We're struggling

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lizferg

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I can’t help but speak out on this so we can get some encouragement, I hope. My Husband and I are in RCIA. We have 3 children ages 9, 7, and 2 and one due in April. Our schedule on Sunday mornings is painful, CCD for the kids at 9:00, RCIA class at 10:00-11:30 and then we are expected to be at the Mass at Noon and go discuss the readings afterwards. We are there for 4 hours when all is said and done. So obviously we are exhausted when we get home. I want to stick it out, but we are getting so discouraged thinking how hard the process is to join a Church.
I really don’t want to sound like I’m whining, but I have issues with there also being no nursery in the Catholic Church. It seems that me or my husband is always in the cry room with our 2 year old and we aren’t benefiting being able to hear any of the Mass. It’s making me and my husband bitter.
Is it OK if for a while we went to separate mass times? If I went Saturday night and Husband Sunday morning and the older kids go with one of us so they know the importance of being there, but we just can’t contain our 2 year old no matter how hard we’ve tried.
Liz
 
ABSOLUTELY! Try going to separate Masses for now if it’s too much on Sundays. There is nothing wrong with that at all. My husband and I did that for a few years when the kids were younger and now we all go as a family most Sundays----teens and pre teens now! They don’t give us any trouble about going to Mass and we enjoy that time together now.
God bless you in your studies and I will pray for your continued perseverance. Your rewards will be great!
 
Oh yeah, we split up our four kids all the time.

Go at separate times, but make sure to leave after the Liturgy of the Word because at the Mass not reserved for blessing the Catechumens there won’t be an indicator. So you leave before the Nicene Creed aka Profession of Faith, after the homily. 👍

No worries, four hours on a two year old is way too much. Your priest will surely agree. 👍
 
You’re to be commended for trying to get everything in, but bottom line, when you have kids you can’t do everything.
Some days I’m lucky to just get one thing in. I would suggest you split up, or else if you both want to go to RCIA, don’t take the kids to CCD at 900. That makes it too long.
Where are they during RCIA and during the discussion of the readings? Someone must be looking after them, so that’s a little break for you, I hope.
You could talk it over with the RCIA teacher, explain that you have small kids and would like to cut the discussion after mass short. You don’t have to learn everything at once.
God bless.
 
At least the times involved in RCIA will have a end and you will be able to have more time to yourselves. Have you explained your difficulty to the RCIA tea? Surely they can be a little flexible under th circumstances. As Jesus said, “The Sabbath was made for man, not man for the Sabbath.”

Tell your husband that we wish you both well and hope things can be worked out more reasonably for you both.

Prayer and warm regards, Trishie
 
lizferg said:
I can’t help but speak out on this so we can get some encouragement, I hope. My Husband and I are in RCIA. We have 3 children ages 9, 7, and 2 and one due in April. Our schedule on Sunday mornings is painful, CCD for the kids at 9:00, RCIA class at 10:00-11:30 and then we are expected to be at the Mass at Noon and go discuss the readings afterwards. We are there for 4 hours when all is said and done. So obviously we are exhausted when we get home. I want to stick it out, but we are getting so discouraged thinking how hard the process is to join a Church. That would be a load for anybody.
I really don’t want to sound like I’m whining, but I have issues with there also being no nursery in the Catholic Church. It seems that me or my husband is always in the cry room with our 2 year old and we aren’t benefiting being able to hear any of the Mass. It’s making me and my husband bitter. Yeh, that’s something that we Catholics haven’t done too well yet.
Is it OK if for a while we went to separate mass times? Well sure. If I went Saturday night and Husband Sunday morning and the older kids go with one of us so they know the importance of being there, but we just can’t contain our 2 year old no matter how hard we’ve tried. As if 2 year olds can be contained! 😉 I am just going to mention a little disagreement with my good friend KC. If you are a candidate and not a catechumen, you should be going to the whole Mass. You just can’t receive the Eucharist.
Liz
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Thanks for all of your encouragement. I’m sad because my husband told me last week that he can’t get excited about going to Church because of all of this.
I’m also confused with my 9 year old. He has not been baptized yet and going through 2nd grade CCD ( and he’s actually a 3rd grader.) They will be preparing for first communion and has had first reconciliation and he’s just been shuffled around it. He’s anxious to be baptized.

Liz
 
Viki63 said:
Where are they during RCIA and during the discussion of the readings? Someone must be looking after them, so that’s a little break for you, I hope.
You could talk it over with the RCIA teacher, explain that you have small kids and would like to cut the discussion after mass short. You don’t have to learn everything at once.
God bless.
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We have two girls going through Confirmation babysitting our kids during that time. They are getting their service hours for that.
Liz
 
lizferg said:
Thanks for all of your encouragement. I’m sad because my husband told me last week that he can’t get excited about going to Church because of all of this.
I’m also confused with my 9 year old. He has not been baptized yet and going through 2nd grade CCD ( and he’s actually a 3rd grader.) They will be preparing for first communion and has had first reconciliation and he’s just been shuffled around it. He’s anxious to be baptized.

Liz
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Well sure he is! Just do your best, and don’t be afraid to say something to the DRE.
 
There’s no reason for something to be difficult if there is a different way. Is there anyway for your kids to do the CCD while you are doing RCIA? It would just be for a little while - until you finish RCIA. Can’t the confirmation kids go through the lessons while they babysit your kids? I can’t see why they wouldn’t be able to handle the instructional level of your kids. That would free up an hour.

We also go to Mass separately a lot of the time. There’s just no other way.
 
lizferg said:
Thanks for all of your encouragement. I’m sad because my husband told me last week that he can’t get excited about going to Church because of all of this.
I’m also confused with my 9 year old. He has not been baptized yet and going through 2nd grade CCD ( and he’s actually a 3rd grader.) They will be preparing for first communion and has had first reconciliation and he’s just been shuffled around it. He’s anxious to be baptized.

Liz
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:confused: Did your unbaptized 9 year old go to Confession and celebrate the sacrament or did he just go in and talk to the priest so he knows what is up with Confession?

The reason I ask, an ubaptized person does not recieve Confession. All sin will be washed away at Baptism.

Sounds like you may need a full team meeting (Priest, DRE, RCIA team leader and parents).
 
lizferg said:
I can’t help but speak out on this so we can get some encouragement, I hope. My Husband and I are in RCIA. We have 3 children ages 9, 7, and 2 and one due in April. Our schedule on Sunday mornings is painful, CCD for the kids at 9:00, RCIA class at 10:00-11:30 and then we are expected to be at the Mass at Noon and go discuss the readings afterwards. We are there for 4 hours when all is said and done. So obviously we are exhausted when we get home. I want to stick it out, but we are getting so discouraged thinking how hard the process is to join a Church.
I really don’t want to sound like I’m whining, but I have issues with there also being no nursery in the Catholic Church. It seems that me or my husband is always in the cry room with our 2 year old and we aren’t benefiting being able to hear any of the Mass. It’s making me and my husband bitter.
Is it OK if for a while we went to separate mass times? If I went Saturday night and Husband Sunday morning and the older kids go with one of us so they know the importance of being there, but we just can’t contain our 2 year old no matter how hard we’ve tried.
Liz
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Some of the struggles you wrote about are NOT inherent problems to the Catholic Church. Every parish has staff and administration that determines matters such as when to hold religious education classes, etc.

I know from personal experience that two year olds in church can be hard for parents, and I’m not a fan of cry rooms either. Some parishes have nurseries, some don’t. Some that have nurseries only staff nursery care only during the most popular Mass times. Many parents split up and attend different Masses while switching off child care as you suggested, (but I have no idea of how that fits with the RCIA program at your parish.)

Many parishes hold CCD during the week rather than on Sunday morning. Other here already asked about your son’s confession before his baptism. Typically Catholic parishes have religious education or other staff to checks for baptism records before administering the other Sacraments.

Do you and your husband have sponsors yet? Maybe your sponsors or someone else could help you navigate through your parish. Not all parishes run smoothly in all areas. I’m sure there are some wonderful qualities about your parish, but the frustrations you wrote about sound like they are related more to your parish than to the Catholic Church in general. It serve you well to discuss these things with someone at your parish who knows what’s going on there.
 
This may be an unpopular suggestion BUT

Would it be possible to get a sitter for the 2 yr old and leave him at home?

Don’t get me wrong, I’m ALL for children at mass and introducing them to it early, BUT, you really have your hands full with your schedule Sunday mornings as is, and I think it’s important that you ‘be there’ mentally for yourselves and for your older ones, so that you can all feel good about what you’re doing and not discouraged and rushed and pulled in different directions. I think knowing the 2 yr old is safe and sound and playing happily at home would be a huge load off. THEN, when you are done with RCIA and your whole family is HOME:thumbsup: , you can start bringing the wee one to mass every week.

If it would help, you can search the family life threads and find that many a parent has struggled with a toddler at mass, and there are many ways to cope with them. You’ll find a lot of good suggestions here.

Would also second the idea to just let someone in the parish know what’s going on, and that you’re struggling with the schedule and need some help. You may well find that voila there is someone who knows someone who would be happy to watch wee one, or someone who can pick your older ones up Sun morning and take them to CCD so you don’t have to get there quite so early…just put yourself out there and see what happens. You’d be amazed.

I am as well puzzled by your son going to confession before baptism. As far as I understand it he could licitly go to the priest and confess but he cannot be absolved before he’s baptized. Sacrament of Reconciliation involves confessing sin and being absolved through the priest, and this can’t be conferred until one is baptized. Actually none of the sacraments can be conferred without baptism. Something you most definitely need to discuss with the DRE or pastor.

I wholeheartedly commend you and your husband for sticking with this even through such challenges. A great testament. We will joyfully welcome you into the family come Easter:thumbsup: :extrahappy:
 
KCtheMommy said:
Oh yeah, we split up our four kids all the time.

Go at separate times, but make sure to leave after the Liturgy of the Word because at the Mass not reserved for blessing the Catechumens there won’t be an indicator. So you leave before the Nicene Creed aka Profession of Faith, after the homily. 👍

No worries, four hours on a two year old is way too much. Your priest will surely agree. 👍
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there is no need to leave after the Liturgy of the Word if you are not at the Mass where catechumens are normall dismissed. In general for parents of very young children, you can do whatever works for your family. Speak to the RCIA director about your dilemma and see what can be resolved. yes it is tough but the end will be worth it, immense graces will pour into your family through this initiation.

We don’t have a nursery because are church is old, built w/o any extra rooms, and insurance specifically prohibits a nursery in the school. We don’t offer babysitting, as in a trained staff in a separate room, during adult classes for the same reason, and because all the suitable space in the school is in use already.

In parishes that do have nurseries, pre-school, babysitting and similar programs during CCD, RCIA and Mass, these are almost always parent-run and staffed volunteer efforts, with one couple taking on the duty of scheduling, calling with reminders etc. It is a great way to meet parishioners and other parents of young children, and get acclimated in the parish.

Ask if you can go to Mass on Saturday evening, and just come in for your class or session, since you will have already heard the readings and homily. It is getting close, only a 3 more months, it would be a shame to give up now.

One possible solution which has worked for some of our families: every year I have at least one or two parents for whom attendance with adults in the Sunday class is a huge burden, so they participate in their child’s class on Saturday, as an aide, with an experienced RCIA catechist who is excellent, and learn the same material, help their children, and become part of a parish program, all at the same time. We bring children and adults together to prepare for the specific rites, in any case, and for the RCIA retreat and Holy Week events, so it works out, and they still get “quality time” with the other adults.

It requires some flexibility and coordination, but can be done in some cases. Do ask and explain why you ask.

Welcome Home! a whole family. Wow.
I love my job

we had a family last year who paid a teenage cousin to keep the 3 yr old occupied and amused during the parents’ RCIA class, in one corner of the large room we use. Our problem is also even when we have volunteer babysitters, kids don’t want to leave parents and parents don’t want to let kids out of their sight.
 
lizferg said:
Thanks for all of your encouragement. I’m sad because my husband told me last week that he can’t get excited about going to Church because of all of this.
I’m also confused with my 9 year old. He has not been baptized yet and going through 2nd grade CCD ( and he’s actually a 3rd grader.) They will be preparing for first communion and has had first reconciliation and he’s just been shuffled around it. He’s anxious to be baptized.

Liz
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if he is in a class with other children already baptized, catechist may not have been aware of his status, and he just went along to confession with the other kids. We run into that problem when children cannot attend RCIA at the scheduled time, we try to accommodate their family by putting them in another peer level class, but somebody (me I guess) drops the ball at times. If they don’t have other children his age in RCIA they are probably doing the best they can, and for a 3rd grader, a first communion class is the best place for him in that case. Just make sure the RCIA team leader remembers to include him in the rites, election, rites of Lent, and he is fully initiated at Easter with you. A series of gentle reminders and questions may be called for, she may be as old as I am.
 
shannyk said:
I am as well puzzled by your son going to confession before baptism. As far as I understand it he could licitly go to the priest and confess but he cannot be absolved before he’s baptized. Sacrament of Reconciliation involves confessing sin and being absolved through the priest, and this can’t be conferred until one is baptized. Actually none of the sacraments can be conferred without baptism. Something you most definitely need to discuss with the DRE or pastor.
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I didn’t catch that one, shanny. It seems highly illogical to me, too. Maybe he’s just being prepared, and won’t confess? But I would consult the RCIA and DRE people on that.
 
shannyk said:
This may be an unpopular suggestion BUT

.

I am as well puzzled by your son going to confession before baptism. As far as I understand it he could licitly go to the priest and confess but he cannot be absolved before he’s baptized. Sacrament of Reconciliation involves confessing sin and being absolved through the priest, and this can’t be conferred until one is baptized. Actually none of the sacraments can be conferred without baptism. Something you most definitely need to discuss with the DRE or pastor.

I wholeheartedly commend you and your husband for sticking with this even through such challenges. A great testament. We will joyfully welcome you into the family come Easter:thumbsup: :extrahappy:
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Oh, no, he didn’t go through confession, they told us we could come and get a blessing so he could feel a part of his class. So we did and just sat through it. He was too scared to even go talk to the priest:rolleyes: I didn’t force him, since this is all so new to us.
liz
 
Liz, please keep in touch with us. We wish to know how things go and pray that the challenges will smooth out. You and your family are so very welcome amongst us.

Warm regards, Trishie
 
I am so looking forward to Easter.🙂 I do need to look at it as being only 3 months away. I am going to try to work out going separately. We are new to the area and I don’t know many that will babysit (that I can trust yet). I really appreciate everyone’s (name removed by moderator)ut.

Liz
 
lizferg said:
Oh, no, he didn’t go through confession, they told us we could come and get a blessing so he could feel a part of his class. So we did and just sat through it. He was too scared to even go talk to the priest:rolleyes: I didn’t force him, since this is all so new to us.
liz
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SORRY I must have misread:blush: :o
 
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