What do you do when the priest TELLS YOU to hold hands?

[Eliza10]

My friend recently went to a communion at a church within their “cluster” (our diocese puts your church in a cluster with 3 or 4 designated other churches) with her family faith-formation class. There were a few things questionable about this Mass, also posted on this sub-forum.

In our diocese, many people hold hands for the Our Father. I am a convert, so I can only guess that this is because for a number of years the people were TOLD to hold hands, so they still do, out of habit that was started as an act of obedience to the Priest’s instruction.

My friend and I both choose not to hold hands at the Our Father, instead we and our families fold our own hands in prayer. (One exception for me was once when a woman nearby pulled on my folded hands with a determined look on her face to hold them - so I let her rather, than distract from the Mass with a little tug-of-war).

But this time, the Priest said to everyone, in the introdcution to the Our Father, “Let us all join hands…” My friend was shocked to be told to hold hands, and didn’t quite know what to do. She felt she was perhaps being disobedient to the Priest by her usual prayer position.

What do you think? My friend wonders what the proper protocol should be. Should she disobey the priest and do what she thinks is right, or should she obey the priest regardless of what he is telling her to do? (She doesn’t want to hold hands, but Jesus doesn’t want us criticizing the priests and tells us to bring our criticisms to Him).

 

[FrDavid96]

My friend recently went to a communion at a church within their “cluster” (our diocese puts your church in a cluster with 3 or 4 designated other churches) with her family faith-formation class. There were a few things questionable about this Mass, also posted on this sub-forum.

In our diocese, many people hold hands for the Our Father. I am a convert, so I can only guess that this is because for a number of years the people were TOLD to hold hands, so they still do, out of habit that was started as an act of obedience to the Priest’s instruction.

My friend and I both choose not to hold hands at the Our Father, instead we and our families fold our own hands in prayer. (One exception for me was once when a woman nearby pulled on my folded hands with a determined look on her face to hold them - so I let her rather, than distract from the Mass with a little tug-of-war).

But this time, the Priest said to everyone, in the introdcution to the Our Father, “Let us all join hands…” My friend was shocked to be told to hold hands, and didn’t quite know what to do. She felt she was perhaps being disobedient to the Priest by her usual prayer position.

What do you think? My friend wonders what the proper protocol should be. Should she disobey the priest and do what she thinks is right, or should she obey the priest regardless of what he is telling her to do? (She doesn’t want to hold hands, but Jesus doesn’t want us criticizing the priests and tells us to bring our criticisms to Him).

There is no obligation to obey the priest when he’s imposing a liturgical abuse. In fact, that isn’t even disobedience, since the priest should not be saying this in the first place.

 

[Reynardus]

I’d just hold my hands out but not very wide. And I wouldn’t grab anyone’s hands…just let someone else make the first move. If someone does…fine. If not (which is usually the case), I’d just fold my hands back after a while…case closed. At least I tried…

But if the priest doesn’t say anything, then I just fold my hands as usual.

 

[RitaM]

Obey the general instruction on the roman missal, not an individual priest. Being “obedient” to my priest once led me so astray that I threw away my religious vocation by giving up my “simplistic” and “legalistic” spiritual and moral practices which had been leading me to Jesus. Be respectful of your priest, but you are under no obligation to be obedient to him, particularly when you know that he is not speaking/acting in accordance with the Church.

 

[benedictgal]

My friend recently went to a communion at a church within their “cluster” (our diocese puts your church in a cluster with 3 or 4 designated other churches) with her family faith-formation class. There were a few things questionable about this Mass, also posted on this sub-forum.

In our diocese, many people hold hands for the Our Father. I am a convert, so I can only guess that this is because for a number of years the people were TOLD to hold hands, so they still do, out of habit that was started as an act of obedience to the Priest’s instruction.

My friend and I both choose not to hold hands at the Our Father, instead we and our families fold our own hands in prayer. (One exception for me was once when a woman nearby pulled on my folded hands with a determined look on her face to hold them - so I let her rather, than distract from the Mass with a little tug-of-war).

But this time, the Priest said to everyone, in the introdcution to the Our Father, “Let us all join hands…” My friend was shocked to be told to hold hands, and didn’t quite know what to do. She felt she was perhaps being disobedient to the Priest by her usual prayer position.

What do you think? My friend wonders what the proper protocol should be. Should she disobey the priest and do what she thinks is right, or should she obey the priest regardless of what he is telling her to do? (She doesn’t want to hold hands, but Jesus doesn’t want us criticizing the priests and tells us to bring our criticisms to Him).

Don’t worry. You do nothing. Don’t hold hands. Keep your usual prayer posture. The priest has no right to introduce and require something that is not in the books. You are not disobedient because, by not holding hands, obeying what the Holy See requires, namely that the priest shouldn’t be inserting things into the Mass based on his own idiosyncracies…

According to Redemptionis Sacramentum:

[7.] Not infrequently, abuses are rooted in a false understanding of liberty. Yet God has not granted us in Christ an illusory liberty by which we may do what we wish, but a liberty by which we may do that which is fitting and right.18 This is true not only of precepts coming directly from God, but also of laws promulgated by the Church, with appropriate regard for the nature of each norm. For this reason, all should conform to the ordinances set forth by legitimate ecclesiastical authority.

…[11.] *** The Mystery of the Eucharist “is too great for anyone to permit himself to treat it according to his own whim, so that its sacredness and its universal ordering would be obscured”.27 On the contrary, anyone who acts thus by giving free rein to his own inclinations, even if he is a Priest, injures the substantial unity of the Roman Rite, which ought to be vigorously preserved,28 and becomes responsible for actions that are in no way consistent with the hunger and thirst for the living God that is experienced by the people today. Nor do such actions serve authentic pastoral care or proper liturgical renewal; instead, they deprive Christ’s faithful of their patrimony and their heritage.*** For arbitrary actions are not conducive to true renewal,29 but are detrimental to the right of Christ’s faithful to a liturgical celebration that is an expression of the Church’s life in accordance with her tradition and discipline. In the end, they introduce elements of distortion and disharmony into the very celebration of the Eucharist, which is oriented in its own lofty way and by its very nature to signifying and wondrously bringing about the communion of divine life and the unity of the People of God.30 The result is uncertainty in matters of doctrine, perplexity and scandal on the part of the People of God, and, almost as a necessary consequence, vigorous opposition, all of which greatly confuse and sadden many of Christ’s faithful in this age of ours when Christian life is often particularly difficult on account of the inroads of “secularization” as well.31

Just because something is not indicated in the General Instruction of the Roman Missal, that doesn’t give the priest, or anyone else, for that matter, carte blanche to do as they please.

 

[theistgal]

Just take out a Kleenex right before the Our Father and start blowing your nose into it. If someone still tries to take your hand, make sure the Kleenex is in that hand. Trust me, they won’t do it again.

 

[Eliza10]

Just take out a Kleenex right before the Our Father and start blowing your nose into it. If someone still tries to take your hand, make sure the Kleenex is in that hand. Trust me, they won’t do it again.

 

[Eliza10]

There is no obligation to obey the priest when he’s imposing a liturgical abuse. In fact, that isn’t even disobedience, since the priest should not be saying this in the first place.

Thank you so much! I really appreciate this. My friend thanks you. She read this, and all these replies, and it is a big help!

 

[Br.Rich_SFO]

My friend recently went to a communion at a church within their “cluster” (our diocese puts your church in a cluster with 3 or 4 designated other churches) with her family faith-formation class. There were a few things questionable about this Mass, also posted on this sub-forum.

In our diocese, many people hold hands for the Our Father. I am a convert, so I can only guess that this is because for a number of years the people were TOLD to hold hands, so they still do, out of habit that was started as an act of obedience to the Priest’s instruction.

My friend and I both choose not to hold hands at the Our Father, instead we and our families fold our own hands in prayer. (One exception for me was once when a woman nearby pulled on my folded hands with a determined look on her face to hold them - so I let her rather, than distract from the Mass with a little tug-of-war).

But this time, the Priest said to everyone, in the introdcution to the Our Father, “Let us all join hands…” My friend was shocked to be told to hold hands, and didn’t quite know what to do. She felt she was perhaps being disobedient to the Priest by her usual prayer position.

What do you think? My friend wonders what the proper protocol should be. Should she disobey the priest and do what she thinks is right, or should she obey the priest regardless of what he is telling her to do? (She doesn’t want to hold hands, but Jesus doesn’t want us criticizing the priests and tells us to bring our criticisms to Him).

He didn’t exactly “Everyone is required to hold hands at the Our Father!!!” I would just ignore it and move on. If someone tigs at my arm I just look at them and say “Excuse me…I don’t hold hands”

 

[JimG]

If I knew that such an instruction was to be forthcoming, I would look for a cute girl to sit next to in the pew. If I gotta hold hands, might as well make it pleasant.

 

[Cristiano]

I think that I would consider it an obligation to obey the priest and my right hand will start holding my left hand.

 

[zab]

Just take out a Kleenex right before the Our Father and start blowing your nose into it. If someone still tries to take your hand, make sure the Kleenex is in that hand. Trust me, they won’t do it again.

If I knew that such an instruction was to be forthcoming, I would look for a cute girl to sit next to in the pew. If I gotta hold hands, might as well make it pleasant.

I think that I would consider it an obligation to obey the priest and my right hand will start holding my left hand.

 

[RosalieM]

Thanks for this thread. Every so often, our pastor tells us to all join hands – and even across the aisle. I did so out of a misguided sense of obedience; but now I know I don’t have to. I also keep my hands folded during the Our Father and recently have closed my eyes so I don’t see any hands being raised up at the ending of the prayer.
It’s a bit more difficult not to do what everyone else is doing when I’m in front of everyone in choir; but I try to turn myself so all can’t see what I’m doing or not. But then, if my hand is grabbed, I don’t want to start a ruckus in front of everyone.

 

[Genesis315]

As an aside, at the parish I grew up at, the priest never told people to do it, they just started doing it gradually until it became a full blown thing. Similarly, the practice died a natural death on its own there…

 

[KathleenElsie]

I won’t hold hands unless it is my children or grandchildren. In this case it usually means they were unruly at Mass and needed to me reminded I was watching them.

In would I hold hands in Mass with the people around me. It is IMHO just plain wrong. I keep my hands folded or at prayer.

 

[MusicMan]

Simple solution, fold your hands and pray the Lord’s Prayer.

 

[puzzleannie]

when we joined our former parish and had this same problem, my brother sent me two bamboo back-scratchers, the kind that has a little hand on the end, so I could hold them out on each side for the OF.

 

[Another_Mary]

when we joined our former parish and had this same problem, my brother sent me two bamboo back-scratchers, the kind that has a little hand on the end, so I could hold them out on each side for the OF.

:bigyikes: <— what your neighbor might think!

 

[malphono]

when we joined our former parish and had this same problem, my brother sent me two bamboo back-scratchers, the kind that has a little hand on the end, so I could hold them out on each side for the OF.

priceless

 

[peregrinus_WA]

I would refuse to obey.

In addition, when I visit other parishes (which I rarely do), I do not even do the “sign of peace”. I just close my eyes and stand there.