What about this outside of marriage?

[allessior]

Over the years I have developed a very close relationship with several female colleagues. I have never had a “love affair” per se with any of them, but, once while we were away on business for three contiguous weeks, one of these colleagues performed “manual stimulation to climax” on me. We did not have intercourse, we did not kiss, we did not do anything amorous; she just thought that since I was not home with my wife that it would help me relieve some stress.

I actually do not feel guilty about it, and I know the next logical question is, "What if your wife manually stimulated a male colleague to climax during an extended business trip, or what if a male colleague of your wife manually stimulated her to climax during an extended business trip, wouldn’t YOU feel cheated upon? Wouldn’t this be the breaking of trust between you and your wife?

Well, from a purely “do what is right” perspective, I told my wife (again, not because I was “guilty” but because it was the right thing to do) expecting her to be totally disgusted by what I had done, but, very surprisingly, she said, “Good, it’s probably a good thing to relieve stress in that way; I’m sure you would never cheat on me by having intercourse with any woman other than me; I trust you never to do that. Manual stimulation between good friends doesn’t bother me, I think it’s natural. Just don’t take it beyond that. I know you love me, J*$king off is no biggy.”

Have you heard of such casualness before from married people involved in opposite sex professional and/or casual but close relationships?

 

[Fr.Vincent_Serpa]

Dear friend,

Yes I have heard of such “casualness” before and have seen people go off the rails big time. Such behavior is playing with fire. However it is done, masturbation is a mortal sin because it takes the sacredness of the physical expression of the vows of marital love and turns it into selfish indulgence for the self. I’m sure you don’t mean it to be, but the release of stress excuse is a crock. There are many ways to relieve stress without resorting to immoral behavior.

To get naked in front of a member of the opposite sex to whom one is not married is to be unfaithful to one’s spouse. Such intimacy is sacred and not for the eyes of others. Context matters! To take anything out of its context is to distort it.

I strongly suggest that you and your wife read “Good News About Sex and Marriage” by Christopher West. It is very readable and informative. You can get it through Amazon or here at shop.catholic.com. You both are in my prayers.

Fr. Vincent Serpa, O.P.