What does the Catholic Church teach about marriage for those with cerebral palsy?

[lax16]

If a person has cerebral palsy and has an IQ that is below average, what life can they be expected to live? Even if they could find a suitable companion to marry, are they able to if they couldn’t take care of any children that might be born?

Or should they face a life without marriage and look for more of a roommate situation?

This young adult wants to move out of his parents home but doesn’t want to live alone forever.

 

[Tantum_ergo]

If a person has cerebral palsy and has an IQ that is below average, what life can they be expected to live? Even if they could find a suitable companion to marry, are they able to if they couldn’t take care of any children that might be born?

Or should they face a life without marriage and look for more of a roommate situation?

This young adult wants to move out of his parents home but doesn’t want to live alone forever.

Cerebral palsy by itself does not automatically imply an IQ below average.

And how ‘far’ below average are we talking? 100 is average. There are people with IQs far above average who don’t function well ‘on their own’ (think of the classic ‘absent minded professor’ who can solve incredibly tough math problems but can’t remember where he lives, or to pick up his child at school, without somebody figuring out his schedule and either writing it down or programming it FOR him). And there are people say with Down syndrome or other challenges who may have an IQ of 80 but are able to do cooking, cleaning, AND care for a child, because they have had help to build the kind of skill sets based on repetition of the basics, and then ‘building on’ the basics.

If the young adult is capable of living on his own, and understands the nature of marriage, is open to children, and is engaged in a support system (which I would assume he is. . .he may have ‘aged out’ of a youth program but I think all states have programs for adults with disabilities), then he is probably just as capable of marriage as any other young adult. Maybe more, when you consider how many of average intelligence engage in STUPID behaviors and yet because they are not LABELED with a ‘low intelligence’ epithet, they take for granted that they can just get married when they choose. . .and how many of them cheat on their partners, wind up divorcing, go around and have children, so-called WANTED children, whom they are perfectly capable of caring for and yet neglect and abuse anyway. . .

 

[lax16]

Cerebral palsy by itself does not automatically imply an IQ below average.

Yes, I know that which is why I said they have CP **and **a low IQ.

And how ‘far’ below average are we talking? 100 is average. There are people with IQs far above average who don’t function well ‘on their own’ (think of the classic ‘absent minded professor’ who can solve incredibly tough math problems but can’t remember where he lives, or to pick up his child at school, without somebody figuring out his schedule and either writing it down or programming it FOR him). And there are people say with Down syndrome or other challenges who may have an IQ of 80 but are able to do cooking, cleaning, AND care for a child, because they have had help to build the kind of skill sets based on repetition of the basics, and then ‘building on’ the basics.

I would say they are on the high end of below average (if that makes sense). He goes to work everyday, drives a car, goes to church, and is a very gentle person. However, he has always lived at home with a great deal of support so I am not sure how much he can do on his own. One concern is that he could be taken advantage of because he is very trusting and has a little bit of money saved up…

If the young adult is capable of living on his own, and understands the nature of marriage, is open to children, and is engaged in a support system (which I would assume he is. . .he may have ‘aged out’ of a youth program but I think all states have programs for adults with disabilities), then he is probably just as capable of marriage as any other young adult. Maybe more, when you consider how many of average intelligence engage in STUPID behaviors and yet because they are not LABELED with a ‘low intelligence’ epithet, they take for granted that they can just get married when they choose. . .and how many of them cheat on their partners, wind up divorcing, go around and have children, so-called WANTED children, whom they are perfectly capable of caring for and yet neglect and abuse anyway. . .

So true. I just can’t see if he was married to a girl with similar disabilities that they would be able to care for a newborn on their own.

I wonder what the Church teaches/advises in these situations?

 

[Bonnie]

I wonder what the Church teaches/advises in these situations?

I doubt if the Church has any teaching that would cover all situations. Every person is unique in his abilities. The only person I know with CP (& who is also mentally handicapped) could never hold down a regular job, marry, and certainly never drive a car.

Perhaps he could talk with a social worker about some sort of sheltered housing where he could get comfortable with doing things on his own, but with some oversight.

 

[1ke]

The Church does not have any teaching on cerebral palsy and marriage.

The Church’s teaching on marriage is the same for all. The pastor will work with each couple who approaches the Church for marriage in their parish, and through premarital preparation will determine if such a person or couple can validly marry.

 

[Allegra]

There isn’t a Church teaching specific to every circumstance. If a person has a disability that keeps them from being able to fullfill the obligations of a Catholic spouse, regardless of what it is, then that person is not called to marraige. If a person has a disability that does not keep them from being able to fullfill the obligations of a Catholic spouse, then they may be called to marriage. Keep in mind that the Church considers marriage a vocation in a person’s life, not merely companionship for the couple’s mutual benefit.

 

[powerofk]

As an educator for students with disabilities, I have worked with children with many different degrees of CP. Several students that I’ve worked with CP would never be able to get married or live on their own ever, because their CP is so severe that even discerning the child’s will is nearly impossible. These students are completely non-verbal and have such poor control of their muscles that it is difficult to even discern a “yes” or “no”. On the other extreme, there are some students with CP who have only a mild problem with walking and balance, yet can speak and write clearly, using very sophisticated language. Cerebal palsy is a disability brought about by lack of oxygen during and immediately after birth, which causes brain damage. In general, breach births and being born with the umbilical cord wrapped around the baby’s neck increase the chance of CP immensly (which is why, if the doctors see a breach birth as being imminent, they try to do an emergency C-section). The extent of the damage depends on how quickly the baby starts breathing and which parts of the brain are damaged.

 

[lax16]

I doubt if the Church has any teaching that would cover all situations. Every person is unique in his abilities. The only person I know with CP (& who is also mentally handicapped) could never hold down a regular job, marry, and certainly never drive a car.

Perhaps he could talk with a social worker about some sort of sheltered housing where he could get comfortable with doing things on his own, but with some oversight.

Good idea. Perhaps his parents should contact a social worker about his situation.

Thanks!

 

[lax16]

The Church does not have any teaching on cerebral palsy and marriage.

The Church’s teaching on marriage is the same for all. The pastor will work with each couple who approaches the Church for marriage in their parish, and through premarital preparation will determine if such a person or couple can validly marry.

I think he is at the point where he is realizing he does not want to be alone. He does not have a person in his life that he is considering marrying. In his case, he should probably find out if he can even begin the dating process?

So, a social worker and a priest would be a good place to start!

 

[lax16]

There isn’t a Church teaching specific to every circumstance. If a person has a disability that keeps them from being able to fullfill the obligations of a Catholic spouse, regardless of what it is, then that person is not called to marraige. If a person has a disability that does not keep them from being able to fullfill the obligations of a Catholic spouse, then they may be called to marriage. Keep in mind that the Church considers marriage a vocation in a person’s life, not merely companionship for the couple’s mutual benefit.

Yes, but he doesn’t want to be alone for the rest of his life. I guess you are right in pointing out that he needs to find out if he is able to fulfill the obligations of marriage. That is where we need to begin - to see if this is an option for him.

Would a priest be the one to assess this?

 

[lax16]

As an educator for students with disabilities, I have worked with children with many different degrees of CP. Several students that I’ve worked with CP would never be able to get married or live on their own ever, because their CP is so severe that even discerning the child’s will is nearly impossible. These students are completely non-verbal and have such poor control of their muscles that it is difficult to even discern a “yes” or “no”. On the other extreme, there are some students with CP who have only a mild problem with walking and balance, yet can speak and write clearly, using very sophisticated language. Cerebal palsy is a disability brought about by lack of oxygen during and immediately after birth, which causes brain damage. In general, breach births and being born with the umbilical cord wrapped around the baby’s neck increase the chance of CP immensly (which is why, if the doctors see a breach birth as being imminent, they try to do an emergency C-section). The extent of the damage depends on how quickly the baby starts breathing and which parts of the brain are damaged.

Yes, unfortunately he had a traumatic birth. However, thanks be to God, he is a gentle sweet soul and sees the good in people.

He can drive and he goes to work everyday. I think he can prepare basic meals and he even plays the guitar. He is very quiet and rarely speaks though.

He is getting of the age where this is becoming an issue. Where to live, should he get a roommate…

Anyways, thanks for the (name removed by moderator)ut!

 

[Allegra]

Yes, but he doesn’t want to be alone for the rest of his life. I guess you are right in pointing out that he needs to find out if he is able to fulfill the obligations of marriage. That is where we need to begin - to see if this is an option for him.

Would a priest be the one to assess this?

It doesn’t sound like he is in a position to determine this at this point in time. He has yet to attempt living alone or with limited assistance. That’s where I would start.Then a priest would have some evidence to go on when giving advice on the subject. The thing that is important to remember is that marriage is not about what we want, but putting the ones we love ahead of ourselves.

 

[skigirl1689]

I have CP, and ending up alone is always a fear of mine. I, however, did graduate from college with highest honors, but haven’t been able to find work, and I cannot live independently. I doubt I am called to marriage just because men do not want to date/marry someone with a moderate disability, which saddens me but I try to accept it as one of the crosses I must bear due to my condition. I also have a speech impairment and most people assume I have a mental or intellectual disability.

With that being said, I believe God will provide for me as He has my entire life, working out impossible situations for my benefit. Of course, planning on my part is essential.

I would recommend he speak with a social worker and/or vocational rehab counselor. Each state has different agencies assisting people with these specific needs, which makes it hard to provide specific advice on this matter. There also exists entities called Centers for Independent Living that can be huge in helping.

Perhaps a group home specifically for people with mainly physical disabilities could be found, though the majority are catered towards the mentally disabled. This does make it difficult for people with mainly physical disabilities to find a situation where they are semi-independent but not alone.

Praying for your friend. Please feel free to PM me if you have more specific questions .

 

[Ms_Manners]

I just can’t see if he was married to a girl with similar disabilities that they would be able to care for a newborn on their own.

I am not sure what the Church position on this is, but speaking from experience, having worked with adults with disabilities, they would need some support, but with support they could make it work.
They would need to see if there are any support services in their community or if they could move to a community that does have such services. With such support, a couple could live on their own and have a child.
My community is very institution-oriented, so there aren’t many people who have this opportunity, but I do know some good successful examples.

 

[Allegra]

I have CP, and ending up alone is always a fear of mine. I, however, did graduate from college with highest honors, but haven’t been able to find work, and I cannot live independently. I doubt I am called to marriage just because men do not want to date/marry someone with a moderate disability, which saddens me but I try to accept it as one of the crosses I must bear due to my condition. I also have a speech impairment and most people assume I have a mental or intellectual disability.

With that being said, I believe God will provide for me as He has my entire life, working out impossible situations for my benefit. Of course, planning on my part is essential.

I would recommend he speak with a social worker and/or vocational rehab counselor. Each state has different agencies assisting people with these specific needs, which makes it hard to provide specific advice on this matter. There also exists entities called Centers for Independent Living that can be huge in helping.

Perhaps a group home specifically for people with mainly physical disabilities could be found, though the majority are catered towards the mentally disabled. This does make it difficult for people with mainly physical disabilities to find a situation where they are semi-independent but not alone.

Praying for your friend. Please feel free to PM me if you have more specific questions .

Don’t be too discouraged. My brother has a more than moderate physical disability (paraplegic) as well as moderate bipolar disorder, and he has no end of girls after him all the time. I’m not sure that he is called to marriage himself and I’m certain that most of these girls aren’t either, but that’s not the point. My point is that his physical disability is not a hindrance to romance or dating. I encourage you to aim significantly higher than he does though and go for quality and not quantity. Praying for your future spouse is a good start. You only need the one good one that God intends for you. Later, you’ll be thankful if you didn’t waste a bunch of time and heartache on runners up.

 

[skigirl1689]

Don’t be too discouraged. My brother has a more than moderate physical disability (paraplegic) as well as moderate bipolar disorder, and he has no end of girls after him all the time. I’m not sure that he is called to marriage himself and I’m certain that most of these girls aren’t either, but that’s not the point. My point is that his physical disability is not a hindrance to romance or dating. I encourage you to aim significantly higher than he does though and go for quality and not quantity. Praying for your future spouse is a good start. You only need the one good one that God intends for you. Later, you’ll be thankful if you didn’t waste a bunch of time and heartache on runners up.

Thanks for the encouragement . Most of the time I am at peace with where I am with life at this time, and I don’t worry or think about my relationship status. I also think living in a rural area does not help the situation for me when it comes to many aspects of my disability, not just dating. And I am still young, mid-20s, so a lot can change in the future, and I know God has a plan for me.

 

[lax16]

It doesn’t sound like he is in a position to determine this at this point in time. He has yet to attempt living alone or with limited assistance. That’s where I would start.Then a priest would have some evidence to go on when giving advice on the subject. The thing that is important to remember is that marriage is not about what we want, but putting the ones we love ahead of ourselves.

Great advice. I will pass this on to his parents. They are really struggling right now.

Your (name removed by moderator)ut has been very helpful!

 

[lax16]

I have CP, and ending up alone is always a fear of mine. I, however, did graduate from college with highest honors, but haven’t been able to find work, and I cannot live independently. I doubt I am called to marriage just because men do not want to date/marry someone with a moderate disability, which saddens me but I try to accept it as one of the crosses I must bear due to my condition. I also have a speech impairment and most people assume I have a mental or intellectual disability.

With that being said, I believe God will provide for me as He has my entire life, working out impossible situations for my benefit. Of course, planning on my part is essential.

I would recommend he speak with a social worker and/or vocational rehab counselor. Each state has different agencies assisting people with these specific needs, which makes it hard to provide specific advice on this matter. There also exists entities called Centers for Independent Living that can be huge in helping.

Perhaps a group home specifically for people with mainly physical disabilities could be found, though the majority are catered towards the mentally disabled. This does make it difficult for people with mainly physical disabilities to find a situation where they are semi-independent but not alone.

Praying for your friend. Please feel free to PM me if you have more specific questions .

Thank you for sharing. I can tell you are a very bright and loving person and I wish you all the best in life.

Yes, God will provide but you are so right that we must prepare for the future. I know his parents want to help him plan for his future.

Thank you for the recommendations and the prayers!

I am going to pm you a question, too.