What do I say to my friend about Communion?

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DavidJoseph

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I have a really good friend who I’m trying to lead back to the faith. He and his parents still consider themselves Catholics, but the parents now attend a non-denominational church. I don’t think my friend attends church much at all. However, I can tell he’s not closed off to returning and has even consented to looking into any books I may recommend. After all, I struggle with frustration and pessimism at times, so he sometimes recommends self-help books to me (nothing against the faith so far), and we discuss them. So I figure, why not return the favor?

But my problem isn’t which book to recommend. You see, my friend has a standing invitation to accompany me to Mass on Sunday. He hasn’t yet taken me up on the offer, but if and when he does, how can I tactfully explain why he shouldn’t receive the Eucharist until he first confesses without coming across as accusing him of sin or reading his heart and soul? I mean, if he’s like most younger Catholics, then he probably hasn’t been to confession since his first confession (we haven’t discussed it yet so I don’t know for sure). And also, like most younger Catholics, he was probably more or less implicitly taught that receiving the Eucharist is just what Catholics do when they go to Mass (without being truly or fully taught what It is or when we may or may not receive It). I don’t want to upset him, but truth be told, it would be hard for anyone in this situation not to get upset. I mean, think about it – it would be like playing a sport only to learn in the middle of a game that the rules have changed (or weren’t what you thought they were in the first place).

Any advice and recommendations would be much appreciated.
 
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You could offer to have him join you going to confession that weekend, since, after all, one must be in a state of grace to receive the Eucharist and just leave it at that.
 
Just tell him directly at a time you are not at mass.

You are not leading your friend to sin by attending mass (quite the opposite) and are not responsible for your friend unworthily receiving communion if he chooses to do so. Just pray for him if he does and hopefully when he comes back into full communion with the church he will confess it.

I was not aware of being properly disposed for communion until my mid twenties, but after a preist explained it to me in confession I have confessed and never done it since.
 
DavidJoseph said:
But my problem isn’t which book to recommend. You see, my friend has a standing invitation to accompany me to Mass on Sunday. He hasn’t yet taken me up on the offer, but if and when he does, how can I tactfully explain why he shouldn’t receive the Eucharist until he first confesses without coming across as accusing him of sin or reading his heart and soul?
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Unless you are one of these rare, charismatic people who is able to appeal to other people’s higher nature and get them to do what they should do (I can only dream of what that would be like), you really can’t. Going to confession right before Mass while he’s with you, and mentioning that the Church encourages people to go to frequent confession, might be your best bet.

I had a close family member who hadn’t been to Mass in several years (long story, he had his reasons) accompanied me to my son’s first communion Mass, and asked if he should receive communion, not could, but should. I told him that he hadn’t been to Mass in a long time — no judgment, no condemnation, just stating the fact — and that he really shouldn’t. No offense given, no offense taken.
 
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I personally would just give him this booklet, and not say much at all. It’s like 5 bucks…
Just say, “Hey, I know your thinking about maybe visiting Church again, this may really help you.”

Confession: Its Fruitful Practice (With An Examination of Conscience)​

https://www.tanbooks.com/review/product/list/id/495/

(Please Note: This uploaded content is no longer available.)
 
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Perhaps it would be best to tell him before he comes to church with you that he shouldn’t go to communion without going to confession first.

Honestly (and I mean this with a respectful tone) I agree that it is no fun to play a sport and then have the rules change. However… YOU are the one changing the rules. To have a long-standing open invitation and THEN tell him that he can’t receive without going to confession can be seen as dishonest. I would tell him ASAP and BEFORE he calls you up and says he’s like to go to mass
 
This raises a general problem we face as Catholics. When you think about it, perhaps the USCCB should issue a pamphlet for visitors (and, really, all Catholics, too) about the proper conduct in church, and particularly with respect to reception of the Eucharist.

This would spare you and a lot of other people the awkwardness of trying to explain our beliefs and practices. Somewhere in history, probably around the time of the reformation, Catholic practices were abandoned and “churches” would put up signs that said “all are welcome” because they didn’t have to discriminate as Catholics do, these signs were greatly misleading. /when the Church was much smaller, people knew each other and such a problem could be handled more delicately.

I don’t know how to explain the whole thing, but remember that even Judas ate the sacred meal at the last supper.

Maybe 15 years ago, a young lady came into church with two young men who were obviously not believers. They brought in Sunday newspapers and were reading them during Mass. One of the guys had a satanic symbol, a star in a circle, on a chain, and was waving it towards the tabernacle. I was right behind them, but I didn’t feel it was my place to intervene – when there were ushers just a few feet away. you just can’t tell what is going to happen on Sunday.

I am inspired that so many people do go up for Communion. Again, I think a pamphlet for visitors would seem to have a place in our churches.
 
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strita said:
When you think about it, perhaps the USCCB should issue a pamphlet for visitors (and, really, all Catholics, too) about the proper conduct in church, and particularly with respect to reception of the Eucharist.
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They have. It is printed in front of every Missalette, in front of Catholic Hymnals, and if it is not printed in the worship aids at your Parish, talk to your pastor about it!

http://www.usccb.org/prayer-and-wor...guidelines-for-the-reception-of-communion.cfm
 
I like someones idea that you mention that you need to go to confession so you can receive, although that does say you are not in a state of grace, which if you are is a lie, so you can’t really do that. I dunno. When my mom who was raised Catholic and my friend who’s been a non-denom fundamentalist protestant, a high Anglican and a Episcopalian (with a female pastor) came to my son’s triple play and my first communion/confirmation, I just told them. They didn’t get upset. They just accepted that the church has rules…you know, like most organizations.
 
MiserereMeiDei said:
I just told them. They didn’t get upset. They just accepted that the church has rules…you know, like most organizations.
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Exactly. Not a big deal, just “hey, unless someone has kept the Eucharist fast, has not already received 2Xs today, has been to confession for sins, believes in Transubstantiation and the other teaching of the Church, they cannot receive communion. Just stay and pray in the pew, it is no biggie.”
 
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I went to the USCCB website and reviewed their statement. It has the dry essence of the policy, now if they could put it in a pamphlet form of some sort that grabbed someone’s attention – welcoming and perhaps even evangelistic, yet firmly stating the rule.
 
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