What about Singles who are not Priests or Nuns?

[RosalieM]

I am hearing a lot of wonderful things being said about marriage and reading great things on the sacrament. These days when marriage comes up in a homily or on EWTN, I shrink. I feel so left out with the empasis on husbands, wives and their children. There seems to be so little said about those of us who are alone or single parents who can’t become nuns or priests or marry for some reason. (Either it’s too late, divorced, or something else.) So where do we fit in to the scheme of things in the Church? Since we remain chaste anyway, should we look into taking a formal vow of chastity to kind of strengthen our place in life or is that not necessary?
p.s. I’m not complaining, just feel like the Lone Ranger much of the time in church.

 

[kristie_m]

You’re right. You don’t often hear about those who are single and chaste. At the time in my life where that description fit me, I’m sorry to say I wasted it.

Not that I’m knocking marriage AT ALL. I love my husband and kids with a passion. But I do sometimes miss the time when I could go to Adoration without having to plan a week in advance. Or work in a soup kitchen, or pray in front of an abortion mill. With the added responsibility of my husband and children, I can’t do these things nearly as often as I’d like to.

Those who are unmarried (okay, I’m sorry, I’m excluding those single parents here, who have their own vocation), have a prime opportunity to get out there on the front lines of ministry. I think that instead of trying to get you all married off, or worse yet, ignoring you completely, we ought to find a way to help you band together with other singles who are willing to go out and really live the faith. There’s no telling where God will lead you, except to draw you closer to Him.

Sorry, maybe this wasn’t where you were going with the thread, but I would love it if I knew there was someone out there who could dedicate themselves more fully than I can to evangelization. :tiphat:

 

[water]

I’ve been praying for my sister’s vocation. I thought she was thinking about religious life. After about 8 months, she’s very happy that she’s staying single and doesn’t want to think about having husband. She wants her heart to be for Jesus and right now taking care of my parents. If God’s will, she will think of religious life later in her life. I am happy for her and continue to pray for her vocation.

 

[Andruschak]

I am hearing a lot of wonderful things being said about marriage and reading great things on the sacrament. These days when marriage comes up in a homily or on EWTN, I shrink. I feel so left out with the empasis on husbands, wives and their children. There seems to be so little said about those of us who are alone or single parents who can’t become nuns or priests or marry for some reason. (Either it’s too late, divorced, or something else.) So where do we fit in to the scheme of things in the Church? Since we remain chaste anyway, should we look into taking a formal vow of chastity to kind of strengthen our place in life or is that not necessary?
p.s. I’m not complaining, just feel like the Lone Ranger much of the time in church.

TAN Books has re-published a wonderful book with the title THE MYSTERY OF LOVE FOR THE SINGLE, all about living a consecrated life as a single in the secular world. Wonderful reading, worth every penny.

But, yes, you will be considered somewhat odd by some members of society, and even by some Catholics who should know better. They would need to read this book as well.

I seem to remember a group of secular consecrated female virgins somewhere on the internet

 

[RosalieM]

TAN Books has re-published a wonderful book with the title THE MYSTERY OF LOVE FOR THE SINGLE, all about living a consecrated life as a single in the secular world. Wonderful reading, worth every penny.

But, yes, you will be considered somewhat odd by some members of society, and even by some Catholics who should know better. They would need to read this book as well.

I seem to remember a group of secular consecrated female virgins somewhere on the internet

I looked up this book on the internet and am going to order it. Thank you and the others for the (name removed by moderator)ut so far. I think to be a consecrated female virgin (there are about 500 in the country) one has to go through a program with one’s bishop and other formalities. I think it is less complicated to take a formal vow of chastity. I’d need to research that further. But definitely the book you suggested is going to be a great help!

 

[BarbaraTherese]

I looked up this book on the internet and am going to order it. Thank you and the others for the (name removed by moderator)ut so far. I think to be a consecrated female virgin (there are about 500 in the country) one has to go through a program with one’s bishop and other formalities. I think it is less complicated to take a formal vow of chastity. I’d need to research that further. But definitely the book you suggested is going to be a great help!

I have never heard of a formal vow of Chastity, if by “formal” is meant a canonical vow of Chastity. I would be very interested indeed in any information you are able to share:thumbsup:

So where do we fit in to the scheme of things in the Church? Since we remain chaste anyway, should we look into taking a formal vow of chastity to kind of strengthen our place in life or is that not necessary?

At this point in time we remain canonically speaking, single lay people. I have made private perpetual vows of the evangelical counsels and remain under canon law a single lay person.
Strictly speaking, there is no need to make a formal vow of Chastity even privately or even secretly. As long as one remains in the single lay state one has a call to celibate chastity by virtue of the state in life itself. This may be purely accidental for some reason, rather than clearly chosen as one’s vocation in life from God. These are two totally separate matters.

…Blessings and regards…Barb

 

[ConservativeOne]

Rosalie -
You’re not the Lone Ranger…trust me.
And you don’t have to take a vow of chastity. If you are already committed to living a good life, then just remaining faithful to what the Catholic Church teaches is enough. Don’t misunderstand me - I’m sure that those who choose to take a formal vow of chastity - in or out of the religious life - are specially favored by God. If you feel that you are strong enough to keep God’s laws with or without taking that vow - it’s enough. But if you were to take a vow of chastity, without entering the religious life, let’s say - do you think you’d feel more included in those EWTN messages you mention?

Perhaps, you should let EWTN know of this. That there are so many of us - living decent lives alone - and feeling that much more excluded and alone by not being addressed - in our Church congregations where we worship together with families who share the bond of children, school activities, etc., and therefore, we’re sort of left out. We’re not couples, not parents, just shadows.

And do remember to keep in your prayers - those who have taken that vow, either in the priesthood or sisterhood. Pray that their vocation and zeal increases. In place of taking a vow - say a prayer for them each day. Not too shabby that idea.

 

[BarbaraTherese]

Rosalie -

Perhaps, you should let EWTN know of this. That there are so many of us - living decent lives alone - and feeling that much more excluded and alone by not being addressed - in our Church congregations where we worship together with families who share the bond of children, school activities, etc., and therefore, we’re sort of left out. We’re not couples, not parents, just shadows.

.

It is quite true I think that those of us who have made a commitment to the single state and celibate chastity as one’s call and vocation from God can have a lonely road ahead as things stand at this point in The Church, and simply because there is nothing to identify us and our vocation…no public ceremony nor distrinctive dress, no formal titles. I know most people I know think of me simply as a single lay person in this state accidentally, not by choice…a “spinster” as it can be known.
I do tend to think that probably there are not all that many who do embrace the single state and celibate chastity as their clear life call and vocation (although I could be wrong) and this may be why there is no recognition within The Church in any way. There is no ‘lobby’ for some form of recognition.
One can of course always enter a Third Order or some other form of organized religious living should one feel called and this type of membership may alleviate feelings of isolation and loneliness.

Barb

 

[RosalieM]

One can of course always enter a Third Order or some other form of organized religious living should one feel called and this type of membership may alleviate feelings of isolation and loneliness.

Barb

I just read that the Third Orders offer vows and that there is also the purely private vow of chastity. One could get help in formulating the vow if they so desire. If many of us simply “wound up” single because that is where life took us and we can’t or don’t want to be married; then we can choose to strengthen ourselves, I think, by having the option to make a formal vow of chastity. (A little recognition from the Church would be nice – just a nod?)

I feel much comfort in reading all your comments here.

 

[Andruschak]

Clarification.

The book titled THE MYSTERY OF LOVE FOR THE SINGLE points out that the vows of chastity AND celibacy are taken together. The book suggest a formation period of taking these vows a year at a time. One makes the final vow for permanent celibacy AND chastity as a secular single sometime after the age of 25 or so.

And in this day and age, even some Catholics need to be reminded that celibacy implies chastity, and not even masturbation.

Now that book didn’t even use the word “masturbation”, and really tiptoed delicately around the topic. You will be amused. (The book was written in the 1950s.) The writer assumed that by age 26 one would have this urge under control.

 

[BarbaraTherese]

Clarification.

The book titled THE MYSTERY OF LOVE FOR THE SINGLE points out that the vows of chastity AND celibacy are taken together. The book suggest a formation period of taking these vows a year at a time. One makes the final vow for permanent celibacy AND chastity as a secular single sometime after the age of 25 or so.

And in this day and age, even some Catholics need to be reminded that celibacy implies chastity, and not even masturbation.

Now that book didn’t even use the word “masturbation”, and really tiptoed delicately around the topic. You will be amused. (The book was written in the 1950s.) The writer assumed that by age 26 one would have this urge under control.

Personally I would not recommend making a vow of any kind without spiritual direction and advice. My own road to private perpetual vows to the evangelical counsels began under direction (priest) as private vows for 12months and then renewed each year. After about 12 years I think it must have been, I then made vows for life and again under direction and the advice of a priest.

It has not been an easy road for sure and the support and encouragement I had from some priests and nuns was of such great importance to me that I truly doubt I would have persevered without them. I went through times of great loneliness and isolation as well as severe illness…coupled with times of doubts and struggles also…in these later years (62yrs old) the ride has been far easier and smoother.

Blessings and regards…Barb

 

[BarbaraTherese]

One can of course always enter a Third Order or some other form of organized religious living should one feel called and this type of membership may alleviate feelings of isolation and loneliness.

Barb

I just read that the Third Orders offer vows and that there is also the purely private vow of chastity. One could get help in formulating the vow if they so desire. If many of us simply “wound up” single because that is where life took us and we can’t or don’t want to be married; then we can choose to strengthen ourselves, I think, by having the option to make a formal vow of chastity. (A little recognition from the Church would be nice – just a nod?)

I feel much comfort in reading all your comments here

I smiled with “a little recognition from the Church would be nice - just a nod?”…certainly I do not expect any in my lifetime, while I certainly hope and pray that somewhere ahead the Church will recognize canonically in some way the single state as a call and vocation.
Until that imaginary future point, we struggle on regardless:thumbsup:

Thank you for your kind comment…regards…Barb
Laus Dei.

 

[ConservativeOne]

Personally I would not recommend making a vow of any kind without spiritual direction and advice. My own road to private perpetual vows to the evangelical counsels began under direction (priest) as private vows for 12months and then renewed each year. After about 12 years I think it must have been, I then made vows for life and again under direction and the advice of a priest…
…
Blessings and regards…Barb

I have to agree with that.
Curiosity question here: I’d like to know - what constitutes a solid / formal vow (i.e. one that would incur pain of sin, if broken) versus just making a private promise? How tightly are we bound when making a promise silently (be it celibacy, chastity or other) when making it to God - without direction from a priest? I’d checked my Baltimore Catechism and think that once a promise is made, it’s made and could incur sin, if broken. But if not made formally (i.e. without advice/direction from a priest but just privately) - how binding? That “advice of a priest” suggestion was excellent.

 

[RosalieM]

After reading these thoughtful comments; I’m slowly gravitating towards making the vow of chastity. I’ve been that way a long time (through the grace of God) and I’m becoming more sure of this each day. I’m going to ask for a formulation of the vow through some Franciscans I’ve communicated with over time.
I’m convinced this will give me the definition I’ve lacked regarding my place in the Church. And it’s no matter if the Church doesn’t give a nod of recognition. The Lord knows. Thanks to all.

Pax et Bonum,
Rosalie

 

[water]

Have you attended some Vocation Retreat?

 

[BarbaraTherese]

I have to agree with that.
Curiosity question here: I’d like to know - what constitutes a solid / formal vow (i.e. one that would incur pain of sin, if broken) versus just making a private promise? How tightly are we bound when making a promise silently (be it celibacy, chastity or other) when making it to God - without direction from a priest? I’d checked my Baltimore Catechism and think that once a promise is made, it’s made and could incur sin, if broken. But if not made formally (i.e. without advice/direction from a priest but just privately) - how binding? That “advice of a priest” suggestion was excellent.

Hi ConservativeOne…A vow to God, providing it is made in freedom and spiritual maturity, is always binding no matter under what circumstances the vow is made. But I am on unsure ground in this statement.

 

[Holly3278]

I am now beginning to come to the realization that my vocation in life may be to be single. I have several health problems that could be inherited by any children that I might conceive and one of my health problems makes it very hard for me to have stable relationships. Also, I would have a hard time taking care of children. While I would love to get married and have children, I realize that this is likely not God’s will for me.

 

[GoldenArrow]

I’m not complaining, just feel like the Lone Ranger much of the time in church.

I totally hear you. I’ve never been married.

I’m disqualified from being a member of a religious order because I’m Bipolar. I’m disqualified from being a consecrated virgin because … well … I’m not. I had a detailed relationship with a handsome male about a decade ago. Ahem.

Don’t feel like you have to take vows to commit yourself to Christ. That’s pretty final and I wouldn’t do it outside obedience to a spiritual director.

When I was ready, I made a promise to Christ that even if I find a husband someday that, “My heart will always belong to You (Jesus).”

Yet, I intuitively know that Jesus won’t allow me to marry. It’s hard to explain, but almost supernatural obstacles get in the way anytime a prospective man comes along. It’s actually kind of funny. You wouldn’t believe if even if I told you. Oh my! I suppose Jesus wants me all to himself … although I have no idea why. I mean, I am quite weird.

God bless. You’re not alone.

 

[BarbaraTherese]

I am now beginning to come to the realization that my vocation in life may be to be single. I have several health problems that could be inherited by any children that I might conceive and one of my health problems makes it very hard for me to have stable relationships. Also, I would have a hard time taking care of children. While I would love to get married and have children, I realize that this is likely not God’s will for me.

Hi Holly…Once I looked upon my own health impediments to religious life as matters that prevented me from following my vocation. Later I realized that such was totally impossible and I had a shift of attitude to viewing the impediments as boundaries set by God in order to channel me into the way of life to which He did call me, i.e. the single state under private vows.

Blessings and regards…Barb

 

[Holly3278]

Hi Holly…Once I looked upon my own health impediments to religious life as matters that prevented me from following my vocation. Later I realized that such was totally impossible and I had a shift of attitude to viewing the impediments as boundaries set by God in order to channel me into the way of life to which He did call me, i.e. the single state under private vows.

Blessings and regards…Barb

Ah okay. Thanks Barb.