What does it all mean?

  • Thread starter Thread starter dvcol
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
D

dvcol

Guest
Hi Everyone,

Thank you for taking the time to read this, I am 23 and am soon to married (4weeks) to be percise, I would be classed as a Protestant in Ireland and my fiance is Roman Catholic. Has a couple we have encountered alot of ‘issues’ from my family, in particular my parents who do not talk to me, as my fiance is Roman Catholic, so have been reliant on my extended family for support. However yesterday after four years my cousin decided to drop me a mail, please find it below and educate me on what I am to do and how to respond.

All comments welcome.

Hello XXXXX

Firstly I would like to say thank you for the invite to your stag doo in Dublin and for letting me know about the plans you have after your wedding. Unfortunately from this point I think it is about to go downhill depending on which perspective you are looking from. I will not be attending your stag doo as I do not like wasting money in which I can ill afford to throw away. Having company with a lot of people who I don’t know with primarily the sole purpose of getting drunk is not my idea of an enjoyable evening. I do however enjoy your company.

I from the outset would like to state that I am writing this letter to you under no coercion and entirely on what I believe has been put on my heart to say. I can say that this first started to materialise after our last meeting at my Mums house.

The main point I would like to make is that I am not in support of your marriage or relationship to XXXX. I can tell you at this point I have never been for or against your relationship with XXXX. I would also like to say that this has got nothing to do with Catholic or Protestant as in my eyes I see XXXX and yourself as sinners. I believe that you and XXXX need to come to a point in which you accept Jesus into your lives and let Him take control of the driving seat. You will also find much greater happiness together than you could ever have by living in the way of the world. In doing this you would also know that the bible clearly has the man as the head of the house and the wife in submission to him. The head of the man is Christ Jesus Himself and this is whom the man is in submission to.

Why is it that you and Louise are going down a more Roman Catholic route? This totally flies in the face of everything that you have been taught. It is quite clear the doctrinal errors of the Roman Catholic Church and the different interpretations they have upon scripture. Even if neither you nor XXXX really believes in the teachings of the Roman Catholic Church, then I wonder why you want to involve them. Children of course are a major consideration. Whether you ever have children or not to think that they may be brought up in the false teachings of the Roman Catholic Church is a shame. Your decisions now are not ones to be taken lightly as you are talking about “Eternal Life” or “Eternal Punishment”. I have mentioned children because the Roman Catholic Church do their utmost to have you baptize your child, put them through Catholic education, holy communion, confirmation and all sorts of rituals.

So I am sorry but I will not be attending the reception after your wedding. If all goes to your plans I will have no problem in sending you a gift.

If you have any questions I will be happy to answer them.

XXXXX
 
Yikes, what a letter! It sounds very rude – religious objection to your marriage is no excuse for being this disrespectful of you and your fiancee!

Me, I wouldn’t dignify it with a reply. Clearly there is nothing you can do to make this cousin respect your choices – either you “take the lead” and ride roughshod over your fiancee’s wishes, making sure that everything in your marriage goes according to your religion and your way (which I assume is not what the two of you have agreed on), or this cousin will never be satisfied with you.

Hope it’s not a cousin you’re really close to … that would really sting.
 
It seems your cousin has a lot of issues with the Catholic Church. Are you planning to convert? Either way, keep the communication open with your cousin, forgiving him or her for the errors of his/her thinking. Learn about the Catholic faith so you can prayerfully correct your cousin’s misconceptions. I am a convert and after 36 years, I still hear anti-catholic comments from my mother and sister. In other words, don’t expect any changes over night and you might as well take your cousin off the guest list.
 
Wow, yeah, that’s a lot of objection to your decision. That’s really unfortunate. I myself am also a Catholic convert so I too have had to deal with Catholic misunderstanding and even hatred. I’d have to say that if this is the feeling of the Protestant group that you belong to, I’m not sure how healthy that denomination is?
I think it would be a great idea to learn more about the Catholic faith if you haven’t done so already. You will see that so much of what Protestants believe is just plain wrong.

It seems as though your cousin has completely closed off the issue. If it were me, I don’t think I could write back to that. Because it seems like on matter what you say, they won’t change their mind.

I will certainly pray for you.
 
Dear Cousin,

Now we are both deeply disappointed in each other. The only remedy-- for each of us to to pray for the other in charity.

May the Lord bless you and keep you,

XXXXX
 
monicatholic said:
Dear Cousin,

Now we are both deeply disappointed in each other. The only remedy-- for each of us to to pray for the other in charity.

May the Lord bless you and keep you,

XXXXX
Click to expand...
That’s a great response!

dvcol-

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I was protestant when I married my husband and I can’t imagine if my family had reacted that way. It would be heartbreaking.

As I came from a church with a very literal interpretation of the Bible there was an expectation that I would convert because of the whole husband as head of the house thing. I agreed to convert originally because I wanted our kids to have two parents going to church together and was then amazed at what I learned and grateful that I sort of “stumbled” into Catholicism.

I’ll keep you in my prayers and I hope you have an amazing wedding, without too much stress from all of this.
 
Two things strike me…

First is this quote from your cousin:
dvcol said:
I would also like to say that this has got nothing to do with Catholic or Protestant as in my eyes I see XXXX and yourself as sinners.
Click to expand...
Your cousin then goes on to say:
dvcol said:
Why is it that you and Louise are going down a more Roman Catholic route? This totally flies in the face of everything that you have been taught. It is quite clear the doctrinal errors of the Roman Catholic Church and the different interpretations they have upon scripture. Even if neither you nor XXXX really believes in the teachings of the Roman Catholic Church, then I wonder why you want to involve them. Children of course are a major consideration. Whether you ever have children or not to think that they may be brought up in the false teachings of the Roman Catholic Church is a shame. Your decisions now are not ones to be taken lightly as you are talking about “Eternal Life” or “Eternal Punishment”. I have mentioned children because the Roman Catholic Church do their utmost to have you baptize your child, put them through Catholic education, holy communion, confirmation and all sorts of rituals.
Click to expand...
I’ve always had a problem with people who start out saying, “It’s not about xxxx… but as long as we’re on the subject let me say this…” Kinda makes me think that they are either liars or that they have some type of mental abnormality.

I guess my second point is the actual hacking away at Catholicism. I resent being thought less of simply because I belong to God’s Church. I’d tell your cousin to keep his/her gift as you do not wish for him/her to waste his/her money on something so trivial as a family member’s wedding. Is this cousin male? If so, I’d next kick his butt; however, I realize that is probably not the most appropriate response. Hey, I never claimed to be a civil man. 😉

Regardless, I wish you and yours a very happy wedding and marriage! Take care, and know that there are people here who will be praying for the two of you. God bless.
 
dvcol - Wow this cousin of yours sounds like a real beast! I am not clear on if your cousin is male or female, but I will just refer to them as though they are female. First off, she is taking your big day and making all about her! You were kind enough to include her in your stag and she has insulted your choice of how you wish to celebrate it. IF she is so offended by going out for a little partying, she could have politely declined with a no thank you. Instead, she has chosen to insult you and make it all about HER. Don’t you just love when people play the “Christian” card, only to be rude and devious.

The obnoxious things she said about the Catholic Church… just ignore them, the poor thing is ignorant. Just ignore this email from her, don’t justify her rudeness with a response. Focus on your husband and on God and you will have a great wedding day. Do not, I repeat, do not let family ruin your day. This is a day for you and your husband. You are now to leave your family and become one with your husband. People have their motivations for trying to ruin someone else’s day, jealousy, fear, pride…but do not pay mind to them. You do not deserve this treatment. Rejoice in your upcoming marriage! Little do they know the graces you will receive from being married before God in the Catholic Church (I can attest to this!).

One phrase you are really going to need to get used to saying to family as a newly married woman is “That’s none of your business.” I speak from experience, I have a very ignorant and anti-Catholic mother-in-law who has said some of the things from that email almost verbatim. In many ways, she was jealous of our wedding and perhaps even the fact that my husband and I had found true love with one another and had been so generously blessed. You will find that jealousy and pride is often a motivation for people to act like this. Also, people with very little sense of self, or those who lack a true relationship with God often have a hard time accepting that you do not follow their beliefs because it challenges them and they have such a shallow understanding of God to begin with that is hard for them to be challenged. Their insecurities make them feel the need to control you. In the end, the closer you draw to God, the easier these people are to deal with and to pray for. Never let their attacks sour your relationship with your husband. You have a lifetime of love and blessings to look forward to.
 
He tries to make it sound like it isn’t a Catholic / Protestant thing but then the entire letter is about that… very sad.

But this is in Ireland right? The difficulties go back far and while there is a lot of religious disagreement, the Catholic / Protestant debate is also very political.

I get the impression that he believes you are currently doing something (perhaps living together?) that is not in line with Protestant or Catholic teaching. (this is just a guess).

My reply would be something to the effect that you are moved by his desire to state what he believe is best for your eternal soul. However you have come to understand that the teachings of the Catholic Church are truly in line with Bible and most of his concerns are based upon misinformation. The most important thing though being that he continues to love and serve Christ through his church and that perhaps one day God will open his eyes as well to the beauty and Truth of Catholic Theology. Until then you will have to agree but disagree on the some of the details.

Finally that you will definitely miss him and hope he is in good health!

What is different here in the US is that there is a lot of dialogue going on between Catholics and Protestants, Oddly enough he is probably Presbyterian (or some other church of Reformed theology) and some of the most vocal converts to Catholicism over the past 20 years were Presbyterian (Hahn, Grodi etc…)

You might add that as a token of good will to ease his concerns you are sending him a book. You could send him “Home Sweet Rome” by Scott Hahn. j/k.

Are you living in Norther Ireland or Ireland? I didn’t think it was much of an issue anymore around Dublin? However my guess is you might find some reverse concerns more inland around Gallway.

Joe
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top