I suppose one could enter religious life or holy orders…One may be able to hide their orientation well, but they are facing temptation and may be tempting others. Gay people will often sense and gravitate toward one another. Most religious orders will probably shy away from gays with good reason as the Church as been rocked with scandal perpetrated by gay clergy and those that t could not or would not live by their vows…But, what do I know. Ask a priest.
I really hate feeling I have preface a lot of what I write on this forum with “As a gay woman…” but…well…
As a gay woman, who is also in the early stages (have been about 18 months; should get a move on!) of discernment, I’m not aware that any order might have mixed feelings about accepting me. There has been no need to hide my orientation from anyone (at least no one has tried to dissuade me from enquiring with a “you’re gay so you might have a harder time” sort of thing). Of course I’ve been up front where appropriate but the “struggle” isn’t any different from any other young single person; most people, nuns, priests, etc, have sexual desires and they - like homosexuals - are called by the Church for good reason, to celibacy.
I think it’s a little unfair to suggest that gay men and women face any greater temptation (or pose any greater temptation to others) than any other single man or woman who happens to be straight, and live within what the Church teaches. Gay people aren’t rampantly libidinous (at least no more than anyone else!). A heterosexual priest working in his parish is probably under at least the same amount of temptation (not saying everyone feels it, of course, but some surely do - they are only human - just as plenty of gay clergy or religious won’t feel it, and don’t doubt there are plenty).
I’m also not really aware of scandal perpetrated by gay clergy. (Paedophilic clergy, certainly, and in many cases that might have been related to boys, but that’s nothing to do with being gay). Outside the Church, there would be only passing interest in a mutually consensual homosexual relationship between adults, after all (this is the age we live in) - although the Church both locally and nationally in that country would certainly be rather embarrassed. (I’m also not dismissing the sin, of course)
I have not seen this Church family where I live… People barely talk to each other around here and I hear it’s not too different in most places. Also, in our society today people are very isolated from each other in general. And a person may choose to be single, and therefore choose to be celibate. But gays aren’t given the choice, this celibacy is forced on them. Somehow something about that just doesn’t seem just or kind…
This is the hardest thing for me. Harder than the contraception thing which does effect me. I’m not gay and I don’t know anyone intimately who is, but if my little kids ever told me later that they are, what am I supposed to say to them? “You can’t make a family” ? That seems so cruel. And the fact that this sentence is given without choice at the moment a person enters puberty or whenever it is they realize they’re gay, it seems even crueler. Gays aren’t gay when they hit adulthood, they know from when they’re basically children… And to realize you’re gay whilst being Catholic is to realize you can’t make a family while you’re still a kid…
…Again, I don’t mean this rebelliously it’s just my heart and my mind are screaming “this doesn’t seem right. Run!”
I agree with a lot of what you’re saying, D0ubtfire, and you’re right there are times when (speaking personally, of course), it seems grossly unreasonable. But I also strongly identify with a lot of what Robyn P quoted above (maybe I, and the woman quoted, are just largely asexual lesbians?!?!), and I wouldn’t say it’s a perpetual struggle.
I think that the Church can sometimes be accused of rather fetishising virginity and abstinence to a rather unhealthy degree, but there is absolute truth in what she says, that it allows one to be open to other things - other experiences and other ways of serving God. I don’t like a society where the default position is one where you add most to the sum total of the lived human experience by having lots of sex (and one day having a family); and while the Church claims to point away slightly askance from the direction society is heading - it, like our culture, is obsessed with sex (just with a different attitude about it!) - I think everyone would be much better off if we all dropped the subject. I also agree we live in a very atomised and individualistic society.
I’m an aunt twice over (and another, 2nd niece is due in about 3 weeks!
) and that is awesome. But I do thing we’ve reached a stage where we’ve started to consider that having relationships, families, has become a right rather than perhaps a privilege. (One enjoyed by most of the population to be sure). This is seen also in the campaigns for same sex marriage (I support it, but I think this is a consequence)
For what it’s worth I agree with you but I’m also (like you) not going to try to second-guess the Church. I think perhaps this circle is best squared though by working towards a society where any ways are being are equally valued. Both the Church and everyone outside it I think needs to be more explicitly open about options of not having families; not to the extent of changing teaching (or society changing drastically either), but a more expressed openness to other ways, more explicitly celebrated. Because it always seems that having a family is the most important thing to the Church, and if we could get beyond it it would help everyone. For me that would have helped at an earlier age, but of course I recognise not everyone is going to feel like I do either!!
