Went too far.

[avemaria58]

I don’t know if I should be posting here but I need some help. Recently I’ve been seeing my ex-fiance again and we have been talking about getting back together. I really just want to see him, but almost every time I do we end up taking things too far physically. Every time we go out I tell myself it isn’t going to happen, and then eventually he’ll start kissing me and things do happen. I honestly don’t think he’s trying to use me or take advantage of me; we both just feel so tempted.

Last night we went way too far, and even though we didn’t have sex (we never have), we did everything else, including oral sex. Neither of us have ever done anything like that with anyone.

I don’t know what to do. I’ve been so sick and ashamed all morning and don’t even know how to approach God. We talked about getting counseling with our priest, and obviously going to confession, but I feel so ruined and hopeless.

I’ve been trying so hard to stay pure and feel like I don’t even know who I am right now. We both just went to confession last week, and I can’t help but think that I can’t be forgiven. I know God is merciful but I feel like he should want nothing to do with me now.

Can anyone relate or tell me how to move forward? I can’t even think.

 

[1ke]

Well Confession first and foremost.

Then set up a counseling session with your priest to talk about marriage discernment. There is a reason he is your “ex-fiance.” Are those reasons still present in the relationship? Is the physical a way to avoid acknowledging that you are not marriage matieral for each other? Or, are the reasons no longer present? These are things to talk about with your priest.

And, lastly, simply do not be alone together. Not in an apartment. Not in a car. If you go out, drive separately. Meet in public places and then go your separate ways. Or, only go with other people or only meet when someone else is in the same room.

 

[smithm29]

And while you may not want to hear it, you did have sex. Oral sex is sex.

Knowing that, pray for contrition and approach a priest for confession. Other than that, nobody here knows you or your situation with this man well enough to give you advice, other than 1ke’s suggestion to avoid the occasion of sin.

 

[Advocatus_Fidei]

Is the reason you are tempted not because he is acting in a way that is tempting to you? You know like kissing you for example.

The way to definitely solve your problem is to go to confession and STOP been alone with him, you wouldn’t have oral sex in front of other people after all would you?

If there is a history of this kind of thing as you suggest hen you need to end the relationship and never see him again he is not good for you, he is damaging you emotionally and leading your soul away from God and into hell. This is not a healthy relationship at all. You already know this yourself.

Read this book and start living right:

Catholic Girls Guide

 

[avemaria58]

Okay

Thanks everyone.

 

[Advocatus_Fidei]

Okay

Thanks everyone.

You will feel better after confession go as soon as you can and be at peace with God again. And always remember how it feels to be like you are now it will help you resist temptation in the future.

You have a good heart you just allowed yourself to get in a situation which you were to weak to escape from, you can make things right again don’t worry, and now you know what situations to literally run away from in the future if necessary.

Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.” (1 Corinthians 6:15-20)

“Let them take courage who are humbled by their passions. For even if they fall into every pit and are caught in every snare, when they attain health they will become healers, luminaries, beacons and guides to all, teaching about the forms of every sickness and through their own experience saving those who are about to fall.” St. John Climacus, (580-650 A.D)., a quote from The Ladder of Divine Ascent

 

[Lutheranteach]

Can’t start it like a truck, can’t stop it with a gun.

 

[reggieM]

One suggestion – subconsciously he thinks he can “get away with it”.

Many of us are like that with other things. We know its a sin, but we make an excuse and think “it’s not that bad”. We live virtuously for a while, and then strong temptation comes and we claim “there’s nothing I could do”.

The temptation is very strong but we like to preserve the idea that “if I really need to do it, I can get away with it”. We’ll then get swept away by the temptation and wake up the next day with remorse. We keep a little spot in our heart for the Devil’s voice – and there’s no doubt that he will find that spot and use it to the fullest.

If, however, we said “there is no way I would do that”. Or if we simply knew deeply “it is not permitted to me at all – it’s an offense to the God who I love” – then we would be more successful in resisting.

A key point to think about – we should view sex within marriage as beautiful and desirable. It’s something we want.
Therefore, we should view sex outside of marriage as something ugly and repulsive.

People of our era will be shocked by that previous sentence. But they’re not thinking deeply enough.

In marriage, we want the freedom and happiness to know that we reserved ourselves for our spouse alone. We do this for ourself, for our spouse and for our children! Why be embarrassed to tell your children about your pre-married life? It would be quite ugly for an innocent child to know that mother and father behaved badly.

Sex outside of marriage soils a beautiful thing. We know that. But now what?

God’s mercy is infinite - He is waiting for you. Your conscience is calling and you want to do better. So, confess and repent, and resolve to rise above the lusts that will drag us down.

Your former fiancee will need help also. He will subconsciously find your weak spot, create an emotional-atmosphere you can’t resist and cause you both to fall. He probably won’t understand how this “chemistry” happened.

But it’s based, at the root, on the idea that “it’s ok to do this if I need to”.

But there is a lot of remorse and sadness that follows from that lie.

 

[Joe_5859]

I don’t know if I should be posting here but I need some help. Recently I’ve been seeing my ex-fiance again and we have been talking about getting back together. I really just want to see him, but almost every time I do we end up taking things too far physically. Every time we go out I tell myself it isn’t going to happen, and then eventually he’ll start kissing me and things do happen. I honestly don’t think he’s trying to use me or take advantage of me; we both just feel so tempted.

Last night we went way too far, and even though we didn’t have sex (we never have), we did everything else, including oral sex. Neither of us have ever done anything like that with anyone.

I don’t know what to do. I’ve been so sick and ashamed all morning and don’t even know how to approach God. We talked about getting counseling with our priest, and obviously going to confession, but I feel so ruined and hopeless.

I’ve been trying so hard to stay pure and feel like I don’t even know who I am right now. We both just went to confession last week, and I can’t help but think that I can’t be forgiven. I know God is merciful but I feel like he should want nothing to do with me now.

Can anyone relate or tell me how to move forward? I can’t even think.

Welcome to CAF!

I am sorry to hear about your struggles. Please know that what you are going through is not uncommon. Sexual temptations can be very strong and difficult to overcome.

I think 1ke gave the best advice for moving forward. You need to ask yourself the tough questions about whether or not this relationship is truly beneficial for both of you. The physical aspect of a relationship can definitely cloud your judgment and mask any deficiencies in the relationship. That’s just one of the reasons why such behavior can be so detrimental.

In addition, I would just say that you can be forgiven!!! Do not lose sight of that. Sometimes the devil uses that feeling of guilt to make us feel we can never be forgiven and thus keep us away from the Sacrament of Confession as we think “Why bother?”. Do not fall for it! As many times as you falter, never cease to make use of the sacrament. Even if you are going to Confession every week or even every day, then that’s what you need to do to break free from this sin. God will always accept you into his loving arms if you but turn back to him. He most definitely wants everything to do with you! :hug1:

I will keep you and your ex-fiance in my prayers! God bless!

 

[Alexander_Smith]

I don’t know if I should be posting here but I need some help. Recently I’ve been seeing my ex-fiance again and we have been talking about getting back together. I really just want to see him, but almost every time I do we end up taking things too far physically. Every time we go out I tell myself it isn’t going to happen, and then eventually he’ll start kissing me and things do happen. I honestly don’t think he’s trying to use me or take advantage of me; we both just feel so tempted.

Last night we went way too far, and even though we didn’t have sex (we never have), we did everything else, including oral sex. Neither of us have ever done anything like that with anyone.

I don’t know what to do. I’ve been so sick and ashamed all morning and don’t even know how to approach God. We talked about getting counseling with our priest, and obviously going to confession, but I feel so ruined and hopeless.

I’ve been trying so hard to stay pure and feel like I don’t even know who I am right now. We both just went to confession last week, and I can’t help but think that I can’t be forgiven. I know God is merciful but I feel like he should want nothing to do with me now.

Can anyone relate or tell me how to move forward? I can’t even think.

Once you and your fiancé have confessed your sins, you are free from that guilt. That’s the beauty of being Catholic. Double your efforts to remain chaste until marriage, and seek guidance from a good Catholic priest.

Just remember, once you’ve been forgiven, you have been forgiven! You will feel some guilt, as that is normal, but that sin is forever removed from your soul. So take courage in that fact.

 

[avemaria58]

Thanks everyone for you replies. I met with my priest today for a couple hours and went to confession. I feel much better and humbled by the fact that I am not as in control as I thought I was. The priest is going to meet with both of us later this week and maybe counsel us for a little while.

I was panicking this morning. Thanks again.

 

[jimcav]

Thanks everyone for you replies. I met with my priest today for a couple hours and went to confession. I feel much better and humbled by the fact that I am not as in control as I thought I was. The priest is going to meet with both of us later this week and maybe counsel us for a little while.

I was panicking this morning. Thanks again.

Good to hear!

Please, do not beat yourself up to much. We fall, but we can get back up again! It’s all part of our human condition and sexual temptation is always going to be with us. And believe me, you are not the first person to go through this or feel this way. It happens far more often than we would like to admit. At least you saw your mistake and did something positive about it, where most people do not. That’s really important.

God Bless, and welcome to the human race!

 

[Jesuslives]

I don’t know if I should be posting here but I need some help. Recently I’ve been seeing my ex-fiance again and we have been talking about getting back together. I really just want to see him, but almost every time I do we end up taking things too far physically. Every time we go out I tell myself it isn’t going to happen, and then eventually he’ll start kissing me and things do happen. I honestly don’t think he’s trying to use me or take advantage of me; we both just feel so tempted.

Last night we went way too far, and even though we didn’t have sex (we never have), we did everything else, including oral sex. Neither of us have ever done anything like that with anyone.

I don’t know what to do. I’ve been so sick and ashamed all morning and don’t even know how to approach God. We talked about getting counseling with our priest, and obviously going to confession, but I feel so ruined and hopeless.

I’ve been trying so hard to stay pure and feel like I don’t even know who I am right now. We both just went to confession last week, and I can’t help but think that I can’t be forgiven. I know God is merciful but I feel like he should want nothing to do with me now.

Can anyone relate or tell me how to move forward? I can’t even think.

Can I ask why he is your ex-fiance. You need to go to confession. And if you are not going to marry him then I tend to feel like you shouldn’t see him. I am sure these are just words to you, because I know how hard this is!!! It is hard when you miss someone or are attached to them, but if you aren’t meant to be with him you are only delaying the inevitable if you keep seeing him. And you are going to hurt yourself or go too far if you don’t stop seeing him.

I can’t help but feel like he should be protecting you from doing something that hurts you.

 

[curl]

Thanks everyone for you replies. I met with my priest today for a couple hours and went to confession. I feel much better and humbled by the fact that I am not as in control as I thought I was. The priest is going to meet with both of us later this week and maybe counsel us for a little while.

I was panicking this morning. Thanks again.

Very glad to hear you dealt with it so promptly.

Praying for you both,

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