What do you put in your "Mass bag" for your little children?

[Allegra]

That’s a good point to remind people to keep a close eye on that sort of thing, but it is extremely unkind to paint everyone with such a broad brush.

I see no point in debating you. You obviously have issues. There are times when these things are necessary. You have no clue how much time and money all families with children put into church. You are really only hurting yourself thinking in such an uncharitable way.

This seems like a pretty extreme reaction to that post. The poster was not really being uncharitable and probably doesn’t have “issues”. Kids are, in fact, hyper-stimulated these days and there is a benefit to requiring them to learn to calm themselves down for an hour a week and be still, quiet, and peaceful. This is actually a really underrated skill. On the other hand, it’s pretty unrealistic to expect it to be fully cultivated by a three-year-old, and there is something to be said for trying to keep your kids quiet so other people can enjoy Mass. It’s really up to the descretion of the parents and not all kids are able to chill at Mass as easily as others.

 

[InspiritCarol]

This seems like a pretty extreme reaction to that post. The poster was not really being uncharitable and probably doesn’t have “issues”. Kids are, in fact, hyper-stimulated these days and there is a benefit to requiring them to learn to calm themselves down for an hour a week and be still, quiet, and peaceful. This is actually a really underrated skill. On the other hand, it’s pretty unrealistic to expect it to be fully cultivated by a three-year-old, and there is something to be said for trying to keep your kids quiet so other people can enjoy Mass. It’s really up to the descretion of the parents and not all kids are able to chill at Mass as easily as others.

Ah yes, well. I did take it very personally. I was the one who suggested the paper and pencils or pens.

This poster claimed that “always” this leads to pew vandalism and further snarkily said that conveniently we irresponsible moms never help clean up.

Did I misread that?
But it got better.
It is unmitigated gall to state that moms these days are all failures because of our choice to do these things like Mass bags. It is, in fact, older mother who have passed this wisdom down to us new Moms.
And, really, after spending hundreds of hours a *week *volunteering time and money and effort to maintain the last dying Catholic church in my community I do, very much get peeved when these kind of unwarranted attacks are made.

 

[white_sheep]

That was me… thanks… I don’t let them touch their feet with it but mostly they just kind of roll it around in their hands and look at it. Often I put on around their neck so the girls spend a good amount of time taking it off … looking at it … putting it on … looking at it … repeat ad nausium.

I guess I’m trying to get if that is interpreted as “disrespectful”. It’s so easy to upset people these days … it seems like the more I go out of my way to avoid it, the more likely I am to offend someone else.
Yes; please!

I wouldn’t think it is a thing that people get offended about these days at all, but the opposite, these days more people are not likely to be offended by it than in the past. We should have respect for the Bible and holy objects and sacramentals, that’s pretty traditional.

I gave our daughter a nice necklace for Christmas with a cross and a purple stone in the middle that she gets to wear only to mass. That keeps her distracted for a while.

We have trouble with ours, and I’m sure we put more effort into keeping them controlled than a lot of people with perfect little angels do. I start long before we get to mass, continue on the car ride, and have a last minute re-hash of the rules just before we go in. I try rewards for being good, punishments for being bad, making them sit there without any toys as much as possible(mostly to make the toys last, but also with the end goal of not needing such crutches at some point), and then police the toys or books as much as possible, only one at a time, and trying to make them take a break in between, to try to break the habit.

Every kid is different. Our littlest may let you hold him a total of 20 minutes. For another 20 you might be able to keep him occupied with gadgets. For the other 20 I can make him stay in the pew and be good, well still anyway, but he will be screaming. We haven’t made it all the way through mass since he learned to crawl 2 years ago. And he’s a very good, sweet, docile little thing, he just doesn’t want to sit still and the stuff we can take that is quiet enough doesn’t keep him occupied. Our oldest is the wild one, but we’re getting there.

I have been pretty open with how I go about getting the kids to behave at mass. I think there have been what 2 or 3 people here saying we shouldn’t use any stuff to keep them quiet and I would like to hear their secrets. It’s pretty ridiculous to come on here and say we’re all doing it wrong because your kids are perfectly behaved without all that stuff and then not say anything about how you did it. Why not share some of your secrets if you’re so good? Until then I will assume you won the baby lottery and were sent one that was already perfectly well behaved by God, or use tranquilizers, or maybe your kids are just dumb.

 

[dailey]

I cringe when I see toddlers given pencils and ball-point pens in church so they can scribble. The pews always get the worse of it. That goes for crayons, colored markers and food, too.

I don’t seem to see any “Hey! Volunteer Opportunity! Sign up for pew cleaning and refinishing coming up this week” notices in the parish bulletin.

How is it that mom and dad raised eight children and never thought of bringing toys or food into church? I wonder…just wonder…is it possible they were secretly training their children out of instant gratification and constant entertainment desires at a young age?

I could not agree more! It’s hard for all children to sit through mass without being entertained but it definitely can and should be done.

 

[mommamaree]

To all the naysayers regarding the use of objects to interest the children at Mass: this thread is obviously not for you. I did not start this thread to provide a place for anyone to bash mothers. I started it to allow creative thinking to be shared, so that parents who have active little children can benefit from others’ good ideas. If you post here in order to put us down and make sweeping accusations, then I suggest perhaps your time would be better put to use elsewhere. Nothing that you say is going to make us stop using a Mass bag.

 

[dailey]

I have been pretty open with how I go about getting the kids to behave at mass. I think there have been what 2 or 3 people here saying we shouldn’t use any stuff to keep them quiet and I would like to hear their secrets. It’s pretty ridiculous to come on here and say we’re all doing it wrong because your kids are perfectly behaved without all that stuff and then not say anything about how you did it. Why not share some of your secrets if you’re so good? Until then I will assume you won the baby lottery and were sent one that was already perfectly well behaved by God, or use tranquilizers, or maybe your kids are just dumb.

Hmmm, let’s see, I don’t used tranquilizers and I doubt I won the baby lottery. I know my two oldest are bright, the youngest isn’t in school yet so we’ll have to see whether or not she is “dumb”.

Enough of the silliness, if you really want to know my secret, I’ll tell you. It’s called respect for God’s house. My kids know I am a pushover, I rarely punish them and they have yet to be grounded but they know the ONE thing I will NEVER tolerate is disrespect in church, EVER. Be consistent and don’t waver. Simple as that. And if my youngest (who is hot-tempered and quite a handful) can grasp that at an early age, then so can the other kids.

 

[mommamaree]

To everyone else who is participating pleasantly here: thank you.

With regards to the sacramental rosaries, I think it is great if you want to use them with your children. I see the rosaries in the Mass bag, as well as our Holy cards, in much the same way as training wheels on a bicycle, or a tricycle. I have many young children, only one has attained the age of reason and received First Holy Communion. So allowing them to hold little unbreakable rosaries, or holy cards, or prayer books…this all helps them learn to train their minds on holy things, but if it goes into their mouths, or gets dropped on the floor, I don’t have to worry about being disrespectful with a sacramental. Then, at home, during family Rosary time, I can freely instruct them without disturbing others. That is my method, but I can see the beauty of other methods, too. So there is no condemnation from me. I am here to learn from others, while still sharing what has worked for us.

Regarding the writing implements, I only allow my kindergartener to have a notebook. My oldest is required to fully participate and pay attention, and my younger ones would eat the writing implements, or color on the pew at this stage, so that is completely out of the question for them.

I found a great idea on Pinterest yesterday, which some of you crafty sorts might like. It was a mini felt board made out of a travel baby wipes container. I thought that having a few scenes, like some crosses and a grassy hill and a sun and a tomb would be great for an Easter scene. And also Eucharistic symbols and an altar for the Mass. Maybe a lamb. Little felt objects like that, which could be arranged in multiple ways, and traded out with the liturgical calendar.

 

[white_sheep]

Hmmm, let’s see, I don’t used tranquilizers and I doubt I won the baby lottery. I know my two oldest are bright, the youngest isn’t in school yet so we’ll have to see whether or not she is “dumb”.

Enough of the silliness, if you really want to know my secret, I’ll tell you. It’s called respect for God’s house. My kids know I am a pushover, I rarely punish them and they have yet to be grounded but they know the ONE thing I will NEVER tolerate is disrespect in church, EVER. Be consistent and don’t waver. Simple as that. And if my youngest (who is hot-tempered and quite a handful) can grasp that at an early age, then so can the other kids.

Can you give me some examples of how being consistent and not waivering in this regard would play out? You have one that’s being bad, not wanting to be still or quiet, but wants to run off or run around or bang things on the pew only. You can’t physically force them to be good or they scream. What are your tactics?

 

[dailey]

Can you give me some examples of how being consistent and not waivering in this regard would play out? You have one that’s being bad, not wanting to be still or quiet, but wants to run off or run around or bang things on the pew only. You can’t physically force them to be good or they scream. What are your tactics?

Do you really want my advice…or are you just being uncharitable again, like you were in the previous post where you called kids dumb?

 

[white_sheep]

Do you really want my advice…or are you just being uncharitable again, like you were in the previous post where you called kids dumb?

I really want your advice. Having to pack stuff to take to mass isn’t exactly what I like doing.

 

[retire_early]

That’s a good point to remind people to keep a close eye on that sort of thing, but it is extremely unkind to paint everyone with such a broad brush.

I see no point in debating you. You obviously have issues. There are times when these things are necessary. You have no clue how much time and money all families with children put into church. You are really only hurting yourself thinking in such an uncharitable way.

What broad brush? I just said I cringe because I see many permanent marks left in the pews. Where’s the “broad brush” in that?

Whats my “issue”? I never said the mass bag items were necessary or unnecessary.
What makes you think I have no clue about how much families with children give to their parish? Do you know me, personally?

How was I being uncharitable? I said I didn’t like the marks left behind on pews made by children given writing instruments to use during Mass—is that what makes me a clueless, uncharitable, issue-filled, debate-unworthy person? Good Heavens! It was just an honest opinion.

Also, I didn’t know this was a debating forum. Forgive me, but I just thought people wrote on these forums to give opinions.

 

[retire_early]

. I think there have been what 2 or 3 people here saying we shouldn’t use any stuff to keep them quiet and I would like to hear their secrets. It’s pretty ridiculous to come on here and say we’re all doing it wrong because your kids are perfectly behaved without all that stuff and then not say anything about how you did it. Why not share some of your secrets if you’re so good? Until then I will assume you won the baby lottery and were sent one that was already perfectly well behaved by God, or use tranquilizers, or maybe your kids are just dumb.

Yep, all “just dumb.”

I better tell them to give back their college degrees.

 

[jlc2k2]

For the record, Crayola crayon marks come off of a wooden pew with a baby wipe, no scrubbing or laborious cleaning necessary. Normally, I bring crayons, a coloring book, a regular book or two, and the twins’ dolls that are their loveys. Target has play packs with 4 crayons, a small coloring book, and stickers for $1. I buy one of those once or twice a month. Everything fits in a gallon size ziploc bag. This is for 3 kids under 4.

I am trying to wean the almost 4 year old off the entertainment. I recently was able to ditch bringing the sippy. I do still bring some small crackers/cookies. (I always pick up anything that we dropped before people leave the pews for communion and again after Mass.)

We’re still not the quietest group but it’s improving - slowly. I started bringing less back around Christmas because I noticed they were making a game of emptying the diaper bag.

 

[InspiritCarol]

Sorry, mommamaree, I’ll try not to carry this on, but this person seems *sincerely *unaware and so, I suppose a little more directed correction may be beneficial.

What broad brush? I just said I cringe because I see many permanent marks left in the pews. Where’s the “broad brush” in that?

I cringe when I see toddlers given pencils and ball-point pens in church so they can scribble. The pews always get the worse of it. That goes for crayons, colored markers and food, too.

“Always” is a very broad brush.

Whats my “issue”? I never said the mass bag items were necessary or unnecessary.

Did you give positive, helpful suggestions?
Did you offer some idea for us to put in our Mass bag?
Or did you come on a thread to complain about how kids these days just aren’t raised right?

What makes you think I have no clue about how much families with children give to their parish? Do you know me, personally?

This.

I don’t seem to see any “Hey! Volunteer Opportunity! Sign up for pew cleaning and refinishing coming up this week” notices in the parish bulletin.

Now, to me this is saying that we just aren’t cleaning up after ourselves. What did you mean by this if it wasn’t about our lack of helpfulness?

How was I being uncharitable? I said I didn’t like the marks left behind on pews made by children given writing instruments to use during Mass—is that what makes me a clueless, uncharitable, issue-filled, debate-unworthy person?

See above. … and below.

Good Heavens! It was just an honest opinion.

An honest opinion that was NOT requested… at all.

Also, I didn’t know this was a debating forum. Forgive me, but I just thought people wrote on these forums to give opinions.

You think you can make statements that make moms even more afraid than they already are to bring their kids to Mass and it should go unchallenged?
Honestly, I know too many moms who don’t come to Mass at all because their kids make noise, and “opinions” like this make them feel lower than dirt.
I’m not kidding.

How is it that mom and dad raised eight children and never thought of bringing toys or food into church? I wonder…just wonder…is it possible they were secretly training their children out of instant gratification and constant entertainment desires at a young age?

OR maybe, just maybe, you’re remembering a world that even if it ever did exist (and I have had plenty of grandmas tell me otherwise) no longer exists in ANY form like it.
Instead of pews filled with families to set good examples; my kids are faced with mean old people that give us all dirty looks when the baby coos.
Not my own parish, thank God, but whenever we travel, it is almost always a nightmare. I have left Church in tears because people with *issues *who are filled with whatever righteousness that comes to their mind try to put us down.
Never the priests though… Never the priests …
and I’m not shy to ask them if we are being inappropriate.

 

[mommamaree]

InspiritCarol,
Beautifully said. Thank you.

 

[dailey]

Sorry, mommamaree, I’ll try not to carry this on, but this person seems *sincerely *unaware and so, I suppose a little more directed correction may be beneficial.

“Always” is a very broad brush.

Did you give positive, helpful suggestions?
Did you offer some idea for us to put in our Mass bag?
Or did you come on a thread to complain about how kids these days just aren’t raised right?

This.

Now, to me this is saying that we just aren’t cleaning up after ourselves. What did you mean by this if it wasn’t about our lack of helpfulness?

See above. … and below.

An honest opinion that was NOT requested… at all.

You think you can make statements that make moms even more afraid than they already are to bring their kids to Mass and it should go unchallenged?
Honestly, I know too many moms who don’t come to Mass at all because their kids make noise, and “opinions” like this make them feel lower than dirt.
I’m not kidding.

OR maybe, just maybe, you’re remembering a world that even if it ever did exist (and I have had plenty of grandmas tell me otherwise) no longer exists in ANY form like it.
Instead of pews filled with families to set good examples; my kids are faced with mean old people that give us all dirty looks when the baby coos.
Not my own parish, thank God, but whenever we travel, it is almost always a nightmare. I have left Church in tears because people with *issues *who are filled with whatever righteousness that comes to their mind try to put us down.
Never the priests though… Never the priests …
and I’m not shy to ask them if we are being inappropriate.

Holy cow, what churches do you go to where “mean old people” are giving you and your kids dirty looks when they coo?? And you know “many moms” who don’t go to church any more because of other peoples opinions?? Hmmm, something just ain’t adding up. Gonna take a little more than that to keep me from going to mass. Oh, and just a friendly reminder, this is an open forum and we are all entitled to give our “honest opinion”, we do not need to ask your permission. And just for the record, a world where kids sat still in mass did exist, trust me, the nuns at my school made sure of it.

 

[Allegra]

I’m admittedly a really light traveler, but it seems to me that with all the junk that is necessary to get my ONE kid out of the house (diaper bag, bottle, binkie, blanket, socks that won’t stay on, bonnet…) adding an entire bag of junk for her to play with is counterproductive. I don’t even want to think about doing this for three or four kids! I just grab whatever non-electronic-noise-making-object she is most infatuated with at the moment and head for the door. It’s just an hour for heaven’s sake. It seems to me that most toddlers I’ve looked after have some sort of quiet-time object like a doll, stuffy, or blanket that ought to get the job done. I know it won’t make me the talk of pintrest, but it seems to work. Why make it complicated?

 

[InspiritCarol]

Holy cow, what churches do you go to where “mean old people” are giving you and your kids dirty looks when they coo?? And you know “many moms” who don’t go to church any more because of other peoples opinions?? Hmmm, something just ain’t adding up. Gonna take a little more than that to keep me from going to mass. Oh, and just a friendly reminder, this is an open forum and we are all entitled to give our “honest opinion”, we do not need to ask your permission. And just for the record, a world where kids sat still in mass did exist, trust me, the nuns at my school made sure of it.

Whoa. Keep you from going to Mass? WHAT!?!

I have to say that I am not lying. I’m just not. I’ve cantored since I was 7 … 35 years now of standing up in front of the congregation (usually). 35 years of being the one people go to who feel too intimidated to go to the priest. Is there an easy statistic I can point to to verify my experience? Well, no, mostly because there is a huge disparity between those who say they are Catholic and those who actually attend Mass.

I also have to say that I am eternally grateful to the kind older ladies that some of my kids gravitate towards at my own parish.
My kids look forward to sitting with these ladies and pray for them every night.
And even when we have had horrific experiences outside our home Church, there are often one or two older people who have come up and thanked us for having the courage and fortitude to bring our kids.

Regardless: even if one were the meanest person in the world, never *ever *let that stop you from going to Mass.

We are a pilgrim people; none of us perfect. All the more reason to experience the closest thing we have to heaven on Earth.

I was *just *commiserating with an 81 year old retired priest friend about how we miss the nuns. *He *thinks there will be a resurgence; I wish I could hold out that hope. As a mom of three girls, I’m doing my best to help that.

Helpful to parents:
The only thing that has solved my 7 year old boy’s squirming is his becoming an alter server. Parents, there were a few week’s of mortifying transition where the squirms were worked out in front of the whole congregation; but thanks to God for the blessing of a powerfully influential older server that had faith in my boy and the charisma to direct him properly; my squirm monster has managed to direct his energy toward a job of consequence. I trusted the older server’s judgement to my own joy.

I pray that all Gods people see these inconveniences as opportunities to grow together in our faith and let no-one feel unwelcome at Mass*…

• Umm, except the homicidal (but that’s *another *story).

 

[white_sheep]

Oh yeah, here lately I’ve been getting ready early and they go outside and play for an hour before we leave. That helps a lot.

 

[alphawoman]

We started sitting in the church, not the vestibule to the church, a month ago with my very active 2 year old son. Prior to that, we had a live and let live attitude to roaming in the vestibule, but I feel he’s old enough now to participate more fully in Mass. He’s a mover and a talker. It sounds corny, but I offered a few Masses for the grace for him to be calm, sit in a pew, and be captivated by the beauty of Mass. I figured God wouldn’t deny me a request that is good for all of our souls. He didn’t let me down!

He’s still extremely physical, talkative, and active outside Mass, but he sits still, whispers quietly, and shows an interest in Mass. God is, simply put, completely amazing in respondin to heartfelt requests.

As for the Mass bag, we bought three special little truck toys that are Mass-only toys. DS looks forward to playing with them, and we encourage him to join in singing with us, saying “amen”, or blowing kisses to Jesus in the tabernacle and during consecration. He loves crossing himself with holy water, and we often bring a special little bottle of holy water with us. DS is also a big nurser, and we usually nurse during the homily and cuddle a bit during consecration. Not exactly something “in the bag”, per se…but an important tool in my arsenal.

A great way to build interest in the church, I’ve found, is to take a few minutes after Mass every Sunday and tour the church, discussing statues (DS loves La Pieta), the tabernacle, altar, images in stained glass windows, stations of the cross, etc. DS’ great eandfather made the stained glass windows at our church, which provides a bit of extra interest. DS probably spends about half of Mass studying these carefully, and it leads to some good conversations about how much Jesus loves us, how Mary felt to have her son sacrificed, how happy Mary was to learn Jesus was resurrected, how Jesus and Mary felt at different parts of the stations of the cross.

I personally love the idea of a child having his own rosary. I bought a colourful little wooden decade bracelet for DS and should get it blessed. The Holy Mother, I’m sure, is delighted to see her precious rosary loved by the youngest Catholics!