What do people mean when they say "good confessor"?

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punisherthunder

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What do people mean by a “good confessor”?

It’s my understanding that there’s not necessarily a good/bad confessor and that it’s not the priest who is there, but Jesus himself in the confessional. Am I missing something?
 
In my experience some priests tend to do any of the following:
  1. Rush the person confessing
  2. Interrupt the person confessing unnecessarily
  3. Give it the “car wash” treatment
I don’t want to denigrate the priesthood but I recall one priest that I and others repeatedly had issues with to the point I addressed my concerns with another priest and considered taking it up with the Bishop. The other priest just told me to avoid going to confession with this person.

For me I appreciate a priest who is willing to take the time to listen and even dialogue with me regarding my sins confessed. Someone who is not afraid to drop the hammer of truth on me when I need it. I suppose based on less than appreciable experiences I have had I would consider a “good confessor” to be someone I can tell takes his time and takes things seriously, someone will challenge me to truly amend my sinful ways.
 
Kenny_Kamel said:
In my experience some priests tend to do any of the following:
  1. Rush the person confessing
  2. Interrupt the person confessing unnecessarily
  3. Give it the “car wash” treatment
I don’t want to denigrate the priesthood but I recall one priest that I and others repeatedly had issues with to the point I addressed my concerns with another priest and considered taking it up with the Bishop. The other priest just told me to avoid going to confession with this person.

For me I appreciate a priest who is willing to take the time to listen and even dialogue with me regarding my sins confessed. Someone who is not afraid to drop the hammer of truth on me when I need it. I suppose based on less than appreciable experiences I have had I would consider a “good confessor” to be someone I can tell takes his time and takes things seriously, someone will challenge me to truly amend my sinful ways.
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That’s always been my understanding of “good confessor,” too.
 
I would say a good confessor is a priest who hears my sins and gives me absolution.

Now, I suppose it might be good to have one of those holy confessors like the Cure of Ars who had the ability to tell me my sins before I said them. But those kinds of confessors would just scare me. The Cure of Ars was a good confessor but he had little patience and didn’t spend much time with penitents. And he had long lines!
 
punisherthunder said:
What do people mean by a “good confessor”?

It’s my understanding that there’s not necessarily a good/bad confessor and that it’s not the priest who is there, but Jesus himself in the confessional. Am I missing something?
Click to expand...
I’ve been confessing to the same priest about 5 times now. Every time I confessed different sins, obviously of different gravity. But the penance he imposed on me every single time was identical: “Our Father”, “Hail Mary”, “Glory Be”. :confused:

This is quite unimaginative and disinterested. Not what a “good confessor” would do.
 
JurisPrudens said:
I’ve been confessing to the same priest about 5 times now. Every time I confessed different sins, obviously of different gravity. But the penance he imposed on me every single time was identical: “Our Father”, “Hail Mary”, “Glory Be”. :confused:

This is quite unimaginative and disinterested. Not what a “good confessor” would do.
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You know, I used to think this way too. But I’m not so sure anymore. Priests will do penance for the people who come to them for confession. It can also be humbling to know that God can ask so little from us as reparation for the sins we have committed, when He has given us everything.

I am not saying this is the case for you, but I know that my desire to have some kind of special penance was rooted itself in pride. And of course, when I do get “special penances,” they are the kind that sometimes leave me not quite sure if I’ve actually completed the penance or not. With simple penances that can be completed quickly I have no doubt.

You’re always welcome to do *more *penance as reparation for your sins.
 
pensmama87 said:
You know, I used to think this way too. But I’m not so sure anymore. Priests will do penance for the people who come to them for confession. It can also be humbling to know that God can ask so little from us as reparation for the sins we have committed, when He has given us everything.

I am not saying this is the case for you, but I know that my desire to have some kind of special penance was rooted itself in pride. And of course, when I do get “special penances,” they are the kind that sometimes leave me not quite sure if I’ve actually completed the penance or not. With simple penances that can be completed quickly I have no doubt.

You’re always welcome to do *more *penance as reparation for your sins.
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Well, that’s true; one can always do penance for one’s sins on a voluntary basis. The thing is, the one absolution forgives all those sins, whether grave or small; there’s no difference in the absolution for big vs little sins. So why should the penance vary? I would also have sympathy for a priest who tries valiantly to think up appropriate penances for hundreds of penitents.

But everyone has their own preferences. I dislike “creative” penances myself. Once a priest assigned as penance something like “do something nice for someone today.” Well, that almost stumped me. It was already late afternoon, I was headed home, and I live alone; who was I going to be nice to? I think I smiled and gave a greeting to someone entering the church as I was leaving. I hope that sufficed!
 
pensmama87 said:
You know, I used to think this way too. But I’m not so sure anymore. Priests will do penance for the people who come to them for confession. It can also be humbling to know that God can ask so little from us as reparation for the sins we have committed, when He has given us everything.

I am not saying this is the case for you, but I know that my desire to have some kind of special penance was rooted itself in pride. And of course, when I do get “special penances,” they are the kind that sometimes leave me not quite sure if I’ve actually completed the penance or not. With simple penances that can be completed quickly I have no doubt.

You’re always welcome to do *more *penance as reparation for your sins.
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Yes. 👍
 
What do people mean when they say “good confessor”?

A priest in a confessional that will hear you out, then offer absolution and give you penance. That in itself is rare and hard to come by.
 
Priests all have different strengths. Some are good at giving moving or intelligent homilies. The pastor at our church is very very good at making people feel welcome and accepted.

I think a good confessor is one that takes the time to really listen to the penitent, can sense whether to be especially merciful and compassionate or whether it wouldn’t help the penitent more to hear the confessor confirm the gravity of a sin, can offer relevant advice, and gives a clear penance.

I’ve been to confession dozens of times, but I can think of a few priests that were particularly helpful. One was able to identify and point out to me that the guilt I was experiencing over previously-confessed sins was not from God, and likely the devil’s way of trying to make me become despondent. After I left confession that day I no longer suffered from that crushing guilt - I really felt forgiven. I recall a different priest who heard my confession and then inquired why it had been so long since my last confession. He encouraged me to go more frequently, which is what I needed to hear at that time.

So I think confessors need to be good at reading people and some priests are better at this than others, though of course any priest that offers absolution is priceless!
 
punisherthunder said:
What do people mean by a “good confessor”?

It’s my understanding that there’s not necessarily a good/bad confessor and that it’s not the priest who is there, but Jesus himself in the confessional. Am I missing something?
Click to expand...
Yes you are dumbass a good confesser is one who is good and is a confesser you stupid mother ****ing piece of ****
 
Don’t let it be like this one priest I confessed to. I gave my confession and he said this “Through the ministry of the church, may God grant you pardon and peace, and may he absolve you of your sins…” … I was totally SHOCKED. The Wrong words of absolution, the wrong words of the NECESSARY part of absolution…

I called him on it and he repeated it correctly. So I made sure of my absolution. :p:p:D:D
 
I was only recently received into the Church and so have only had four confessors so far. All were gentle with me, all absolved me, none yelled, all gave me penances that were relevant and could be accomplished relatively quickly.

But the ones I really appreciate are when they take the time to help me to overcome sin by giving me a brief bit of advice. One priest that was my regular confessor until he left noticed I was confessing the same sin over and over and he gave me advice about that. One priest singled out one sin I confessed the only time I confessed to him and gave me a very good talk on that sin. My current confessor, the new priest in our parish, also tends to single out something. Once he asked me to single out which one I thought was my worst sin, and he discussed that with me. Another he singled one out himself, and discussed it with me.

I really appreciate the advice given to me by these priests. I write it down after, so I can refer back to it later. I also keep track of the penances given to me, so I can refer back to them later as well.
 
The current priest I see for confession is a very gentle and sincere person. He takes his time and while I think the penance is very light to what he could give, this priest has asked me before at the end of confession, what the initial of my first name is. He then told me he would remember my “initial” during the next morning’s Mass.

I thought that was very generous of him. 🙂
 
I will say that on one occasion I did have a confessor who I would not describe as “harsh” but he was definitely “firm” with me. It actually took a long time afterward for me to realize that what he said to me was exactly what I needed to hear at that time, even though I dealt with a lot of temptation to brush him off as “mean.”
 
pensmama87 said:
You’re always welcome to do *more *penance as reparation for your sins.
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Sorry but I would not recommend this because we are not welcome to do more penance unless advised by the confessor. I am probably not the only one who is forbidden from doing more than the penance given (not that I have ever offered to do more during confession). 🙂
 
pensmama87 said:
I will say that on one occasion I did have a confessor who I would not describe as “harsh” but he was definitely “firm” with me. It actually took a long time afterward for me to realize that what he said to me was exactly what I needed to hear at that time, even though I dealt with a lot of temptation to brush him off as “mean.”
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In a way, I haven’t had a priest to be “firm” with me in a long time. I sometimes think I need it and wonder if the penance is ever enough. But I trust in priest who Jesus put in the confessional, so that helps me a long ways.
 
Personally I want a priest who doesn’t try to soft-peddle my sins, or excuse them. I want him to encourage me, challenge me, and point out any issues he may see.

And I prefer when they get to the point and don’t take too long. Some priests think a confession is a counseling session. This is especially a problem when confession is right before Mass and the line is long. Taking a long time with each one deprives people of confession they rightly deserve.
 
Avila123 said:
Sorry but I would not recommend this because we are not welcome to do more penance unless advised by the confessor. I am probably not the only one who is forbidden from doing more than the penance given (not that I have ever offered to do more during confession). 🙂
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If you are explicitly forbidden by the confessor from doing so, then yes, I would follow that advice.

But most people are not and penance is generally encouraged, especially for others.
 
Absolution isn’t all there is to confession and some priests are better confessors than others.

We all need forgiveness but if absolution is all you are after in confession then you are missing out. The Catechism lists two types of sacraments - sacraments of initiation and sacraments of healing. There are no sacraments of forgiveness. Jesus wants to do more than just forgive you. He is the doctor of your soul and wants to heal you so that you don’t come back with the same sins.

Just like any other doctor you have to show him your wounds. This is where a good confessor comes in.

A good confessor will not just listen to your list but will ask questions and will know the difference between objective sin and culpability - how much blame we bear given the situation we were in. A good moral theologian like a Redemptorist will know how to advise and an experienced confessor will know when someone is being scrupulous. These are attributes of a good confessor.

And let’s be honest. Some confessors just stink.

Priest: Just tell me one of your sins.
Me: No Father, I want to tell you them all. I have a list.

A Monsignor once wanted me to give him a hug after confession. I said, “No, that’s awkward” and he said, “Oh, just give me a hug!”, stood up and opened his arms wide. I gave him a manly bro-hug and never went back.

Another lectured me for 20 minutes. The old ladies waiting on line gave me the look of death when I came out.

-Tim-
 
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