What does it mean to be your brother's keeper?

[PelagiathePenit]

What does God mean that you are your brother’s keeper?
In all sincerity, why is it wrong to point out flaws in your family members?
When people are kin, it is easy to forget “boundaries”, I’m not sure if I believe in such boundaries. I guess because you know your family or perhaps even a close friend so well - it becomes difficult/tempting not to call them out when they are wrong.
My father has told me a good friend will disagree with you, tell you when you are in the wrong, - basically, try to improve you. A good friend is not afraid to be brutally honest with you.
I’m not exactly sure what I’m supposedly doing wrong.
If you share a story, you are opening yourself up for criticism, feedback, etc.
Why can’t people learn to be less reactive to what others have to say about them?
I say what I see or observe. I could be wrong.
I don’t understand why people don’t take criticism that way. If what they are saying is untrue, chuck it and move on. If what they are saying is true or has some truth in it, then change.
The truth will not always be wrapped up in politeness, correct timing, etc but that doesn’t mean you should ignore it or NOT LISTEN.
I don’t think strong disagreements, differences of opinion or ways of life should end friendships. I’m not sure why people don’t have tolerance for those things. As long as your friend respects you, supports you, and helps you - why do any of these issues matter?
I wish people could see the bigger picture.
The Lord tells us not to be so easily offended. I think it is about pride.

 

[Roseeurekacross]

What does God mean that you are your brother’s keeper?
In all sincerity, why is it wrong to point out flaws in your family members?
When people are kin, it is easy to forget “boundaries”, I’m not sure if I believe in such boundaries. I guess because you know your family or perhaps even a close friend so well - it becomes difficult/tempting not to call them out when they are wrong.
My father has told me a good friend will disagree with you, tell you when you are in the wrong, - basically, try to improve you. A good friend is not afraid to be brutally honest with you.
I’m not exactly sure what I’m supposedly doing wrong.
If you share a story, you are opening yourself up for criticism, feedback, etc.
Why can’t people learn to be less reactive to what others have to say about them?
I say what I see or observe. I could be wrong.
I don’t understand why people don’t take criticism that way. If what they are saying is untrue, chuck it and move on. If what they are saying is true or has some truth in it, then change.
The truth will not always be wrapped up in politeness, correct timing, etc but that doesn’t mean you should ignore it or NOT LISTEN.
I don’t think strong disagreements, differences of opinion or ways of life should end friendships. I’m not sure why people don’t have tolerance for those things. As long as your friend respects you, supports you, and helps you - why do any of these issues matter?
I wish people could see the bigger picture.
The Lord tells us not to be so easily offended. I think it is about pride.

Have you had this conversation with your father? Are you mis interpreting him? Would he tell you to do, for example, to what you did with your friend who got cosmetic surgery?
Are you perfect? Are you a living Saint? Are you, if not these things, are you practicing love, mercy, forgiveness?

Why are you so wrapped up in correcting , to your personal standards, those around you?

Is this post about pride, your pride, pride in believing you can take that splinter out of another’s eye?
Perhaps have this convo with your father?

Jesus teaches us to Love our neighbour.

 

[pianistclare]

Not what you think it means.
Clearly.

 

[Irishmom2]

Pelagia, do you want to know what being your brothers keeper, or your brothers criticizer means?

In all honesty, you have had countless threads where you **ask **one thing, and then always turn it into a thread about why cant you “be honest and tell someone they are wrong.”

Being related or a good friend does not always give you the right to hurt someone in the name of truth. Especially since in many of your examples, it is merely your opinion.

Instead of asking us why you can’t tell someone the truth or be honest, perhaps you should ask yourself why it matters so much to you. Why is it do important to you to point out someone’s flaws, or tell them they are wrong, or blab something private, all under the guise of being honest?

Because I have to say, sometimes, it sounds more like you just want to be hurtful, or spiteful, and not at all loving.

 

[Bruised_Reed]

What does God mean that you are your brother’s keeper?
I(…)

First, show us where in the bible God said this, chapter and verse.

 

[pianistclare]

It IS about pride.

Certain people believe they are never wrong and they are right about everything.
This is seldom true.

If everyone around you reacts the same way: indignation, resentment, anger, frustration, disbelief…then maybe the person that is wrong is you.

Why do you want to hurt everyone?

Did you ever pray that Litany of Humility that I gave to you?

Did you? Do you know what it means? Did you feel a change of heart?
If not, do it again.
You can’t be happy like this. You strike me as VERY unhappy.

Did you ever get a spiritual director?
Why not?

I’m surprised you keep asking the same things. You never receive the answer you appear to want to hear.

Makes no sense.

If you simply are not capable of empathising with people by speaking in charity, with gentleness and compassion, then you should hold your tongue.
You identify as Catholic.
There is no place in the catechism where we are advised to beat people over the head with our own personal version of truth.

 

[1Lord1Faith]

There is no place in the catechism where we are advised to beat people over the head with our own personal version of truth.

Commonly known to married men as “nagging”.

Here is a riddle for Pelagia if she decides to get married:
If a man speaks, and there is not a woman around to hear what he says…is he still wrong?

 

[mommy_k]

You can read 1 thessalonians to know how to be a steward of God’s grace to others…with compassion, kindness and gentleness.

A direct harsh manner in all situations is in conflict to this and does not show mercy or charity. It is rooted in pride as others posted.

Edited …to change scripture…I was distracted during reading.

 

[PelagiathePenit]

Being critical and expressing disapproval for a person’s behavior is not always wrong. It is important to correct others, challenge their views and I think mature adults should be able to freely pass opinions without it getting touchy or anyone sulking. This is the ideal. I don’t know why people take things more personally than they should
Information is information. The truth doesn’t change and it will soon reveal itself.
I think us Christians should be humble enough to accept correction or honesty no matter how harshly delivered and no matter the source. Right is right, wrong is wrong.
If you’re living your life right, no reason for anxiety. Why would you care what others may say? Ignore it if it is not true.

 

[Roseeurekacross]

Being critical and expressing disapproval for a person’s behavior is not always wrong. It is important to correct others, challenge their views and I think mature adults should be able to freely pass opinions without it getting touchy or anyone sulking. This is the ideal. I don’t know why people take things more personally than they should
Information is information. The truth doesn’t change and it will soon reveal itself.
I think us Christians should be humble enough to accept correction or honesty no matter how harshly delivered and no matter the source. Right is right, wrong is wrong.
If you’re living your life right, no reason for anxiety. Why would you care what others may say? Ignore it if it is not true.

Where is Charity in all this?

Why do you seek to insult and upset others, rather then being a peacemaker?

What does Jesus say about attacking others vs being kind , gentle and loving?

 

[PelagiathePenit]

Where is Charity in all this?

Why do you seek to insult and upset others, rather then being a peacemaker?

What does Jesus say about attacking others vs being kind , gentle and loving?

Charity is important. It is easier to sharper, harsher and more blunt with your family. At some point, people should know better. Which is worse a little rudeness or the truth? Again, I think the truth is bigger than people’s feelings. If people cast aside tone, they can hear the message clearly. If you don’t want to be scrutinized, live a good life. Make reasonable choices. Think before you speak. Take responsibility for your mistakes. In all honesty, plenty of mistakes are preventable if people think a little more rationally, act patiently and consider multiple perspectives.
What’s wrong with being critical or expressing disapproval for someone’s bad behavior? Correction and criticism is love - if someone doesn’t care about you, they won’t care if you don’t make good or bad choices, nor will they want you to improve.
Some people are able to cast aside their pride and listen to the message no matter how harshly or poorly delivered. The message is what is important.

Part of this video, the end about “judgmental” mentions what I’m talking about.

youtube.com/watch?v=vFYztY4nSLs
youtube.com/watch?v=Vigy85wepVg

 

[Tantum_ergo]

Charity is important. It is easier to sharper, harsher and more blunt with your family. At some point, people should know better. Which is worse a little rudeness or the truth? Again, I think the truth is bigger than people’s feelings. If people cast aside tone, they can hear the message clearly. If you don’t want to be scrutinized, live a good life. Make reasonable choices. Think before you speak. Take responsibility for your mistakes. In all honesty, plenty of mistakes are preventable if people think a little more rationally, act patiently and consider multiple perspectives.
What’s wrong with being critical or expressing disapproval for someone’s bad behavior? Correction and criticism is love - if someone doesn’t care about you, they won’t care if you don’t make good or bad choices, nor will they want you to improve.
Some people are able to cast aside their pride and listen to the message no matter how harshly or poorly delivered. The message is what is important.

Part of this video, the end about “judgmental” mentions what I’m talking about.

youtube.com/watch?v=vFYztY4nSLs
youtube.com/watch?v=Vigy85wepVg

Pelagia, why do you insist on making these into ‘either/or’s’ when they are not?

Didn’t Scripture say to speak the Truth IN LOVE? Not “in honesty”, not ‘in criticism’, but in LOVE?

And while we know sometimes love might need to be ‘tough’, come ON, girl. Every story out of your mouth is about how your family and friends NEED to change because they are oh so flawed and you have appointed yourself as “God’s agent” to ‘help’ them by being as nasty as possible and then wrapping yourself in the mantle of “but I’m just being honest, why are you criticizing poor widdle me instead of letting me bludgeon, I mean, help, my awful awful friends?”

I’m sure you won’t be offended at this because I am offering this criticism of your terrible flaws of needing to be unkind, fault-finding, intolerant, and rude, out of love.

 

[PelagiathePenit]

Some people think honesty is an absolute virtue. No exceptions ever. A lie is always evil. How responsible am I for someone’s reactions to my honesty or opinions? Opinions are opinions. No need to take them personally. They aren’t facts, why should they bother you anyways? There is no reason to lie, it is a sin. It is your choice to be offended by a statement or not.

 

[oldgraymare2]

Being critical and expressing disapproval for a person’s behavior is not always wrong. It is important to correct others, challenge their views and I think mature adults should be able to freely pass opinions without it getting touchy or anyone sulking. This is the ideal. I don’t know why people take things more personally than they should
Information is information. The truth doesn’t change and it will soon reveal itself.
I think us Christians should be humble enough to accept correction or honesty no matter how harshly delivered and no matter the source. Right is right, wrong is wrong.
If you’re living your life right, no reason for anxiety. Why would you care what others may say? Ignore it if it is not true.

I personally believe that someone can say things in ways that are loving, kind, charitable and tactful. There’s the difference.

With what you’re sharing with us, it appears to me that you’re saying things to others in a way that they just come across as being brutally honest and “harshly delivered,” and others should just somehow be mature enough adults to accept that.

I personally wouldn’t be listening to anyone who decided that it’s acceptable to talk to me in any type of harsh manner. To me, that’s not even necessary.

If you–meaning “anyone”–want to get my personal attention, you can talk to me in a way that’s not considered harsh.

If someone goes along in life like that, I think that they will find themselves alienated from others at some point in time, as no one likes to be treated that way by someone else.

The same messages can be delivered with kindness and tact.

 

[Roseeurekacross]

Some people think honesty is an absolute virtue. No exceptions ever. A lie is always evil. How responsible am I for someone’s reactions to my honesty or opinions? Opinions are opinions. No need to take them personally. They aren’t facts, why should they bother you anyways? There is no reason to lie, it is a sin. It is your choice to be offended by a statement or not.

Is it more important to you to be bluntly honest in expressing your opinion,

Or in fostering a genuine loving relationship with your family and friends.

Is that woman who had cosmetic surgery still a close friend to you? Or have you done irreparable damage to that relationship.

 

[PelagiathePenit]

Is it more important to you to be bluntly honest in expressing your opinion,

Or in fostering a genuine loving relationship with your family and friends.

Is that woman who had cosmetic surgery still a close friend to you? Or have you done irreparable damage to that relationship.

Where is that boundary though? I mean this in all sincerity. We live in a society that is too fearful to call out sin. There are people who cheat on their spouses, it is not my place to say anything even though they are telling they are doing something immoral. As a close friend or sibling, I will criticize you, call you out and express disapproval. We don’t need any more yes men. Opinions are neither right nor wrong. I wish others didn’t take them as seriously or personally. My friend took it personally when I told her the men she dates are not manly and too feminine. I didn’t insult her. She has told me she doesn’t think my boyfriends are cute.
To some playing devil’s advocate is wrong, I don’t think I should blindly agree or support you because you feel I should because we’re family or close friends. If come to me with an issue, I cant sit there and listen if I think you’re wrong, overreacting, lying, etc. I think people need to own up to their wrongs and be okay with being in the wrong. I sense some people fear criticism and fear judgment. Why? Opinions are just that, opinions. We’re all entitled to them. I don’t love you any less if I disagree with you or disapprove. This is what I’ve been trying to say. My family has no problem with calling you out when you gain weight. After all, we’re family. We should feel free to tell you what you need to hear. Criticism should force you to improve.

 

[1Lord1Faith]

Where is that boundary though? I mean this in all sincerity. We live in a society that is too fearful to call out sin. There are people who cheat on their spouses, it is not my place to say anything even though they are telling they are doing something immoral. As a close friend or sibling, I will criticize you, call you out and express disapproval. We don’t need any more yes men. Opinions are neither right nor wrong. I wish others didn’t take them as seriously or personally. My friend took it personally when I told her the men she dates are not manly and too feminine. I didn’t insult her. She has told me she doesn’t think my boyfriends are cute.
To some playing devil’s advocate is wrong, I don’t think I should blindly agree or support you because you feel I should because we’re family or close friends. If come to me with an issue, I cant sit there and listen if I think you’re wrong, overreacting, lying, etc. I think people need to own up to their wrongs and be okay with being in the wrong. I sense some people fear criticism and fear judgment. Why? Opinions are just that, opinions. We’re all entitled to them. I don’t love you any less if I disagree with you or disapprove. This is what I’ve been trying to say. My family has no problem with calling you out when you gain weight. After all, we’re family. We should feel free to tell you what you need to hear. Criticism should force you to improve.

Pelegia, your kind of missing the point…again. All these folks who are responding to your threads with responses like, “whoa, settle down Ms. Log in Eye”, don’t have anything against honesty. But they are trying to caution you because:

1. It’s not easy to distinguish between fact and opinion especially for young people, whether they are dishing it out or receiving it. It may be easier for you, but what about other people who are receiving your criticism? Should you be more cautious?
2. You are posting so much stuff on this subject that it is clear that you don’t know what your doing, or you don’t feel comfortable with decisions you’ve made regarding being “honest” with others.
3. There is nothing in Catholicism that backs up your position other than the rule of conscience. But, as I indicated in #2, your conscience seems to be telling you something about this (what your conscience is trying to tell you, I don’t know).

That being said, I appreciate your honesty and point of view regarding not taking other’s opinions personally. I sincerely think you will mature into your viewpoint in a healthy way.

 

[pianistclare]

Pelegia:

Stop it.
You can be full of righteous indignation all you want. And you will be alone. People will loathe the sight of you. People will go the other way when they see you.
You will right.
In your room.
All alone.
And on the last day you will be asked why you drove people away from the faith by your hardness of heart.

If you’re so perfect, I can’t imagine why your friends are all so horrible.
How did that happen???

 

[PelagiathePenit]

Pelegia, your kind of missing the point…again. All these folks who are responding to your threads with responses like, “whoa, settle down Ms. Log in Eye”, don’t have anything against honesty. But they are trying to caution you because:

1. It’s not easy to distinguish between fact and opinion especially for young people, whether they are dishing it out or receiving it. It may be easier for you, but what about other people who are receiving your criticism? Should you be more cautious?
2. You are posting so much stuff on this subject that it is clear that you don’t know what you’re doing, or you don’t feel comfortable with decisions you’ve made regarding being “honest” with others.
3. There is nothing in Catholicism that backs up your position other than the rule of conscience. But, as I indicated in #2, your conscience seems to be telling you something about this (what your conscience is trying to tell you, I don’t know).

That being said, I appreciate your honesty and point of view regarding not taking other’s opinions personally. I sincerely think you will mature into your viewpoint in a healthy way.

1. That is true, I’m learning not everyone can easily distinguish between fact and/or opinion. I’m not certain why though. I wish people took my opinions less seriously. Who cares if I don’t like your dress? Why so serious? Who cares if I think your boyfriend is too feminine for my tastes? A friend told me perhaps I shouldn’t air such an opinion, to begin with. I guess because I wouldn’t care, I’d assume the same for others. Is my saying your boyfriend ugly going to cause you to dump him? I hope not. Just my opinion.
2. I want to have healthy friendships. I don’t want to compromise my convictions, values, opinions and the truth to appease someone else. Ideally, I wish it were easier to agree to disagree. Perhaps I don’t know what means to be a good friend that speaks the truth in love and respect.

I hope people still understand my underlying point of view.
Maybe I am just a young person who thinks I know it all.

 

[PelagiathePenit]

You can’t see these friends may have an ego problem if they can’t handle disagreements of opinion or my honesty without ending the friendship altogether. Isn’t being offended more about the ego? Why can’t people take opinions less personally or with a grain of salt? They don’t have to take my advice if they don’t like it. Opinions are just that, opinions. I think is a sign of maturity.