What am I doing wrong?

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LotusCarsLtd

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I always used to dislike my personal appearance but I’ve grown to really like it lately. Around the same time this happened I also noticed a lot of women checking me out, flirting with me, etc. and it’s quite flattering. The problem is that the vast majority of these women are probably not Catholic, which removes them from the list of potential dates.

But while THEY may be flirting with me, I never encounter anything of the like with the Catholic ladies. With them, the response is absolutely stone cold (this is despite heavy involvement at my parish, and my attempts to be warm, friendly, nice, faithful, etc. around them.)

And, frankly, this is all rather annoying. I can’t seem to figure out why the response between the two groups (non-Catholics vs. Catholics) is so vastly different. Any ideas?
 
I suppose you realize that it is impossible for anyone to offer a meaningful response? Only someone who has met you in person, and has spent a significant amount of time in your company, could have any insights into the reason for what you are experiencing, since all comes down to personality.
 
LotusCarsLtd said:
I always used to dislike my personal appearance but I’ve grown to really like it lately. Around the same time this happened I also noticed a lot of women checking me out, flirting with me, etc. and it’s quite flattering. The problem is that the vast majority of these women are probably not Catholic, which removes them from the list of potential dates.

But while THEY may be flirting with me, I never encounter anything of the like with the Catholic ladies. With them, the response is absolutely stone cold (this is despite heavy involvement at my parish, and my attempts to be warm, friendly, nice, faithful, etc. around them.)

And, frankly, this is all rather annoying. I can’t seem to figure out why the response between the two groups (non-Catholics vs. Catholics) is so vastly different. Any ideas?
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Maybe you are not trying as hard with the non-catholic women. Hint, hint;)
 
I’m guessing (only because this is how I am) that Catholic women are possibly more modest and traditional than other women who aren’t religious. Or perhaps your newfound confidence comes off as arrogance to them? This is the best I could come up with having never met you.
 
Possibly - I haven’t seen you in action. But maybe when you are not trying you are more attractive to the ladies.
 
Satan is surely at work here. I really appreciate those Catholic women you mentioned in the post for their obedience and commitment to Christ. They are the ones deserving true love and true happiness. 🙂
 
Many Catholic women will not flirt in a super obvious way. I know I never used to flirt with guys from my church group when I was single. It just seemed in poor taste somehow.
 
As a guy who had many er… romantic er… thingys (this is a Catholic board right!) in his late teens and early 20 (all of them doomed to failure) I would say don’t panic, don’t worry, take your time, and be yourself.

You want a woman who you can journey with to the end of your life, and who will be the mother of your children: you can’t rush magic like that.
 
It sounds like your confidence has grown, hence the attention from the ladies. While christian churches promote dating within their church, the catholic church does not. I can only gather, because of that, that many young catholic women are not “open” to meeting or dating a young man at church.

I’m sorry that you’ve had to limit your pool to the catholic girls. While sharing one’s faith with one’s partner is important, it appears that the catholic girls are not interested at this point. I would broaden my horizons and start to look to dating other girls who are more mutually interested and interesting.
 
What poptown and Contra Mundum and triumphguy said. DITTO.

A man’s “fun” is often at the woman’s expense. ** Please take some time to think about that.** ( i wish I could underline that statement FIVE times.) A good woman will not open up until she feels that danger has passed. And its not that we don’t want to have ‘fun’. A worldly woman may only be thinking more of the pleasure aspect and therefore is not preparing to be a mother, but just a lover- I mean that in the more selfish aspect of it.

Perhaps, OP, you don’t know what you are looking for?

I think if I remember correctly some Scripture passage that says that a worldly minded man will get punished with a woman who is not a good wife. I’m paraphrasing… I think its in Proverbs somewhere. Maybe you should check that out??? (Not trying to be mean here, but helpful.)

Oh, and you may mean well, but if you are really flirty in church, you might come across as a guy just looking for ‘fun’… you may mean well by it, but a woman who is looking for a solid foundation for her family might pass you by because it will come across as a trait that could lead to unfaithfulness. (NOT saying you are, it might come across as that.)

I wish you the best.
 
Cryptic1 said:
It sounds like your confidence has grown, hence the attention from the ladies. While christian churches promote dating within their church, the catholic church does not. I can only gather, because of that, that many young catholic women are not “open” to meeting or dating a young man at church.

I’m sorry that you’ve had to limit your pool to the catholic girls. While sharing one’s faith with one’s partner is important, it appears that the catholic girls are not interested at this point. I would broaden my horizons and start to look to dating other girls who are more mutually interested and interesting.
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Wow. Really? I can’t decide if this post is silly or offensive of both. Issues with Catholicism, eh? 😉
 
This raises an interesting question:

Ladies, where do you prefer to meet your faithful Catholic men?
 
Here is what I am seeing:

Non-Catholic girls:
-You don’t try
-And you aren’t interested
-These girls flirt with you

Catholic girls:
-You are warm, friendly, and nice
-You are very interested
-They don’t respond

Women love a challenge. You are a challenge to the non-Catholic girls, but are putty in the hands of Catholic girls you barely know. Be a challenge to Catholic girls if you want to have a chance. Stop trying to be so nice, warm, Barney-the-purple-dinosaurish and just relax and be yourself. Women are attracted to the real you, not some artificial nice-guy mask.
 
LotusCarsLtd said:
This raises an interesting question:

Ladies, where do you prefer to meet your faithful Catholic men?
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I guess the most obvious answer is at church related activities, prayer groups, retreats, etc. Wherever Catholics spend time. It helps if you can socialise with people outside of the church setting. So if you have a group of people who like to go and have a drink after prayer group, Bible study or something, that is a good opportunity to make friends and get to know the women better. Some women are shy and will not respond immediately so you have to make an effort to engage them and get them interested in you. Always be a gentleman. Treat all women with respect and that will get you noticed. Turst me, there are so many Catholic women out there who want to meet a nice Catholic guy and wonder where you all are hiding.
 
All I can say is please don’t write off non-catholics. I myself was a non-catholic when I met my husband (raised catholic). I was a christian, looking for some way to be fulfilled in my spiritual life. My husband took the time with me, invited me to mass, and introduced me to many catholic things. We’ve now been married a few months and apart from finding the love of my life in him, he brought me to the fullness of my spiritual life by introducing me to the church, which I then joined and am now in full communion with.

Just because someone isn’t catholic when you meet them doesn’t mean they never will be. Perhaps God wishes you to evangelize your future wife.
 
I met my then future wife on a greyhound bus. Her friend (who I found out later was Catholic) might have sat next to me, but didn’t - she thought I looked to rough (I had been camping and hiking!).

My wife went through RCIA and became a very strong and faithful Catholic, so you can never tell.
 
What kind of “flirty” behavior do you want to see in Catholic girls?

My husband and I have talked about some things that we experienced with others when we were teens. What he described as friendly behavior from girls sometimes seemed rather forward and inappropriate to me.

I’m not sure if you are specifically comparing non-Catholic *Christian *girls to Catholic girls or if you are comparing *all *non-Catholic girls to Catholic girls.
 
Not to derail the thread, but I’m still unsure on non-Catholic ladies. I realize there’s tons of potential there, but I worry about the question of “what if it gets serious and she’s not willing to convert?”
 
What do you mean by “checking you out” and “flirting”?

When I was single, I typically did not overtly do either of these things, mainly because I wasn’t really interested in a man who would be flattered by that type of attention. I was interested in finding a man who was humble and who I could get to know slowly.

Maybe the Catholic girls in your social groups aren’t flirts and are looking for more than just someone to bat their eyes at. Work on getting to know the Catholic girls on a more personal, friendship level. Maybe the flirting will come later, when someone who is interested gets to know you first.
 
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