What do I do? My Caregiver made chili and it tastes like dirty feet. I don't want to hurt her feelings

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randirhoades

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I don’t know what to say when she asks me how I liked it. Plus, I don’t know what happened to it. The chili doesn’t taste like chili beans and more like dirty socks or feet. She put a fatty pig’s foot in it when cooking the beans only and it stunk up my house. Yet, I didn’t say anything. I don’t want to hurt her feelings. She is usually a great cook but this time I don’t know what happened. Never heard of a pig’s foot in pinto beans. Usually ham, along those lines. Or just onions and seasonings. I don’t eat pig’s feet or ears or ankles or that part of the pig. 🙂

I didn’t know what category this goes in so I put it here. I don’t want to lie because of my spiritual life but I don’t want her to get offended if I tell her I didn’t like it. She will get offended and if she tastes it and finds that it tastes like dirty feet, she will beat herself up and feel horrible.

What to do, what to do. This probably is not a biggie to some of you but to me it is and will be pertaining to her. If it wasn’t I wouldn’t have said anything. Trust me.

Love y’all.
§
 
Hi sheila,

Just be honest with her…say you normally like her cooking but that the chili doesnt taste how chili normally tastes…maybe the meat or one of the ingredients was turning bad and that has affected the flavour…

Just be honest with her and reassure her that you arent having a go at her personally or questioning her cooking skills but you cant eat it because it doesnt taste right and you dont want to risk it upsetting your stomach and making you ill

Crystal
 
Just say it wasn’t your thing and then compliment her on some other dish that she made that you did like.
 
I agree with Crystal waters, just admit the truth. Not that it tastes like dirty feet, but that it tastes like the pig feet she used to season the beans and that you are having trouble eating it because you do not eat pig feet because you do not like them. She will likely be disappointed, but she will know not to make it that way again now. I am sorry about this. It is so distressing when we really don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings, but we know we must speak the truth in charity. Good luck!
 
crystal_waters said:
Hi sheila,

Just be honest with her…say you normally like her cooking but that the chili doesnt taste how chili normally tastes…maybe the meat or one of the ingredients was turning bad and that has affected the flavour…

Just be honest with her and reassure her that you arent having a go at her personally or questioning her cooking skills but you cant eat it because it doesnt taste right and you dont want to risk it upsetting your stomach and making you ill

Crystal
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Agree.
 
As a caregiver who prepares home cooked meals for my clients, I don’t mind negative feedback. I am there to serve the needs, and if its inedible, I did not fulfill my service. I don’t ever make chili, as its too rich; meat, tomato, beans. I care for elderly. So let them know the pigs feet is a little too exotic for your tastes.
 
Just to put a different spin out there…

If she asks “How was the chili?”, you could answer with a sweet smile and something like “I’ve never had any chili like it before!”

🤷 It’s honest.
 
Sorry about your experience.

I cook pigs’ feet, but would not just prepare it for someone who does not normally eat it or have the “aroma” in the house if someone not used to it is coming. With that said, my Mom taught me to get the feet (already cut lengthwise), rinse the pieces, etc., dry them with a paper towel, salt, and freeze overnight. Then it is thawed, the salt is rinsed off, and it is cooked. They are mostly gelatin and cartilage/tendons (soft if cooked enough) with no meat and no fat. We learned to cook them because it was the only part of the pig that Grandma could eat throughout her life without getting sick. That and pigs ears. However, pigs’ feet are pig’s feet. There are no hurt feelings if a friend does not like them.

Your caregiver might be from another country. You might suggest some other food that is common in that country – like fried ripe plantain or something you have already tried. What is common in one country is unknown in another even in South America!

Luz Maria
Traditional 54-Day Rosary Novena Schedule
Petition:
March 5, 8, 11, 14, 17, 20, 23, 26, 29: The Joyful Mysteries Posts 2 & 3.
March 6, 9, 12, 15, 18, 21, 24, 27, 30: The Sorrowful Mysteries Post # 10
March 7, 10, 13, 16, 19, 22, 25, 28, 31: The Glorious Mysteries Post # 11
The Concluding Prayers for all the Mysteries: - Posts 4 & 9

Thanksgiving:
April 1, 4, 7, 10, 12, 16, 19, 22, 25: The Joyful Mysteries Posts 2 & 3.
April 2, 5, 8, 11, 14, 17, 20, 23, 26: The Sorrowful Mysteries Post # 10
April 3, 6, 9, 12, 15, 18, 21, 24, 27: The Glorious Mysteries Post # 11
The Concluding Prayers for all the Mysteries: - Posts 4 & 9
 
Randirhoades has a problem :
[1] "I don’t want to lie [to her] because of my spiritual life, but
[2] I don’t want her to get offended if I tell her I didn’t like it. [if I DID tell her]
[3] She will get offended, and
[4] if she tastes it and finds that it tastes like dirty feet, she will beat herself up and feel horrible."

So, I will start with # 4 : Whatever you do, don’t let her taste the chili, because then she will feel horrible.

Item # 1 : It is Good, to not lie. So, if you do not want to lie, just hope that she never requires you to give her an answer to how it tastes. Because if you do, then Item # 3 will come into play.

With these parameters, you should always Smile when she serves you food.
And, if you absolutely NEED to “rate” her cooking, you can say : "Wow ! I can’t tell you how Good this is."
That way you have made a True statement.

After all, if it weren’t for her, you would have NOTHING to eat.
So, don’t look a Gift Horse in the Mouth (and maybe pour some Ketchup in the Chili).

And, if you can’t say a Lie to prevent someone from being injured by your words, you may want to re-think that.
The 10 Commandments say nothing about lying (just, do not bear false witness against others).

Over the years, I have been put on-the-Spot many times.
The ONE situation to ALWAYS Lie (for a husband) is when your wife has found a new Favorite dress (that looks pretty dreadful), and she kindly asks : “Do you like this Dress?” or, if she has a few extra pounds, the EVEN WORSE question "Does this dress make me look FAT?"

If you stay rigidly True to your word, this will help you learn about the Joys of sleeping on the Couch (and eating food that will make your Chili taste Good in comparison).
 
If you want her to improve her cooking skills, you better be honest. We need honest feedback so we can make it better for the next time. If my husband tells me it is good and he likes it, I will repeat the recipe. So you better tell her the truth always. 😃
 
4love2God said:
Randirhoades has a problem :
[1] "I don’t want to lie [to her] because of my spiritual life, but
[2] I don’t want her to get offended if I tell her I didn’t like it. [if I DID tell her]
[3] She will get offended, and
[4] if she tastes it and finds that it tastes like dirty feet, she will beat herself up and feel horrible."

So, I will start with # 4 : Whatever you do, don’t let her taste the chili, because then she will feel horrible.

Item # 1 : It is Good, to not lie. So, if you do not want to lie, just hope that she never requires you to give her an answer to how it tastes. Because if you do, then Item # 3 will come into play.

With these parameters, you should always Smile when she serves you food.
And, if you absolutely NEED to “rate” her cooking, you can say : "Wow ! I can’t tell you how Good this is."
That way you have made a True statement.

After all, if it weren’t for her, you would have NOTHING to eat.
So, don’t look a Gift Horse in the Mouth (and maybe pour some Ketchup in the Chili).

And, if you can’t say a Lie to prevent someone from being injured by your words, you may want to re-think that.
The 10 Commandments say nothing about lying (just, do not bear false witness against others).

Over the years, I have been put on-the-Spot many times.
The ONE situation to ALWAYS Lie (for a husband) is when your wife has found a new Favorite dress (that looks pretty dreadful), and she kindly asks : “Do you like this Dress?” or, if she has a few extra pounds, the EVEN WORSE question "Does this dress make me look FAT?"

If you stay rigidly True to your word, this will help you learn about the Joys of sleeping on the Couch (and eating food that will make your Chili taste Good in comparison).
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Hi friend and may God be with you,

Let me clarify something…I’m the one responsible for getting my food (I don’t have much and can’t buy because I don’t have resources to do it and depend on the one pantry we have here and grateful to God for it. Even then the food is still not much and not enough to last a week. Still, I’m grateful. I’m also cooking my food all the time. This is something she is required to do but doesn’t do it. I can count on one hand how many times she’s fed me and been with me for 9 months. Almost a year. Please don’t assume (You said I should be grateful) what you don’t know. Saying this softly.

Plus, I poured ketchup, jalapenos, more onions, seasonings in my bowl of chili and it still tasted like a locker room that hadn’t been aired out in years. You would have thought the same thing. So far, she hasn’t brought it up and I haven’t volunteered bringing it up. I decided I will be honest with her if she does. She even wanted my brother to have some and when he saw it (It was bright orange) and smelled it, he declined. (He’s disabled also) The next day, she asked me if he had eaten any of it and I was honest and said he didn’t feel like chili that day. She computed it without getting upset. Plus, I have to watch what I eat with my colon and all the stomach problems I have. I knew those jalapenos and onions were going to do a number on me the next day and they did. At least, I made an effort and needed to eat something. Thank you for your response. 🙂
 
I care for my mom and have to cook for her often. A young lady comes in to care for her when I’m at work. If we don’t make something she likes, she won’t hesitate to say:

“I really can’t eat this. But I really loved (name removed by moderator)ut another dish here that you made before. Can you make that again tomorrow?”

Your caregiver should really be focused on caring for you. Yes, she has feelings and you don’t want to hurt them. But she should know that she’s not perfect and will make things that you don’t like. She should also know everyone is different and we don’t all like the same things. You’re not telling her that she’s a horrible cook, you’re just telling her that particular dish wasn’t her best 🙂
 
Thank you. I’ve talked to her about feeding me but she’s in a hurry to get out of here. Not that I’m a hard nosed person to deal with. Quite the opposite. I’ve talked to her about my meals but she doesn’t do anything about it. About making sure I’m being fed I mean.

It hurts to cook for myself with a neck I broke years ago and my back and neck being on fire every day. But honestly, if there is not food to cook, what can she or I to do? I live in a rural area, isolated with no transportation and more. Moving is not an option, foodstamps is out of the question and yet, I’m still grateful for the food that the only church we have here can bring. It’s a Baptist Church. Non of the Catholic churches have stepped up to help. We don’t have St. Vincent De Paul, We don’t have many charities at all. Plus, I’m not the only one in this predicament. Yet, God gets me through. Without God’s intervention, truly I would have died of malnutrition. One time, I lost 46 lbs because all I had was a pitcher of water and a banquet dinner and two cans of soup to last a month. Trust me, I love, love, love God and Jesus beyond my soul.

Praise God for all the blessings He has done for you every day. I do.

Love y’all, §
 
Never liked it myself. Just say doctor’s orders to stay away from spiced foods. 🙂

I liked lasagna too until someone used cottage cheese. :o
 
randirhoades said:
I don’t know what to say when she asks me how I liked it. Plus, I don’t know what happened to it. The chili doesn’t taste like chili beans and more like dirty socks or feet. She put a fatty pig’s foot in it when cooking the beans only and it stunk up my house. Yet, I didn’t say anything. I don’t want to hurt her feelings. She is usually a great cook but this time I don’t know what happened. Never heard of a pig’s foot in pinto beans. Usually ham, along those lines. Or just onions and seasonings. I don’t eat pig’s feet or ears or ankles or that part of the pig. 🙂 §
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I don’t mean any disrespect at all but this has to be the funniest post I have ever read in my life!!!
 
randirhoads responds to my Post : "I’m the one responsible for getting my food (I can’t buy … [all of my food] because I don’t have resources to do it and depend on the one pantry we have here … Even then, the food is still not much and not enough to last a week. … I’m also cooking my food all the time. This is something she is required to do but doesn’t do it. I can count on one hand how many times she’s fed me and been with me for 9 months. Almost a year. Please don’t assume (You said I should be grateful) what you don’t know. Saying this softly."

**“I’m the one responsible for getting my food . . . and depend on the one pantry we have here.” **
Oh I see, randirhoads. You don’t have enough money to pay for all of your Food.
So, you have a relationship with a Food Pantry (that prepares Food for you), but that amount of Food is not enough cover all of your meals.
I guess this is something like Meals on Wheels.

"I’m also cooking my food all the time. This is something she is required to do, but doesn’t do it."
So, in addition to receiving ready-to-eat food, the Food Pantry ALSO provides you with a woman who is supposed to cook food from scratch for you.
But, this person is NOT doing her Cooking Job for you (most of the time).

"[That lousy Cook has] been with me for 9 months. Almost a year."
So, for the last 9 months, this woman has been defrauding the Food Pantry by taking money from them to cook for you … but is NOT cooking for you.

I do not understand why you haven’t reported her Fraudulent activity to your Food Pantry.
This would do at LEAST 2 things to improve the quality of your Life.
  1. You will have a Cook who actually cooks most of your Meals in the Future,
  2. This new woman will (almost surely) make better-Tasting food than your Fraudulent cook does now (when she DOES cook).
And, certainly, you are not being honest with the Food Pantry.
And, your refusal to report this activity is damaging the reputation of the Food Pantry (because this woman also works for other people who need cooking of their meals).
And, you consider this an important-Enough issue to complain to us, how awful you are being treated in this situation.

THEN, you make a BIG deal about how you do not want to hurt this non-Cook’s feelings.
This does not make any sense to me.
I believe that you have an ethical DUTY to report your experience with this non-Cook to the Food Pantry, so that they can pay someone ELSE to cook (who would ACTUALLY cook).
Why is making this woman Happy such an important part of your Life?

Finally, "Please don’t assume (You said I should be grateful) what you don’t know. Saying this softly."
You are absolutely correct, I assumed incorrectly.
I assumed that this woman was volunteering her time to cook for you.
I change my Opinion.
Now, I say, you should NOT be grateful for her derelict conduct.
And, that you should report this women to her Authorities (so you can eat better-Tasting food, like you are supposed to).
So, please forgive me for assuming incorrectly in your situation.
 
I’d better tread carefully in this aspect. First, you could try complimenting her previous excellent dishes that was prepared for you. Second, be subtle in commenting about that food she had cooked (Mrs Jones, this food is great but its a bit spicy/chilly for my taste). Third, I don’t think it would hurt if you could just take a small sample of it. Sometimes, some food may smell unpleasant but they taste good (take that cue from that TV show Bizarre Food - If it looks good, eat it!). In the same vein, my wife once told me never to harshly criticize a waiter’s service in the restaurant (he’s the one who deliver’s your food to the table).
 
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