Were you raised by your natural parents? Are you an orphan?

[Annunciata]

NightRider:

…I, too, have struggled often with having been abandoned and orphaned. Nonetheless, when I discovered that my first name was Mary and I was consecrated to her when I was only a few days old so much more in my spiritual life made complete sense. From the time I can remember I have felt uncannily close to the Blessed Mother and to Our Lord, and I, too, only feel completely whole when I am in Mass. I think this is so because the Blessed Mother and Our Lord were my first true spiritual parents. I literally owe my life to them! …

…The most important thing is I have been brought much closer to Our Lord through my abandonment, and I think this is my purpose on earth. Only in Him do I find wholeness and complete love.

Nightrider,
What a poignant story… I like the way you have accepted this…especially w/ Our Blessed Lord & Mary… You are truly one of God’s “special” ones… Annunciata

 

[Mummybee]

The details of my becoming an orphan are long and tragic. Suffice it to say, they are in the vein of Angela’s Ashes or something by Dickens. (Lots of twists and turns in the tragedy.) My experiences growing up without my parents or their love have led me to feel unwanted, unloved, a nuisance to others, a burden, insignificant. As a result, I made a lot of really stupid decisions in my life based on those feelings. I quit college after one year and got an apartment with my boyfriend when I was 18. Blew through my inheritance by spending it on living expenses and taking out large groups of ‘friends’ drinking. Looking back, I realize that the biggest mistakes I made in my life have stemmed from the need to be wanted and loved. Thanks be to God, my ‘boyfriend’ and I married seven years ago (after having lived together off and on for 10 years). He’s a great guy who fell into a trap of convenience and is now very devout. God has blessed us with two beautiful daughters, and they are our treasure. As a mother, though, I have felt most keenly the need for my mother, more now than at any other time in my life. My love for my daughters and my childhood experiences have made me very fearful of what would happen to them if, God forbid, they should end up orphans one day. I try not to let my issues taint the way I mother them, but it’s inevitable, I fear. Tied to it all is a phobia/anxiety disorder that I have, that is directly related to my father’s dying and my fear of being unable to care for my children. Man, I am MESSED UP!

I started this thread to find out if my way of adapting to being an orphan is unique, or if others struggle with similar issues. I see here that I am not alone at all. While I will always long for the miraculous love that only my own mother could give me, (I can still remember what it felt like to love her, and be loved by her, and utterly adore her…I remind myself this when my girls cling to my legs and I can’t figure out why they won’t leave me alone…) I will continue to turn to our Lord’s mother, and let her words to St. Juan Diego echo in my head, “Juan, don’t you know that I am your mother and that I will always take care of you?” That is something I have longed for all my life…to feel safe, to feel that someone can and will come and take care of me. I’m so sick of being the only one to care for me. Sure, my husband adores me, but God love him, he’ll never be able to understand what I need, or provide it, because he is my husband, not my parent, and that’s the way it should be. I will cope, we all will cope. We have to. God has given us other joys, other strengths, to use to hold up our weaker brothers and sisters in ways they cannot do for themselves. I can’t stop thinking about those poor parents and children in the tsunami areas, being literally wrenched from one anothers arms by the waters, the hand of God, and wondering why, Lord? You must love them immensely to give them such suffering, but my God, the pain that will torment them relentlessly for the rest of their days! I think of them, and I feel gratitude that my parents only died of cancers, and that we were not torn from one another. Imagine not having enough arms to rescue all your children. Imagine your mother not being able to save you. Talk about abandonment. Gratitude. Gratitude. Gratitude. Lord God in heaven, bless us all with the grace of gratitude.

Thank you all for sharing your stories. I know it’s not easy. I will pray for you all. May you all always feel our Good Lord God’s hand cradling you, so that you always feel His love.

 

[NightRider]

WhiteDove:

Dear Nightrider,
We have to get together soon! (After I get over this darned flu. I am SO sick! )

Yes, dear WhiteDove, let’s do get together soon! and I pray that you get over your flu as soon as possible, it’s certainly no fun at all being sick, no. Lots of fluids and chicken soup, remember! God bless, too!

 

[NightRider]

Annunciata:

Nightrider,
What a poignant story… I like the way you have accepted this…especially w/ Our Blessed Lord & Mary… You are truly one of God’s “special” ones… Annunciata

Annunciata,
Thank you so much for saying this, it means a lot to me. Especially right now, as I read all the posts here again, I have many tears in my eyes. Some days I just feel so alone and “without,” because of my original abandonment, and yet I know that the Lord’s and the Blessed Mother’s arms are all around me loving me. God bless you, Annunciata!

 

[NightRider]

Mummybee:

The details of my becoming an orphan are long and tragic. Suffice it to say, they are in the vein of Angela’s Ashes or something by Dickens. (Lots of twists and turns in the tragedy.) My experiences growing up without my parents or their love have led me to feel unwanted, unloved, a nuisance to others, a burden, insignificant. As a result, I made a lot of really stupid decisions in my life based on those feelings. I quit college after one year and got an apartment with my boyfriend when I was 18. Blew through my inheritance by spending it on living expenses and taking out large groups of ‘friends’ drinking. Looking back, I realize that the biggest mistakes I made in my life have stemmed from the need to be wanted and loved. Thanks be to God, my ‘boyfriend’ and I married seven years ago (after having lived together off and on for 10 years). He’s a great guy who fell into a trap of convenience and is now very devout. God has blessed us with two beautiful daughters, and they are our treasure. As a mother, though, I have felt most keenly the need for my mother, more now than at any other time in my life. My love for my daughters and my childhood experiences have made me very fearful of what would happen to them if, God forbid, they should end up orphans one day. I try not to let my issues taint the way I mother them, but it’s inevitable, I fear. Tied to it all is a phobia/anxiety disorder that I have, that is directly related to my father’s dying and my fear of being unable to care for my children. Man, I am MESSED UP!

I started this thread to find out if my way of adapting to being an orphan is unique, or if others struggle with similar issues. I see here that I am not alone at all. While I will always long for the miraculous love that only my own mother could give me, (I can still remember what it felt like to love her, and be loved by her, and utterly adore her…I remind myself this when my girls cling to my legs and I can’t figure out why they won’t leave me alone…) I will continue to turn to our Lord’s mother, and let her words to St. Juan Diego echo in my head, “Juan, don’t you know that I am your mother and that I will always take care of you?” That is something I have longed for all my life…to feel safe, to feel that someone can and will come and take care of me. I’m so sick of being the only one to care for me. Sure, my husband adores me, but God love him, he’ll never be able to understand what I need, or provide it, because he is my husband, not my parent, and that’s the way it should be. I will cope, we all will cope. We have to. God has given us other joys, other strengths, to use to hold up our weaker brothers and sisters in ways they cannot do for themselves. I can’t stop thinking about those poor parents and children in the tsunami areas, being literally wrenched from one anothers arms by the waters, the hand of God, and wondering why, Lord? You must love them immensely to give them such suffering, but my God, the pain that will torment them relentlessly for the rest of their days! I think of them, and I feel gratitude that my parents only died of cancers, and that we were not torn from one another. Imagine not having enough arms to rescue all your children. Imagine your mother not being able to save you. Talk about abandonment. Gratitude. Gratitude. Gratitude. Lord God in heaven, bless us all with the grace of gratitude.

Thank you all for sharing your stories. I know it’s not easy. I will pray for you all. May you all always feel our Good Lord God’s hand cradling you, so that you always feel His love.

Mummybee,
Your story reminds me so much of mine, in so many ways. Thank you so much for writing to us here. So many tears are in my eyes! I, too, have made some really unhealthy decisions based on my abandonment issues and just wanting to be loved. I still do on occasion. I get so exhausted sometimes just trying to care for myself, as I am almost fifty and am single and divorced. How I long for partnership! It is so hard being alone with all my issues that relate to my original abandonment and then all the violence, alcoholism, abuse and confusion in my adoptive family of origin. Some days I just want to hide under my covers! or stay in church all day away from the world. It’s difficult stuff, this. It has made me much closer to the faith, though, and that is the positive outcome of the suffering. Thank God for Himself! and thanks again, Mummybee, for posting this thread. Many blessings.

 

[Mummybee]

NightRider:

Mummybee,
Your story reminds me so much of mine, in so many ways. Thank you so much for writing to us here. So many tears are in my eyes! I, too, have made some really unhealthy decisions based on my abandonment issues and just wanting to be loved. I still do on occasion. I get so exhausted sometimes just trying to care for myself, as I am almost fifty and am single and divorced. How I long for partnership! It is so hard being alone with all my issues that relate to my original abandonment and then all the violence, alcoholism, abuse and confusion in my adoptive family of origin. Some days I just want to hide under my covers! or stay in church all day away from the world. It’s difficult stuff, this. It has made me much closer to the faith, though, and that is the positive outcome of the suffering. Thank God for Himself! and thanks again, Mummybee, for posting this thread. Many blessings.

God love you, NightRider. He holds us in the palm of His hand, whether we can feel it or not. We have each other’s empathy, too, and it’s not often you can find someone who really understands this kind of predicament. You are in my prayers. Remember, when we get tired, our Lord and His Mother will carry us.

 

[WhiteDove]

Annunciata:

Ohhh…you girls make me feel so sad.:crying: …I’ll be your “Mom” whenever you need one… just ask… I think it’s sorta ironic because I pray for the both of you anyway as if you were my daughters…Annunciata
p.s. WhiteDove, hope you get well soon…need some more polls

You are a dear Annunciata! I’m starting to feel better now. Had some soup tonight!

 

[sarcophagus]

I was placed in foster care at age 4 after being left in a convenience store for an entire night…the owner didn’t know I was there. I was adopted when I was 12m but lived with my adoptive parents since I was 5. My adoptive father (the only one I was close to) died when I was 8. My “mom” got remarried when I was 10. The whole situation was bitter and ugly, and I grew up resenting everyone because I was “different”. My only solace growing up was my biological sister, who was adopted with me (thank god). My parents turned out to be very manipulative and coniving, and I was never good in their eyes, yet my little sister could do no wrong. My mom once told me that the only reason I was adopted was that me and my sister were a packaged deal. She wanted the baby (my sister was almost 1 at the time) not the child.

I know exactly what it’s like not to fit in or feel a sense of belonging. I only found that with my husband and his family, who have been more loving and supportive to me than I have ever experienced in my entire life and I thank god I found them or I wouldn’t be here at all.

 

[Adam_Costanzo]

I voted No, I was raised by only one of my parents. May be a little disrespectful, since my mom did not die until I was 14, but honestly, she did not do a lot to raise me. She was pro-“choice”, pro-cloning, very liberal, and totally against my homeschooling. I hope she forgives me for this, but I really don’t consider myself to’ve been raised by her to any big extent. It’s kind of sad, really. She did take me on several vacations, including Hawaii, Italy, Disney, and a cruise. But as far as building my morality, my faith, and my values, my dad did just about all of the work. I know she cared for me, she just didn’t execute it well.

 

[Scout]

I was raised by my natural parents until I was three…then I moved around quite a bit. I lived with my grandparents, two childrens homes, two aunts, and my brother and sister-in-law all before I was sixteen.

Scout :tiphat:

 

[WhiteDove]

sarcophagus:

I was placed in foster care at age 4 after being left in a convenience store for an entire night…the owner didn’t know I was there. I was adopted when I was 12m but lived with my adoptive parents since I was 5. My adoptive father (the only one I was close to) died when I was 8. My “mom” got remarried when I was 10. The whole situation was bitter and ugly, and I grew up resenting everyone because I was “different”. My only solace growing up was my biological sister, who was adopted with me (thank god). My parents turned out to be very manipulative and coniving, and I was never good in their eyes, yet my little sister could do no wrong. My mom once told me that the only reason I was adopted was that me and my sister were a packaged deal. She wanted the baby (my sister was almost 1 at the time) not the child.

I know exactly what it’s like not to fit in or feel a sense of belonging. I only found that with my husband and his family, who have been more loving and supportive to me than I have ever experienced in my entire life and I thank god I found them or I wouldn’t be here at all.

How sad! I can relate to your feelings entirely!

 

[NightRider]

Mummybee:

God love you, NightRider. He holds us in the palm of His hand, whether we can feel it or not. We have each other’s empathy, too, and it’s not often you can find someone who really understands this kind of predicament. You are in my prayers. Remember, when we get tired, our Lord and His Mother will carry us.

God love you, too, Mummybee! He does hold us in the palm of His hand, whether we can feel it or not. You are so right! and thank you for keeping me in your prayers–you are in mine, too!

 

[NightRider]

sarcophagus:

I was placed in foster care at age 4 after being left in a convenience store for an entire night…the owner didn’t know I was there. I was adopted when I was 12m but lived with my adoptive parents since I was 5. My adoptive father (the only one I was close to) died when I was 8. My “mom” got remarried when I was 10. The whole situation was bitter and ugly, and I grew up resenting everyone because I was “different”. My only solace growing up was my biological sister, who was adopted with me (thank god). My parents turned out to be very manipulative and coniving, and I was never good in their eyes, yet my little sister could do no wrong. My mom once told me that the only reason I was adopted was that me and my sister were a packaged deal. She wanted the baby (my sister was almost 1 at the time) not the child.

I know exactly what it’s like not to fit in or feel a sense of belonging. I only found that with my husband and his family, who have been more loving and supportive to me than I have ever experienced in my entire life and I thank god I found them or I wouldn’t be here at all.

Sarcophagus, that had to be so scary being left in that store all night. The Lord must have protected you so He could take you to your husband later in life, so you could be fully loved. My heart aches at stories like ours, and I feel so much for you, what you had to endure just to get to where you are today. On another thread I started, I was trying to find a quote which basically said that those who suffer the most are the closest to God and one poster said that JPII said this: the more God loves you the more you suffer. Or something like that…but perhaps those of us who have suffered so much as children have also been greatly loved by God. I ponder this often because I, too, really suffered.

I am so glad you found your husband. I pray I find someone for me, too, because I need exactly what you need(ed) when you found your husband and his family! God bless you, friend!

 

[dogman]

Dear Mummybee, I read your letter with great sadness as an adoptive and biological parent ( our 8th is on the way) All my children and note the word MY …know where they come from whether it is eastern europe as an orphan or as a tummy baby . There is no differnce in our home each child gets what they need and some of what they want —they all get love unconditionally and having lost a son ( I won’t say whether he entered our family through adoption or tummy ) The pain was no more or less due to how God placed him in our family . We live with the loss everyday and when people ask me which children are adopted ( not which children are birthed !) I reply " I can’t remember" because God created this family with HIS divine plan in mind not mine I truly wish you peace and love on this journey as well as God’s Grace . Dogman

 

[Didi]

I know no offense is meant, but I much prefer the term “biological parent” or “birth parent” to “natural parent.”

Being an adoptive parent myself, guess I don’t feel there is anything “unnatural” about it! We prayed for our children before they were born, we pray for their birth families now, especially their birthmoms who gave 9 months of their lives and bodies to these precious little ones, then selflessly placed them in our arms to raise as our own.

Because we are all “adopted” children of God, we know we are chosen, just as my children know they were chosen by God to be our children from the beginning of time.

I’m so sorry for all of you who have had a difficult upbringing. May God richly bless you and your own families! Maybe you are here to help each other heal and to help others along the way.

 

[Giannawannabe]

I am also an adoptive parent. It saddens me to read some of these posts. I love my children with all of my heart. They are so, so precious to me. They are still young (11,9, and 5), but whenever they have questions pertaining to their adoptions, I answer as best I can in the most loving way possible. I don’t go into all kinds of details, just answer their questions and leave it at that. I pray for them constantly and raise them in the faith. I let them know that we are ALL brothers/sisters as God is our Father. I worry that they may possibly have some of these feelings that the other adoptees have mentioned. That would just break my heart, for I would not want them to hurt in that way. My husband and I have a good, solid marriage and lots of love. We are very involved with them at school and keep an open door policy for their friends, etc. It sounds like this was NOT the case for some of you that have confusing upbringings. I will pray for you all. Please pray for me that I am the kind of Mom that would raise my children to be secure, happy, and feel loved.

God Bless
Giannawannabe

 

[deb1]

Because my children are rebelling at my not cooking dinner on time, I can’t read as much of these posts as I would like to. BUt I would like to say that this particular thread is a blessing for me. My father went to Vietnam when my mom was seven months pregnant. He sincerly believed that he was doing his duty. WHen I was five weeks old my mom got word that he had died. SHe was all of 21. It was bad enough not having a Dad, but my mom has some serious mental issues. My brother and I argue about whether she has Paranoid Schizophrenia(I say no cause she doen’t hear voices) or if she has Narcistic Personality Disorder. Even today she blames us kids for her six marriages(if we kids didn’t want a dad then she wouldn’t have ***had ***to get married), developed a dependence on perscription drugs, and was mentally and emotionally abusive. My brother and sister have already stopped speaking with her and I am now faced with the fact that, in order to protect my kids, I must cut myself off from her also. Very difficult thing to do when you have grown up with tremendous guilt and really want to follow God’s plan to honor the parents.

I think that a part of me will always feel cheated by fate. We are supposed to have good, loving, supportive parents. I didn’t have that and I still ache for what I won’t ever know. At the same time, I find myself very moved by my children’s relationship with their father especially my daughters. I get a lot of enjoyment from just watching my hubby enteract with our girls.

As a 16 year old, I felt a strong pull toward the Catholic faith because of the veneration of Mary. I saw her as my eternal, stable mother. WHen I saw the rosary I imagine that I am talking to my own mother. It just blows me away that Christ is so generous to us as to share his mother.

 

[OneTrueFaith]

My parents died when I was a very young child, both from cancer. Mom passed when I was 2, Dad passed when I was five.

I was raised by my newlywed oldest brother (21 at the time) and his (scary) wife from that point until I was 19. Luckily, my maternal grandmother was very involved in my life. I was not allowed (by brother’s wife) to see my other 3 older siblings (who were in late teens when Dad died) from the time I was 5 until I was 15. For no good reason other than that she despised them, for some bizarre reason, and kicked them all out of the family home shortly after Dad’s funeral. Sad time, but Grandma helped make it possible for me to see them a few times a year. My oldest brother and his wife are now estranged from all of our family members, and have been for 20 years. They just have turned away from all of us, including her family, actually.

My other three siblings and I (second oldest brother passed away in December) have discussed many times over the years just how very strange it is to have no ‘central’ figure in our family, or for our children. No grandparents to dote on the children, and no one to go to with stories/questions/etc.

God knows the plans for our lives, and someday we will all be together with Him eternally. May He have mercy on our souls.

 

[Teresakc]

Lilyofthevalley:

I will never belong anywhere, I feel​

Cybar Hugs WhiteDove and MummyBe.

Lilyofthevalley, you are a special person. When I am feeling very alone, I read the Beatitudes, Matthew 5:3-12 then just continue browsing through Matthew. It always lifts me.