What A Tangled Web

[XJ9]

I have a job.

Our company permits its employees to cover other employees’ shifts.

When people ask me if I can cover for them, they ask if I can cover their shifts for them. Example: “Hey, I have a doctor’s appointment, can you cover my shift on…?”

In some cases, I’m exhausted and don’t want to. It’s a matter of desire, not capacity.

So I’d like to respond, “No, sorry” without any explanation. But that seems dishonest.

My hangup is that the person on the other end will assume it’s because I can’t when, in fact, it’s because I don’t want to, which are two different things.

To me it seems like lying, but then again, I sometimes make simple things complicated. So I figured I’d get some other perspectives. Thanks in advance.

 

[DarkLight]

I wouldn’t worry about that one. “Sorry, I’m not available” is a perfectly good answer.

Think of it this way: when your coworker greets you with “Hi, how are you?”, you probably answer “Fine, thanks.” You may or may not be feeling fine. But it’s the expected response, and you don’t feel like you’re lying.

 

[oldgraymare2]

I don’t think that you’re being dishonest, actually.

This is about setting boundaries.

You have the right to say “No,” without even having to offer an explanation along with it. It can be said politely, without sounding abrupt or rude.

If you’re working and you feel exhausted then that’s not good for you either. You have to be able to take care of yourself, so that you can go to work too.

 

[UpUpAndAway]

If you are exhausted, you actually can’t. It’s not a matter of not wanting to - you are unable to. It is not good for you to take on additional responsibility when you’re depleted and need to rest.

We cannot be of service to others if we don’t take care of ourselves first.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

Being exhausted and not wanting to is equivalent to “can’t”. If you’re tired then you can’t adequately perform somebody else’s shift. I realize if it were a major emergency or your boss insisted you do it then maybe you could come up with the energy, but just because it might be possible doesn’t mean you have to knock yourself out to do favors for everybody in a non-emergency situation.

And yes, you are overcomplicating it. Some people have a hard time setting boundaries and telling others “no” and it’s a skill they need to practice and learn.

 

[Xanthippe_Voorhees]

This is called having healthy boundaries. As someone who was a manager-- is unwise to cover shifts of people who you know will never cover yours if you need.

I cannot tell you how many times I had a do-gooder on my staff who ALWAYS covered shifts for people who had no intention of helping them. Then they needed something and would be in near tears trying to get someone to cover for them. Often, there was little I could do with only a day’s notice.

So my suggestion…if you’re going to trade shifts, be smart about it. Don’t be that person who happily picks up shifts for people who won’t do the same for you.

 

[DarkLight]

I think the term you’re looking for is “no is a complete sentence.” You can soften it with the usual polite language, but you don’t owe anyone an explanation, and it’s rude of them to ask for one.