What do I say to my kids when they ask why grandpa doesn't go to Mass?

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My in-laws visit us frequently since my wife and I have had kids and we visit them often as well. My kids adore their grandparents. My kids are 9 (daughter) and 5 (son).

My wife and I are serious about our faith and are practicing Catholics. We are raising our children in the faith of course. My mother-in-law is very devout but my father-in-law no longer practices his Catholic faith. He has not done so since before my wife and I even met. My wife tells me that growing up he would go to Mass with her family but she never remembered him ever taking part in the Sacraments.

We make it a priority to attend weekly Mass and holy days of obligation. My father-in-law will not attend Mass with us. The notable exceptions were; our wedding, my kids Baptisms and my daughter’s First Holy Communion. My wife and I have extended invitations to him to come with us to no avail.

Now that my kids are older they are asking why grandpa does not go to Mass with us? I find the situation a bit awkward as I don’t know what to tell them. I don’t want to make their grandpa look bad in their eyes. My father-in-law will not give a reason why he doesn’t go except to say, " there is nothing there for me."

Any advice anyone?
 
CatholicMedic said:
My in-laws visit us frequently since my wife and I have had kids and we visit them often as well. My kids adore their grandparents. My kids are 9 (daughter) and 5 (son).

My wife and I are serious about our faith and are practicing Catholics. We are raising our children in the faith of course. My mother-in-law is very devout but my father-in-law no longer practices his Catholic faith. He has not done so since before my wife and I even met. My wife tells me that growing up he would go to Mass with her family but she never remembered him ever taking part in the Sacraments.

We make it a priority to attend weekly Mass and holy days of obligation. My father-in-law will not attend Mass with us. The notable exceptions were; our wedding, my kids Baptisms and my daughter’s First Holy Communion. My wife and I have extended invitations to him to come with us to no avail.

Now that my kids are older they are asking why grandpa does not go to Mass with us? I find the situation a bit awkward as I don’t know what to tell them. I don’t want to make their grandpa look bad in their eyes. My father-in-law will not give a reason why he doesn’t go except to say, " there is nothing there for me."

Any advice anyone?
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Well, whatever you do, don’t act like it’s okay that he doesn’t go or your kids will think it’s acceptable and not want to go to Mass either.
 
My 5 yo son is asking these questions, and the only other person who attends church in our extended family is my mother. So I basically have to explain for the whole family.

I tell him that there are people who don’t know God and that we must pray for them.
 
“That is Grandpa’s business, honey. You can ask him, if you like. Maybe he’ll answer and maybe he won’t. That is up to him.”
 
All you can say is grandpa is an adult and that it is his choice whether pr not he attends church …whatever you do dont nag him or have your kids nag him about attending church…that is likely to have the complete opposite effect…instead pray for him that God will give him the graces ge needs to want to go to church…
 
We can also ask our children to pray for Grandpa, or Grandma, because they need our love and our prayers.

I know from experience that children’s prayers, no matter how young, can draw down graces for their grandparents.
 
CatholicMedic said:
My in-laws visit us frequently since my wife and I have had kids and we visit them often as well. My kids adore their grandparents. My kids are 9 (daughter) and 5 (son).

My wife and I are serious about our faith and are practicing Catholics. We are raising our children in the faith of course. My mother-in-law is very devout but my father-in-law no longer practices his Catholic faith. He has not done so since before my wife and I even met. My wife tells me that growing up he would go to Mass with her family but she never remembered him ever taking part in the Sacraments.

We make it a priority to attend weekly Mass and holy days of obligation. My father-in-law will not attend Mass with us. The notable exceptions were; our wedding, my kids Baptisms and my daughter’s First Holy Communion. My wife and I have extended invitations to him to come with us to no avail.

Now that my kids are older they are asking why grandpa does not go to Mass with us? I find the situation a bit awkward as I don’t know what to tell them. I don’t want to make their grandpa look bad in their eyes. My father-in-law will not give a reason why he doesn’t go except to say, " there is nothing there for me."

Any advice anyone?
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We had the same situation with my Dad when I got reacquainted with him after 20 some years. But I taught my children to pray for Grandpa and eventually he did come back into the Faith. My kids were so thankful God answered their long prayers and so was I !!! God Bless, Memaw
 
You have to tell the truth.
And let them know it is a sin to not go to mass.

Otherwise the kids will think it’s okay not to go to mass.

Tell them not to say it to Grandad, and each day to day a Hail Mary for.him
 
Contra_Mundum said:
My 5 yo son is asking these questions, and the only other person who attends church in our extended family is my mother. So I basically have to explain for the whole family.

I tell him that there are people who don’t know God and that we must pray for them.
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I think this is a good approach because it teaches kids it is wrong to miss mass without judging people who don’t go.

Personally, I would NEVER tell a 5 year old to ask grandpa. I think that is rude behavior for a kid
 
MaryHelp777 said:
You have to tell the truth.
And let them know it is a sin to not go to mass.

Otherwise the kids will think it’s okay not to go to mass.

Tell them not to say it to Grandad, and each day to day a Hail Mary for.him
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I told my kids that Grandpa wasn’t actually raised in the faith, ( although his folks were Catholic.,( but for so many years he was an alcoholic.) and he probably didn’t have anyone to pray for him. Although I knew my Mom had always prayed for him and taught us kids to do the same. We were all very thankful. God Bless. Memaw
 
Anglewannabe said:
I think this is a good approach because it teaches kids it is wrong to miss mass without judging people who don’t go.

Personally, I would NEVER tell a 5 year old to ask grandpa. I think that is rude behavior for a kid
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Not only is it rude but you are asking an authority figure to rationalize not attending mass to a child. You just might not like that grandpa’s answer might make sense to the child…
 
Memaw said:
I told my kids that Grandpa wasn’t actually raised in the faith, ( although his folks were Catholic.,( but for so many years he was an alcoholic.) and he probably didn’t have anyone to pray for him. Although I knew my Mom had always prayed for him and taught us kids to do the same. We were all very thankful. God Bless. Memaw
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Similar to what Mom told me.

When I asked Mom why Dad didn’t go to Catholic Mass with Mom and me, she simply said, “He was brought up differently.”

That didn’t mean in any way that I didn’t have to go; it just explained why he didn’t.
 
Dorothy said:
We can also ask our children to pray for Grandpa, or Grandma, because they need our love and our prayers.

I know from experience that children’s prayers, no matter how young, can draw down graces for their grandparents.
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Children generally include their grandparents in their prayers anyway, don’t they? 🤷
 
Anglewannabe said:
I think this is a good approach because it teaches kids it is wrong to miss mass without judging people who don’t go.

Personally, I would NEVER tell a 5 year old to ask grandpa. I think that is rude behavior for a kid
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My children’s grandparents were more than happy to field questions: from their grandchildren, that is. They felt free to tell them that they weren’t inclined to answer, but the grandchildren were allowed to ask their grandparents anything. That is the relationship they wanted with them, and I would have been taken down several notches if I had tried to interfere. I had to explain to the boys later that the things Granny or Grandpa or Grandma allowed them to do were not necessarily things that they should consider doing with just anyone, that they were getting privileged treatment.

The point that this depends entirely on the grandparents is a point well-taken, though.
 
EasterJoy said:
I had to explain to the boys later that the things Granny or Grandpa or Grandma allowed them to do were not necessarily things that they should consider doing with just anyone, that they were getting privileged treatment.
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That is a totally different ball of wax. If the grandparents encouraged the questions and the boys were taught ‘Don’t ask another adult these questions’ it is bringing the kids up right. But to give a child the message ‘It is ok to ask whatever you want’ is bringing kids up to be rude, impolite and judgemental

When I was 15 I use to babysit a 5 year old boy. I took him to the park. There were 2 ladies there sitting at a picnic table. These ladies both light up a cigarette. The boy walked right up to them and said in a loud voice bossy voice ‘Don’t you ever smoke’. I quickly pulled him out of the way. This boy was told ‘smoking was wrong’ he was NEVER told ‘Don’t judge others’ so in his little mind, he was probably doing the right thing. To encourage a kid to ask an adult a personal question (with out the adult saying it is OK) IMO is just raising an impolite person
 
EasterJoy said:
Children generally include their grandparents in their prayers anyway, don’t they? 🤷
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Actually, now that you mention it, when I was a kid, every night before bed my mom taught me to pray ‘God bless mommy, daddy and brother’. She never taught me to include grandparents or anyone else for that matter :confused: I am sure if I asked if I could pray for grandma she would have said yes.

So sadly EJ, not all kids include them
 
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