J
jazzy0710
Guest
So…
Hubby and I live on a military base in Canada. The house we live in is a duplex and on the other side of us are a nice young couple who have been married for a year. He is almost 25 yrs old and she is 23 yrs old. I’m 29 and my husband is 33 yrs old. My husband and I have been married for 5 years but have been together for 12 years. Our neighbours were together for 2 years before they got married.
We’ve got to know them very well over the last year. We love them both very much and they’re like siblings to us.
When “Bob” and “Margaret” got together Bob was in the Air Force. He left his hometown and went to where Margaret was living at the time for training. They met through mutual friends. Dated immediately and were living together within 6 months. They eventually ended up here (where Bob is from originally) but it was difficult for Margaret to leave her family but she did and she found a really awesome job here. They did go back to Margaret’s hometown to get married because it was really important to her and then they came back here because this is where Bob’s posting is.
They are now having issues and because Margaret has nobody here, she comes and talks to me to get things off her chest. I told her from the get go that I adore them both and not to expect me to pick sides because I wasn’t going to do it but that if she needed an ear I would listen and everything would be kept between us and I wouldn’t say anything to Bob or my husband.
She is clearly hurting a lot and it was killing me to see her crying so much last night but I honestly don’t know what the right things to say are because I’ve never been in that kind of situation. I’m hoping someone here can offer some really good advice that I could pass along to her.
Bob has a big trust and jealousy issue. I can understand that and she was unfaithful twice while they were dating but they got thru it and he forgave her. However it continued after the marriage and still does. He has a few of his own friends here that she’ll go along with him to socialize with but he doesn’t like to go socialize with any of hers and gets mad when she goes alone. Margaret works long hours because she has been trying to get debts paid off belonging to her and some of Bob’s plus she likes be able to have her own money to do things for herself because she claims that Bob throws a fit if she asks him for some. This is one of the reasons that she took on a part time job and of course Bob was upset about it and didn’t want her to work part time.
Margaret really misses her family and friends back in her hometown. It’s really starting to show, She’s quite depressed and is on meds and sleeps a lot. When she went there on vacation and came back she was so happy for the first 2 weeks that she was home but then it’s right back to square one.
She claims that Bob is very un supportive. She apparently cries and he does nothing. She tries to talk but he gets defensive and shuts down. When she tries to do things around the house and asks him for help she has to pretty much beg. Including walking their dog. A Husky. Margaret was unsure about getting him at first because of the long hours she works but Bob persisted that he would take care of him and of course that hasn’t been happening so Margaret has been putting him in dog training as well as a doggy day care to socialize him with other dogs and get him exercise but of course Bob flipped out about her spending money on it.
So here’s the big issue. She admitted that she misses home. She’s also admitted that she is unsure if she still loves him. She’s also admitted that she doesn’t feel attracted to him but she wants to. She wants to make their marriage work but isn’t sure if it is worth it.
They are in counselling which she had to fight with him to get him to go. There were some things in there that came out that really upset her like his lying to the therapist when she’d ask him various questions and he supposedly doesn’t want a joined bank account with her because he claimed that she was a frivolous spender.
She admitted to me that she cheated on him while she was on vacation. He doesn’t know about it though.
I wasn’t shocked at all but I mean, she still broke her marriage vow.
I told her what I would do if I was in her situation but i’m not sure it helped.
What do you think? What words of wisdom should I pass along to her? What would you if you were in this situation.
Any feedback would be greatly apprechiated. God Bless.
Hubby and I live on a military base in Canada. The house we live in is a duplex and on the other side of us are a nice young couple who have been married for a year. He is almost 25 yrs old and she is 23 yrs old. I’m 29 and my husband is 33 yrs old. My husband and I have been married for 5 years but have been together for 12 years. Our neighbours were together for 2 years before they got married.
We’ve got to know them very well over the last year. We love them both very much and they’re like siblings to us.
When “Bob” and “Margaret” got together Bob was in the Air Force. He left his hometown and went to where Margaret was living at the time for training. They met through mutual friends. Dated immediately and were living together within 6 months. They eventually ended up here (where Bob is from originally) but it was difficult for Margaret to leave her family but she did and she found a really awesome job here. They did go back to Margaret’s hometown to get married because it was really important to her and then they came back here because this is where Bob’s posting is.
They are now having issues and because Margaret has nobody here, she comes and talks to me to get things off her chest. I told her from the get go that I adore them both and not to expect me to pick sides because I wasn’t going to do it but that if she needed an ear I would listen and everything would be kept between us and I wouldn’t say anything to Bob or my husband.
She is clearly hurting a lot and it was killing me to see her crying so much last night but I honestly don’t know what the right things to say are because I’ve never been in that kind of situation. I’m hoping someone here can offer some really good advice that I could pass along to her.
Bob has a big trust and jealousy issue. I can understand that and she was unfaithful twice while they were dating but they got thru it and he forgave her. However it continued after the marriage and still does. He has a few of his own friends here that she’ll go along with him to socialize with but he doesn’t like to go socialize with any of hers and gets mad when she goes alone. Margaret works long hours because she has been trying to get debts paid off belonging to her and some of Bob’s plus she likes be able to have her own money to do things for herself because she claims that Bob throws a fit if she asks him for some. This is one of the reasons that she took on a part time job and of course Bob was upset about it and didn’t want her to work part time.
Margaret really misses her family and friends back in her hometown. It’s really starting to show, She’s quite depressed and is on meds and sleeps a lot. When she went there on vacation and came back she was so happy for the first 2 weeks that she was home but then it’s right back to square one.
She claims that Bob is very un supportive. She apparently cries and he does nothing. She tries to talk but he gets defensive and shuts down. When she tries to do things around the house and asks him for help she has to pretty much beg. Including walking their dog. A Husky. Margaret was unsure about getting him at first because of the long hours she works but Bob persisted that he would take care of him and of course that hasn’t been happening so Margaret has been putting him in dog training as well as a doggy day care to socialize him with other dogs and get him exercise but of course Bob flipped out about her spending money on it.
So here’s the big issue. She admitted that she misses home. She’s also admitted that she is unsure if she still loves him. She’s also admitted that she doesn’t feel attracted to him but she wants to. She wants to make their marriage work but isn’t sure if it is worth it.
They are in counselling which she had to fight with him to get him to go. There were some things in there that came out that really upset her like his lying to the therapist when she’d ask him various questions and he supposedly doesn’t want a joined bank account with her because he claimed that she was a frivolous spender.
She admitted to me that she cheated on him while she was on vacation. He doesn’t know about it though.
I wasn’t shocked at all but I mean, she still broke her marriage vow.
I told her what I would do if I was in her situation but i’m not sure it helped.
What do you think? What words of wisdom should I pass along to her? What would you if you were in this situation.
Any feedback would be greatly apprechiated. God Bless.
