First of all, my heart goes out to you because it seems you do love the Church and are distraught over the fact that you are no longer able to receive the Eucharist.
I will not argue the points on infallibility as you seem convinced that based on your personal study and research it something you absolutely cannot accept. I am neither a learned theologian, skilled debater, or qualified apologist so I’m sure I’d never move you from your current intellectual position. But I do beg you to consider a few salient points with regards to the paradoxical circumstance you now find yourself in.
First, to be in communion with the Church we must be;
- in agreement with the Church’s magisterial teaching,
- in agreement with long-held traditional teaching, widely held as correct by leading Church authorities.
Clearly, given your stance on infallibility you do not presently meet that criteria. It does seem somewhat unfair that one who accepts all of the magisterial teachings and the Traditional teachings widely held by the Church but refuses to accept one point only, such as infallibility, should be excluded from full communion with the Church. Unfortunately, however, we do not have the option to pick and choose. Thus, by your stubborn refusal to accept infallibility you have excluded yourself from communion and have effectively excommunicated yourself. You have set your own wisdom above the collective wisdom of the Holy Catholic Church. Thus, as you observed, you definitely should not be receiving the Eucharist because it would be a grave and mortal sin.
It grieves me that one who seems to believe in all the right things yet refuses to believe one thing is in the predicament you now find yourself. It is difficult for me to imagine what could happen in a person’s life that would provoke them to decide that they would simply choose not to believe something that is actually very fundamental to the Catholic faith. I know there are many today who are doing so based on disagreement with other parts of Church doctrine so I’m not trying to single you out. I’m only sharing my own feelings of dismay that one would choose infallibility, or any other issue as their own personal “hill worth dying for.”
With regard to your question about receiving the Eucharist at another church, I don’t think that would be effective. It seems clear that you know you belong in the Catholic Church. The Church as Paul the Apostle taught, is the body of Christ and we are but parts of the body. If I were to voluntarily severe my right hand, the hand could not survive or function on its own having been separated from the remaining members of my body. Thus, one who severs themselves from the Church, from the body of Christ, I think cannot then presume that they can serve Christ outside the Church.
I will pray for you my friend in hopes that you will at some point accept that you cannot substitute your own wisdom for the collective wisdom of the Church and will soon return where you belong. I think that is the only remedy for what you face.
Pax