What determines the validity of consent?

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Worthy_Of_Love

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I consented to marrying a heterosexual man. He decieved me – i married a gay man which i NEVER NEVER would have done if i had known that. But as far as the process goes… we prayed asked God to bless it, we were both baptised before, said our vows, seems sacremental except for his HUGE deceit! So, would it be deemed valid? Personally i dont think so. I married someone who didnt exist. He said he wanted a family (which he never participated in) said he wanted a wife (when? between the boyfriends?) never said he was gay. Never thought to include that in the “Hey this is all about me!” speech!
Sorry dont mean to share the anger…but its really hard not too :mad:
 
You also brought up this matter in another thread. I am only in RCIA, but I am learning a lot about the annulment process.

I think you will do yourself a favor by not worrying about this. I think your case is very clear (unless you have mis-represented something). However, it will take time. Which probably is not a bad thing because I suppose you also need some time to heal.

Keep going to your Catholic Church. And meeting with your Catholic Priest. I hope that he will give you some suggestions regarding books that may be helpful to you.

jmm08
 
I don’t believe his disordered desire toward sinfulness is grounds for invalidity.

Keep in mind that homosexuality is a tragic psychological disorder. Those afflicted with it are victims of a psychological illness. They too deserve our love, not our hate. If your husband had disclosed that he had manic despression, would you hate him for it?
 
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itsjustdave1988:
I don’t believe his disordered desire toward sinfulness is grounds for invalidity.
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But his keeping it secret from her is.

Here is a link to the canon law itself.

Here is another link to some explanations on EWTN. You should take a close look at canon 1098 (fraud) and/or canon 1097 §2 (error about a quality of the person).

I second jmm08’s advice - leave this stuff to the canon lawyers; just tell your story in your own words.
 
I agree with Catholic2003. This sounds like a very clear case of fraud (because he hid his secret life of having sexual relations with boyfriends). I think the fraud is concerning a matter so vital to marriage that the marriage in no way could be sacramental.

Unless we do not have the facts correctly (and I suppose this is very unlikely).

Worthy Of Love: As long as the Priest knows what you have already told us, then don’t worry about it. It will take some time (and I think you may need some time to heal).

Even if you don’t think you need time to heal, I suppose it would not be wise to begin a relationship or to get married until after you decide your religious convictions. If you decide to become a Catholic, this too will take some time.

So focus on learning more about Jesus and Mary. Take good care of yourself and your children. Go to church every Sunday. And try to follow what your Priest tells you to do. I hope he will let you know what would be a good book to begin with. Or perhaps you will find you have a favorite EWTN show that you watch each week. I like to watch Fulton Sheen every Friday night. And Father Corapi. But I know each person is different. In time, you will likely find that you have a favorite TV program on EWTN.
 
Dear Worthy of Love,

Is the other person a witness in this proceeding? Are you the only one acting as a witness?

If so, can you find others who are aware of this situation?

I came in late an this may be incorrect but I think you are a female who married a gay male? If this is true, it just needs to be substantiated and you will be granted a decree of nullity, most likely under the ground of simulation or deceit.
 
Worthy,

I would ask you to remember that this man is your children’s Father and unless he is interested in destroying them, please do what you can to keep him in their lives.

In love try to work things out in a manner which leaves your children with two parents who work together for their love. I cannot stress how important this is. Your choices now can come from love only. Try to overcome the anger, hurt, betrayal or whatever. Your actions can be a strong witness in his life and their lives.

You have quite a road ahead of you and you are so young. In every one of your future choices you must consider your children and their Father. He is tied to you all by justice. Remember no child is conceived or born without the blessing of God.

My wife has two children from her continuing adultery but for me I always remember that they are our children’s sisters and that God
wants them here for His work. Were they to fall to my responsibility I would love them as my own. remember that love can do great things even with such apparent betrayal. Do try to see things from his point of view. It may help you to understand.
 
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itsjustdave1988:
I don’t believe his disordered desire toward sinfulness is grounds for invalidity.

Keep in mind that homosexuality is a tragic psychological disorder. Those afflicted with it are victims of a psychological illness. They too deserve our love, not our hate. If your husband had disclosed that he had manic despression, would you hate him for it?
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Well, then can i divorce & annul him because hes crazy with violent tendencies and im worried about the children welfare…cause thats my other reason. I have more…
I think manic depressives and homosexuals are on completely different tables. At least you can take medication to help with the manic disorder… only thing you can do for a homo is a lobotomy. Which i think happened the day he said “I DO”
 
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Catholic2003:
But his keeping it secret from her is.

Here is a link to the canon law itself.

Here is another link to some explanations on EWTN. You should take a close look at canon 1098 (fraud) and/or canon 1097 §2 (error about a quality of the person).

I second jmm08’s advice - leave this stuff to the canon lawyers; just tell your story in your own words.
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THANK YOU
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formercatholic:
Worthy,

I would ask you to remember that this man is your children’s Father and unless he is interested in destroying them, please do what you can to keep him in their lives.
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My children father was never a daddy. He was home long enough to eat then left for someone elses company…beit firends or other members of the church. and when he was home hed play with her for a little bit then want to be left alone. Which any of you who have children knows that isnt possible. Once you start playing with them it never ends until bedtime. Well withhim it ended in about 30 minutes. Then it was off to talk on the phone all night or play computer games. Theh he decided it would be good to smoke amrijuana for 4 months so he could “control his anger with his 2 year old daughter and RELATE to her on her own level.” Pretty sad excuse. He stopped the day our son was born. But never bonded with him…never felt like he was his SON. Even had the down right GULL to ask ME if He WAS his son. Like i cheated on him and got pregnant! Just because he didnt look like him! Jerk! NOW, since ive left him he is drinking liike crazy, smoking, most likely back doing his drugs and HOW i WISH i could PROVE IT!!! plus already living with another woman one week after i left. When he has visitation one overnight every six weekends he has them sleeping at HER house. Which i cant do anything about, but just goes to prove that he cant handle them on his own. Which he never could this is nothing new. Always had to have help or go somewhere else where they cold help him while i was gone. So no, i really dont htink he should be in their lives. He can offer them nothing but grief.
If he was a decent person that would do them good i wouldnt mind. In fact i left with intentions of being nice and staying frineds…against the better judgement of EVERYONE i know. But he ruined his own chances of that.
 
Easy with the HOMO rhetoric.

Homosexuality is not sinful. Its practice is.
 
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formercatholic:
Easy with the HOMO rhetoric.

Homosexuality is not sinful. Its practice is.
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Dont believe there is a differnece but ill be nice…sorry. Just slightly touchy about it.
I actually know some nice homosexual people that are friendly and quite funny. I stilll find it gross and an abomination and i Just never planned to marry one:nope:
 
I can only tell you that even if he is a jerk you must treat him with respect, for your good for his good and for your children’s good.

You must be ready and willing to forgive, if he should ever be so moved. Perhaps, he is still growing up. That does not excuse bad behavior it just may help to understand it more.

You are writing now with a man who has great anger towards my own unjust situation, but who knows that to err is human and to forgive is Divine. Please keep in mind your own journey cannot be made in a void of unforgiveness. I know well how hard it is to forgive. But I continue to try to forgive although I cannot boast of a great rate of success.

Please try.
 
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formercatholic:
I can only tell you that even if he is a jerk you must treat him with respect, for your good for his good and for your children’s good.
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This is especially true in regards to your children. Remember, no matter how good or bad a father you may think he is, they will still see him as their father. Severe self-esteem issues can develop when kids hear one parent speak badly to or about the other. Their thinking is something to the effect of “he’s bad. . . he’s my dad (ie. part of me is like/from him). . . so I’m bad”.

You have a difficult path ahead of you, my friend. My heart aches for you and my prayers are with you.
 
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