What do I do with a kid who won't go to Mass?

[angelswhisper]

My grandson is refusing to go to Mass… He is 13-years of age and says he shouldn’t be forced into going. His father isn’t a Catholic and has said that we shouldn’t be forcing him to go, also my grandson has heard him saying this which hasn’t helped the matter. He was again made to attend this Sunday but there was such an uproar that everyone was upset and his sulks and moans continued throughout the Mass. Not only this but the relationship between my daughter and her husband is suffering because he doesn’t agree with her.

I have tried to explain the importance of attending Mass, which he has known since he was able to understand but it isn’t making any difference at all. I have to say also that he has been grounded and his games and TV, etc., have been confiscated. He has been told by his dad that he is being punished for his bad attitude.

What do we do?

 

[Michelle_Arnold]

How would you handle it if he was refusing to go to school? Would you allow him to pout and sulk his way through school? Would you “ground” him and take away TV and toys? Would you allow him to divide and conquer his parents and engage in a battle of wills with his elders? Or would you simply say to him, “This isn’t a negotiable matter. You will go; you will maintain a pleasant attitude; you will do the work you’re expected to do; and you will behave respectfully toward the teacher and others in the class”?

At this point, now that the situation has deteriorated so far, there will be two fronts on which this will need to be cleared up. First, his parents will have to become united in how they deal with him. Whether or not his dad is a Catholic, he has obviously agreed that his son will be raised Catholic, and should be expected to support his wife in her efforts to raise their son Catholic. He can say to his son, “Your mother and I have agreed that you will be raised Catholic. I expect you to obey your mother and to treat her respectfully.” If he can in conscience attend Mass himself to reinforce to his son that both of his parents will hold him accountable for good behavior at Mass, all the better.

As for cleaning up this boy’s behavior at Mass, perhaps his parents might consult with the pastor to see if the pastor would be willing to sit down with them and discuss appropriate Mass behavior with the boy. If the pastor or another strong male role model in the parish were to provide accountability for the boy, all the better. If the boy disrupts Mass, take him outside for correction as you would any other child who was causing a disruption. (Such an action might help to tacitly reinforce the idea that he’s acting “like a baby.”) Also, perhaps the boy might be “volunteered” for chores at the parish (e.g., weeding the lawn, cleaning up litter, etc.) in the week following disruptions during Mass.