What do women think of potential spouse with health problems?

[mercygate]

Christian4life:

But how bad would that be if you turned a guy down cause he was sick, and then the man you did marry became sick!! If you divorced him over it, you’d be a terrible person, and if you didn’t you’d be a hypocrite!!!

Get a grip! You do not divorce someone who becomes sick. To do so would demonstrate your poverty of character. Hypocrisy has nothing to do with it.

I do not advocate abandonment of an ill spouse.

I do not advocate refusing to marry someone whom God has called you to love just *because *his health issues are ‘inconvenient.’

I advocate entering any marriage-bound relationship with caution, weighing health issues along with character, not for your own selfish sake but for what you can pass along to your children.

There is nothing mercy-less about loving your children and providing for them before they are born.

 

[mercygate]

Madaglan:

I mean, I’m not trying to evoke pity or anything, but how do you think most girls would react to the twitching and so forth?

That’s called restless leg syndrome; it is VERY common, and great strides have been made in managing it.

 

[Scott_Lafrance]

I would rather have a physically-weak but morally-strong woman as a wife than a physically-strong, morally-weak one.

 

[coralewisjr]

I fight depression and DH has learned to support me emotionally and spiritually. DH’s knees usually hurt and he’s lazy. I don’t want to imagine life without him. We help each other. Sometimes he’s depressed, too…and we just confide in each other. When it hurts him to walk, we stay home (I usually don’t drive) and I make the food and all that. It’s no big deal. He actually works hard on certain things (programming is one and trying to bring Protestants to the Church is another), so his laziness seems to be fading. My grandma-in-law is a beautiful example to me because her husband is suffering from Parkinson’s and she takes care of him in their home. They’re both old but they love each other and my father-in-law helps them so it works out. Aah, married life!!

 

[coralewisjr]

Scott_Lafrance:

I would rather have a physically-weak but morally-strong woman as a wife than a physically-strong, morally-weak one.

I totally agree, only I’m a wife!! My ex-boyfriend was physically strong and he always had a job (DH is job-hunting and he hasn’t been hired yet; please pray that he’ll be hired really soon). He was morally weak. DH prays for me every single day and he is very morally strong!! Hip-hip-hooray for morally strong men.

 

[slinky1882]

mercygate:

certain genetic diseases – i.e., crippling or life-limiting conditions for which there is little or no treatment…

Hey mercygate, I was wondering if you could expand on “life-limiting conditions”. Do you mean shorter lifespan and limits in the activites one can do???

It’s one thing to stick with a spouse “in sickness and in health,” but quite another to walk into a catastrophe with your eyes wide open and hold future generations hostage to it.

Also, I was curious what you meant by “hold future genreations hostage”, do you mean passing on the genes??? Thanks and God Bless.

 

[jman507]

LOL leave it up to a guy to bring in the nuanced arguement of taking in consideration of health when thinking about marriage/children. I hope I can help back you up a bit MercyGate.

‘Dad never understood things like love.’ I used to think, till I realized, he completely understood. For me, my mom would always seem to understand what was going on. My dad really didn’t seem to, but I think he knew everything I was talking about, but someone had to be there to make sure I understood the realities of the situation. Which reminds me of when Fulton Sheen said women are like queens while men are like governors. Queen have their power by reigning their subjects with love, Governors have power by objectivly deciding what to do for the best of the people they govern. Which is better? Neither they complament each other.

If you want to marry someone who has health problems, know that your going to have to figure out what to do with the kids. Know that if it is a certain condition you may have to adopt. Adoption is a great thing, but it can be a very bad thing, if your thinking your going to have a kid then resent the spouse for not being able to do so.

Thanks for the question Magdalin, it’s a good one to think about. I wouldn’t worry too much. Having a health problem would probably make some girls go away, but that is probably more of a blessing than anything. The one’s who would be left would probably be better to be married too. Plus the thing with love is that it sort of binds you to another person. Afterall I doubt there’d be very many people living together if it wasn’t for that aspect of love, I doubt very many really feel compatable after living together for a few years.

 

[Marie]

jman507:

Thanks for the question Magdalin, it’s a good one to think about. I wouldn’t worry too much. Having a health problem would probably make some girls go away, but that is probably more of a blessing than anything. The one’s who would be left would probably be better to be married too. Plus the thing with love is that it sort of binds you to another person. Afterall I doubt there’d be very many people living together if it wasn’t for that aspect of love, I doubt very many really feel compatable after living together for a few years.

Hind sight is always better than forsight they say.

In our marriage, I did not know before hand that my husband had a genetic trait which would haunt us all of our married life. Nor that our children would inherit the cancer genes. But I would marry him all over again, even if I knew. It has been difficult, brought lots of fear and hardship, but then God knew what he was doing when He brought us together.

Our children are outstanding individuals. We no longer live in fear of tomorrow. We live for today and let God handle the rest. We suffer quite often, but against all odds God has preserved us as a family and husband and wife.

I don’t know what I would have done before hand. I only know God has lead us each step of the way. We are not afraid of the cross anymore. It stands in testament to Gods great love for us and for those who society deem less desirable than the so called healthy of the world.

I know it seems strange to those who do not live it…but it is a glorious cross, when tempered and tried in fire. Love makes the difference.

And even stranger in this world which thinks love is all about looks, and sex and self…it would seem stranger still I am sure. We have lived for 35 years, a marriage of brother and sister in love with God and one another. It is a marriage blessed by love and not lust nor greed for self. And it is that only;by Gods grace.

 

[Karen_Anne]

If I loved the guy - health would not be a factor. I would be grateful that we had any time together at all.

Karen Anne

 

[TarAshly]

mercygate:

Get a grip! You do not divorce someone who becomes sick. To do so would demonstrate your poverty of character. Hypocrisy has nothing to do with it.

I do not advocate abandonment of an ill spouse.

I do not advocate refusing to marry someone whom God has called you to love just *because *his health issues are ‘inconvenient.’

I advocate entering any marriage-bound relationship with caution, weighing health issues along with character, not for your own selfish sake but for what you can pass along to your children.

There is nothing mercy-less about loving your children and providing for them before they are born.

so are you saying because i knew my husband had insulin dependent diabetes before i married him, that i am doing our future children an injustice by trying to have them, because they MAY have diabetes???!!! i dont find it selfish wanting to be a mother to my hubsands children, i find it selfish when people look down on those with illnesses like diabetes like they are second class citizens. we are trying to get pregnant now, we intend on having lots of babies, and if those babies should have diabetes, we will love and care for them anyway. youre fortunate for your good health and that of your husbands if you are married, however things dont always go as we planned. it wasnt a business decision to get married, it was a decision of the heart. i love my husband and always have, and his disease is just something that we have to fight together, not postpone our life because our children might have diabetes. you cant plan for everything. i know how in love and happy my husband and i are, and i pity any woman who threw away true love and that happiness, because he was sick. shame on you!

 

[rayne89]

TarAshly:

so are you saying because i knew my husband had insulin dependent diabetes before i married him, that i am doing our future children an injustice by trying to have them, because they MAY have diabetes???!!!

Your post reminded me of something a doctor said to me once in regards to having children. I have a complicated heart problem and the doctor said to me in reference to the small possiblity I could pass this on “after all you wouldn’t want to be saddled with a child with a heart problem.” I realized the doctor didn’t think before he spoke, so I didn’t say anything but geeze “saddled with a child with a heart condition”? What, like my mother was with me?

 

[Pentecost2005]

TarAshly:

shame on you!

Take it easy.

 

[mercygate]

slinky1882:

Hey mercygate, I was wondering if you could expand on “life-limiting conditions”. Do you mean shorter lifespan and limits in the activites one can do???

As I said in my first post: some things are worse than others. Some things are more treatable. I did not say people should not marry if health problems are involved; I said before you get so far into a relationship that it is too late to recall your heart, these are factors to weigh. By life-limiting, I do mean shorter lifespan – as in a lifespan that would take you out when your children need you most. My family has suffered from the male-linked form of alcoholism mentioned in my post. We have passed on juvenile diabetes to 4 generations. My uncle died of it at age 45, leaving 3 children, the oldest 16, the youngest 9. Two of them have the disease (my aunt carries the recessive gene).

Also, I was curious what you meant by “hold future genreations hostage”, do you mean passing on the genes??? Thanks and God Bless.
Yes. I do mean knowingly passing on the genetic predisposition for a debilitating condition. The example I used in particular was von Hippel Lindau syndrome. I am watching the family of a very good friend handle this disease – as 25 members of her extended family have been diagnosed with this condition. It causes frequent eruption of cancers anywhere and everywhere in the system, and the only way to manage it at present is by extensive screenings for cancer every 90 days and treating each one as it arises.

As with everything else in life, problems come in degrees. And people have different thresholds of coping. Much relates to what you know about a disease and how much you don’t know.

A poster mentioned that her doctor had said: “you wouldn’t want to be saddled with a child with heart disease . . .” That strikes me as just plain absurd. Many congenital heart conditions now are very well treated surgically and medically. That’s what medical science is for.