What are the logical reasons for being equally yoked if you can't/don't have children?

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Lady_Bug

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Hi,

According to many people, I’m not that old enough to worry about this (28) but for some time I have been feeling as if I am having a mental nervous breakdown because of my age.

The raising of children is an integral part of the equation when considering marrying someone of the same faith (in this case, Catholic).

What if you’re extremely worried that you might pass an age in which you feel like your fertility is declining and declining, and you truly feel that you are not the adopting type for many reasons (although I entirely respect anyone’s choice to adopt), but you also feel that you are called to the vocation of marriage? What logical reasons are left for marrying someone of the same faith if children is no longer an issue anymore? Is anyone even going to want to marry someone whose fertility is declining so fast?

Sorry for this depressing post, I am depressed about all of this. Time is going by so fast. I’m tempted to try a website like Ave Maria but there are obstacles right now (family-wise) to me being a practicing Catholic and it would be unfair for me to join under such conditions right now. (However I’m trying to figure out how to overcome the obstacles)
 
Hi LadyBug,

You might not realize it but 28 is young.

I was married at 28…my son was born when I was 31.

You do have time.

Don’t despair. 🙂
 
Lady_Bug said:
What if you’re extremely worried that you might pass an age in which you feel like your fertility is declining and declining, and you truly feel that you are not the adopting type for many reasons (although I entirely respect anyone’s choice to adopt), but you also feel that you are called to the vocation of marriage?
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If you are called to a vocation of marriage, then God will lead you to that vocation in his own time.
Lady_Bug said:
What logical reasons are left for marrying someone of the same faith if children is no longer an issue anymore?
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Witnessing to the Kingdom, living out your baptismal call, mutual aid and support.

The Church does not prohibit those who are beyond child bearing years from marrying, so clearly She does not believe there is “no value” in this type of marriage nor does She believe there is any divine impediment to it. Every marital act that is unaltered between the spouses is objectively life giving and love giving (procreative and unitive) whether or not conception occurs.
Lady_Bug said:
Is anyone even going to want to marry someone whose fertility is declining so fast?
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Yes.
Lady_Bug said:
Sorry for this depressing post, I am depressed about all of this. Time is going by so fast. I’m tempted to try a website like Ave Maria but there are obstacles right now (family-wise) to me being a practicing Catholic and it would be unfair for me to join under such conditions right now. (However I’m trying to figure out how to overcome the obstacles)
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I don’t see what obstacles a 28 year old could have to practicing their faith.

At any rate, I met my DH on Ave Maria. I was 38 and he was 44 when we married. We don’t think we are “old”.
 
Marriage is a sacrament and a vocation in and of itself. I have been married 22 years and have not been blessed with children. I am probably beyond the child-bearing age now. While it was disappointing at first that we could not have children, DH and I have found other ways to serve the Lord through our faith and our marriage. We have a large family with 11 nieces and nephews. We are as active in their lives as our careers allow, we have helped the oldest ones with college applications, career planning, budgeting and been there when they could not talk to Mom or Dad about something. Additionally, I have taught CCD, done prayer groups and bible studies.

Life is a pilgrimage toward heaven and everyone’s path is different. Pray the rosary and ask Mary for guidance, you can do that in your own privacy. Also there are great saints of the impossible who will take your prayers to the feet of Jesus and Mary and ask on your behalf. St. Rita of Cascia is a patron saint for marriage.

I do encourage to find a way to return to the church. Keep in mind that its God’s time not our time.
 
Mary_Gail_36 said:
Hi LadyBug,

You might not realize it but 28 is young.

I was married at 28…my son was born when I was 31.

You do have time.

Don’t despair. 🙂
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I had my first child at 32 and my last at 40!

And I’m not even Catholic! 😉
 
Married for 15 years before being blessed with soon-to-be child#1 at 41 years old.
 
28 is young! I’m 38 and just had baby #8…5 of which were born over the age of 28. I’ve only had one miscarriage in that time as well.

Pray for your vocation and for your potential/possible spouse. God will lead you to man that will cherish and love YOU, not your “fertility.”
 
Another age-based “reality check”- I was 27 with my first child, and am currently pregnant with my 4th, which I conceived without any problem at 32. That said, 28 is not ancient, vis a vis fertility.

More importantly, if God’s will for you is to be a wife and mother, it will happen if you are open to it. You say that you’re not the adopting type. That’s probably very true right now. But then again, you’re also not married, you don’t seem to have a potential spouse, and a million things could change between now and a theoretical future.

As JPII said, “Be not afraid!”
 
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