What can/should I do for my sister?

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carmelitenovice

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Hi:
I need some advice and prayers for my sister and her family.

Background: My sister is my only sibling. She is a widow with a teen who unfortunately is currently in trouble with the law. End background.

About six weeks ago, shortly before the teen got into the most serious scrape with the law, my sister met a guy. I am delighted for her as he does seem to be a wonderful guy. There was some recent flooding and he helped her move stuff out of the basement and out to the road for disposal. He’s helped her find legal aid for the issue with the teen etc. He sounds like a real winner.

My sister and this guy have seen each other every day since they first met, except for one. Every. single. day. for about six weeks. They are already talking marriage, though that will wait as they hope for a Catholic wedding and he plans to start the process for an annulment (though as I understand it, he hasn’t yet). I’m glad for the delay, in part, because we are Catholic too, and in part, because the process (which around here takes around 18 months) will give them a chance to slow down a little.

I have not met him yet (but hope to next week) as I don’t live all that close to her. But, as nice as he sounds (and probably very well is), I am wary: My sister is a bright, intelligent woman but is in a very vulnerable state. Are there any signs I can watch for, warn her about? Any questions I can ask him when I do meet him to get a feel for “his intentions”?

Anybody got any warning signs I/she can watch for before her life becomes even more of a mess? I realize she can make her own choices but part of me is scared for her moving so fast at this time.

I know to keep my mouth shut unless asked, or unless I see any really scary signs, but perhaps there are some signs we’re not aware of.

Thanks in advance
 
I think waiting for an annulment if that is what he plans to do will hopefully in and of itself slow things down. The only “warning sign” I see is that six weeks is pretty easy to play a wonderful man OR woman. Time tells more about the character of someone, their priorities, their vocation, the ability to help support a family, how important their Faith is to them, and issues as such.

I might think anyone in a vulnerable position is happy to have somone to share their life with and that in and of itself could make someone appear like a hero if on has been struggling for awhile alone with a child.

I will pray this relationship works out if it’s God intended and if it’s just a quick romance with no real future that the time it takes to an annulment will sort that out.

Mary.
 
Carmel,

I am happy that your sister has found someone. As for only knowing him for 6 weeks – sometimes as older adults – we just know when we have found our match. I am in that situation myself, but from a guy’s view point. I met my soon to be wife last October, and we both knew. We were engaged this past February and will be married in December. But even now one of her 2 sisters still tells her to wait another year or so – just to be sure. And it has caused a few arguments amongst them. So I would suggest as you are doing just be happy for her – unless as you ask there are warning signs such as:

She cancels plans that are made with family or friends – stating that the guy does not want her do something with them because he wants to spend time with her. – Could be a controlling type, and the easy way is to isolate her from friends and family.

Of course bruises, on upper arms (as if she was grabbed forcefully) or especially face – with the excuse fell or walked into something.

Starts to “loan” him more and more money that she has trouble paying bills or such.

Her personality seems to change – even if slowly. As in if she is outgoing and friendly and starts to become more reclusive and distant.

He starts to push to get married – before his annulment if finalized – maybe nothing but still, they should wait.

You know your sister best, just keep an eye on her for something unusual – it may never happen and they may be truly happy together, and I pray that they will be. And you might be able to forum an opinion of him after you meet him, that I am sure will help.

I pray that God grants you peace and happiness – and to your sister and her new man.

Winter
 
carmelitenovice said:
Hi:
I need some advice and prayers for my sister and her family.

Background: My sister is my only sibling. She is a widow with a teen who unfortunately is currently in trouble with the law. End background.

About six weeks ago, shortly before the teen got into the most serious scrape with the law, my sister met a guy. I am delighted for her as he does seem to be a wonderful guy. There was some recent flooding and he helped her move stuff out of the basement and out to the road for disposal. He’s helped her find legal aid for the issue with the teen etc. He sounds like a real winner.

My sister and this guy have seen each other every day since they first met, except for one. Every. single. day. for about six weeks. They are already talking marriage, though that will wait as they hope for a Catholic wedding and **he plans to start the process for an annulment (though as I understand it, he hasn’t yet). I’**m glad for the delay, in part, because we are Catholic too, and in part, because the process (which around here takes around 18 months) will give them a chance to slow down a little.

I have not met him yet (but hope to next week) as I don’t live all that close to her. But, as nice as he sounds (and probably very well is), I am wary: My sister is a bright, intelligent woman but is in a very vulnerable state. Are there any signs I can watch for, warn her about? Any questions I can ask him when I do meet him to get a feel for “his intentions”?

Anybody got any warning signs I/she can watch for before her life becomes even more of a mess? I realize she can make her own choices but part of me is scared for her moving so fast at this time.

I know to keep my mouth shut unless asked, or unless I see any really scary signs, but perhaps there are some signs we’re not aware of.

Thanks in advance
Click to expand...
As to warning signs, I found some of these online.

magazine.foxnews.com/love/dating-red-flags-7-signs-you-need-r-u-n

Pass these on to your sister.
 
Thank you both.

You’ve both offered very sound advice and support (stuff I already knew pretty much but nice to see the reminder). So far, all does seem to be well but with everything else going on in her life, I pray my sister’s knight-in-shining-armor is the real deal.

Thanks also for the prayers. I pray for them daily and only want them to be happy – and safe. My sister does not need to be hurt again.
 
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