What am I doing wrong?

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fin said:
Hi, actually those are my words. Our sister is an emotional vampire and manipulative. I have already started a thread about this before. My sister who called up my mom has many times resisted and avoided telling mom about the bullying, but for the times she cried and could not take it anymore, called up my mom and me. I am concerned for her mental and emotional well being. The emotional vampire didn’t only bully the other sister, but also me before, my brother, my dad, my mom. In her past work places before she always complained that so and so was mean to her blah blah blah. She is very negative and complains about a lot of things. We later guessed that she (the one who bullies) is the one who probably has the mental and personality problem. I could go and on about it but I digress.

I know that being enrolled in perpetual Masses means we are included in prayers. So I continue to trust God that He hears and answers our prayers, and that we can finally see and experience those graces.

Thank you so much for the advice and the fervent prayers.
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Mary said that if you give people the green scapular she will help them if you trust her.
But…it does take time. So don’t be discouraged, she will do it. She isn’t about to tell her first lie. So don’t worry about it, it is a done, and just keep saying the prayer everyday.

Meanwhile, it sounds as tho Jesus is asking you to suffer for your sister and your family. It is very disturbing to see those around you needing change and you can’t do a thing about it. But there is one thing you can do about it, just say the prayer…“blessed be the Lord”. When you feel like it is for naught…“blessed be the Lord.”

One thing you might want to do is to consecrate yourself to our blessed mother Mary. Prayer becomes so easy and simple. The consecration means that everything you do, and that means everything, is offered to Jesus thru her hands and heart, and is done with the intention of doing it for Mary’s intentions. This also means that any reward that you may receive is also given to Mary for her intentions, saving nothing for yourself, only trusting she will take care of you in her way. From then on, all of your problems are Mary’s problems. For everything belongs to her. This way is a very peaceful and good way to handle your life. Who could care more for you than her? That way she knows what Jesus desires, she can help more sinners, and care for you. This is total abandonment. If your interested see this site.
ewtn.com/library/montfort/truedevo.htm

There is one other thing you may want to look into and a beautiful way to live life, and that is this:
dunedin.elim.org.nz/uploads/1/2/7/8/12786940/brother_lawrence_-_the_practice_of_the_presence_of_god.pdf

May God bless and keep you. May God’s face shine on you. May God be kind to you and give you peace.
 
Thanks Fred. I already placed Green Scapulars among the belongings of my family members and am praying the prayer daily. I also pray the prayer daily for myself.

I also made the total Consecration to Mary with the 33 day preparation as laid out by St. Louis de Montfort years ago, using the format provided by the Friends of Our Lady Apostolate.

Thank you for the encouragement. Just reading the posts and advices here right now made me feel better, and truly hope for better things to come.
fred_conty said:
Mary said that if you give people the green scapular she will help them if you trust her.
But…it does take time. So don’t be discouraged, she will do it. She isn’t about to tell her first lie. So don’t worry about it, it is a done, and just keep saying the prayer everyday.

Meanwhile, it sounds as tho Jesus is asking you to suffer for your sister and your family. It is very disturbing to see those around you needing change and you can’t do a thing about it. But there is one thing you can do about it, just say the prayer…“blessed be the Lord”. When you feel like it is for naught…“blessed be the Lord.”

One thing you might want to do is to consecrate yourself to our blessed mother Mary. Prayer becomes so easy and simple. The consecration means that everything you do, and that means everything, is offered to Jesus thru her hands and heart, and is done with the intention of doing it for Mary’s intentions. This also means that any reward that you may receive is also given to Mary for her intentions, saving nothing for yourself, only trusting she will take care of you in her way. From then on, all of your problems are Mary’s problems. For everything belongs to her. This way is a very peaceful and good way to handle your life. Who could care more for you than her? That way she knows what Jesus desires, she can help more sinners, and care for you. This is total abandonment. If your interested see this site.
ewtn.com/library/montfort/truedevo.htm

There is one other thing you may want to look into and a beautiful way to live life, and that is this:
dunedin.elim.org.nz/uploads/1/2/7/8/12786940/brother_lawrence_-_the_practice_of_the_presence_of_god.pdf

May God bless and keep you. May God’s face shine on you. May God be kind to you and give you peace.
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Dearest Fin,

The last two days, I have had the wonderful blessing to listen to a holy priest speak on graces, prayers, and God’s Divine Mercy.

So much of what he said fits so wonderfully with your desires as you have written in this thread.

The priest reminded us that we are called to pray always, but he reminded us that in much of that prayer we are to remain quiet and listen. He said, too often, we spend all of our time in prayer “chattering” and we need to be in prayer listening.

He had beautiful words on receiving graces and St. Faustina’s Diary.

I pray you have a wonderful holy priest or other holy person who can assist you in these times of feeling God is not sending graces. I know God can provide you the right person to listen to. Keep your ears open and notice how what you hear - meets the needs you have in the struggles you face.

I know the graces are being poured upon you. Trust that God has poured His graces on you.

Ask God to send you or direct you to a person or a prayer group who are focusing on graces, prayer, or God’s Divine Mercy.

May you feel the graces of God’s Divine Mercy pouring over you and your family. May you be at Peace among any trial you notice today. May you release yourself from any pains associated with any trials.

On another note, I notice your group on praying for your future spouse. Remember while you pray for your future spouse, maybe your future spouse is praying today for you as well. Maybe his parents are also praying for you, as well. Those are powerful graces comping to you as well, graces to help you today and later.
 
Fin----it seems your families’ problems are bothering you more then they bother them.

One thing is for sure, no one changes until they want to. You can pray for them but in the long run it is up to them to do the work on changing. It doesn’t matter if you pray 24/7 and search for more and more ways to offer prayers and sacrifices, if they don’t want to change they won’t.

Are you neglecting your own life in trying to save them? How is your relationships with the people in your own family?

I think getting some assertive training for yourself would be helpful. You know what they say, “God helps those who help themselves.” Start praying for them to want to change. Pray they see what they are doing that is harming people. Plus, it wouldn’t hurt if your family started to stand up when your sister bullies and not take it. Your mother will probably always be the one most hurt but mothers are just like that. If you can do things to help lighten her load and do nice things for her, than do it. You and your sister can find ways to keep her from being bulllied.

Ask God to help you find concrete ways to help your family. I hope your parents have a good lawyer for their legal problems. As for your sister who is so distraught with the bullying she really needs to stop talking to that sister all together. We teach people how to treat us so she needs to just hang up when her sister gets mean with her. I know better said than done but sometimes that is the only thing one can do. It will certainly stop the bully from sinning to stop them from doing harm. Think of it that way.
 
Like another poster said, Rome wasn’t built in a day.

Remember that Our Lord loves your family even more than you do, and has an even greater desire to help them. In fact, He could be helping them now. Who knows how He is working on their hearts? You are definitely a blessing to your family. 🙂
 
Maybe this book or book on CD from the library would be helpful for you Dearest Fin.

May God’s blessings be over flowing on you today.
*Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life *

by Henry Cloud and John Townsend

book description quote:
Having clear boundaries is essential to a healthy, balanced lifestyle. A boundary is a personal property line that marks those things for which we are responsible. Boundaries define who we are and who we are not.

Boundaries impact all areas of our lives:
Mental boundaries give us the freedom to have our own thoughts and opinions –

Emotional boundaries help us to deal with our own emotions and disengage from the harmful, manipulative emotions of others –

Spiritual boundaries help us to distinguish God’s will from our own and give us renewed awe for our Creator –

Often, Christians focus so much on being loving and unselfish that they forget their own limits and limitations. When confronted with their lack of boundaries, they ask:
  • Can I set limits and still be a loving person?
  • What are legitimate boundaries?
  • What if someone is upset or hurt by my boundaries?
  • How do I answer someone who wants my time, love, energy, or money?
  • Aren’t boundaries selfish?
  • Why do I feel guilty or afraid when I consider setting boundaries?
Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend offer Biblically-based answers to these and other tough questions, showing us how to set healthy boundaries with our parents, spouses, friends, co-workers, and even ourselves.
 
Off topic - Fin who is this link in your signature:

"All are born with their own originality, but many die as photocopies. - Carlo Acutis

Do you have a link in English for Carlo Acutis?
 
Hi RoseMary131,

Carlo Acutis was an Italian who died in his teens. He led a devout and virtuous life, attended daily Mass, went to frequent Adoration, devoted to Our Lady, and showed charity to his neighbors. His life reminded me of Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati. He died in his teens due to a leukemia.

For now the website is not available in English, but I hope they do come out with an English version soon. Here is a blog post about Carlo: abbey-roads.blogspot.in/2013/03/who-is-carlos-acutis.html I continue to look for more English resources on him, and once I find any, I’ll inform you.

Another webpage about him:

moscati.it/English2/En_SA_CAcutis.html

I like his maxims on that page:

**for those who wish to quickly achieve the goal of holiness:
  1. You must want it with all your heart, and if this desire has not arisen in his heart, must ask with insistence to the Lord.
  2. Go to Mass every day and take Holy Communion.
  3. Remember to pray the Rosary every day.
  4. Read every day a passage of Holy Scripture.
  5. If you can make a moment of Eucharistic adoration before the altar where Jesus is truly present, you see how wonderfully you can increase your level of holiness.
  6. Go to confession every week, even the sins that are frivolous.
  7. Make requests and offer flowers to the Lord and Our Lady, to help others.
  8. Ask your guardian angel to help you continually, so that it becomes your best friend"**
Thanks for asking! 🙂
RoseMary131 said:
Off topic - Fin who is this link in your signature:

"All are born with their own originality, but many die as photocopies. - Carlo Acutis

Do you have a link in English for Carlo Acutis?
Click to expand...
 
My hubby was fearful for his father when he was about to die. He sent a priest to see him but he told the priest he was Jewish, I am sure if he had sent a Rabbi to him he would have said he was Catholic. The priest told my hubby we all need to work out our own salvation, we can’t do it for others.

I have a friend whose brother was an alcoholic and never went to church. She was terribly worried about him when all could see he was drinking himself to death. She tried to get him back to church but he refused any help like that. After his death at his funeral the priest told his family he brought money all the time and put it on the alter. He just could not go to church or get help but he did what he could. Sometimes God works in ways we don’t see and the person is doing what they can for their salvation.
 
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