What does it mean to really love someone?

[TeresaAnn]

no, its a relative… Are you kidding? I wouldn’t put up with this nonsense from a significant other/spouse… which raises the question: Why put upwith it from anyoen??? Well, at this point, i don’t… anymore.

You never know, you hear all the time of people being abused by a girlfriend or boyfriend. I’m with you… Why?? Run, run while you can The same with the relative, I’m glad you don’t anymore.

never been married but figured that was the case… Heck, its hard enough to change before you get what you want (marriage)… or think you want…

so true… I’ve had to deal w/ this kind of thing (not so great opinion of self…) … gets tiresome…esp when you realize where its coming from, etc… I hope you are starting to heal now that you know what the cause has been, no one deserves that, sorry you had to deal with it

i say you need to love them u/conditionally before marriage… or you never will after…
Yes, you are right, to a point (remember the RUN WHILE YOU CAN thing? ) Some things are not meant to be.

i should have realized by what you wrote that you had been through this kind of thing… I feel for you… have been there… and i am glad you got out becaue of the children… so many women don’t… or don’t until too late…
Thanks, I’m glad too.

i hope you are not enabling him, though? This is one reason i started this thread… How do we know when we are loving someone in a chirstian way and when we are enabling? I think we should always be honest w/ a person about our true feelings about their behavior…& that honesty may not come across as very “loving”… I don’t really agree w/ AA’s assessment of alcoholics… not all of it anyway… i think that it is a “disease” more/less but it is also a moral defect… a spiritual/moral weakness… and sometimes i think people make it an excuse… to be lazy, to be abusive or whatever…People are so good at making excuses… I do it myself, of course…

You are right, I was enabling him for many years but didn’t know it. In my eyes I was the only one keeping him off the street and I couldn’t bear to see the father of my children go down like that. Then a time came where I could not pay for him anymore and let him know. He met someone at AA that told him about a recovery house in town. All of the sudden he was in a better position than me! These people were obviously much better for him than me (trained). I was greatly relieved and came to realize I never have to sacrifice for him anymore. I actually went through a phase of feeling guilty that I didn’t turn him away years earlier so he could have gotten the proper help earlier. Anyway, all this to say… enabling is a big mistake, I’m not that good at finding the line but I am getting better. Maybe think of it as if it harmful to you and not truly beneficial to them then why is it continuing?

well, that’s a commendable way to look @ things… to a point… I just think that, well, i guess one good thing to always do is pray over the person and the situation… praying the rosary over situations helps as well as spending time in the Real Presence… Things always look SO different There… so… How i guess what i am wondering about is the difference between helping & enabling??

I agree, to a point. Tough Love in a way. Now there has to be respect between the two of us or the conversation/visit ends abruptly. You have to draw lines. You aren’t helping them by letting them treat you badly.

I agree, things do look differently there… God is good to us.

God Bless you distracted, I will pray for your healing this evening.

Teresa Ann