Weight Struggles - Maybe God's path for me is to NOT be thin?

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You guys are right but I feel like I HAVE to exercise. I’m already fat WITH exercising, if I missed one workout, I will be like a sumo wrestler. I truly believe that because of my weight, most people I meet will hate me. I wish I could see it otherwise but I believe that people hate me. I have seen a therapist 3x after being molested, but I don’t think that will solve anything. I’ve had friends who have been seeing a therapist they describe as very nice and understanding for years, but they are still as depressed as they were years ago.

I walked on the treadmill briskly for 2 hours today and have blisters on my feet. Now I’m in the middle of Insanity but I have paused it since it is very difficult for me to do all those pushups. I am in the gym of a hotel and I am not going to let myself leave until I am done. When I go home I am still going to have to do the 30 day shred.

The one good thing is that I now apparently weigh 123 pounds as opposed to 126, but I haven’t eaten today so that could be why. (too busy exercising to eat, I’ll eat something later) But 123 pounds still sucks because I remember the gloating girls who told me they weighed much less than that.
Writer2014,

You are in complete denial about a VERY serious situation. You need to seek and get professional help. There are clear signs of anorexia, poor body image and low self esteem. I’m sure depression and anxiety are in there as well.

Point being, I’m not a doctor, but I can clearly identify VERY unhealthy behaviors. You need to get professional help. Start with a phone call, but don’t end there. Find support groups, go on a retreat, and maybe seek rehab if needed.

Here’s a website to get you started: nationaleatingdisorders.org/find-help-support

If you need additional resources, we’re happy to help provide you with additional links or contact information. But you absolutely MUST get help.
 
You guys are right but I feel like I HAVE to exercise. I’m already fat WITH exercising, if I missed one workout, I will be like a sumo wrestler. I truly believe that because of my weight, most people I meet will hate me. I wish I could see it otherwise but I believe that people hate me. I have seen a therapist 3x after being molested, but I don’t think that will solve anything. I’ve had friends who have been seeing a therapist they describe as very nice and understanding for years, but they are still as depressed as they were years ago.

I walked on the treadmill briskly for 2 hours today and have blisters on my feet. Now I’m in the middle of Insanity but I have paused it since it is very difficult for me to do all those pushups. I am in the gym of a hotel and I am not going to let myself leave until I am done. When I go home I am still going to have to do the 30 day shred.

The one good thing is that I now apparently weigh 123 pounds as opposed to 126, but I haven’t eaten today so that could be why. (too busy exercising to eat, I’ll eat something later) But 123 pounds still sucks because I remember the gloating girls who told me they weighed much less than that.
It would be prudent to find a therapist who is experienced in treating trauma. You need to find someone who is a good “fit” for your particular needs. It may take more than one attempt to find the right therapist for you.
 
I just moved to another country. I know 2 girls and my neighbour. One of the girls, I mean, yes, I’ve known her for a year but we only talk or meet once a month and I feel quite scared to tell her, I have no idea what reaction she would have, and a big part of me suspects she’ll just tell me to get over it and stop thinking crazy. That tends to be people’s reaction in general when I’m upset about anything. The other girl I actually have mentioned to her that I feel bad about my weight and that I’m exercising, she knows how much I’m exercising, but she’s too wrapped up in her own problems to really respond to my ones accurately. I haven’t told her I’m upset all the time though. And my neighbour is old enough to be my grandmother so I don’t want to burden her. But she may be the best bet. But in this country, it’s a pretty unfamiliar, new concept to recognise any “diseases” or problems other than physical ones. But I do know there is an agency for expats so maybe I should contact them and ask. What do you think Kamaduck? (also feel free to reply to me in PM since I saw you wrote me a PM and I’ll answer that soon)

I did tell my therapist about my weight concerns but she doesn’t see my exercising as a problem although I tried to tell her that I am exercising too much and doing intense workouts when I didn’t exercise much at all before, but she said exercising is good no matter what. Let me tell you where I am coming from. When I was molested 3 weeks ago, my friend, who is a guy, who is strong, wasn’t there for me. And I believe it is because of my weight that he ignored me and stopped being my friend. So in my mind, I blame myself for the fact that I’m not feeling safe right now. You see, if I were thinner, my friend would be willing to talk to me right now, and that would make me feel safe and protected from other violent men.

Do you think it is dangerous? I haven’t stopped eating (yet - waiting to see if I can lose weight through exercise), and while exercising sucks because I am exhausted and in pain, I don’t think it will kill me. I did eat dinner, thank you so much for caring, I’m pleasantly surprised to have such a caring response and touched. I’m 25 and not in school. I’m really touched by your caringness and it makes me feel better for a few moments reading.

Cat, I don’t feel superior; I actually feel quite bad about myself and my weight, which is the reason for my exercise.

Chayla that’s a good idea. I’ll start by asking my therapist if she knows about trauma and if she feels up for the task.
 
Also, I feel fat because I am thinking about the woman at Dior who was rude to me yesterday. I told her that I wanted to try on eye shadow and asked if I could use one of the brushes. She told me in a mean voice “that’s eye shadow, not a brush.” Well, obviously. Then she finally let me try it on with a stick but the whole time she was talking in a rude way. I explained to her that I can’t see what it’s supposed to look like, so next time I will bring my makeup brush and try it on. She asked me in an angry voice if I wanted to buy it and I said no, I’m going to bring my brush next time. She told me that next time she will charge me to try makeup on, even though it’s free to try on makeup.
How are you feeling fat because some stupid lady at the makeup counter is a jerk? ( There is something about them that makes some of them feel they can talk down to people.:cool:) it is like you are looking for any reason to say see? It’s because I am fat when in fat you absolutely are not.

This has nothing at all to do with your weight and everything to do with how you feel about yourself. Please get help with your self esteem issues and stop agonizing over your weight as a way to push the real problems you feel out of your mind. May God bless you and guide you.
 
I just moved to another country. I know 2 girls and my neighbour. One of the girls, I mean, yes, I’ve known her for a year but we only talk or meet once a month and I feel quite scared to tell her, I have no idea what reaction she would have, and a big part of me suspects she’ll just tell me to get over it and stop thinking crazy. That tends to be people’s reaction in general when I’m upset about anything. The other girl I actually have mentioned to her that I feel bad about my weight and that I’m exercising, she knows how much I’m exercising, but she’s too wrapped up in her own problems to really respond to my ones accurately. I haven’t told her I’m upset all the time though. And my neighbour is old enough to be my grandmother so I don’t want to burden her. But she may be the best bet. But in this country, it’s a pretty unfamiliar, new concept to recognise any “diseases” or problems other than physical ones. But I do know there is an agency for expats so maybe I should contact them and ask. What do you think Kamaduck? (also feel free to reply to me in PM since I saw you wrote me a PM and I’ll answer that soon)
Oh dear. That’s a really bad situation, you don’t seem to have a support structure. Do you have a doctor to visit? If you go to a doctor and explain that you are hurting yourself, he or she may be able to point you toward more helpful therapy (and will be able to confirm that you are not medically overweight- you’re definitely not, but that may be easier for you to accept if you hear it from a doctor). If that is impossible, you could try your local priest or your current therapist, and see if they knows of any resources. You’re at a disadvantage if your country doesn’t have advanced psychiatric care, but it’s still better to try getting help. It is imperative that you find decent mental health care.

I cannot give you health advice over this forum, other than obvious stuff like “don’t stop eating” and “don’t hurt yourself exercising”. You need to find professional help for your body image problems IRL, and you need to do it quickly.
I did tell my therapist about my weight concerns but she doesn’t see my exercising as a problem although I tried to tell her that I am exercising too much and doing intense workouts when I didn’t exercise much at all before, but she said exercising is good no matter what. Let me tell you where I am coming from. When I was molested 3 weeks ago, my friend, who is a guy, who is strong, wasn’t there for me. And I believe it is because of my weight that he ignored me and stopped being my friend. So in my mind, I blame myself for the fact that I’m not feeling safe right now. You see, if I were thinner, my friend would be willing to talk to me right now, and that would make me feel safe and protected from other violent men.
I see. You seem to be aware that your reactions are not healthy (and that you are exercising too much), but it’s difficult to believe that you’re not fat, right? You’re not thinking clearly, but it’s good that you can recognize that your behavior is not OK.

Your weight had nothing to do with your friend leaving you- he was in the wrong there.

If your current therapist is not giving you the help you need, you will need to find one who will. If you’re exercising so much that you can’t walk up stairs, that’s waaay too much, and you need to find a therapist who takes that concern (and your other concerns) seriously.
Do you think it is dangerous?
Yes. You are risking injury. Whatever you do, though, don’t stop eating. That’s even more dangerous.
I haven’t stopped eating (yet - waiting to see if I can lose weight through exercise), and while exercising sucks because I am exhausted and in pain, I don’t think it will kill me.
Pain in this case is your body saying “I can’t keep up; this isn’t good for me!” You need to listen to that. Trust your body- it knows what it’s doing in this case. If it protests at this level, you’re hurting it, and need to scale it way back.

Again, it is imperative that you not stop eating or reduce your food intake. That would be even more dangerous. You should not be trying to lose weight.
I did eat dinner, thank you so much for caring, I’m pleasantly surprised to have such a caring response and touched. I’m 25 and not in school. I’m really touched by your caringness and it makes me feel better for a few moments reading.
That’s better than nothing! Yes, I want you to get better. Please believe that there are people who care about you, and get professional help right away. I will be praying for you. :hug1:
 
you traded fat for muscle.

muscle weighs more than fat. you gained weight by being “fit”
 
I’m struggling with weight;highblood pressure and diabetes.When I first out i had type two I was careful what i ate,etc.etc.got down to 170.If i had kept it up I probably wouldn’t need drugs any more.Over time i have balloned up.Trying to loose weight. Doctor wanted me to try some new drug that you inject and it supposedly helps you loose weight.Said I want to do the pill routine first. So she gave me Farxigabut I really don’t think it’s doing that much.In any case I’ll continue to take it till the end of this month and then if I don’t think sugars are lower then going back and telling the doctor I want my glimerpride(glucophage ) back. I started to after my 3 month blood test to eat oatmeal twice a day and eat salad and a small baked potato for dinner.My boss,who is very nice told me it looked like I was loosing weight in the middle. I just need to drink a lot of water and walk and do yard work ,etc.to be active.
I wasn’t always fat.When younger I had a nice figure. Guess I just got tired of some women being jealous,etc. Would never steal anybody’s man.Just got tired of it all so I allowed myself to let other people’s stupidities make me fat.
Don’t want to have a stroke like my mom.Lord has something for me to do and need to be around to do it. Plus who would take care of my kitties?
So hang in there with the help of Jesus and mary we can do it.
 
Irish - God bless you too. The thing is that my self esteem is bad because of my weight. I’m assuming you’re not overweight, but overweight people do receive poor treatment sometimes and are ridiculed, and it’s very hard to deal with this.

Kamaduck, I want to say I will see a doctor but I’m very afraid they’ll judge me. The understanding of emotional problems isn’t very good in my country. I once knew someone who kept going back to an abuser and the psych apparently told her, “Just don’t talk to him. It’s that easy. You’re young, so you shouldn’t be worried.” This is apparently common. They only know how to prescribe meds. Should I still go? Worried they’ll just tell me to get over it and then I’ll lose money… By the way today I was planning to take one day off from exercising but I gained weight overnight - 3 pounds! So I’m pushing through Insanity. I’m such a loser.

Yes it is hard to believe I’m not fat. I’m going to talk to my therapist again today. Thank you so much for your prayers and care <3

Lily 22 thanks for your comment but in my case it’s not true since my stomach still sticks out. I don’t look extremely thin.

Holly I’m so sorry to hear about your high blood pressure and diabetes. That’s great that the pills and doing yard work and eating healthy are helping! 🙂 That sucks that women were jealous of you, they should have known that you are a nice woman who doesn’t do stuff like that. I love your positive attitude. How many cats do you have?
 
Irish - God bless you too. The thing is that my self esteem is bad because of my weight. I’m assuming you’re not overweight, but overweight people do receive poor treatment sometimes and are ridiculed, and it’s very hard to deal with this.
You’re not overweight, either. Remember- people are not mean to you because of your weight, because your weight is healthy.
Kamaduck, I want to say I will see a doctor but I’m very afraid they’ll judge me. The understanding of emotional problems isn’t very good in my country. I once knew someone who kept going back to an abuser and the psych apparently told her, “Just don’t talk to him. It’s that easy. You’re young, so you shouldn’t be worried.” This is apparently common. They only know how to prescribe meds. Should I still go?
Hm. If you think it will help you accept that you are not overweight, then it may be worth it. If money is a problem, then I’m not sure. You’re still healthy weight, though you’re hurting yourself with exercise. It’s mainly your attitude that is dangerous and unhealthy. If you think you can listen to your therapist and improve your body image, then that may be all you need.

However, this part is important- if your BMI drops out of the healthy zone, you must check yourself into a hospital immediately. You must also seek immediate medical help if you begin to lose weight rapidly, or if you find yourself skipping meals because you fear gaining weight, or if you sustain a serious injury from your excessive exercising. You should look up resources for people with eating disorders in your country ahead of time, and contact one of these organizations if things get worse. Promise me, OK? Don’t put off getting help if you find yourself in the danger zone. Until then, keep working with your therapist (or find one you can work with, but you must continue therapy).

Hopefully things will not get to that point. :hug1:
Worried they’ll just tell me to get over it and then I’ll lose money… By the way today I was planning to take one day off from exercising but I gained weight overnight - 3 pounds! So I’m pushing through Insanity.
Remember the numbers- you are now the same weight you were a few days ago. You’re not gaining weight, just fluctuating a little. Your weight is still healthy.
I’m such a loser.
You’re not a loser. God doesn’t think so, and neither do I. :hug1:
Yes it is hard to believe I’m not fat. I’m going to talk to my therapist again today. Thank you so much for your prayers and care <3
OK. Listen to your therapist. Make sure she knows that this issue is making you miserable, and see what she can do to help you work through it.
Lily 22 thanks for your comment but in my case it’s not true since my stomach still sticks out. I don’t look extremely thin.
As stomachs are wont to do. That’s how they look, it’s not a sign of being overweight. With a BMI of 22, you are neither underweight nor overweight. It’s your attitude that shows you to be at high risk of developing an eating disorder- your actual weight is still healthy.
 
Hi~ My therapist said that I should this week write it down when someone is nice to me to show that people don’t hate me. That is a good idea because otherwise I might forget. Yesterday and today I petted 2 women’s schnauzer dogs and they had a conversation with me and they did not seem disgusted by me. Also today I was on the phone with Nordstrom but the woman talked to me in a patient way so I don’t think she disliked me either. (Sometimes my irrational brain thinks that people can tell my weight over the phone)

I doubt that my BMI will drop since I can’t seem to lose weight. I will call an American organisation I heard of here and ask them to help me find something that deals with eating disorders. Thank you so much for caring. The good thing is that when I woke up this morning I noticed that for the first time after being molested, I don’t feel scared of going outside and I think I am ready to interact with people and build friendships with them. I still am frightened of males, but before, I felt terrified at the prospect of having a social activity in general, I can see myself being in a social situation with both girls and guys. I’m going to give it a few days but maybe this is the beginning of feeling better about that. If I can feel better about that and feel safe, then the fact that Kazik didn’t protect me won’t matter so much, and thus, his opinion about my weight also won’t matter so much.

Well I saw 2 girls at the gym who had a toned stomach, also the women in the exercise DVDs have toned and flat stomachs. I still think that I am fat but maybe now that I’m starting to feel safer I can start to let go of Kazik’s opinion and exercise only 1 hour a day.
 
I have been struggling with my weight. I have gone from working out 30 min a week at the gym (brisk walking, never broke into a sweat) to working out every day at home with 30 Day Shred by Jillian Michaels AND Insanity by Shaun T, taking spinning and Les Mills Body Pump classes at the gym, swimming, planking, pilates, running on the treadmill 20 minutes a day. No result. I still weigh exactly the same. I eat normal meals, I don’t eat excessively or have midnight snacks, etc, and I cook healthy food.

My body is sore at any given moment and I can barely make it down the stairs in the morning because my legs and body are in great pain.

I’m starting to think that maybe God’s path for me, is to NOT be thin. I know God knows me better than I know myself, and if His will is for me to be overweight, I can’t defy His will. He is in control, not me.

Am I reading too much into it or is it very possible that God’s plan for my life could be as an overweight woman?
What is happening is your body composition is changing. Muscle is more dense than fat, so you will be smaller when you measure yourself, but you will weigh the same.

The 1st three months, you will be gaining a good amount of muscle and in order to build muscle, your body burns fat. Your fat reserves will begin to deplete and be replaced by muscle which is more dense and tight.

You should be relying on the tape measure more so than the scale. Make sure you are eating at a deficit.

For example, I weight 127 lbs and I’m 5’8"…I measure 34, 26.5, 36… I have 18% body fat. My Basic Metabolic Rate (BMR) is like 1400 calories a day based on my weight, height. I need to eat 1400 just to keep my heart beating and my blood flowing.

Now I add my activity level. I work out 4 times a week, so I am “moderately” active. In order to maintain my weight, I need about 2100 to 2200 calories a day.

SO if I want to lose weight, I need to create a deficit. I lose about 1 lb a week if I deduct 300 calories and eat at about 1800 calories a day.

So you could also be unintentionally starving yourself, so your body holds onto every calorie you eat…

OR

You are over eating after your workouts underestimating your true caloric intake.

YOU WILL lose weight IF you know your BMR and activity level. You deduct about 300 or 500 calories from that and you WILL lose fat and your body composition will change. Measure yourself once a week and see the inches come off.
 
Thanks for all of your responses.

I weigh 126 pounds and I’m 5’3’’. I feel like I’m the fattest person around because a girl told me that she’s 5’3’’ and 106 pounds and another girl told me she was 5’5’’ and 110 pounds. Also, a guy that I liked as more than a friend stopped talking to me because he thought I was too fat.

Yes, I do follow a vegetarian diet and by “normal portion” I mean the same that others eat. I never use sugar in my cooking and haven’t had fast food or anything but water for years.

I use the fitness pal forums.
OMG!!! YOU ARE NOT FAT!!!

You are experiencing body dysmorphia. I feel really bad for you. Looking at photo shopped women in magazine and on TV all day long is not healthy for society.
 
OMG!!! YOU ARE NOT FAT!!!
Precisely. I know you meant well with your first post, too, but it is important that Writer NOT follow that advice. She does not need to lose weight, and she certainly doesn’t need to eat less.
Hi~ My therapist said that I should this week write it down when someone is nice to me to show that people don’t hate me. That is a good idea because otherwise I might forget. Yesterday and today I petted 2 women’s schnauzer dogs and they had a conversation with me and they did not seem disgusted by me. Also today I was on the phone with Nordstrom but the woman talked to me in a patient way so I don’t think she disliked me either. (Sometimes my irrational brain thinks that people can tell my weight over the phone)
Yup, your therapist is right! Keep listening to her. People don’t hate you and they definitely can’t tell your weight over the phone. It wouldn’t change how they perceived you even if they could, given that you’re not the least bit overweight.
I doubt that my BMI will drop since I can’t seem to lose weight.
That’s good. Just call someone if it does!
I will call an American organisation I heard of here and ask them to help me find something that deals with eating disorders. Thank you so much for caring. The good thing is that when I woke up this morning I noticed that for the first time after being molested, I don’t feel scared of going outside and I think I am ready to interact with people and build friendships with them.
That is a really good thing, on both counts! It’s good to be prepared, and I’m glad you’re a little bit more comfortable today. That is good. 🙂
I still am frightened of males, but before, I felt terrified at the prospect of having a social activity in general, I can see myself being in a social situation with both girls and guys. I’m going to give it a few days but maybe this is the beginning of feeling better about that. If I can feel better about that and feel safe, then the fact that Kazik didn’t protect me won’t matter so much, and thus, his opinion about my weight also won’t matter so much.
Hopefully! It is totally understandable that you don’t feel comfortable around males. The important thing is that you can function and feel safe and comfortable with yourself, and it sounds like you’re getting a little closer to that goal.
Well I saw 2 girls at the gym who had a toned stomach, also the women in the exercise DVDs have toned and flat stomachs.
Some people do, some people don’t. But not having a toned stomach doesn’t mean that you have too much fat. It just means you don’t have a toned stomach. 🤷
I still think that I am fat but maybe now that I’m starting to feel safer I can start to let go of Kazik’s opinion and exercise only 1 hour a day.
That would be excellent! One hour a day is much less likely to injure or exhaust you than the multiple hours you’ve been doing. If you don’t overtax your body, you may be able to rest and get some sleep. With any luck you will feel much less tired in a few days. 👍
 
This might be irrelevant to anything anybody is thinking about, but I was reminded by this thread of something.

First, let me say that I don’t think “one size fits all” in the human race. Some people are thought of as overweight but are healthy. Some are exactly the “right” BMI and aren’t necessarily unhealthy because of it. Also, I believe the “right” diet varies from individual to individual. Fats may be very bad for one person, but not at all for another.

A friend of mind wrote her NP thesis on the subject. She interviewed a number of overweight teens and designed a questionnaire for them, the answers of which fit into a psychological profile of a particular sort. She advertised for the girls, and, because she lives in a rural area, a number of them were farm girls. But not all of them were.

I can’t recite the psychological profile stuff, but some of the findings were interesting. Her thesis was turned into an article for a professional journal and she has been invited to speak at a national medical conference.

Those most troubled by their weight were, as one might guess, city or town girls. One pattern they seemed to fit into (again, I can’t recite the psych thing) was that they felt pressured by society, by media, by schools and by healthcare professionals to lose weight, even when they seemed unable to do so. And, it was depressing to them. Some, however “rebelled” and those “rebels” almost always fit an attitude slot of “nobody’s perfect”. In other words, they would accept themselves as thin or heavy, and had adopted a mindset of not caring what anybody thought about that or much of anything else about themselves. They tended to have pretty good self-esteem and functioned well generally.

The farm girls weren’t “overweight” in quite the same way, generally. They would be regarded as “obese” according to some health scales, but were also extremely active and muscular for girls of their age. As a group, they were the most “rebellious” toward the “conventional wisdoms” of proper body weight, as well as BMI. With them, it was a calm sort of rebellion. The conventional wisdoms they regarded as intrusions on an entirely normal way of life, (rural farm life) and utterly rejected them. They registered highest in self-awareness and self-esteem, and lowest in depressive characteristics.

Another thing she found was that for some of the “in betweeners”, there was also a rejection of medical advice generally. They didn’t accept their condition as “abnormal”, thought of it as a “fashion” or “popular” thing to be thin, and being constantly told that they ought to lose weight also impelled them to reject other medical advice.

In the thesis, the writer cautioned against healthcare providers uncritically accepting “societal notions” about weight and weight loss and passing them on to their patients; something they do all the time, and particularly not based on “norms”, some of which are now regarded as outdated. Some girls, she felt, should simply be left alone. If they are healthy and psychologically okay with their weight, leave them alone about it lest you do harm. If, in the absence of pathologies of other sorts, you go against the grain of their thought processes, you run the risk of encouraging psychological pathology, but also of causing the patient to reject medical advice of other kinds.

With some girls, however, there needed to be very gentle, non-pushy, counseling of a more general sort with “health” as the centerpiece generally; including psychological for those who had psychological difficulties with it, but with weight being a fairly small part of the overall health presentation.

I thought it was interesting, and apparently the publishers of the journal and the asociation did too.

Oh, almost forgot. The “farm girls” had a higher percentage of boyfriends than did any of the others. One imagines they were farm boys who didn’t care a whole lot about girls’ weight, but I don’t think the writer ever got into that. I, at least, suspected those boys’ mothers were on the heavy side, likely muscular as well, and they viewed a big girl as “more normal”.
 
That’s interesting Ridgerunner, it’s good to not conform to society’s pressures.

Okay Serap.

Thanks Kama Duck <3

Let me just ask one thing. How am I supposed to believe I’m not overweight, when girls that are taller than me, like 5’7 or more, are saying that their goal weight is 115 pounds? How am I supposed to feel like I’m not overweight when I’m shorter AND fatter than them? That’s factual evidence right there that I’m fat :confused:

With that said I do feel less upset about my weight but I definitely still see myself as someone whose weight disgusts others and hearing what taller people say does not help at all. I am getting a perfume though so hopefully that will make me feel less ugly. This is actually not my first time buying beauty products because that same friend, Kazik, was being rude to me.
 
That’s interesting Ridgerunner, it’s good to not conform to society’s pressures.

Okay Serap.

Thanks Kama Duck <3

Let me just ask one thing. How am I supposed to believe I’m not overweight, when girls that are taller than me, like 5’7 or more, are saying that their goal weight is 115 pounds? How am I supposed to feel like I’m not overweight when I’m shorter AND fatter than them? That’s factual evidence right there that I’m fat :confused:

With that said I do feel less upset about my weight but I definitely still see myself as someone whose weight disgusts others and hearing what taller people say does not help at all. I am getting a perfume though so hopefully that will make me feel less ugly. This is actually not my first time buying beauty products because that same friend, Kazik, was being rude to me.
5’7" and 115 lbs is underweight. They want to be underweight…

Most women’s goal weight is underweight unfortunately. Women are conditioned to think skinny is healthy due to photoshopped models in magazines.

Did you know that Victoria Secrets models diet like crazy for their show on like 1200 calories, exercise like 3 hours a day and are on a liquid only diet for 9 days before the show? For 24 hours before the show, they eat nothing and drink nothing to give a lean look. Even these models are not naturally as slim as they appear. They are constantly dieting…not enjoying life to its fullest…dieting…

BLAH!
 
Let me just ask one thing. How am I supposed to believe I’m not overweight, when girls that are taller than me, like 5’7 or more, are saying that their goal weight is 115 pounds? How am I supposed to feel like I’m not overweight when I’m shorter AND fatter than them? That’s factual evidence right there that I’m fat :confused:
Because society has a very unrealistic image of what constitutes a healthy weight. A 5’ 7" person is in the healthy BMI zone from about 118 to 159 lbs. Anyone who is 115 and 5’7" is outside the normal healthy zone; she should speak to a doctor to determine whether her weight is having adverse effects on her health.

Now BMI isn’t perfect, especially if one has a lot of muscle. In that case it’s possible to have a BMI of more than 25 and still be perfectly healthy. But it’s a good system to approximate where the healthy zone is for you, and to determine when it’s important to see a doctor.

It’s important to note that the healthy zone is, in fact, a zone- there’s not one magic number where you’re overweight on one side and too thin on the other. At your height there’s a range of about 35 lbs where you could be perfectly healthy, even ignoring the fact that’s it’s possible to register as “overweight” while actually being healthy. Your goal should be health, having a body that does what it needs to do, not having a body that other people envy. Your body has a job to do, and its foremost job is keeping you alive and well. It needs a certain amount of muscle, and bone, and organs, and yes, fat, in order to do that properly.

In short, one can be heavier than some healthy people while also being healthy themselves. 🙂
With that said I do feel less upset about my weight but I definitely still see myself as someone whose weight disgusts others and hearing what taller people say does not help at all. I am getting a perfume though so hopefully that will make me feel less ugly. This is actually not my first time buying beauty products because that same friend, Kazik, was being rude to me.
He doesn’t sound like a particularly good friend to me, if he did this stuff on a regular basis.

Remember, people aren’t disgusted by your weight. There are lots of people who like you and aren’t disgusted by you. You wrote about them earlier in this thread, remember?

Anyway, I hope the perfume makes you a bit happier. I know it’s hard to accept yourself, but I believe you can do it. :hug1:
 
Serap, oh wow those models have an intense diet and exercise regime. Kamaduck, ohh I see so you mean that those people might be unrealistic. I don’t like to hear people who think that 5’7’ and 126 pounds or whatever is fat though since that’s my weight at 5’3’’, you know? It’s like, what are they thinking about ME then?

I just don’t want other people to judge me if they are thinner than me, even if I am fitting in the BMI, but I see what you are saying about how I could still be healthy if I’m fatter than most people. Yeah, last time Kazik upset me because I asked him if he missed me (I moved to another country) and he said no, and I felt really bad about myself after that. I felt like I still care about him the same whether or not we are currently in the same country, so it was sucklicious to find that he didn’t feel the same.

Thanks for reminding me, yes the 2 women whose dogs I petted were not visibly upset about my weight and also a guy who told me my dog was cute today didn’t look disgusted to be talking to me.

About the perfume, sorry if this sounds silly but today I had the thought that maybe it contributed to Kazik looking down on me that I never wore perfume before this and I’m already 25 years old. In the past, I truly believed that much less than 10% of women wore perfume since I rarely smell perfume. However, today I read somewhere that a study of 9800 women said that 85% of American women wear perfume. Perhaps Kazik thought that I’m a simpleton and a bumpkin because I didn’t wear perfume before. It’s kind of like, if most people take a bath every day but one person doesn’t, people probably will think, Wow, what an uncivilised person, can’t manage to do a simple thing that everyone else does. What is everyone’s thoughts on this? Is it true that most women wear perfume and it is a societal norm to wear it?
 
Serap, oh wow those models have an intense diet and exercise regime. Kamaduck, ohh I see so you mean that those people might be unrealistic. I don’t like to hear people who think that 5’7’ and 126 pounds or whatever is fat though since that’s my weight at 5’3’’, you know? It’s like, what are they thinking about ME then?
See, you’re still thinking about other people’s expectations. If others are disgusted by people with a healthy weight (which seems unlikely, but stranger things have happened), then the problem is with them, not with you. Your body’s job is to keep you alive and well. If it’s doing that, you don’t need to worry about it. And if it’s not, you need to take care of it so it can.
I just don’t want other people to judge me if they are thinner than me, even if I am fitting in the BMI, but I see what you are saying about how I could still be healthy if I’m fatter than most people. Yeah, last time Kazik upset me because I asked him if he missed me (I moved to another country) and he said no, and I felt really bad about myself after that. I felt like I still care about him the same whether or not we are currently in the same country, so it was sucklicious to find that he didn’t feel the same.
Oh, wow, this Kazik guy isn’t even in your country?

I honestly don’t think you should worry about what he thinks. If he doesn’t want to be friends with you, that’s his decision. It doesn’t have to do with whether you wear perfume or have the right weight or whatever. What ridiculously shallow reasons for not being friends with someone! I doubt that’s his reasoning at all. He could have just drifted apart from you- it’s sad, but it happens. It doesn’t mean you’re not good enough.
Thanks for reminding me, yes the 2 women whose dogs I petted were not visibly upset about my weight and also a guy who told me my dog was cute today didn’t look disgusted to be talking to me.
That’s right. Lots of people are just fine talking to you. They’re not disgusted by you. :hug1:
About the perfume, sorry if this sounds silly but today I had the thought that maybe it contributed to Kazik looking down on me that I never wore perfume before this and I’m already 25 years old. In the past, I truly believed that much less than 10% of women wore perfume since I rarely smell perfume. However, today I read somewhere that a study of 9800 women said that 85% of American women wear perfume. Perhaps Kazik thought that I’m a simpleton and a bumpkin because I didn’t wear perfume before. It’s kind of like, if most people take a bath every day but one person doesn’t, people probably will think, Wow, what an uncivilised person, can’t manage to do a simple thing that everyone else does. What is everyone’s thoughts on this? Is it true that most women wear perfume and it is a societal norm to wear it?
Huh. Well, I don’t know anything about perfume. I think I had some one time. That was a while ago.

There are lots of people who don’t wear perfume. Is it possible the statistic meant 85% of women wear perfume for special occasions or just every so often? It doesn’t seem possible that 85% wear perfume on a regular basis. 🤷
 
Serap, oh wow those models have an intense diet and exercise regime. Kamaduck, ohh I see so you mean that those people might be unrealistic. I don’t like to hear people who think that 5’7’ and 126 pounds or whatever is fat though since that’s my weight at 5’3’’, you know? It’s like, what are they thinking about ME then?

I just don’t want other people to judge me if they are thinner than me, even if I am fitting in the BMI, but I see what you are saying about how I could still be healthy if I’m fatter than most people.
I would encourage you to continue to speak very clearly and honestly to your therapist about your feelings about being fat, but I would just like to point out something. MOST people are “fatter” than you. Most girls will not tell other people what they weigh because our culture has made most girls feel inadequate if they are not underweight, and don’t look like supermodels (who, by the way, are photoshopped to look like they do in magazines, and who aren’t even as thin as they look). So the only people telling you their weight are the ones who are the skinny ones. The healthy, beautiful 5’3" girl who weighs 140 or 150 isn’t telling you her weight, because like you, she has gotten it in her head that her weight is something to be ashamed of. There are many, many perfectly healthy people who are your height and who weigh quite a bit more than you do. You just don’t hear about their weights. So please don’t let the skinny and underweight people who do broadcast their weights convince you that they are normal, average, or what you should be shooting for. Prayers for you.
 
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