What can do I with these urges?

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Essential

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Hi,

I’m a teenager and I sort of am having trouble controlling my urges. I have a gf and we do do some stuff but we don’t have sex. I know it’s bad and it’s sinful and we have been trying to stop and have prayed countless of times and am still praying. Anyone can give us some tips on how can we control and is it a very bad sin to be doing this?? But we are definitely trying our best to stop.
 
Most important thing as regards you and your girlfriend is not to place yourself in a position where it’s likely to happen–even if that means never being alone together. Those are urges that once you begin to cross boundaries with your girlfriend to satisfy it will be very difficult not to continue to cross further boundaries, and eventually you may end up doing even more. Cut things off at the pass–make a commitment not to be alone together or in any other circumstances that could cause problems. Identify when you are most vulnerable and avoid those situations, and be accountable to one another in making sure you don’t do those sorts of things.

-ACEGC
 
edward_george said:
Most important thing as regards you and your girlfriend is not to place yourself in a position where it’s likely to happen–even if that means never being alone together. Those are urges that once you begin to cross boundaries with your girlfriend to satisfy it will be very difficult not to continue to cross further boundaries, and eventually you may end up doing even more. Cut things off at the pass–make a commitment not to be alone together or in any other circumstances that could cause problems. Identify when you are most vulnerable and avoid those situations, and be accountable to one another in making sure you don’t do those sorts of things.

-ACEGC
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Thanks for the reply. However, We are currently studying abroad and every time we see each other we are most likely to be in that situation. Due to the fact that our friends and family are thousands of miles away, we really do want to be in each other presence even more as it helps ease the feeling of being homesick.
 
I just read this over, and it sounds harsh. Please know that I have compassion for you. I remember how hard it was for me. Onward:

Why are you “most likely” to be alone together?

Cafes. Libraries. Museums. Public parks. Places where you can be together, but in the public eye. Find places where you would be ashamed to be seen “doing stuff.” Yes, you can do this. If worst comes to worst, sit in two separate chairs, a couple of feet apart. No couches, no beds.

If you are having as much trouble as you seem to be having, do not even hug or hold hands. My family had a gesture we used, that you could use to say hello and goodbye. We would extend our index fingers to each other, touch them together, and say, “Keep in touch!” It sounds silly, but it was a very loving gesture. Maybe that would help!

Above all, remember that you are not alone in this. Do you love each other enough? The greatest love you can have for each other is to want each other to get to Heaven. By participating in these very tempting things, you are tempting her as much as you are being tempted. Put her salvation first.

Praying for you with deep compassion,
 
edward_george said:
Most important thing as regards you and your girlfriend is not to place yourself in a position where it’s likely to happen–even if that means never being alone together. Those are urges that once you begin to cross boundaries with your girlfriend to satisfy it will be very difficult not to continue to cross further boundaries, and eventually you may end up doing even more. Cut things off at the pass–make a commitment not to be alone together or in any other circumstances that could cause problems. Identify when you are most vulnerable and avoid those situations, and be accountable to one another in making sure you don’t do those sorts of things.

-ACEGC
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👍

To quote St. Jerome:

"never sit alone together, without a witness to your words and actions"

source: en.wikisource.org/wiki/States_of_Christian_Life_and_Vocation,_According_to_the_Doctors_and_Theologians_of_the_Church/Part_1/Section_1/Article_1/Chapter_1#cite_note-7

This is definitely a tall order in today’s hyper-sexualized society. Catholics called to marriage need to have a great command over their sexual desires in today’s society to a degree that I don’t think we’ve seen in centuries. In addition, there’s the need to completely throw-out almost all of the modern norms attached to dating. This requires holiness and a love for God that is great enough that the that both partners are willing to sacrifice for each other and invite the inevitable social rejection that accompanies virtue in today’s world.
 
Essential,

Never forget, you CAN do it. It IS possible.

Also, don’t be afraid to ask people to pray for you. If they will, it really does help.

Lastly, you sound like a pretty fantastic person that you are willing to try to do right even in a tough situation. Keep up the good work.
 
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