What Do I Do? A Girl is Hitting on Me

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ATeutonicKnight

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I’ve been discerning the diocesan Priesthood and religious life for nearly two years now, and in two weeks I am going on the diocesan trip to the seminary for men sixteen and up. Recently I served on the altar with my spiritual director and I met an altar girl there. She is now hitting on me and I am at a loss on what to do. I told her about my vocation and she saw pictures of me in a cassock on Facebook, but I think she may believe she can change my mind, or perhaps that I am open to dating before I enter seminary. Others have said to tell her upfront that I am not interested to save her the heartache of false hope, but I wanted to get other opinions before I act.
 
I don’t think you really need to do anything unless she asks you on a date, at which point you can explain that you’re discerning a call to the priesthood and thus aren’t looking at dating at the moment.

Until that happens, just be friendly and polite (withouth leading them on), as anyone should when they’re being hit on or flirted with by someone they’re not currently interested in.

No need to tell her you won’t date her before she asks…that’s presumptuous and potentially hurtful…being rejected by someone without even asking them out.
 
I would tell her straight up. Be friendly and rip it off like a band-aid!
 
underacloud said:
I don’t think you really need to do anything unless she asks you on a date, at which point you can explain that you’re discerning a call to the priesthood and thus aren’t looking at dating at the moment.

Until that happens, just be friendly and polite (withouth leading them on), as anyone should when they’re being hit on or flirted with by someone they’re not currently interested in.

No need to tell her you won’t date her before she asks…that’s presumptuous and potentially hurtful…being rejected by someone without even asking them out.
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I would think that if she thinks that she can “change” you that she does not respect you or
your vocation. I think your best bet would be to avoid this girl.
 
underacloud said:
I don’t think you really need to do anything unless she asks you on a date, at which point you can explain that you’re discerning a call to the priesthood and thus aren’t looking at dating at the moment.

Until that happens, just be friendly and polite (withouth leading them on), as anyone should when they’re being hit on or flirted with by someone they’re not currently interested in.

No need to tell her you won’t date her before she asks…that’s presumptuous and potentially hurtful…being rejected by someone without even asking them out.
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Well, I’ve asked people who know a lot more than I do (After all, someone married or engaged surely knows more than a sixteen year old does), and from what I told them about what she said to me they think she is hitting on me. She started off with saying I seem like “a really nice guy”, and she ended with asking me to “hit her up sometime”. The consensus was unanimous in that this counted as flirting and she is likely hitting on me. She is really nice and I wouldn’t mind being friends, but I have no interest in dating. So far I’m thinking to maybe talk more about my discernment as others have suggested to get across that I am not interested. This way I can politely get any thoughts of dating out of her head.
 
ATeutonicKnight said:
Well, I’ve asked people who know a lot more than I do (After all, someone married or engaged surely knows more than a sixteen year old does), and from what I told them about what she said to me they think she is hitting on me. She started off with saying I seem like “a really nice guy”, and she ended with asking me to “hit her up sometime”. The consensus was unanimous in that this counted as flirting and she is likely hitting on me. She is really nice and I wouldn’t mind being friends, but I have no interest in dating. So far I’m thinking to maybe talk more about my discernment as others have suggested to get across that I am not interested. This way I can politely get any thoughts of dating out of her head.
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Sounds like a good plan! 👍
 
TimeEntrance said:
Concur.

Godspeed, TeutonicKnight. And remember… the devil sends them in dresses too. :signofcross:

(That’s supposed to be a joke)
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I’m sure that’s a funny joke and I’m just tired, but what does the Devil send in dresses?
 
If she does anything flirtatious in the next couple of weeks, be very direct and tell her you are not interested. If you preface it with the idea that you are discerning a vocation to the priesthood, she may take that as a challenge. With some people, there is nothing as erotic as inavailability. I’m sure they will discuss this in seminary with you as well. I’m just giving you a heads-up.
 
odile53 said:
If she does anything flirtatious in the next couple of weeks, be very direct and tell her you are not interested. If you preface it with the idea that you are discerning a vocation to the priesthood, she may take that as a challenge. With some people, there is nothing as erotic as inavailability.
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This.

I will go out on a limb here and say I was once the type who thrived on collecting trophies among the unavailable. Often, girls like I used to be don’t take hints. The challenge is too intoxicating. Note that I am not saying the girl you speak of is necessarily like that, but if and only if she shifts into a higher gear, pointedly direct—yet not unkind—is the way to go. Be firm in your conviction. And even then, it may not work the first time. You might need to repeat yourself more than once, depending upon how persistent she is.
 
I would agree that unless she straight up asks you out or says something really inappropriate, she may just be trying to be friendly. Girls sometimes can sound a little forward and direct, and they dont mean anything by it. Sometimes it is just their way of being friendly.

If she is just being friendly, be nice if you really dont mind being friends with her. If you detect flirting or something inappropriate, don’t respond. If she flat out asks you for a date, be polite but firm. And tell her, you have no intentions ever of dating anyone while you discern your calling.

good luck!
 
Lots of girls will start to recognize you once you become a priest.
 
Angelsflight said:
I would agree that unless she straight up asks you out or says something really inappropriate, she may just be trying to be friendly. Girls sometimes can sound a little forward and direct, and they dont mean anything by it. Sometimes it is just their way of being friendly.

If she is just being friendly, be nice if you really dont mind being friends with her. If you detect flirting or something inappropriate, don’t respond. If she flat out asks you for a date, be polite but firm. And tell her, you have no intentions ever of dating anyone while you discern your calling.

good luck!
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I second this. I know that there were several times in high school when a young man thought I was “hitting on him”, but in my mind I was just be friendly. I am a forward person who makes eye contact, smiles a lot, and loves to give hugs. I’ve gotten much better at gauging how much of myself I should put forward in any given circumstance, but that came with age. When I was 16, everybody got a big smile, most people got a big hug whether they wanted one or not, and I openly invited friendships with whomever I had the slightest inkling of being neat by telling them to “Hit me up sometime.” That is, unless it was someone I was interested in dating. Then I suddenly was shy. Go figure. 🙂

And if she really is flirting, it sounds like you certainly know what to do. 👍 Good luck to you! And thank you for being open to your calling, whatever it is. We need men like you to lead this flock!
 
ATeutonicKnight said:
I’ve been discerning the diocesan Priesthood and religious life for nearly two years now, and in two weeks I am going on the diocesan trip to the seminary for men sixteen and up. Recently I served on the altar with my spiritual director and I met an altar girl there. She is now hitting on me and I am at a loss on what to do. I told her about my vocation and she saw pictures of me in a cassock on Facebook, but I think she may believe she can change my mind, or perhaps that I am open to dating before I enter seminary. Others have said to tell her upfront that I am not interested to save her the heartache of false hope, but I wanted to get other opinions before I act.
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Well maybe you are just getting the wrong idea, I mean is her “hitting on you” very obvious, or is she just friendly and slightly flirtatious…I have that type of personality but it doesn’t mean that I want to date every person I talk to. 🙂

If it is what you say it is and she “thinks” she can change your mind, she’s in for a world of heartbreak for the rest of her life, because People, Places, and Things are not changeable. Just tell her you are flattered, but you are set on the priesthood.

Friendly and Firm is the way to go.👍
 
I agree with this. At your age it is important to learn how to relate to other people, either males or females. From a point of view I think that you are too young to go on dates, because dates have a very specific purpose. However, I think that it is important to find good friends of either sex and to spend time with them. Go to the movies or to dinner and learn to listen and to talk to people, do not be afraid of that. Be open and make it clear that you are interested in making real friends but anything more than that is just playing independent adults.
 
ATeutonicKnight said:
I’ve been discerning the diocesan Priesthood and religious life for nearly two years now, and in two weeks I am going on the diocesan trip to the seminary for men sixteen and up. Recently I served on the altar with my spiritual director and I met an altar girl there. She is now hitting on me and I am at a loss on what to do. I told her about my vocation and she saw pictures of me in a cassock on Facebook, but I think she may believe she can change my mind, or perhaps that I am open to dating before I enter seminary. Others have said to tell her upfront that I am not interested to save her the heartache of false hope, but I wanted to get other opinions before I act.
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What would you do if you were already a priest?

Then…
 
TimeEntrance said:
Concur.

Godspeed, TeutonicKnight. And remember… the devil sends them in dresses too. :signofcross:

(That’s supposed to be a joke)
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Maybe she has a vocation to marriage and is looking for a good Catholic guy. 🤷

Just to be contrary: you can’t train to be a vegetarian by eating meat:p
 
Hasn’t he decided to go to the seminary already?

Sometimes you only know “need” through “lack”

I know when I was in the seminary dating was a no no!😛

And I came to know that celibacy was not for me without dating.

If you date and you get attached to a girl then what? There’s too many complications simmering in that can of worms.

And how can you “date” and become formed in a life of celibacy at the same time?

Maybe a person can, but I don’t personally buy it.🤷
 
austenbosten said:
Well maybe you are just getting the wrong idea, I mean is her “hitting on you” very obvious, or is she just friendly and slightly flirtatious…I have that type of personality but it doesn’t mean that I want to date every person I talk to. 🙂

If it is what you say it is and she “thinks” she can change your mind, she’s in for a world of heartbreak for the rest of her life, because People, Places, and Things are not changeable. Just tell her you are flattered, but you are set on the priesthood.

Friendly and Firm is the way to go.👍
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^This! 👍
 
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