Weird disagreement with my mom

[Gladys]

You should stay strong to what you believe. Mom has to understand that you both are different people. She should take into consideration also that women that dress to sexy are looked at differently. There is a difference also on dressing your age and dressing too sexy. You have to be comfortable in what you where in my opinion. It’s nice to dress your age or move up your taste just a tade, but to go from a girl that dresses conservative to girls gone wild is different. I am not saying that your mom wants you dress like those girls gone wild, but she also has thought that when you dress a certain why men will look at you and maybe think that you are older than you really are. I think dress the way that it makes you feel comfortable, but also your age. Good Luck hun!

God Bless,

Gladys

 

[duskyjewel]

You’re a grownup. Tell you mom thanks for the advice, but you are going to wear what makes you comfortable. End of discussion. If she brings it up again, say, thanks, Mom, but we already talked about that and I am going to wear what I like. Say that EVERY time she tries to bring it up, and I bet she will stop after a while.

Have a backbone.

 

[Liberanosamalo]

Boston, suggest to Bridezilla that she should have all of you cover up in all the photos and at the reception too so that all of your gleaming shoulders and decolletage and boobiness won’t detract the viewer’s attention from the bride. Promise you the more she thinks about it, that kind of bride will INSIST you all cover up.

 

[drafdog]

No one seems to have touched on this yet: you relate to the young men at school as brothers. Is it that you aren’t feeling a call to the married state? Is it perhaps that you are being called to a religious vocation? I ask this because a seventeen year old young woman is normally beginning to explore the possibility of marriage at some time in the future and beginning to explore the process of selecting a mate. You don’t seem to express any inclination toward that.

Matthew

 

[Jeanne_dArc]

No one seems to have touched on this yet: you relate to the young men at school as brothers. Is it that you aren’t feeling a call to the married state? Is it perhaps that you are being called to a religious vocation? I ask this because a seventeen year old young woman is normally beginning to explore the possibility of marriage at some time in the future and beginning to explore the process of selecting a mate. You don’t seem to express any inclination toward that.

Matthew

Could just be a “late blumer.” Personally I can say in high school, while I dated a little, and had a bunch of guy friends, I never really felt pulled twards marraige. (I didn’t have anything against it, I just never really though about it.) 17 isn’t that old.

 

[jmcrae]

Could just be a “late blumer.” Personally I can say in high school, while I dated a little, and had a bunch of guy friends, I never really felt pulled twards marraige. (I didn’t have anything against it, I just never really though about it.) 17 isn’t that old.

17 is very, very young, these days. I wouldn’t let a modern 17 year old out on a date. Group stuff, sure. But not one on one - most of them can’t handle it - they’re very cruel to each other, emotionally - they’ll be madly in love with one person one day, and then jumping into someone else’s lap the next.

 

[strngrnrth]

Stand up to Mom. Stand up to everyone who pushes you to be less modest or less chaste than you want to be. Then, if you ever have to battle your own wrong desires in that regard, you will be a seasoned woman of battle and win with confidence. Power to you.
as to wedidng dresses, I wouldn’t wear a strapless, spaghetti strap, or even sleeveless gown. It’s a wedding. Sleeves of some kind, and a skirt that covers he majority of the shin, and opaque stockings if you have any leg showing, and a veil or hat that actually covers something a little, is the minimum that becomes a bride IMO. One chance to be a vision of innocent radiant loveliness in a woman’s life, a wedding; If I were to be married I would wear a long dress with long sleeves, a shawl and a full veil. i don’t know when I’d get another chance to do so, after all.

 

[nobeerinheaven]

My guess is it has less to do with fashion than with a desire for you to get married and give her some grandchildren.

 

[threeangels]

Oh my gosh – I am in the same exact situation with my friend who is getting married. She picked out a strapless/spaghetti-strap dress for us that happened to come with a shawl. Her requests are that we ought to wear the shawl at the ceremony but not wear it for pictures. Other than that we can do what we want. I wanted the shawl on the whole time (and even figured out a way to fashion it so that it looks nice and stays in place). My feeling is, whether it’s 15 hours or 15 minutes, the bottom line is, I’m still showing more than I’m comfortable with (AND it’s being memorialized forever with professional photos!!!) We last left it that I would send her a photo of what I look like in the shawl and she (and her fiance…who is a bit of a groomzilla :banghead: ) will decide whether or not I can keep it on the whole time.

Then our mutual friend sent me a very frustrated email, calling me out on not pledging alegience to the bride and adding to the bride’s near “mental break down”…she has a lot on her plate right now, wedding aside…

I’ve yet to email her the picture because I feel like an insensitive jerk if I do, yet if I don’t give it a shot, I feel like I’m abandoning my principles on modesty. These ideas are very counter-cultural, I realize, and they are not even agreed upon by practicing Catholics (which includes both the bride and our mutual friend). Yet I feel as though my feelings on modesty are intertwined with my feelings on chastity, because they go together so strongly. There are other factors involved as well, and they can’t all be included here. But I have to remember – and perhaps this is the only conclusive idea I can give you – that we are battling a culture, a set of ideas; we are not battling our loved ones. I have to remind myself of this. Just because they do not have a full sense (or any at all) about modesty, doesn’t mean we are to battle them. The enemy would love it if we turned on each other, after all, particularly in the name of a virtue.

Fortunately, our beautiful Catholic faith has the gift of Pope John Paul II’s “Theology of the Body”, which will hopefully continue to shed light on all kinds of matters, and in such a positive way. :extrahappy: Please feel free to share with us your experiences in this matter, since many of us are trying to figure all of this out, and in the most peaceful, virtue-centered way possible.

I am glad to read that I’m not alone in this! My sister’s wedding is in three weeks, so this has continually been on my mind.

So back in the fall, she ended up actually choosing the awful strapless dress that she knew I disapproved of. I was really hurt by that and explained to her that she was putting me in a very awkward spot by asking me to wear something I felt was inappropriate. I still can’t really believe she did that. Anyhow, she apologized and agreed to pay out of her own pocket for us to have wraps made, so that was good. I really had it out with my mother, who was the impetus behind my sister choosing the dress. She pushed and pushed. She apologized too, although I think it annoys her that the precious dress will be covered partially by the wrap.

This was all very stressful b/c I am extremely nonconfrontational. I HATE conflict, and I’ve always been close to both mom and sister. So awkward. I just think it’s so sad that in our culture, it’s just generally accepted that brides can do whatever they want, and we’re just expected to grin and bear it. People like my sister who are ordinarily very kind and agreeable can become so self-centered, and when you step up and say something, everyone else gets upset with YOU for not supporting the bride. So frustrating!

But anyway, I definitely feel for you. I mean, how can someone care SO much about what someone else is wearing?! It’s a WEDDING, the beginning of a beautiful sacrament. Just stick to your guns, and maybe remind her (and him!) that the wedding will be just as beautiful, just as meaningful, no matter what the bridesmaids are wearing. My sister ended up thanking me for helping her stay focused on what’s really important. I hope your friend sees the light!