What am I supposed to do now?

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CRATUS

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I wrote about her earlier in November I believe. How she is completely kind for a good three months then something in her snaps. She is very sensitive to criticism. She had forgotten to wash out a dish and my father reprimanded her, she became furious arguing it was just one dish and did not deserve a lecture. My father corrected her on using the word “damn” often, she became furious, arguing it was not the worse of the foul language. She is very forgetful, absent-minded, irrational, naive, self-absorbed (often not very aware of her surroundings) socially awkward, careless. I think we react appropriately to her personality. She is very prone to extremes. She has woke up at 2am in the morning and broke her mirror. She was angry and broke her mirror. I think as her family we should call her out when she is wrong. I do not understand why she just does not say something back, instead she breaks things HER OWN THINGS. Where is the logic in that? For example, if someone were to correct her own her driving, she will have no problem kicking you out of her car. She may pull over and ask you get the f**k out. The more we correct her own her foul language, the more she uses just to anger us.
 
How on Earth she is going to make it in the real world? She is legally an adult. No one has to take care of her. She has hidden my father’s keys during her younger years because my father yelled at her. What the heck? My father takes care of her, he does not have to.
 
Is this your sister? Your mother? I am a bit confused.

Has “she” ever had a psychological evaluation?
 
Remind us how it is that she is your problem. She’s not your daughter or your elderly mother. You’re not supporting her. What makes her your problem? If the answer is, “I have to live in the same house with her and her erratic behavior is driving me crazy,” that does not mean that you are facing a problem that is yours to correct.

If she abuses you, defend yourself. If you try to tell her that she hurts your feelings and she wants none of it, there is not much to do but steer clear of her. Otherwise, the course is to mind your own business. That is easier said than done, but accepting that hard truth is the first step.

If fate forces you to live with an erratic person who is not under your authority, you do need to take care of yourself. I don’t know why she is like she is, (or even what that means) but whether the culprit is hormones, mental illness, substance abuse, character defects, or what, and unless she is coming unhinged because of the stress of living with your erratic behavior, the Al-Anon mantra probably applies: I Didn’t Cause It, I Can’t Control It, I Can’t Cure It. I’d suggest Melody Beattie’s book, Co-Dependent No More. Maybe you’re not in a co-dependent household, but the strategies that people in that kind of a situation have to learn in order to stay sane could be greatly helpful to you.

The airlines always tell you to get the air flowing to your own mask before you attempt to help anyone else with theirs. Do that.
 
CRATUS said:
I wrote about her earlier in November I believe. How she is completely kind for a good three months then something in her snaps. She is very sensitive to criticism. She had forgotten to wash out a dish and my father reprimanded her, she became furious arguing it was just one dish and did not deserve a lecture. My father corrected her on using the word “damn” often, she became furious, arguing it was not the worse of the foul language. She is very forgetful, absent-minded, irrational, naive, self-absorbed (often not very aware of her surroundings) socially awkward, careless. I think we react appropriately to her personality. She is very prone to extremes. She has woke up at 2am in the morning and broke her mirror. She was angry and broke her mirror. I think as her family we should call her out when she is wrong. I do not understand why she just does not say something back, instead she breaks things HER OWN THINGS. Where is the logic in that? For example, if someone were to correct her own her driving, she will have no problem kicking you out of her car. She may pull over and ask you get the f**k out. The more we correct her own her foul language, the more she uses just to anger us.
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I forget your situation. Do you absolutely have to deal with all this? Can you get away from this situation?
 
Can you get some counseling? The ideal would be if you all could go, but even if she can’t, could you go,…to get some support?
 
Your father seriously thinks that missing one dish deserves a reprimand? And it’s her fault that upsets her? And how often does this business of “correct her on her own driving” happen? If someone is doing that frequently, I’m not surprised if she’d tell them to get out of the car.

You have a litany of complaints about her (whoever she is) that, if this is what she’s hearing from everyone all the time, would make anyone angry.
 
agnes_therese said:
Your father seriously thinks that missing one dish deserves a reprimand? And it’s her fault that upsets her? And how often does this business of “correct her on her own driving” happen? If someone is doing that frequently, I’m not surprised if she’d tell them to get out of the car.

You have a litany of complaints about her (whoever she is) that, if this is what she’s hearing from everyone all the time, would make anyone angry.
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I agree with this.
 
I do not know why you continue to feel the need to parent your cousin. I believe the advice given last time was not engage with her as she is not your responsibility and yet you continue to do so.

Reprimanding over one dish especially using foul language is abusive and out of line. Not to mention between your cousin and your father. Why is everyone in this girls business? If there her own things, and she breaks them -she will have to replace them. If she expects others to the answer would be no -otherwise not your concern.

Why are people correcting her driving if she is driving them somewhere? If they don’t like the way she is driving don’t take rides from her. If someone’s driving scared me and I mentioned that and they told me to get the F out I would not ride with her anymore. Problem solved. And yet it sounds like people continue to ride with her and continue to criticize her and then wonder why she’s so angry and frustrated.

From you description I think your family interactions with her are far from appropriate, they are antagonistic. Is she like the family scapegoat so no one has to look at their own behavior? That is certainly what it sounds like. If you don’t understand why the woman breaks her own mirror instead of answering back to continuous criticism I am not going to explain it to you. Something very unhealthy is going on on how this young woman is treated by the family.
 
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