What happens after mortal sin and before confessions: Sex Addiction

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irishcatholic10

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As a little background, I have been Catholic all of my life and a strong believer in Christ. I’ve completed 16 years of Catholic school. The last two years have been dark for me though. Although I got to church (I miss a few times here and there) I’ve been sinning the worst I ever have in life.

My question is this, what happens to our soul after a grave mortal sin but before confessions? Say, if we were to die, where would we go? Can we be forgiven and enter into the grace of God if we are truly sorry but before confession?

I’ve made a terrible sin. Two weeks ago my wife was out of town for a night and my mother in law visited us. We were drinking alcohol and became very intoxicated. My mother in law and I began arguing and somewhere along the way, I don’t know how, but I was unfaithful to my wife with her own mother. The very thought of it makes me sick. It felt very non-consensual on both ends and unwanted on both ends. I don’t know how or why it happened. The entire episode literally last 2-3 minutes but has upset me to the core.

I thought about why this happened and thought about my sex life. I realized I am a sex addict and addicted to masturbation and pornography but I never thought I’d sin like this.

I’ve decided that I won’t ever tell my wife because it was a one-time mistake and will never happen again. Furthermore, it will absolutely destroy her. My mother in law and I were so intoxicated that I don’t know if she even remembers because she never even acted differently around me except ashamed she was so drunk and fighting with me. I didn’t even feel like myself…I’d never do something like that. It might sound strange but I love my wife and children beyond words. I’m sick over it.

With that said, I realize I need to go to confessions as well as a therapist likely to deal with my sex addiction. Although, since then, I’ve not looked at a pornographic image or masturbated. The only positive that will come of this is me realizing that I was an addict and this shocked me into stopping and re-evaluating my faith and the kind of Catholic, husband, and father I want to be.

However, because my spouse and I work very different hours, I won’t be able to make confessions for about another month due to child care reasons. And although our children are babies. This isn’t a confession that I want them in the confessional for. We will be taking a trip in a month and I researched a church where we are non-parishioners where I will confess this grave sin. Its impossible for me to do this before hand and I can’t say this to my priest. We belong to a very small parish and we all know each other.

So although I am dearly sorry…what is the status of my relationship with God right now? I know I’ve sinned and I’ve asked God for forgiveness through prayer. Will I be forgiven until I can confess this? If I were to pass - would I go straight to hell?

What kind of prayers can I say to ask for forgiveness and the strength to overcome a sex addition. What parts of the bible inspire you to be better Catholics daily?

Thank you for any help you can offer.
 
Get to confession ASAP.

If you had a broken tooth you would find a dentist - because the pain would force you to get it fixed.

The pain you are in right now is worse.

Also join this group on here: forums.catholic-questions.org/group.php?groupid=369

And check out SA Sex Addicts Anonymous.

But get to confession first, now, today.
 
Just a note.

When there is an addiction there is most likely no mortal sin as one does not have full consent of the will with an addiction.
 
irishcatholic10 said:
As a little background, I have been Catholic all of my life and a strong believer in Christ. I’ve completed 16 years of Catholic school. The last two years have been dark for me though. Although I got to church (I miss a few times here and there) I’ve been sinning the worst I ever have in life.

My question is this, what happens to our soul after a grave mortal sin but before confessions? Say, if we were to die, where would we go? Can we be forgiven and enter into the grace of God if we are truly sorry but before confession?

I’ve made a terrible sin. Two weeks ago my wife was out of town for a night and my mother in law visited us. We were drinking alcohol and became very intoxicated. My mother in law and I began arguing and somewhere along the way, I don’t know how, but I was unfaithful to my wife with her own mother. The very thought of it makes me sick. It felt very non-consensual on both ends and unwanted on both ends. I don’t know how or why it happened. The entire episode literally last 2-3 minutes but has upset me to the core.

I thought about why this happened and thought about my sex life. I realized I am a sex addict and addicted to masturbation and pornography but I never thought I’d sin like this.

I’ve decided that I won’t ever tell my wife because it was a one-time mistake and will never happen again. Furthermore, it will absolutely destroy her. My mother in law and I were so intoxicated that I don’t know if she even remembers because she never even acted differently around me except ashamed she was so drunk and fighting with me. I didn’t even feel like myself…I’d never do something like that. It might sound strange but I love my wife and children beyond words. I’m sick over it.

With that said, I realize I need to go to confessions as well as a therapist likely to deal with my sex addiction. Although, since then, I’ve not looked at a pornographic image or masturbated. The only positive that will come of this is me realizing that I was an addict and this shocked me into stopping and re-evaluating my faith and the kind of Catholic, husband, and father I want to be.

However, because my spouse and I work very different hours, I won’t be able to make confessions for about another month due to child care reasons. And although our children are babies. This isn’t a confession that I want them in the confessional for. We will be taking a trip in a month and I researched a church where we are non-parishioners where I will confess this grave sin. Its impossible for me to do this before hand and I can’t say this to my priest. We belong to a very small parish and we all know each other.

So although I am dearly sorry…what is the status of my relationship with God right now? I know I’ve sinned and I’ve asked God for forgiveness through prayer. Will I be forgiven until I can confess this? If I were to pass - would I go straight to hell?

What kind of prayers can I say to ask for forgiveness and the strength to overcome a sex addition. What parts of the bible inspire you to be better Catholics daily?

Thank you for any help you can offer.
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Do not wait a month before you confess this sin to a priest. Even if you must take an afternoon off of work, go and confess this sin immediately. You need to take this very seriously–more seriously than if you had a physical malady that was plaguing you. If you had an aneurysm would you wait a month to seek medical attention? Of course not! Go to reconciliation now. The fact that you would put something as serious as this off seems to be an indication that you really do not realize the nature of this kind of sin. It is not that God will not forgive you; it is a matter of openly humbling yourself, repenting, opening yourself to God’s grace, and making yourself subject to God’s will through the Church and the penance given to you. In addition, You will release this terrible emotional and psychological burden you are carrying. You will begin to feel free once you give your life completely over to the Lord through the sacrament of confession.

I agree that you should not ever tell your wife about this. Your marriage will almost certainly be ruined if you do. You are aware of your own weakness. Treat it like the lethal enemy it is and have a strategy to never allow circumstances which enable something like this to ever happen again. Until the nature of this kind of sin becomes repugnant to you, you must protect yourself and your family through discipline, i.e. do not let yourself be alone with other women, safeguard your computer so that it is impossible to visit pornographic sites. In other words, do things that make it physically impossible for you to commit such sins, even if your heart isn’t exactly right yet. Do what you can, and God will do for you what you cannot do. I pray that the Lord is gracious and merciful to you; I pray for His help for your spiritual health and healing, and for the healing of your family.
 
Lutgardis said:
Do not wait a month before you confess this sin to a priest. Even if you must take an afternoon off of work, go and confess this sin immediately. You need to take this very seriously–more seriously than if you had a physical malady that was plaguing you. If you had an aneurysm would you wait a month to seek medical attention? Of course not! Go to reconciliation now. The fact that you would put something as serious as this off seems to be an indication that you really do not realize the nature of this kind of sin. It is not that God will not forgive you; it is a matter of openly humbling yourself, repenting, opening yourself to God’s grace, and making yourself subject to God’s will through the Church and the penance given to you. In addition, You will release this terrible emotional and psychological burden you are carrying. You will begin to feel free once you give your life completely over to the Lord through the sacrament of confession.
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What kind of prayers can I say to ask for forgiveness and the strength to overcome a sex addition. What parts of the bible inspire you to be better Catholics daily?
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The Rosary.

The devotion to the Three Hail Marys (Say a Hail Mary morning, noon and night)

In essence a strong devotion to the BVM.

Listen to this talk on chastity. It’s awesome. Go to Sermon #7 and you will see a section titled “chastity”.

sensustraditionis.org/multimedia.html

This sermon gives you tips on how to avoid circumstances that lead to sin.

But as others have said, you do need to get to confession ASAP.
 
Seek to make an act of perfect contrition right away…and then get to confession ASAP.
 
Thank you for the replies.

By no means do I excuse the behavior. My difficulty with confession is that I work in law enforcement and there are no confessions available on my lunch hour. I live in a small TN town right in the bible belt. I belong to the only Catholic church in the county with 200 or so members. The next closest Catholic church is 45 minutes away.

I am originally from eastern NY where Catholicism is the predominant religion and I could find a place/time to confess. My spouse and I work different schedules and therefore childcare is always an issue. We live 10 hours away from our closest family.

I could go on a day off when I know confessions are available but I don’t want a baby in the confessional for this one.

I know what I did was disgusting and terrible and worse than a physical illness. This is very unlike me. I’ve had two partners in my life. My current wife and a long term girlfriend who I thought I would marry. In a way, I was always proud of that and so this is very upsetting. I am genuinely concerned for my soul and relationship with God.

That is why I was asking what happens if I can’t possibly make it to confessions for another month. I don’t have the ability to go at lunch or take a day off. Our priests come from a bigger city just to do mass. The church itself is run by a pastoral associate.

I hurt God, my family, and myself. I know this. I am scared what happens and what I can do until I can do confession.

As a side, would you bring a baby into a confessional when confessing this sin? Both 7 mos old.

Thank you.
 
irishcatholic10,

If possible, and if time allows you, you must confess to your local parish priest. You mentioned something about not confessing, because your parish is small and everyone knows each other?
Don’t give into that fear! In regards to fear, here’s a little story I can personally give you. At one period of time I was not in state of grace. I went to mass one day, and I was literally sitting next to the confessional, knowing there was a priest in there. Knowing my state, I was absolutely nervous. I wasn’t sure if I should go wait in line or not. In fact I was so nervous, I literally felt my head boiling almost into a sweat, and my stomach wasn’t feeling so well. But still, my biggest mistake that day was not going to Confession. Why? Because of Him. Because of Our Lord, present in the Eucharist. When I ponder about it, that day without Holy Communion is one day too much.

Your priest is like every other priest- He must keep the seal of confession. I’m sure you know this, but this means that what ever is said in the confessional, stays in the confessional. Not an iota of what you said is going to be scandalously revealed by the priest to the rest of the parish. Your darkest sins will never be exposed to others, and better yet, given you have perfect contrition, your sins will be absolved!

During your Confession, you may feel shame words can’t express. But in Confession (and I’m sure you know this), you are obliged to confess every mortal sin you know, including your sexual addictions to masturbation and pornography (if haven’t been confessed already). Use all the strength you have to confess them. One knowingly hidden mortal sin is enough to invalidate your confession, and that too will be a sin of sacriledge.

You know you love Christ. And most certainly, Christ loves you. Go to your local parish priest. This is a serious matter. You cannot delay this any longer.

As for devotional practices, try read Luke 7:36-50 and ponder about the humility the sinner shows to Christ in the midst of the pharisee and guests. 1 Corinthians 6: 12-20 is very important, and keep reminding yourself about how your body belongs to God and not to yourself. Pray the Rosary, because it gives glory to God, honours Our Mother, and is such a powerful weapon against the evil one. And most especially, meditate on the Sorrowful Passion of Our Lord. Have a great devotion to Our Holy Mother, especially her Immaculate Heart. Most importantly of all, spend at least 5 minutes in front of Our Lord, present in the Eucharist, whenever possible. Speak with him, full of love and awe. Personally ask Him to help you along the way. Trust in Him.

I admit, I’m not a perfect person myself. Even I am in need of Confession right now. After sharing all the things above, you may say ‘why aren’t you walking the talk?’. My answer is that, like everyone else, I’m trying. The things I’ve shared above have helped me drastically, in contrast to my lack of full understanding and courage a few years ago. And I am hoping that what I’ve shared will help you one step along the way to Christ.

Referring to a dream from Saint John Bosco- Sins are the chains, but Confession is the sledgehammer! So in my opinion, break the chains now! Visit your local parish priest.
 
irishcatholic10 said:
Thank you for the replies.

By no means do I excuse the behavior. My difficulty with confession is that I work in law enforcement and there are no confessions available on my lunch hour. I live in a small TN town right in the bible belt. I belong to the only Catholic church in the county with 200 or so members. The next closest Catholic church is 45 minutes away.

I am originally from eastern NY where Catholicism is the predominant religion and I could find a place/time to confess. My spouse and I work different schedules and therefore childcare is always an issue. We live 10 hours away from our closest family.

I could go on a day off when I know confessions are available but I don’t want a baby in the confessional for this one.

I know what I did was disgusting and terrible and worse than a physical illness. This is very unlike me. I’ve had two partners in my life. My current wife and a long term girlfriend who I thought I would marry. In a way, I was always proud of that and so this is very upsetting. I am genuinely concerned for my soul and relationship with God.

That is why I was asking what happens if I can’t possibly make it to confessions for another month. I don’t have the ability to go at lunch or take a day off. Our priests come from a bigger city just to do mass. The church itself is run by a pastoral associate.

I hurt God, my family, and myself. I know this. I am scared what happens and what I can do until I can do confession.

As a side, would you bring a baby into a confessional when confessing this sin? Both 7 mos old.

Thank you.
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Irish Catholic10,
You can call the Catholic Church that is closest to you (45 minutes away). Ask to speak to the priest. If he is unavailable, explain to the secretary that you feel a pressing need to go to confession, but that you have children that you do not want to take into the confessional. Ask if you can make an appointment at a time when someone there–a secretary or someone else–can look after your children for the short time you are in the confessional. You may be surprised that they may be willing to help you in this way. If the church is unwilling or unable to make accommodations, at least you will have done all you can do.

In respect to your feelings of being scared, remember that God judges by the heart. He knows you. He loves you–more than you love yourself. That is why He died for you. That is why you should be good to yourself, good to your family and good to God. You need to begin to love yourself, to treat yourself with the dignity that He has given to you. Do you see this? Do all you can do to rid yourself of this great burden, and make every effort–no matter how inconvenient–to go to reconciliation and give this burden to the only One who is great enough to bear it for you. God bless.
 
irishcatholic10 said:
Thank you for the replies.
That is why I was asking what happens if I can’t possibly make it to confessions for another month. I don’t have the ability to go at lunch or take a day off. Our priests come from a bigger city just to do mass. The church itself is run by a pastoral associate.
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Just as a note, priests will also hear confessions by appointment outside of regularly scheduled times. Have you asked if your parish priest be able to meet you after you get off from work or even during the day? Depending on their schedules, some priests are flexible enough for this. Is he willing to meet before or after Mass? Does your wife understand the need for Confession? If so the two of you could work something out in order to accommodate this need.

Make EVERY sincere opportunity to get to confession so if it still doesn’t work you are trying to put your heart in the right disposition by doing this.

In the meantime, PRAY, PRAY, PRAY! Pray while at home. Pray while at work. Pray for strength to stand firm in the face of these and other temptations. Read the Gospels that tell us of our Salvation. You can do this any free moment and even while doing small tasks. You can even read the Gospels to your children as a bedtime story. These accounts tell us of Jesus and the great love God has for us EVEN THOUGH we are sinners.
And speaking from experience, it is helpful to approach your wife about sexual addictions if she is understanding enough. It doesn’t necessarily have to be specifics because that may be too much for her. However, this sin affects her even though she does not know it because of the vows we as husbands make. She can pray for and even with you.

Your soul is in the mercy and grace of God through Christ Jesus. Cling to him and trust in him because he does not want you to fall into death!

My prayers are with you.
 
Lutgardis said:
Irish Catholic10,
You can call the Catholic Church that is closest to you (45 minutes away). Ask to speak to the priest. If he is unavailable, explain to the secretary that you feel a pressing need to go to confession, but that you have children that you do not want to take into the confessional. Ask if you can make an appointment at a time when someone there–a secretary or someone else–can look after your children for the short time you are in the confessional. You may be surprised that they may be willing to help you in this way. If the church is unwilling or unable to make accommodations, at least you will have done all you can do.

In respect to your feelings of being scared, remember that God judges by the heart. He knows you. He loves you–more than you love yourself. That is why He died for you. That is why you should be good to yourself, good to your family and good to God. You need to begin to love yourself, to treat yourself with the dignity that He has given to you. Do you see this? Do all you can do to rid yourself of this great burden, and make every effort–no matter how inconvenient–to go to reconciliation and give this burden to the only One who is great enough to bear it for you. God bless.
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I feel this is the best advice, to go to someone different than your regular Priest for this, and calling ahead they can help with your kids. One thing to confess porno and masturbation to your regular Priest. Also please talk to your wife about you sex addiction and get some professional help. Telling her about your MIL is going to crush your wife, probably break up your family and her relationship with her Mother. I never recommend keeping secrets but this is one I do think is best. Do not be alone with your Mil ever again,
as there is obviously some sort of physical attraction between the two of you for this to of had happened. Yes God forgives when we are truely sorry and repent which means getting help for you. God bless.
 
Just about everything has already been said, so I’ll just offer my prayers, though I would like to emphasize the importance of confessing to a priest, posthaste, pronto.
 
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