getting away for a weekend” it might be better for us to try and make a little more time every day for our spiritual life.

Those are just some thoughts we had after reflecting on the “why” are we trying to “get away” question. I love the idea to try an individual retreat to the monastary, so that one of us can be with the children. It felt too much like we were trying to be a newly married couple without kids again… When really, having kids is one of the things we’ve grown to love most about our life together

Thanks again for all the advice, and God bless!

 

[Convert_in_99]

Ashley, I would strongly encourage you to stick to your original plan and have at least one if not two nights away together without the children. Yes children are the joy of marriage, but if the marriage doesn’t have enough alone together time, then that is not good for the marriage which is also not good for the children. You really need and deserve this vacation, the children will be completely fine with their grandparents. I’m sure the grandparents would appreciate the special alone time with the grandkids too.

 

[Truly_Beloved]

But I’m not sure that we really want to leave the kids you know? We’re thinking that instead of planning a getaway with just the two of us, we might try a family cabin and take the kids with us

This is totally what I would do. The way I see it, my children are only little for such a short time, and I will have plenty of opportunities when they are grown to hang out with my husband, just the two of us.

 

[iluvmybabies]

HI and GOD BLESS! How wonderful! A weekend with hubby!! YAY!! OH!! How romantic! I am going to have to say based on the fact that you have a tiny tot and another one on the way, that you should take the cabin…I don’t think you have had much one on one with hubby for a while and it would be nice for pg mommy to rest up a bit and relax…

It’s very important to have time with hubby without kids…When I was married it was 1 a year that we were able to actually be together alone… Well that’s another reason things weren’t all that great in our marriage…

I am dating someone right now and even though we get no alone time, since we are just dating, I know how important alone time will be since I have 3 children and he has none… And I am hoping we will be able to have such times together…

I would definitely take the cabin…I know I could use a vacation right now too! Have a great day and hope all goes well!

 

[CatholicSam]

But I’m not sure that we really want to leave the kids you know? We’re thinking that instead of planning a getaway with just the two of us, we might try a family cabin and take the kids with us We also might try making the “weekend marriage encounter” this year. We’ve always wanted to go and this year might be a good opportunity for that. It’s not until september, so we’ve got the whole summer to just enjoy our family.

Our family actually just did something like this a few weeks ago! It was our kid’s first time away from home (other than when our 4yo spent a night with grandparents when I was having his little sister). And it was our first trip away from home in almost 5 years (once again, other than going to the hospital to birth babies ). I came back feeling wonderfully refreshed and re-energized to be a good wife and mom. Watching the kids explore the new places was SO special. They still talk about little details from our trip, and it amazes me what simple little things made an impression on them. I wouldn’t trade that for anything. I’d rather have a good old fashioned campfire hotdog supper with my sweet kids squealing with delight than a fancy restaurant dinner reservation for just the two of us any day. And it’s cheaper too! And don’t you believe for a minute that a family trip like that doesn’t bond husband and wife. It’s like a great team-building exercise!

Since becoming parents, we’ve also only been to a restaurant by ourselves without kids once. It was on the way to the hospital to get induced with baby #2. So it’s been 2.5 years since a dinner out by ourselves (and one year since our last movie theater trip). And you know what? I really don’t mind one little bit. You don’t need to go out to have quality marriage time. DH and I have special alone time every single day after the kiddies go to bed. And on the weekends, we have some more special alone time when they’re napping. We try to actually spend that time doing something together, like chatting or reading a book together or playing a game (not just zoning out in front of the TV or each of us doing our own thing).

BUT! I completely understand that certain family dynamics, with different personalities, and different kids’ temperaments/ages, would come to a different conclusion of what’s best for their family. It does sound to me like you’re being led in the right direction. Take a family trip to the cabin (and a weekend is a good time length to be away for your kids’ ages), and then use your “alone weekend” for the marriage encounter. Best of both worlds, imho! Maybe when you get back home you can see about going for a dinner out alone.

If you do decide to do the family trip to the cabin, I highly, highly, highly recommend picking a place within walking distance of a good play ground. Hubby and I got some more semi-alone time chatting and reading a book together while watching our kids get good and tired.