What Do I Do? A Girl is Hitting on Me

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Ophelia23 said:
I second this. I know that there were several times in high school when a young man thought I was “hitting on him”, but in my mind I was just be friendly. I am a forward person who makes eye contact, smiles a lot, and loves to give hugs. I’ve gotten much better at gauging how much of myself I should put forward in any given circumstance, but that came with age. When I was 16, everybody got a big smile, most people got a big hug whether they wanted one or not, and I openly invited friendships with whomever I had the slightest inkling of being neat by telling them to “Hit me up sometime.” That is, unless it was someone I was interested in dating. Then I suddenly was shy. Go figure. 🙂

And if she really is flirting, it sounds like you certainly know what to do. 👍 Good luck to you! And thank you for being open to your calling, whatever it is. We need men like you to lead this flock!
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Me too! I was totally shy around someone I really did want to date, but somewhat outgoing and huggy with the ones I just wanted to be friends with.

Most of my friends are indeed male, and sometimes there is some flirting in a joking way (on their part too) but it means nothing. Of course, none of them are priests though. lol.
 
I’ve always liked the term “vocation vixens.” If you are certain God is calling you to the priestly life, then you must make that clear to her and tell her that you are following God’s will.

It is very easy for women to fall for men in seminary. Imagine it from their shoes- they see a very holy and good man with a great sense of a commitment. A man like that is a hot commodity.

If you are certain God is calling you to serve as a priest, tell her that you have already met your bride and that bride is the Church.

Ite in pace,
Joshua C.
 
I don’t think you can discern a single vocation in the priesthood by dating! You should be focusing on the priesthood (or other single vocation) if you feel that is what you are being called to. Do you have a spiritual director? Do you have a good and faithful priest to talk to? We married folks know how to go about finding a spouse and living a faithful marriage. Find a good and faithful priest and ask him.

I know for me and my marriage vocation, I did not date around to figure out I wanted to be married. I knew I wanted to be married and THEN dated to find the right spouse. Discerning marriage vocation or single vocation is not about dating. Pray and let God lead you. If priesthood is not for you, He will tell you so and then you can go about dating.
 
And this is really good advice too. You never really can tell what you are called to until you experience some things. Going on a few dates may be a very wise move. 👍
 
thebookofesther said:
Lots of girls will start to recognize you once you become a priest.
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+1 on this. Get used to it. Priests often have many of the qualities women look for, kind, good listeners, position of authority, sense of humor etc…plus are “safe”.

You will be dealing with this for a long time.
 
My response was going to be “hit her back”…

But the I saw the word ‘on’ in the title!
 
I concur heartily. A friend of mine who is in the seminary now dated a few girls in high school and college. He even had a long-term relationship that we all thought would end in marriage. Turns out that God had other plans.

I don’t think the OP needs to seek out dates, but if some girl pulls a role reversal (I’m old-school I concede) and asks him out, what’s the harm? He’s discerning a call to the priesthood… he’s not in the seminary. And even if he WAS in the seminary, who is to say, except for God, that such a choice was the right one?

We’re in need of priests, that’s to be sure. But we also want to make sure that all of our priests are taking on those roles because they’ve truly been called to them.
 
ATeutonicKnight said:
I’m sure that’s a funny joke and I’m just tired, but what does the Devil send in dresses?
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I don’t know if this is where I tell you to, “Oh… just ignore me I’m old and cynical.”

Or

“If you don’t know the answer to that then maybe your discernment process should take you through a 4 year tour in the Navy hitting ports all across the world. If you can remain virginal through that then maybe the priesthood is for you.”

But then again maybe you just ignore me. I don’t anything about discernment to religious life. I’m sure some older and wiser Priests are there to advise you. They crossed the great travails of life and Priestly vocation themselves.

Although, I will admit, I have a bit of questions in my mind about young people in their teenage years making commitments to the Priesthood. Before my time - and your time - they could enter seminary when they were like 14 or 16 years old. I’ve wondered if for some that some how stunted their sexual maturity? Just questions I have. No conclusions.

At any rate… with a bit of slight light-hearted humor about human nature. The author Walter Mosely has a book entitled Devil in a Blue Dress. Set in a time period before yours and my time though.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Devil_in_a_Blue_Dress



Or you might consider a little history about the temptations faced by some Catholic French antecedents of ours.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pla%C3%A7age
Plaçage was a recognized extralegal system in which white French and Spanish and later Creole men entered into the equivalent of common-law marriages with women of African, Indian and white (European) Creole descent. The term comes from the French placer meaning “to place with”. The women were not legally recognized as wives but were known as placées; their relationships were recognized among the free people of color as mariages de la main gauche or left-handed marriages. Many were often quarteronnes or quadroons, the offspring of a European and a mulatto, but plaçage did occur between whites and mulattoes and blacks. The system flourished throughout the French and Spanish colonial periods and apparently reached its zenith during the latter, between 1769 and 1803. It was not limited to Louisiana, but also flourished in the cities of Natchez and Biloxi, Mississippi; Mobile, Alabama; St. Augustine and Pensacola, Florida;[1] as well as Saint-Domingue (present-day Haiti). Plaçage, however, drew most of its fame, and notoriety, from its open application in New Orleans. Despite the prevalence of interracial encounters in the colony, not all Creole women of color were or became placées.
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The quadroon balls
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The term quadroon is a fractional one referring to a person with one white and one mulatto parent, someone courts would have considered one-fourth Black. The quadroon balls were social events designed to encourage mixed-race women to form liaisons with wealthy white men through a system of concubinage known as plaçage. (Guillory 68-9). The history of the balls epitomizes White America’s exoticizing fascination with light-skinned individuals of mixed race. It is a fascination that can seem condescending, pernicious, and even sordid. Monique Guillory writes about quadroon balls that took place in New Orleans, the city most strongly associated with these events. She approaches the balls in context of the history of a building the structure of which is now the Bourbon Orleans Hotel. Inside is the Orleans Ballroom, a legendary, if not entirely factual, location for the earliest quadroon balls.
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In 1805, a man named Albert Tessier began renting a dance hall where he threw twice weekly dances for free quadroon women and white men only (80). These dances were elegant and elaborate, designed to appeal to wealthy white men. Although race mixing was prohibited by New Orleans law, it was common for white gentleman to attend the balls, sometimes stealing away from white balls to mingle with the city’s quadroon female population. The principal desire of quadroon women attending these balls was to become plaçee as the mistress of a wealthy gentleman, usually a young white Creole or a visiting European (81). These arrangements were a common occurrence, Guillory suggests, because the highly educated, socially refined quadroons were prohibited from marrying white men and were unlikely to find Black men of their own status.
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In the military there is an old maxim. I think we can apply it to the devil and temptations presented before us too.

The maxim goes: Know your enemy, and know yourself.

A lot of people like to drop off the part about “…and know yourself” because it appeals to their egos to think they have no vulnerabilities or weaknesses. This is probably more true of men than women.

 
Cristiano said:
I agree with this. At your age it is important to learn how to relate to other people, either males or females. From a point of view I think that you are too young to go on dates, because dates have a very specific purpose. However, I think that it is important to find good friends of either sex and to spend time with them. Go to the movies or to dinner and learn to listen and to talk to people, do not be afraid of that. Be open and make it clear that you are interested in making real friends but anything more than that is just playing independent adults.
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The_Bucket said:
I concur heartily. A friend of mine who is in the seminary now dated a few girls in high school and college. He even had a long-term relationship that we all thought would end in marriage. Turns out that God had other plans.

I don’t think the OP needs to seek out dates, but if some girl pulls a role reversal (I’m old-school I concede) and asks him out, what’s the harm? He’s discerning a call to the priesthood… he’s not in the seminary. And even if he WAS in the seminary, who is to say, except for God, that such a choice was the right one?

We’re in need of priests, that’s to be sure. But we also want to make sure that all of our priests are taking on those roles because they’ve truly been called to them.
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I wholeheartedly agree with all of the above.
 
Sorry for leaving everyone astray without answers. I went to the dentist to get three cavities fixed, so I couldn’t reply right away.

I have indeed basically decided to enter Seminary. I am preparing and studying to enter as soon as I am eligible. I am not interested in dating because I was advised not to by many clergymen and religious, and I think they are right.

However, I am open to having friendships with women. Most of my friends are in fact women. I am friends with guys and I love to do manly stuff, but I find women are more mature at my age and I enjoy spending time with them more.
 
Note to self: mustn’t read posts when tired. I thought I read he was in the seminary:o

If he’s not in the seminary then date away!
 
I agree. The O.P. is a long way from discerning a vocation. He’s not even in the seminary yet. He’s still got four years of college and four years of Theology. He will know for sure he has a vocation to the priesthood when he gets a letter from the bishop inviting him to ordination.

Discernment has just begun.
 
I agree with the people that think that men discerning the priesthood should date or have dated. You can’t make a decision if you aren’t sure what it is you are giving up. Probably, later in life it will be easier to live with your decision if you were fully informed (as a chaste single man).

Also, I think priests should have a job and work before entering seminary. It makes them more well rounded and understanding.

Oh, and I bet many girls see a guy “discerning the priesthood” as harmless and not threatening.
 
I agree. Go out with her!

It wouldn’t hurt you any to have some real life experience with dating.

And from a purely practical point of view, a priest who is known to have dated women is less likely to be suspected of being homosexual. Sad, but true, and anyone who denies it is a fool.

The girl could be a cassock-chaser, or perhaps she wants to go on a date with a guy who won;t be a human octopus! You’ll never know unless you go out.
 
I also read that the OP was in seminary- my mistake-

Date away, good buddy! Dating is like the seminary of the married vocation. Try it out and see if God has anything in store for you down that road.

As I am in a time of discernment I realized early on that you must keep an open mind to all vocations before God calls you to the one he wants you in.

Joshua C.
 
I will not date until I am eighteen, and I have been advised by many clergymen to not date when discerning a religious vocation. I will have eight years of seminary in order to discern if I am called or not, which will be under the guidance of a spiritual director and many professors. Dating while discerning is not always a good idea.
 
ATeutonicKnight said:
I will not date until I am eighteen, and I have been advised by many clergymen to not date when discerning a religious vocation. I will have eight years of seminary in order to discern if I am called or not, which will be under the guidance of a spiritual director and many professors. Dating while discerning is not always a good idea.
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It’s not always a bad thing either.

I can honestly say that dating has certainly helped me in my discernment process.

Have you read To Save A Thousand Souls yet? If not, I would recommend it.

If you are open to God’s will and following what He wants then I’m sure you will do well in whatever vocation He has in store for you.

Joshua C.
 
joshvanrad said:
It’s not always a bad thing either.

I can honestly say that dating has certainly helped me in my discernment process.

Have you read To Save A Thousand Souls yet? If not, I would recommend it.

If you are open to God’s will and following what He wants then I’m sure you will do well in whatever vocation He has in store for you.

Joshua C.
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I know it’s not always a bad thing, but I was advised not to. I don’t see how it could help my personal discernment, so I am going to refrain. I hope the fine people here can respect that.
 
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