What am I to do about my baby and my mental illness?

[AnonymousMom]

I have talked with several therapists, my priest and others and am not getting much help. I am a wife and have some unfortunate mental disorders. My husband and I are in our 40’s and it was our understanding from our doctor that we could not get pregnant. Long story, short, I became pregnant and abortion did not even cross my mind, however, I was very overwhelmed with anxiety and anguish during my pregnancy. I thought all would go well since the pregnancy went well but since my daughter has been born, I am unable to fulfill my role as a mother. This is not PPD or a form of PPD. This has been ruled out. I feel very strongly that I am incapable of raising my daughter and am very distraught over this b/c my husband will not even consider giving her up for adoption. I did talk during my pregnancy of adoption but not at length for I thought all would be fine once she arrived. I am having soooo much difficulty since her birth and am unable to raise her (it’s a lot more involved than I can put here). What I want to know is that if I leave my husband alone to raise her, is that considered abandonment and will I be excommunicated from the Church? My husband and I are very close but he truly does not understand why I cannot do this and he will not give her up for adoption. I feel it is in the best interest of this child that I leave and start my life over. This is a very, very difficult decision as my husband and I are very close, attended Church every Sunday and I still pray every day for the souls in purgatory. I am besides myself with grief that I may need to leave my husband and family behind but I am also beside myself with staying. This is a cross I’ve never heard of anyone bearing before and I cannot even imagine life without my husband. I feel that this child needs a mother who can give her what she needs and is not full of this mental anxiety every day since her birth. I do not want to resent this child but am uncertain how I will feel if I am forced to stay or to go. My husband does not understand, nor do others. I do not want to abandon my family but feel I have no choice. Please offer your assistance. I also want to know if my husband would be able to get an annullment in the future if he so desired b/c of this. We have been married for almost 10 years. Thank you.

 

[Fr.Vincent_Serpa]

Dear Anonymous M,

The Lord is not a distant figure who has a vague recollection of who you are and what you are dealing with. You are His idea and continue to be as He sustains your life second by second. He is also well aware of the cross He has given you. You are not alone. He is near knows why you family are in the present situation. The only malady you have described is anxiety.

Have you thought of hiring a nanny who could be responsible for the child while your husband is at work. Then he could be responsible when at home. So the child would be cared for by others and yet still have some access to you. Could you handle that?

I suggest that you pray to St. Gianna Molla:

wf-f.org/StGianna.html

The Lord loves you, your child and your husband. Somehow with His help, this will work out. I will offer Mass for you tomorrow. I also ask all who read this to pray that the Lord reveal His plan for you.

Fr. Vincent Serpa, O.P.