Princess_Abby:
My brother returns home from his first deployment to Iraq in a couple weeks. He was in mortuary affairs; doing the search, recovery and identification of fallen soldiers and then preparing their bodies to be sent back home. He was also a gunner (the guy with the gun on top of the tank) during his convoys out while searching for fallen soldiers and served as a prison guard, too. Obviously it will be an adjustment for him to transition back to American life–he’s a reservist, btw–and I am just wondering if there are any tips on how to help him make this transition smoothly? He might be returning again in six months time, but not sure. I have been in regular, frequent contact with him during his time away and he is still my same little brother but I have noticed some differences obviously. I know that there are a lot of warnings about PTSD after a deployment, though not usually for several months after they’ve returned. We’ve talked about it and he has said several times that he will ask for help if need be but that for now he is just really excited to get back home.
Have your loved ones wanted to talk about their experiences? How have you welcomed them?
My brother anticipates getting engaged and planning a wedding soon, so that will be a big focus for him probably.
Any tips?? Anything your loved ones really appreciated during their coming home time?
Abby,
One of my closest friends’ husband has worked in the mortuary here at Dover. .
The most important thing to remember is that it takes some “down load” time to process being back home. It is a big transition, and often there is a degree of trauma to deal with. Whether the person was exposed to the horrors of war or not (even if they were sitting at a desk) there is an adjustment period. I can give you a phone # to call for helpful packets of information for you brother’s girlfriend and your family. OR If you want I can send some information about the return home available here. I’m a key spouse so have loads of pamphlets etc.
It is very common for the wife (or girlfriend) or kids back home to imagine their version of a perfect homecoming, to believe that everything will be immediately back to "normal’ That we will be "wooed’ with candlelight and roses. But in realily, there is Jet lag, mental/ emotional processing. This sometimes displays itself with a low tolerance to stimulation such as noise or lots of company, depending on the person’s personality. Sometimes certain smells or sounds will stimulate a memory, or response. Hopefully your brother’s girlfriend will be aware of this and prepare accordingly so that she won’t take it the wrong way and be disappointed.
My cousin is a security policeman in the K9 unit, and passed through our base on his way into Iraq and then back out.
The things he truly appreciated were haveing a relaxing time here with his family (his parents and sibs visited us to see him)
Have whatever your brother likes to eat.
I went out and bought some big juicy steaks and made shrimp kabobs on the grill. and had Creme soda and beer. I also had Oreo cookies. Those are some of the things he likes, and I can tell you that I saw the enjoyment on his face at being able to have those things!!! He especially loved the Oreo cookies because he didn’t have any *real *Oreos while he was there. I will never forget the things he said . “Oh my God it’s so good to have real Oreo cookies and you have creme soda! This steak is soooo good. it’s so great to have homemade American food!”
My cousin began telling us a few awful stories right away (out of the kids’ earshot) about being the first on the scene of a bombing. I was glad he could talk about it.
My advice is, don’t ask any *specific *questions. Let him tell you, and when he does, be supportive of whatever emotions he feels. Everyone is different, but if your brother wants to talk about it, be there for him and let him say whatever he wants… He may never talk to you about it. He might not want to burden you with it. He might just want you to be the same sister he has always known. Some ppl need to start talking about their bad experiences right away, others take more time.
There have been things my husband didn’t talk to me about until almost a year later, even though he usually tells me right away. He also saves me from information that will worry me. I just read some stuff last week about some emergency situations he didnt’ tell me about. He didn’t want me to worry.
One good point is that there are usually counselors regularly available for ppl in your brother’s career field, so he may be able to talk about it regularly while he is there, as he goes through the process of his job.
Also keep in mind that there are thousands of people who are going through the same thing and are able to overcome the awful things they experience. Let him lead the way with talking about it.
) It lasted FOREVER-- or so it seemed. At the time, my youngest was 12mos and the next oldest was 2 1/2. Both were in diapers and let me tell ya that this stuff could NOT be contained in diapers. It smelled awful. I was running all over the place. It seemed like every 5 minutes (sometimes less) someone was hollering, “MMMOOOMMM!!” I could barely keep up with the mess. My neighbors wanted to help, but that stuff was so awful I just didn’t want to expose anyone else to it.
