I was born Catholic, but never really practiced it until now. I’ve been reading many stories of miracles of the church, such as incorruptable bodies of saints, levitations, etc. I have been really motivated to go to church, wear miraculous medals, and pray the rosary after reading stories of people experiencing God’s presence through these spiritual ways. So bascially what motivated me to start practicing again is the stories of miracles, and that no other church has a record of so many miracles, as Catholic, a sign of God’s presence obviously.
My dead son brought me into the faith.
I was a clergy, pastoring two churches in the United Methodist faith. I graduated from seminary in 1994. I was ordained deacon in 1993 and Elder in 1996. I figured my life was pretty well set. My son was 16 and was killed in a roll over car accident. He was brain dead. He was my oldest and we were VERY close. About 3-4 days after his death he came to me in a dream and thanked me for everything I did for his funeral. He said he needed masses said for him. I didn’t really know what a mass was, I thought it was specific prayers. I ran around to every Catholic Church I could find and had anywhere from 1-3 masses a day said for my son for a year. All I knew was that Johnny needed my help and I was not going to fail him. I even contemplated committing suicide because I needed to cross over and help him. Thankfully I didn’t do it because I had two other sons who needed me. My son had died May 20, 1996.
At Christmas-time a friend came over and set up a Christmas tree and a nativity set for me, thinking it was too hard for me to do. Well my oldest son always played Santa. He wore a hat and always said, “I love being Santa. Call me Mr. Christmas.” When I saw those things upon arriving home a rage boiled up inside of me. I kept seeing his handsome face, his smile, the Santa hat and the pain was a raw scraping grating on my heart so I had to become enraged or, otherwise I would self destruct from the pain. I attacked the tree and tore it to shreds, putting it in it’s box and bashing it on the floor until all the ornaments and lights exploded, then I hauled it to the trash and put it on the curb. I then went into the kitchen and saw that nativity set. I remember Johnny being Joseph one year and all I could see was his sapphire blue eyes as he smiled and said, “Peace on earth good will to men” and the rage flew again. I got the hammer from the junk drawer and smashed the nativity set with so much force my two sons had to stop me. We all sobbed and I never celebrated Christmas again.
In the process of having those masses said I had 2 nervous breakdowns in less than a year. I soon realized I had to step down from being a parish pastor and resign due to the fact something had triggered a severe mood disorder. I understand now that extreme stress can change a person’s brain chemistry and cause a switch to flip and trigger a mental illness. Rarely once that switch is flipped does it ever turn back off so I stepped down from pastoral ministry right after Christmas, especially in light of how I was feeling. I became an atheist (angry at God more than anything).
I went to have masses said at a church and saw a flyer asking, “Do you want to learn more about the Catholic faith?” and I figured why not? That was RCIA. Right after I signed up my son came to me in a dream again and said, “Mom they said I can go with them now. I told them I can’t leave until I know you are OK” I told him I’d never be OK if he didn’t go and he told me he couldn’t talk to me anymore. I told him that it was OK that we could think of each other a lot and that before he knew it we would all be together again. He said that whenever I hear the word star in a song he’s thinking of me. We hugged for a really long time and then he was gone. I felt this weight lift from me and I knew he would come to me anymore and he never did.
At that time my first husband had died suddenly and I had married a guy I was living with for 7 years. During the Christmas season (which I always ignored) a sister in the RCIA class was giving out cards she had picked out for us. Not wanting to be rude I opened it and on the front was a nativity set…and inside it said, “Sometimes we just have to go back and start over”.
I became Catholic in 2000 at Easter Vigil and loved Mass. I had married a Jewish man but did my best to live out my faith. One day while attending mass the priest at the parish stood up and admitted to having a sexual relationship with an altar server 22 years before then and I started having flashbacks and ran out of the church. I was sexually abused as a child and that was more than I could bear. I was outraged I stayed out of church for 9 years.
After 9 years of all this chaos, the marriage to the 2nd husband fell apart. In January of 2011 I moved into my own apartment. Then I had a dream a demon was straddling me in bed and threatening me. I was so terrified I did not sleep much for days. I was searching for holy water and that led me home to the Church. I have been back since.
Sadly the priest and I got into a horrible falling out and he shoved me off to the side and basically proceeded to ignore me. I was angry, rebellious, and rude but I really needed someone that would have set me straight and not discarded me as I felt discarded all my life. I was banned from confession with him, banned from leadership in the church, and banned from his advice/counseling/help in any way. He was rude, snappy, and nasty. He had his inner circle and you were supposed to be content with being on the outside. I totally admit I was disobedient and rude but the amount of “punishment” I received was way beyond what was called for according to a new priest I work with who has 35 years experience.
So after learning that being argumentative and rude is wrong, I have come full circle. I’m wrestling with staying at my current parish (new priest is there as of last week) and going to this new parish with a more experienced priest (I do have a mental illness and need someone with experience) so I’m not sure where God wants me, just glad to be Catholic and have the love of God in my life. I have submitted my “lack of form” annulment and am waiting for that reply. I’m told these are handled very quickly as I married outside the church. Keep me in prayer, I need it.
Hugs to all–can’t wait to read your stories,
Lorrie
. Young, devout Catholics like myself also seem to do this. I try not to, but in the desire to evangelize, we tend to inadvertently go off the deep end.