What do I do about my mother who is causing me harm?

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_Gemma

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I’m a 22 year old woman that lives with my mother for financial reasons. I recently moved states with her to a new home and got a job. I just finished studying and found it hard to find work but this casual job I have.
The thing is my mother is unemployed, drinks heavily and emotionally and occasionally physically abuses me. I’m finding it very hard to cope.
I wanted to join an order of nuns next year (I have to wait until then because I’m a convert)
I feel a bit bad wanting to leave my mother because of her drinking and (presumed) mental health issues but I know I don’t want to spend the rest of my life living with her while she hurts me.
I want to add she is divorced, non Catholic and mocks me constantly for my faith.
I have no one in this state to live with, my only option would be to move states with my dad and give up my job.
What should I do?
Is it bad of me or selfish that I want to stop living with her?
 
Gemma, sadly, your Mum isn’t living the wholesome life God intends for her, and this fact should not prevent you from living the life that God intends for you.

If your mother does not face or address her alcoholism, no one can force her to, not even you, so you cannot heal her situation. It can be said that being there with her enables her unChristian behaviour, and rather than helping her, just encourages her cruelty.

It does not appear that, at this time, she is capable of giving or receiving love, or even help to save herself from her self-destructive ways.
Certainly grace to heal your mother’s life must come from God so that certainly she needs your prayer.
If you discontinue living with your mother you can still show kindness with letters and cards if, being with your Dad in another State, you are physically absent.

It isn’t helpful to your well-being to remain in an atmosphere of unlove and despair.

Have you contacted your Dad and asked if you can stay with him until you have work and have established yourself? You surely are eligible for unemployment benefits until you find another job. Would you be able to get good references from your current employer?
 
_Gemma said:
I have no one in this state to live with, my only option would be to move states with my dad and give up my job.
What should I do?
Is it bad of me or selfish that I want to stop living with her?
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I think it would be wise if you stopped living with her.
 
Gemma said:

“I have no one in this state to live with, my only option would be to move states with my dad and give up my job.”

If your current job is one that is so low-paying that you can’t live independently, I’m pretty sure you can find one at the same level of pay in your father’s area. But is your father any better?
 
It’s not your job to “fix” your mother…that’s her responsibility. You cannot help someone who won’t help themselves.

No one should have to live with an abusive person. If living with your father is an option, do it. Your job is not a good one…those kinds of jobs are available all over the place, so you will be able to replace your employment. Maybe even find better. In my opinion, I would feel sad and sorry for my mother, but not guilty for not staying there and enabling her behavior.
 
I agree with the others about going to live with your father …

Also before going speak to your mothers doctor and see if he can get her mental health assessed and put on medication if needed and ask him to put her in a rehab to help her stop drinking too…

You leaving may give her the kick up the butt she needs to shape up and take control of her own life …you cant continue to let this go on…its not a healthy situation to live in…and if shes abusing you physically then thats a dangerous situation to be living in
 
You and your Mom are redeemable and loved by God.

Sounds like you are wounded and under repair by God. Keep up the ferverent prayers and let Him magically change your heart. Be open to vocation possibilities and find ways to spread Gods love and mercy.

It’s time to leave the nest. I would guess that your Mom is promoting fear to keep you in the nest. Fear that you do not make enough money, fear that she is sick and needs you, fear that … Just remember what all angels (& John Paul II) say as an introduction, “Be not afraid!”

Poverty is blessing. This may be a great time to explore this. Sure you may have to take a lesser job at a fast food place, janitor, or in sanitations but use this as a stepping stone. You are capable of finding those people who seek roommates. Many elderly are looking for income so they rent a room out. I would strongly advise you do not move in with a man. There are also low income apartments. Since you seek to be a nun, you might want to get a start on living in poverty and serving others.

You will also want to practice prayers for your family. It sounds as if you are seeking justice for their behaviors. I suggest you practice mixing mercy with justice for you parents. There are many like your parents. We all need to find ways to stoop to them to bring God to them, and then teach them to want to reach to God. Because of your wounds and bitterness, you are not a good person for this duty at this time in your life. You mentioned your Dad but did not indicate the level of affection between you both. Since you are with your Mom, I’m assuming you don’t have a strong affection there. I would caution on going to him and begging for help.
 
There are many resources that could assist you in this situation. Al Anon comes to mind for people who are in your situation and they have an online community. At your age,after years of living with your mother and her alcoholism and abuse, you have probably a need for counseling In order to successfully move on with your life. Catholic Social Services can help with that. Seek some help and I will pray for you.

Memorare

REMEMBER, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to thy protection, implored thy help, or sought thy intercession was left unaided. Inspired with this confidence, I fly to thee, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother; to thee do I come; before thee I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in thy mercy hear and answer me. Amen.
 
Praying for you, and that your mom will get in a stop-drinking program, for the sake of her soul.
 
Your mother has to bottom out. She is abusing you? That absolves any responsibility you may have at one time had, real or imagined. You could rightfully call the cops on her. You might tell her that you are not going to do this on your way out of the house to move in with Dad, courtesy of your “Catholic Faith!”

I am going through something similar. We have 17 days to get out of the house. Like you, I am codependent, or I would not have allowed things to get this far. I weathered this in the name of being a merciful Christian, but I don’t think I was meant to go down with the ship. It is almost too late for me, but not for you.
 
I just to add that I don’t need counselling because beyond the walls of my house I am completely fine mentally and emotionally. I am generally happy and mentally strong but I’m just tired of the treatment I get from my mother while I’m at home.
This is perhaps more of a moral question in regards to if it is wrong of me to leave her.

This morning my mother said she would stop drinking for good, I’ll pray she is truly going to stop but she has in the past made resolutions like this and never carried them out.
 
Alcoholics swear all the time that they will stop drinking. My husband says it at least once a week. They really can’t that easily.
Al-Anon is a good program, and might be helpful for you. They help you learn detachment, so that it’s easier to get on with your life. I’d encourage you to try at least a meeting or two.
You have no moral obligation to continue living with your mother. She can take care of herself. or learn to.
Why would you stay with someone who physically and verbally abuses you? That’s not God’s will for you.
God bless.
 
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