Well what does God and the church say about this?

[yessisan]

The teachings of the church aren’t contingent on the opinions of the priest.
I would let your friends know that this priest is not in keeping with the teachings of the faith…

If you’re looking for solid answers… refer to the Catechism… and steer your friends to the Catechism as well.

I just ran a search on yahoo. “Catholic Church on birth control” and I got this en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Religious_views_on_birth_control

It’s not Catholic, but it’s a worldly source and it says

Roman Catholic Church has disallowed artificial birth control for as far back as one can historically trace

Why can’t people get it?

ILMBs, what is keeping your fiance from believing contraception is wrong? Is he just thinking that because the bible doesn’t specifically say “the pill/condom/IUD/etc is wrong, and only NFP is allowed for avoinding”, it means that contraception is ok as long as the couple is married?

Has he heard “Contraception, Why Not?”? Has he done a search of his own to see what the CC says on this?

 

[iluvmybabies]

I wonder why some priests think it’s ok? Haven’t they read the encyclicals???

I don’t know??? I know that the priest we see now, he’s very “modern” and “open…” And the one that left our parish to start his own Catholic congregation, states that everyone doesn’t see things the way Jesus would and that Jesus sees everyone with love and affection and willing to forgive and love and accept everyone as they are even if they are sinners as long as they at least try to follow in their footsteps…He stated they took the Bible too demanding and that they needed to stop because no one was perfect and God didn’t expect us to be, because if that were the case God would have made us perfect, and not sinful…Not only that but these 2 priests say that everything in the Bible should be used as a guideline for people not as a law, since God loves us just the way we are…

So I kind of understand why they would think it’s ok, because a lot of us want to fulfill our duties as wives to our hubbies but like myself my health is an issue if I get pregnant too soon, and I run the risk of losing my life or baby’s or both, so I understand why it would be ok for them to advice towards it!!

 

[iluvmybabies]

I just ran a search on yahoo. “Catholic Church on birth control” and I got this en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Religious_views_on_birth_control

It’s not Catholic, but it’s a worldly source and it says Why can’t people get it?

ILMBs, what is keeping your fiance from believing contraception is wrong? Is he just thinking that because the bible doesn’t specifically say “the pill/condom/IUD/etc is wrong, and only NFP is allowed for avoinding”, it means that contraception is ok as long as the couple is married?

Has he heard “Contraception, Why Not?”? Has he done a search of his own to see what the CC says on this?

No like I said he’s been going through what his parents have taught him…

 

[capsaicin]

OK…Uhm…meaning that it’s ok if you didn’t really know?

Well, look at it this way: Wouldn’t it be cruel to inflict the full penalty on a person who was truly ignorant of the fact that it’s a sin and innocently went ahead not knowing it was wrong? Would that kind of cruelty be consonant with what we know of God’s revealed character? It seems that from what we know of God’s character, culpability MUST be lessened in situations where a person was not aware of the sinfulness of an action, because God is merciful.

 

[yessisan]

No like I said he’s been going through what his parents have taught him…

I was hoping it’d be more than that. When people see their parents do something that worked for them, many are adamant that it will work for them too. I’m sorry you have to deal with this.

 

[Phemie]

I am telling you it’s so confusing…because one priest could say one thing, then another could say another thing, then you read and interpret what you have read infront of them and neither agree it’s like hello? A little help here?!

Believe me there are more than a few priests who believe that ABC is perfectly OK. My former pastor is one as were most of the priests I dealt with before I got married. It is only in recent years (and I’ll have been married 33 years on Friday) that any of this came to my attention.

Most of my relatives consulted their pastors before getting tubals and vasectomies and all were advised to go ahead. Our local Catholic hospital performed them routinely. It’s not surprising that your fiancé is confused.

 

[Feanaro_s_Wife]

Believe me there are more than a few priests who believe that ABC is perfectly OK. My former pastor is one as were most of the priests I dealt with before I got married. It is only in recent years (and I’ll have been married 33 years on Friday) that any of this came to my attention.

Most of my relatives consulted their pastors before getting tubals and vasectomies and all were advised to go ahead. Our local Catholic hospital performed them routinely. It’s not surprising that your fiancé is confused.

**
I absolutely hate this about our faith. It is one thing when just regular folks like ourselves are misinformed or even openly going against Church teachings… but our LEADERS? We have a very straightforward faith where everything we could ever need to know can be found if we only look for it. But we shouldn’t have to look for it, we should be able to trust the guidance we receive from our priests. It is really very sad.**

 

[Nickkname]

What happens to those of different religions who are allowed things like birthcontrol and not natural birthcontrol…???

One of my good friend’s had a baby about 3 months ago, and I asked when the 3rd child was coming, “the girl” since she has 2 boys…she let me know that she wasn’t having any more…I asked how in the world? She let me know she went and got contraception, pills, I asked if her religion allowed it and she stated “yes” without a problem…??

How is that possible??? I thought all religions were the same at interpreting the Bible and God’s wishes for us to “not spill the seed?”

Um, no, religions are very different - contrary to what some atheists would want you to think. If all religions were the same, there’d be only one religion, not many.

 

[Phemie]

**
I absolutely hate this about our faith. It is one thing when just regular folks like ourselves are misinformed or even openly going against Church teachings… but our LEADERS? We have a very straightforward faith where everything we could ever need to know can be found if we only look for it. But we shouldn’t have to look for it, we should be able to trust the guidance we receive from our priests. It is really very sad.**

When Humanae Vitae came out our Canadian Bishops responded with what has become known as the Winnipeg Statement which essentially said that they would keep leaving it up to the individual conscience. That’s what most of us in the 70s & 80s got for teaching “It’s ok if you’ve got a good reason for doing so.”

 

[Ruthie]

A transcript of “Contraception: Why Not?” can be found here. It’s really convincing. Everybody with contracepting Catholic friends and relatives and priests (!) should send them the URL!

And, Luv, I don’t know if you have already, but you should pick an NFP method and start “charting” well before your wedding, so you will already know how your cycle goes. At least that’s what I’ve read here.

Good luck to you all in this matter!

God bless us all,

Ruthie

 

[iluvmybabies]

Thanks for the information, I read it all…and I understand the main reason stated other than the fact of sexually transmitted diseases, and divorce rate, and unwanted pregnancies, is mostly because it stops the creation GOD intended sex to make and be for…

But neither of the people she quoted, or read or studied, etc, made anything on some of the reasons why, for people like myself who have used contraceptives…I am divorced not just because my ex was an ***** but because he didn’t want children and I did, because I didn’t want to use contraception and he did, because he wanted to enjoy his wife without being woken up by a screaming baby and I did…I could take my ex’s ****, and even my inlaws, I did for almost 10 years, but he was rude, unkind, and unloving especially after each child I had…He didn’t sleep with me when I was pg with my first child, and I suffered dearly, he would tell me things like “you wanted this kid not me!” Then when the second baby was on the way, he changed for a moment, he was “happy” and “in love” with me, until the baby was born then it was “why couldn’t you take the damn pill!!” “We don’t have enough money, you need to get a job, you need to get an education, look at these bills, can’t pay the hospital, OMG how are we going to buy food, go get food stamps, borrow from your parents, we need diapers, where are we going to get enough to pay the light bill? I can’t even afford a cell phone?!! What were you thinking!!!”

And my parent’s would tell me the same thing, “Are you crazy go get your tubes tied, there is nothing in the Bible that states you can’t and you don’t have to worry about having a baby!!, You can’t afford to eat, and I am tired of helping you! Go get welfare! Tell your husband to get a 3rd job!!! You need to get 2 jobs so go and get them!!”

It was difficult and I know many families that don’t even own cell phones, other than myself, who struggle and they don’t even have debts and they are both working, leaving the children to babysitters to just pay their 800 dollar rent a month of a ghettoed out apartment building…I am in 40 grand debt for college education, yet I don’t even make half of that…and I don’t even get child support from my ex…And even before when I was married, it was the same amount of money, about 40 grand a year for a family of 5??? If you think about it, average rent several years ago was about $700 dollars a month, that’s all ready 8400.00 gone in a year…and minus taxes you don’t see those 40 grand…you see what about 30 grand…maybe a little more, so then you are left with what, 23000 dollars to live off of in a year…our lives were very poor, I was happy I didn’t need anything, but for my exhusband, husband then it was difficult for him to accept working 2 jobs, seeing me for 3 hours a day, if that at all, and being in debt for college 20+ grand and supporting us?

It destroyed him and he wanted out, but was not man enough to do it without a fight, so I left him because his abuse went over board it was so horrible we started hitting each other…and my children didn’t need to see that… We were getting kicked out because we sometimes couldn’t afford rent, we had no cable, no internet, living as if we were in the 1900’s when there was no such thing as that technology, no phones, and I lived 3000 miles away from my family so had to be buying calling cards from money my mother would lend me on occassions to call her? What about then?

Either you deny your husband his right to have sex with you and risk him going out looking for someone who will give it to him without worrying about unwanted children or children born outside of holy matrimony, or give plenty of reason for an annulment in your marriage because wife won’t “put out” or you live like I did, having children because they are the gift of GOD and your husband tired of working to give you what you need, to the point he demands you to find a job when he knew and the promise was made that you were going to stay at home with the children until they were school aged…??? Or you live like my sister, she can afford to take her kids on vacation, go to Disney Land every year, donate 10% of her income and hubby’s income, but having children when she wants to using contraception? Not struggling, not living with stress, nor lack of hope, not frustrated, not having panic attacks, not risking your health and life…

I was told after I had my last child by my doctor to have my tubes tied, that I was risking my life with each child I was having just becuase I didn’t want to use contraception, I am scared that with my new hubby I will have to continue denying him that special gift and bond of making love, because I will get pg and might have complications…It might be greedy of me to do so, but leaving 3 plus 1 more child alone in this world is not my idea of fun, I would like to enjoy the gifts and blessings GOD has given me, including the man who’s loving me, and wanting to grow old with me, and raise my children and have a bigger family…

 

[iluvmybabies]

I mean I understand those that say inside of marriage it’s fine, and those that state well at least your tubes tied won’t be bad…Because there are way too many people that are struggling and starving that are not even living in poor countries…the poverty level in the USA alone is dramatic…and it’s because many are not using contraception and the other amount is because they are single mom’s with children…and they say most are these single mom’s that are teens but the ones I know about 15 women, are single mom’s because they didn’t want to use contraception and their hubbys did, I am one of those…Because they made promises to each other, “i will stay home with the children!” “You will stay home with the children!” And then there is not enough income so what do they do, start the blame game and force someone out of the home to get a job…

I know what it’s like not to have enough for food, not to have enoug for light and water…3 times this year I have been threatened to get them both cut out, I owe like 3000 to my parents and friends for borrowing money to pay my bills…My ex stopped paying for child support and there went my ability to sustain myself…Can’t go back and finish UN 1 year left for my Bachelor’s because I need private loans, don’t have cosigners, and thanks to my divorce my credit is horrible, so unless I want to pay 400 bucks a month for my studies for 1 year I can’t do it…causing me to have a whatever job that barely pays me enough…and because I am a woman pays me lower than a man working in the same field I am…

On top of that, I can’t get a second job, I get babysitting assistance and copayment when I was getting child suppport was 300 dollars a month, imagine with a second job, my 2nd job’s check will pretty much go to that?! What’s the point? And with the problems I have been having with my daughter lately, thanks to her wonderful father who doesn’t even help me at all, I can’t risk losing my only daughter…and leaving my children all day long?! Then I am not doing my job at being a mother…

New soon-to-be hubby is injured, he’s had a serious problem and attorney’s are involved, but doctor’s are contradicting everything so attorney told fiance that he might not get enough to go to court over!!! So for me to be ok with using NFP I would have to continue being the breadwinner and definitely getting a second job because what does an almost handicapped man can do, except work as a cashier because we will not have enough money to help him finish his degree either?! So again, I am not marrying for money, I am marrying for love, but all ready the financial questions arise when it comes to NFP and another baby might be on the way after the honey moon?! So I am worried, if I can barely make it with 3 children I don’t know what I will do with 1 more…I love big families I have always wanted at least 4 but knowing that I am going to put my life at risk, and the economical problems we are having, I wouldn’t know what to do…I would be under so much stress I would destroy myself unwillingly…then what would become of my children?

People tell me if you believe in GOD then you will not stress, everything is able with HIM and I say yes you are right, I try not to, but you don’t know how sad it is to go to church and not even be able to give a dollar because all you have left is 50 bucks in your pocket and that is for food for your family for the rest of the week, living paycheck by paycheck and having no luxuries…I mean I don’t even pay for my home phone, my fiance does, but because he and I share the phone all the time, and my family living so far away it’s a great way to communicate with them…that’s pretty much the only luxury I have…

One of my bff she didn’t even have that and because her husband was promiscuous, they are now divorced after 10 years and 4 children, he came from a wealthy family and left nothing to his exwife, on the contrary because she was living like I am, in a ghetto neighborhood where she can pay the rent, working 2 jobs to make it, leaving her kids with babysitter’s all day long, he took her 2 youngest children away from her! Now that woman is going crazy! She’s been in and out of hospitals, all because she had to work to support her 4 children…and couldn’t give them luxuries nor mother and children time because she has to work constantly to pay the bills… But guess what now those children are super happy, they have xbox 360’s, and swimming pools, and their own rooms, and they can play sports because daddy’s rich family pays for everything, while their mother is now diabetic, and on meds…trying to get along in a lonely road without her children…and guess what father is married to a new wife who uses contraceptives??! So I don’t understand how divorce is higher with contraceptives than not…???

I am not saying I am for it because I have 3 kids that proves I am not for it, but I am saying it’s a little difficult not to fall into the whole contraceptive life when there is not enough money to even feed yourself let alone many children…I mean I know families who go on vacations every 4 months, I haven’t been on vacation for about 8 years…and the vacation I took was actually to go see my family from where I used to live not even to take my kids anywhere that was meant for their entertainment!!!

So I understand those families with NFP and I am 100% for it, but it’s still difficult you know to think that my new marriage won’t lead to separation or divorce even because I will not have sex with my husband whenever he wants to because I am not trying to get pg right away and will not use contraception…

 

[rayne89]

First of all it ridiculous for man to “expect sex whenever he wants it”. That doesn’t sound like love to me. It sounds like using a human being for self gratification not making love.

Second I will die if I get pregnant again, I have one child and we have used NFP for 12 years since she was a baby. We have sex, we have a great intimate life -but we also follow the rules of NFP and have use restraint at times. It’s not all or nothing -it’s called self control and discipline.

You both should take an NFP class now, before you get married. You need to work this out before you get married. And yes some priests will say it’s ok, but the teaching is clear.

 

[Feanaro_s_Wife]

First of all it ridiculous for man to “expect sex whenever he wants it”. That doesn’t sound like love to me. It sounds like using a human being for self gratification not making love.

Second I will die if I get pregnant again, I have one child and we have used NFP for 12 years since she was a baby. We have sex, we have a great intimate life -but we also follow the rules of NFP and have use restraint at times. It’s not all or nothing -it’s called self control and discipline.

You both should take an NFP class now, before you get married. You need to work this out before you get married. And yes some priests will say it’s ok, but the teaching is clear.

**
There you are! I was hoping you would add your two cents to the mix:thumbsup:**

 

[iluvmybabies]

First of all it ridiculous for man to “expect sex whenever he wants it”. That doesn’t sound like love to me. It sounds like using a human being for self gratification not making love.

I enjoy sex, and I wouldn’t deny my husband just because I am in a bad mood or don’t feel like it!! Sorry that’s just who I am and how I am…especially if I have my hubby that’s crazy about it, I don’t see why I would object…

Second I will die if I get pregnant again, I have one child and we have used NFP for 12 years since she was a baby. We have sex, we have a great intimate life -but we also follow the rules of NFP and have use restraint at times. It’s not all or nothing -it’s called self control and discipline.
Well like I said, I enjoy sex and of course I will try it and he’s convinced of it and is willing to try it as well, it’s just bothersome to think about not being able to when the mood is in and hello it’s during the fertile times, then yeah it will be a bit of frustrating for the both of us…I am not saying we will not commit to what we are supposed to do, hello been in a relationship with him for almost 3 years and hope to be wed in less than 1…So of course we know about commitment and obeying rules but it doesn’t mean we are going to like it…

You both should take an NFP class now, before you get married. You need to work this out before you get married. And yes some priests will say it’s ok, but the teaching is clear.

Like I said I have spoken to him about it, I have let him know that no matter what we will have to practice this, he has agreed to it, and promised me we will work at it together, and of course we will continue speaking with our priest about it, it’s a necessity and it’s to gain better understanding over the situation and make us a bit more at ease about NFP…thanks

 

[rayne89]

Like I said I have spoken to him about it, I have let him know that no matter what we will have to practice this, he has agreed to it, and promised me we will work at it together, and of course we will continue speaking with our priest about it, it’s a necessity and it’s to gain better understanding over the situation and make us a bit more at ease about NFP…thanks

Umm…I enjoy sex too, very much so. There may be times when your sick, or exhausted that he may feel like and you don’t. Obviously if its important not to get pregnant than for him to expect it whenever he wants it is not reasonable. There are plenty of times when I’d like to but know we can’t. Yeah it’s frustrating sometimes. But just like anything else in life sometimes we have to wait for what we want.

 

[iluvmybabies]

Umm…I enjoy sex too, very much so. There may be times when your sick, or exhausted that he may feel like and you don’t. Obviously if its important not to get pregnant than for him to expect it whenever he wants it is not reasonable. There are plenty of times when I’d like to but know we can’t. Yeah it’s frustrating sometimes. But just like anything else in life sometimes we have to wait for what we want.

Yes I agree…I hear you…I am sure as we get older anyhow the need for sex diminishes anyhow…At least that’s how I was raised by my mother to believe and think so eh I am sure it will work out…for the best!! Besides he’s more than willing to give NFP a try, he made a joke about it today, he said “wouldn’t it be funny if the first time we actually put NFP to the test it fails and we end up pg!!” I started laughing but at least I have his support!!