What are a female user's thought processes at a dating website?

[chevalier]

If you, ladies, don’t mind sharing. In the name of junk sciences, I’m currently finding my way into the brain of a female dating website user. What is she looking at (in what order), what’s she paying attention to, what are some of the typical inferences she makes or conclusions she draws? How does her personality translate into what she pays attention to (examples)? What guides her actions and thoughts? This is what I’m thinking about. I would ask for specific examples because it’s easier to talk about one’s own motivations than to generalise but if you feel like generalising it up a bit, then by all means. Just no men generalising, please, unless you really know what you’re talking about (if you’ve got >15 LJBFs under your belt you probably know what you’re talking about).

This isn’t about success (pure praxeological success is far easier to achieve than genuine understanding ), I want to look at the process with new data to crunch, in order to improve my understanding, based on practical observations from life. Ideally, I’d get a couple of pages of replies and analyse and then synthetise them all. Something to do at a coffee break. Basically, as a criminal lawyer, I love people and am interested in them like that, you know. Just kidding. But only half so.

While offline situations would technically be off-topic, I’d still like to hear what you have to say, especially if it relates to initial contact and impressions (and especially when strong emotions aren’t the case yet).

 

[chevalier]

(To clarify, my goal is to gain some practical responses with examples, in order to categorise a bit.)

 

[valentinarose]

When I used dating websites I looked at what the man had to say about what he liked to do, what was important to him, what he was looking for in a woman. He had to be looking for a long term relationship. I was looking for a sense of humor and someone who seemed real. His picture was not as important as what he had to say. If he couldn’t spell or express himself very well at all : not interested. One of the most important things to me was what his faith means to him, is it central to his life. Catholic match was very helpful because it asks if you agree with the main teachings of the church and helped me weed out the ones I would not be interested in right away.

 

[1ke]

chevalier, haven’t you learned yet that there is no answer to this question. Women are unique creatures. I have no idea what goes on in any other woman’s head, and usually not even my own.

 

[joanofarc2008]

If you, ladies, don’t mind sharing. In the name of junk sciences, I’m currently finding my way into the brain of a female dating website user. What is she looking at (in what order), what’s she paying attention to, what are some of the typical inferences she makes or conclusions she draws? How does her personality translate into what she pays attention to (examples)? What guides her actions and thoughts? This is what I’m thinking about. I would ask for specific examples because it’s easier to talk about one’s own motivations than to generalise but if you feel like generalising it up a bit, then by all means. Just no men generalising, please, unless you really know what you’re talking about (if you’ve got >15 LJBFs under your belt you probably know what you’re talking about).

This isn’t about success (pure praxeological success is far easier to achieve than genuine understanding ), I want to look at the process with new data to crunch, in order to improve my understanding, based on practical observations from life. Ideally, I’d get a couple of pages of replies and analyse and then synthetise them all. Something to do at a coffee break. Basically, as a criminal lawyer, I love people and am interested in them like that, you know. Just kidding. But only half so.

While offline situations would technically be off-topic, I’d still like to hear what you have to say, especially if it relates to initial contact and impressions (and especially when strong emotions aren’t the case yet).

Sounds like you are asking us to be traitors to our gender - hmmm. Counterintel anyone… Darn lawyers.

 

[Em_in_FL]

chevalier, haven’t you learned yet that there is no answer to this question. Women are unique creatures. I have no idea what goes on in any other woman’s head, and usually not even my own.

Best answer yet.

 

[chevalier]

chevalier, haven’t you learned yet that there is no answer to this question. ** Women are unique creatures.** I have no idea what goes on in any other woman’s head, and usually not even my own.

I clarified the question clearly enough. I made it clear I was not looking for a magical answer to all dating problems etc. I basically asked for perspective. I can tell (to an extent, obviously) what I look for, what I pay attention to, what I avoid and some typical conclusions, this is basically what I was asking. Please at least don’t insult my intelligence (especially with the bolded part).

Sounds like you are asking us to be traitors to our gender - hmmm. Counterintel anyone… Darn lawyers.

Traitors, bah! What about good, old-fashioned cooperativeness?

When I used dating websites I looked at what the man had to say about what he liked to do, what was important to him, what he was looking for in a woman. He had to be looking for a long term relationship. I was looking for a sense of humor and someone who seemed real. His picture was not as important as what he had to say. If he couldn’t spell or express himself very well at all : not interested. One of the most important things to me was what his faith means to him, is it central to his life. Catholic match was very helpful because it asks if you agree with the main teachings of the church and helped me weed out the ones I would not be interested in right away.

Thank you for taking the time and being helpful. I appreciate your answer and it gives me valuable information.

 

[Marybeloved]

I’ve only tried it for a week through the free memberships only, using a nickname and I’m terrified to upload my picture lest someone from my home recognizes me (I know it’s vain and childish, please no-one post telling me how silly it is to feel like I do about the whole thing).

So I don’t know if my one week experience amounts to much, plus I’m from a different culture from you and may see things differently than women from your own culture, but I’ll try to articulate my thinking for you, just the same.

What am I looking for? Well…it’s a dating site, so I’m thinking the answer should be obvious

What attracts me?
-Well, on a superficial level, I’ve found that I’m attracted to those with pictures showing the guy in an outdoor scene, smiling/laughing in casual gear and looking like they are easy-going, happy in their own skins and having lots of fun. I’m put off by those showing the man in business suits or work environments, guys with a stern face, or angry-looking. I’m put off especially by the ones showing a guy looking like he’s shooting a music video, lots of bling or bare chest and generally looking like he puts much more effort into his looks than I, the woman, do!

-I’m attracted to the profiles of a man that shows he’s past his “young man’s ambition” days and understands that life is much more than trying to be rich or “getting ahead” of his pack and getting what he wants, even though I value hard work, stability and responsibility as very important. I’m attracted to guys who come off as honest and simple and who are seeking genuine friendship. I’m put off by guys who come off as dishonest or immature.

I’ve found that as I go in to the site, my mind is weary of guys who may be pretending or who think too much of themselves.

I hope that helps.

 

[Havard]

-Well, on a superficial level, I’ve found that I’m attracted to those with pictures showing the guy in an outdoor scene, smiling/laughing in casual gear and looking like they are easy-going, happy in their own skins and having lots of fun.

As a man, I’ve noticed this has made a big difference. With age, as I became more confident in myself, I became more comfortable, open, and even playful in my interactions with women. I’ve always been a good guy, but it wasn’t until I loosened up that I felt women were becoming attracted to me.

 

[Luna_Lovecraft]

If you, ladies, don’t mind sharing. In the name of junk sciences, I’m currently finding my way into the brain of a female dating website user. What is she looking at (in what order), what’s she paying attention to, what are some of the typical inferences she makes or conclusions she draws? How does her personality translate into what she pays attention to (examples)? What guides her actions and thoughts?

There are no set answers to the questions you ask. All of this varies wildly from person to person. All you can do is represent your best self online, be honest and forthright in your communications, pray you stay out of the paths of the crazies.

Luna

 

[Agape11]

The first thing I check out is the age. I don’t want someone who is more than 9 years older than I am, nor, more thant 4 years younger. Then I look to see if they have been married before or if they have children. I don’t want to date a man who has either. Second marriages have a higher failure rate and children from previous relationships cause too much drama. I want to be able to have my own children with him, as I would only date someone if they had the potential for marriage.

I look to see if they have pictures of themselves in wife beaters or other clothing that would yell “looser” or if their pictures showed them showing off their body… that just shows how superficial they are. Also, if they have a lot of pictures at bars or with them having a beer in their hand, they might be too big of a partier. If they have pictures of their cars, more than likely, they will be wrapped up in that as a hobbie.

I like catholic match. They ask 7 questions about your faith and when you see 5/7, it generally means that they are ok with premarital sex and contraception. Im looking for someone who isn’t tyring to get into my pants. It doesnt mean they have to be a virgin because we have all made mistakes but I don’t want the attraction to be, because he likes something that should not make nor break a relationship.

I can also tell by their ideal number of children, if their answer to the use of brith control was truthful or not. If they don’t have an ideal or they don’t put a limit on the number, then they will leave it up to God’s will and not his or mine. I will be pleased with as many children as God wills me to have.

If they talk about their job and hobbies through their whole profile, they don’t have much else going on in their mind but themselves, i’ve noticed. I want to see what he is looking for and about his faith and how he practices it.

One last thing that I’m looking for, is someone who would allow me to be a full time wife and mother. I want to fulfill the roles according the Bible and the Catechism. I want a strong man, who is a good leader and head of our home.

Yep, I’m still single. LOL I would say I need to be less picky but I can’t. I don’t want a divorce because I married the wrong one. I wanna be true to my word and stay married 'til death.

 

[Marybeloved]

One last thing that I’m looking for, is someone who would allow me to be a full time wife and mother. I want to fulfill the roles according the Bible and the Catechism. I want a strong man, who is a good leader and head of our home.

Me too! Through recently caring for my ill father, I discovered that I am happiest and most fulfilled in care-giving and self-forgetful service to those I love. I found myself thinking that I would be happy to live that way in my own home (my University education notwithstanding ). I would be happy working too, but if I had my pick, I’d pick this instead.