What do you think of marrying for this reason?

[mkmama]

Wow…this thread hits home.

I was that teen mother just over 7 years ago. And having been there, done that, I’ll add my advice.

I think that everyone (especially MIL) should stop pressuring the two to get married (or not get married), and accept the decision that the couple makes about marriage – regardless of if it is to get married or not. They are likely the ones that best know if a marriage would ever work out between them. Support the couple emotionally by being available to just listen if SIL ever wants to talk. Whatever you do, don’t judge – the couple is getting enough of that from MIL and probably a lot of other people.

In my case, he was 18, I was 19…I gave birth to my son just a few months before my 20th birthday. And we got married 5 months before he was born. And we’re still happily married almost 8 years later.

We chose to marry right away because we were already planning on getting married (but had told no one at that point due to our ages) and in essence, just ended up moving up the date (and not by years like many people assume…he was enlisted in the Marines, so we’d been discussing getting married young).

Neither one of us had completed college (he had just graduated high school and I had just finished first semester of college classes), and I didn’t have a job…only thing we had was his enlistment in the Marines (which was both a blessing and burden at the same time!)

I guess what I’m trying to say is…there may be more going on between the couple (like a lifetime commitment and desire to marry that has already been discussed between the couple) than anyone realizes/sees from the outside looking in. And pressure to marry/not marry can only hurt the relationship the person who is pressuring the couple currently has with the couple, and won’t really help anyone. Oh, and lastly, some marriages from situations like this really were meant to be and do last Looking back on the last 8 years, there are SO many ways our great Lord has turned a huge mistake of mine and DH’s into some of our greatest blessings!

 

[severus68]

Frankly, I am the lone dissenter. They had a baby. They refused to give it up for adoption to a married, Catholic, successful and secure couple who would give it a decent home. So they must give it a home - NOT their parents (baby’s grandparents).

They are essentially adults if she can get an IUD and they are having sex. I don’t give a darn if their marriage is happy or not. Like most marriages, at any age, it’s mostly a gamble, and a matter of attitude and devotion. THE BABY COMES FIRST, not some romantic notion of marital bliss. Their first obligation is to their child, not their personal happiness.

Of course they should marry. They are obligated to marry. Immediately. That baby deserves a mother, a father, and a home. Right now it has none of the above. Right now it has a slut, a statutory rapist and no home of its own.

The longer this persists, the LESS likely they are to marry, and guess what, I’d bet money she will get pregnant again, then it’s welfare…etc. That’s what you get for keeping them children. They had a baby, they are no longer children. Marry and take responsibility. The mother is right.

I will report this if you do not aologise or remove this. Totally unacceptable and so unChristian!

 

[Walking_Home]

Frankly, I am the lone dissenter. They had a baby. They refused to give it up for adoption to a married, Catholic, successful and secure couple who would give it a decent home. So they must give it a home - NOT their parents (baby’s grandparents).

They are essentially adults if she can get an IUD and they are having sex. I don’t give a darn if their marriage is happy or not. Like most marriages, at any age, it’s mostly a gamble, and a matter of attitude and devotion. THE BABY COMES FIRST, not some romantic notion of marital bliss. Their first obligation is to their child, not their personal happiness.

Of course they should marry. They are obligated to marry. Immediately. That baby deserves a mother, a father, and a home. Right now it has none of the above. Right now it has a slut, a statutory rapist and no home of its own.

The longer this persists, the LESS likely they are to marry, and guess what, I’d bet money she will get pregnant again, then it’s welfare…etc. That’s what you get for keeping them children. They had a baby, they are no longer children. Marry and take responsibility. The mother is right.

---

Seems you left Christ behind when you made this post.

 

[Schieffelin]

First of all IT is a BOY!

You know, the word “damn” is used in the bible. The words “slut”. pretty sure it is not.

Are you afraid to use the word damn? Or that you might offend? But not afraid to call a young misguided woman a slut? Regardless of offense. A slut by defination would be a girl or woman who sleeps around. Has multiple partners, etc. There is NO indication this young woman has done that. They made a bad choice. They do not owe a married Catholic couple their baby. Nor do they have to jump into marriage, if it proves to be a further bad choice. Children deserve the best loving scenario possible.

Mother and father are not defined by marital status. Or does a child lose his/her mother and father should they divorce? They are now orphans?

Children do not have a home of their own. They can not legally own such a home. Home is were you make it. Again, go to the divorced couple. Can a child have two homes? What are the rules? Per you.

Finally, if you had paid attention you would realize the young woman is the oldest one in this scenario. And since she’s 18, now with a 4 month old, surely you can do the math and realize they were both were easily under age at the time of conception. Even if she turned 18 on the same day of conception.

With 40 weeks of PG + 16 weeks of child age = conception was most likely 56 weeks or rather 1 year 4 weeks ago. And she’s not 19 yet, so that buys time in the case of viable premie birth as well. One should NOT assume statutory rape. One should not assume a criminal without absolute fact. And there is certainly enough room here to assume both parties were under age at the time of conception.

Furthermore here’s a better understanding of stat. rape: “Most states do not refer specifically to statutory rape; instead they use designations such as sexual assault and sexual abuse to identify prohibited activity. Regardless of the designation, these crimes are based on the premise that until a person reaches a certain age, he is legally incapable of consenting to sexual intercourse. Thus, instead of including force as a criminal element, theses crimes make it illegal for anyone to engage in sexual intercourse with anyone below a certain age, other than his spouse. The age of consent varies by state, with most states, including Connecticut, setting it at age 16. The age of consent in other states ranges from ages 14 to 18. Some states base the penalty for violations on the age of the offender, with older offenders receiving harsher penalties. For example, California, Maryland, Missouri, Nevada, and New York reserve their harshest statutory rape penalty for offenders who are age 21 or older”

From here: cga.ct.gov/2003/olrdata/jud/rpt/2003-r-0376.htm which is a 2003 report.

Try not to show you represent our Catholic faith by talking about humans who made a mistake as if they are just simply trash and showing you can’t even add in effort to also insinuate one is a criminal. Do unto others, and thou shalt not bear false witness and all!

 

[Schieffelin]

Wow…this thread hits home.

I was that teen mother just over 7 years ago. And having been there, done that, I’ll add my advice.

I think that everyone (especially MIL) should stop pressuring the two to get married (or not get married), and accept the decision that the couple makes about marriage – regardless of if it is to get married or not. They are likely the ones that best know if a marriage would ever work out between them. Support the couple emotionally by being available to just listen if SIL ever wants to talk. Whatever you do, don’t judge – the couple is getting enough of that from MIL and probably a lot of other people.

In my case, he was 18, I was 19…I gave birth to my son just a few months before my 20th birthday. And we got married 5 months before he was born. And we’re still happily married almost 8 years later.

We chose to marry right away because we were already planning on getting married (but had told no one at that point due to our ages) and in essence, just ended up moving up the date (and not by years like many people assume…he was enlisted in the Marines, so we’d been discussing getting married young).

Neither one of us had completed college (he had just graduated high school and I had just finished first semester of college classes), and I didn’t have a job…only thing we had was his enlistment in the Marines (which was both a blessing and burden at the same time!)

I guess what I’m trying to say is…there may be more going on between the couple (like a lifetime commitment and desire to marry that has already been discussed between the couple) than anyone realizes/sees from the outside looking in. And pressure to marry/not marry can only hurt the relationship the person who is pressuring the couple currently has with the couple, and won’t really help anyone. Oh, and lastly, some marriages from situations like this really were meant to be and do last Looking back on the last 8 years, there are SO many ways our great Lord has turned a huge mistake of mine and DH’s into some of our greatest blessings!

Thank you for sharing your story, mkmama. I do have to give these two teenagers some credit. When this whole thing started to explode, they handled it with a lot more maturity than some of the adults. They remained calm, they told the truth, and they never considered abortion even though there was pressure from MIL to do so. As for the parts where they are making bad decisions, I feel the example their parents gave them is largely to blame. It’s a very “say as I do, not as I say” type situation with both of their parents. My husband and I try to provide a good example and we try to talk to them sometimes, but obviously there’s only so much we can do when the parents enable (and sometimes encourage) bad behavior.