What age should child get email access?

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raindogg

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I am sure this question is going to receive a wide range of responses but I definitely am looking for opinions on this issue.

My 8 year old daughter told us last night that her 2 best friends have email addresses now and she asked if she could have one also. We told her we would talk about it tonight when she got home from school.

My wife and I are pretty conservative when it comes to raising out kids. The parents of her 2 best friends are not. An example would be that her friends are allowed to watch PG-13 and even R rated movies. The parents have told us they don’t think its a big deal at all. They joke around with us about it but I know it causes stress for our daughter sometimes that she can’t do those things her friends do. The good thing about it is that so far our daughter has been very honest. She asked us if she can bring her mp3 player on the bus because her friends play a game where they curse back and forth and since she isn’t allowed to use those words there is nothing for her to do so she would rather listen to music. She is a good kid. Our kids eat healthily and go to bed at 8pm. Their kids eat a lot of junk and stay up to 11pm sometimes later. They are sick a lot too and don’t do as well in school. They are also unsupervised on their computers all day long - literally all day. My daughter gets a couple of hours a day of supervised use.

It doesn’t bother us that they do this, I’m just setting up the differences here. Overall they are very good kids, we just have different styles or standards for raising the kids.

So when she told us her friends have email addresses now and asked if she could have one, it has made me stop to think. My initial response is no. It is unnecssary for an 8 year old to have email. I always figured I would let her sign up for an email account when she turned 12. She is going to be extremely upset about it. It is also going to make her feel left out of the group with her friends. I wish now that she did not become best friends with kids whose parents are so far on the other side of the spectrum as us as far as our values go but its been 3 years now and they are her closest friends. Also she goes to a Catholic school which is 2 towns away and these are the only other girls in the school from our town.

So if we tell her no, we risk 2 things. 1) her becoming more alienated from her friends. 2) there is the risk of these girls telling her not to worry and they create an email address for her and we don’t know about it and so have no means of supervising it. Based on my daughters past honesty I’m not sure number 2 would happen but it is a concern.

So with the tone set, back to my original question, what age would you say is appropriate for letting your kid have their first email address?
 
No 8 yo needs her own e-mail address. If she wants one that is separate from the main family one, go into yahoo or gmail and set one up together, you get the password, you sign her in. It is still your account but she can share it with her friends. If it gets bad, then you can basically abandon or close that account and open a new one.

It sounds like it is time to help your daughter find other friends too. From the sounds of it these two friends and their behaviors will get further and further away from how your daughter behaves, she will start to feel more and more left out.

If you do choose to get her an e-mail account you keep supervising and sadly if any cyber-bullying starts you keep the e-mails as proof!

My children are grown now. The internet was not in every home when I was raising them. We got our first modem and access when the youngest was about 10. We shared an e-mail account because yahoo and hotmail were just getting started. Now my girls are 29, has two yahoo accounts, a work account and a University account and 23, has at least one g-mail account and a university account. Neither uses her U. account but the U. keeps them open for them as Alums. Both have Facebook and MySpace accounts. I am friends with both on both their accounts and have been since they opened the accounts (one while still in High School).

Before you choose which way to go for an e-mail account for your daughter check to see which one offers the best security and parental controls. I can’t help you with that as, again, both my daughters are adults. Hopefully you have a good parental control program on your computer now, like NetNanny(?). Even with good supervision, a single click can take you to a porn site! An example is, when we first got internet I was a GS leader and wanted to connect with other GS leaders as well as get good information about GS’s. I typed “Girl Scouts” in the search engine and every hit I got was for a porn site! I did not click on them. I tried “Boy Scouts” to see what I would get and got basically the same thing with a few hits for the organization itself! Another site that is a home business that creates and sell stickers to home based party businesses had her name co-opted by a porn site so she purchased a different name for her site and had to put a disclaimer on her web-site that she did not create the porn site!

Sorry, this got long.

Brenda V.
 
The main issue here is that you need to be aware, always, of what your daughter is doing on the internet.

If it were me, I would set her up an email account, make note of the password, and would check, from time to time, to see what she was sending and receiving. Yes, I mean that I would read her mail. Maybe that’s an invasion of privacy, but this is what I would do.

I would also check browser history to see what sites she has visited. You can set a password for the browser options so that no one can delete the history without the password.

The internet is a serious threat to kids. If she’s asking, now is the time to teach her how to use the net the right way. But you should keep an eye on her just as you would if you were in a strange city walking the streets with her.
 
adv1sor said:
The main issue here is that you need to be aware, always, of what your daughter is doing on the internet.

If it were me, I would set her up an email account, make note of the password, and would check, from time to time, to see what she was sending and receiving. Yes, I mean that I would read her mail. Maybe that’s an invasion of privacy, but this is what I would do.

I would also check browser history to see what sites she has visited. You can set a password for the browser options so that no one can delete the history without the password.

The internet is a serious threat to kids. If she’s asking, now is the time to teach her how to use the net the right way. But you should keep an eye on her just as you would if you were in a strange city walking the streets with her.
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You know, my FIRST reaction was just an outright “NO WAY does an 8 year old need email!”… and I’m fairly liberal in how I parent compared to other families at our kids’ Catholic school.

But, after giving it second thought… and reading this post above… maybe I would consider it… but I’d take it a huge step further…

I would control the password (meaning they could ONLY email if/when I logged in for her)… and not even share that password with my child. I would make her perfectly aware that my intention is not to read her private notes, but that I *would *if I had *any *concerns over her behavior. I would also make sure that you, as parents, are computer savvy enough to look at browser history and to ensure that she isn’t creating other secret email addresses for her own use. I would probably want to maintain this total control over the password until at least age 12, then continue to KNOW the password into her teenage years.

I don’t think it’s necessarily always a recipe for DISASTER, but it definitely needs to be controlled.
Just my thoughts…
 
adv1sor said:
The main issue here is that you need to be aware, always, of what your daughter is doing on the internet.

If it were me, I would set her up an email account, make note of the password, and would check, from time to time, to see what she was sending and receiving. Yes, I mean that I would read her mail. Maybe that’s an invasion of privacy, but this is what I would do.

I would also check browser history to see what sites she has visited. You can set a password for the browser options so that no one can delete the history without the password.

The internet is a serious threat to kids. If she’s asking, now is the time to teach her how to use the net the right way. But you should keep an eye on her just as you would if you were in a strange city walking the streets with her.
Click to expand...
👍👍👍
 
*I’d say 13. My kids are not that into texting and emailing, which has been a blessing, I think. But, they need emails for school stuff, and now that my son signed up for the SAT, and he is 17…he has his own. I don’t check his email…he is 17, and he has never given us reason to doubt him. My daughter however, yes, on occasion, I check it…I trust her, but because she is still so young, I might not trust someone else, with what they might be spamming her with…it’s a sick world out there, folks. I get the strangest spams that are highly sexualized in the titles, into my emails…and I’m like…why am I getting this? I just press delete, but when kids are young, they might not think to press delete, if for no other reason, out of mere curiousity due to the subject line. I think that the internet is great for information gathering, and learning…right at our fingertips, but it can be a dangerous playground for pedophiles, and just people who want to do bad things, especially to and with kids. *
 
In our house one has to know the basics of typing and spelling before one gets one’s own email.
 
Hiyas:)

I’m a kid…sooo this is coming from a kid’s perspective.

She can blame me 😃
Being responsible doesn’t come at certain age levels albeit it’s somewhat expected at different age levels ]…i.e, If she isn’t responsible in cleaning her room - doing chores etc …

Please teach her .
" If it can’t be said in a public forum type atmosphere - she probably doesn’t need to hear it " Like instant messages ].

Predators come from everywhere - including kids and Grwnups who pretend to be kids.

Bullying; IS reported to you teach her what bullying is ] AND you will delete it or file in a locked folder ]. that there is a zero tolerance for it in your home - receiving it - passing it along - or doing it.

People are approved by you and her to her email - no exceptions.

As always, just my thoughts
 
There can be a family email addresss where all children under the age of 17 may read or send mail. Email is only done from a public computer (in the kitchen or living room) and is not “web mail” (like yahoo or gmail that they can access from anywhere).
 
My son got his email addresses at the age of twelve. One without any references to his real name for general internet usage, and the other for personal/school use. Since he had access to the computer it was clear that he had not right to privacy and that I could and would check his browsing history and emails. I am paranoid about internet and he is the same way too. I never had problems and when something strange (pop ups, emails ,etc.) shows up he comes to me to make sure that what he is doing is safe and proper. Now he is on Facebook and he posted that his friend should control what they post on his account (I monitor that too) or they would be expelled. I think that talking, together with monitoring, is really helpful. Monitoring without talking is useless, they can always go behind your back.
 
kage_ar said:
There can be a family email addresss where all children under the age of 17 may read or send mail. Email is only done from a public computer (in the kitchen or living room) and is not “web mail” (like yahoo or gmail that they can access from anywhere).
Click to expand...
Amen and amen.
 
kage_ar said:
There can be a family email addresss where all children under the age of 17 may read or send mail. Email is only done from a public computer (in the kitchen or living room) and is not “web mail” (like yahoo or gmail that they can access from anywhere).
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OOhhh I like the family email idea a lot… 👍
 
I think you’ve received some good advice so far. If you do decide to let her have an email address, it’s probably best not to have it be an unrestricted license. With email, it’s not just about what she or her friends might do, it’s also about what types of spam (porn, drugs, viruses, phishing scams, etc.) she will eventually receive.

I’d be a little concerned about the friends, though. Not knowing you or your situation with any depth, I can only speak generally on this point. You’ll have to decide if any of this applies to you or not:

I’d be concerned if my daughter and her closest friends came from such differing parenting styles. The tension is only going to get worse as she gets older, especially when she gets into those teenage years. Right now, it’s cussing and rated R movies. In a few years, it could very well be smoking, drinking, sex and drugs. Certainly, it’s possible to maintain one’s moral compass when one’s closest friends are engaging in this behavior, but it is definitely much more difficult.

Here’s another idea: Don’t let her have the email. If she becomes more alienated from her friends as result, so be it. She can make new friends whose worldview more closely aligns with her own.

I’m not sure if this is a goodidea or not for your situation. I toss this out there as something to consider, just to give you another perspective.
 
Em_in_FL said:
You know, my FIRST reaction was just an outright “NO WAY does an 8 year old need email!”… and I’m fairly liberal in how I parent compared to other families at our kids’ Catholic school.

But, after giving it second thought… and reading this post above… maybe I would consider it… but I’d take it a huge step further…

I would control the password (meaning they could ONLY email if/when I logged in for her)… and not even share that password with my child. I would make her perfectly aware that my intention is not to read her private notes, but that I *would *if I had *any *concerns over her behavior. I would also make sure that you, as parents, are computer savvy enough to look at browser history and to ensure that she isn’t creating other secret email addresses for her own use. I would probably want to maintain this total control over the password until at least age 12, then continue to KNOW the password into her teenage years.

I don’t think it’s necessarily always a recipe for DISASTER, but it definitely needs to be controlled.
Just my thoughts…
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I agree with what was written above. You maintain the password and log her in/out. Possibly even check her e-mail before she gets a chance so you can delete any spam she shouldn’t be seeing.

I recommend using gmail if you select a web based mail. They have by far the best spam filters. I’ve had an account for 6 years and can count on one hand how much spam I have received as oppose to my old yahoo account which I get over 100 spam messages a week.
 
My oldest has had a gmail account since age 9, she’s now 12. Our computer is in the family room/kitchen area which is the most public place in the house (which IMHO is the only place kids should be on the computer, in a public area of the house). Only I have the password and I log her in and glance at what is in the spam folder, if anything at all. She mostly uses it for keeping in touch with friends and family out of state. She checks it maybe 2 times a week. It’s not been a problem for us. I don’t think there is one right answer for all families, but this has worked fine for us so far.
 
I would set one up with her, for her, and give her an address book of those she’s allowed emailling. I would maintain her password [and may or may not give her it]. I helped my baby brother set his up before I went to college, he’s 10, and he’s allowed emailing my sister, me, my brother, parents, grandparents, and some aunts/uncles/cousins. I would check it periodically to make sure nothing bad was going on, maybe everytime she’s on it. Make sure the email address is not personal–maybe a sport she’s in and the year she was born or her favorite color/food/number. No name. I got my first email address before fourth grade–I was 9. I was fine…the times were different, though, even just 10 years ago.

I would definitely get a good spam blocking, too. Way too many things that I don’t want to know/read show up…and I’m not 8.
 
my daughter who is 9 has her own email through yahoo…BUT its done through the safe part of yahoo for children where spam cannot get through and its not sold. i even had to consent for her to have it through yahoo. i have her password for it and i do go through her email as well. she has had it for a year. and so far no issues what so ever. she is pretty good about. the main people she emails is her best friend that she used to go to school with whom she hardly see anymore, her aunt that lives 5 hours away and her grandparents and us. and she also has a cell phone that she ONLY USES when she is outside just in case she needs me or her daddy for anything. or if she is at girl scouts. if she is not outside or at girl scouts that phone is our bedroom put up and she is not allowed to touch it. and yes i go through that phone too…and no she does not know the phone number to that phone. she will not know it either because i dont want her passing that number around to just anyone.

yes my husband and i are very conservative people, we watch our children like hawks. but we also allow them to be children too.
 
I think it depends upon the child and their needs. My daugther has her own email, has since she was 8. There were situations that kept cropping up for school that it became a necessity for her to have her own. We’re pretty liberal when it comes to her computer access anyways, with the agreement that we will periodically check all her accounts, websites, etc without warning. She chats quite regularly with almost everyone in her small Catholic school, all ages, all grades. I like it personally, its actually strengthen the freindships with the kids I prefer she hangs out with compared to the ones I’d rather she not.
 
Make sure the email address is not personal–maybe a sport she’s in and **the year she was born **or her favorite color/food/number.
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Actually the year you are born is MUCH more sensitive than your first (or even last name) unless it’s uncommon. If daughter got herself into something way too over her head and email like soccerdiva99@gmail.com would let people know alot more about her. (that the owner of that e-mail plays a sport, is 11 and is female)
It is easy enough from there to get a name (in a sign-off or other mistake) and then cross reference it with something.

My recommendation would actually be a professional looking email. like kate.cayhill@gmail.com or kate.allison.c@gmail.com This is a real, adult email that she would have to treat as such. This is not a joke, for fun, or to sign up and do silly websites with.

I got my first e-mail address at 13 and I have respected how I use it. It is a reasonable e-mail and one that I can put on resume’s. In the mean time I’ve made all sorts of secondary, third, fourth e-mails. In total in my life I’ve probably had over 3 dozen.

One of the things that I think adults do by giving their child and anonymous “trash” email is to encourage the anonomous “trash” behavior that goes on on the Internet.

I agree that this should have compete parental access and that the notifications that address has changed should be set up so that the parent knows.

I agree with the OP’s second concern…about child doing it anyway. At eight, she might not, but time and peer pressure can seriously harm her ego. This is not smoking, drinking or drugs, this is not a PG 13 movie…which is, after all, marked so children under 13 are restricted. This is not wandering around a mall aimlessly, this is not stealing, cheating or lying. This is a part of the digital world which we now live in.

And as an employer…the sooner she learns this stuff the better. The sooner she learns that it is unacceptable to send out misspelled emails, the sooner she learns how to navigate the web safely, the sooner she learns how to type the better. So many kids in the 17-25 range grew up with inernet and texting and never learned how to properly sit and use a computer. The grammar and spelling are enough to make a teacher physically sick and they hardly know how to use a word processor except for basic things. (Ask them about maple story/farmvill/warcraft on the other hand:shrug:)
 
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