What Husbands Want Most From Their Wives

[buffalo]

RESPECT!

Love and Respect Book

http://loveandrespect.com/images/crazycycle.gif

Love and Respect Website

** Science Reports that “Love and Respect” is the Key **

 

[miguel]

LSK:

I listenned to a wonderful Catholic Psychologist speak to the Holy Scriptures’ passages that are often overlooked by many men and women. Everyone sees the parts that say “wives defer to your husbands”…I think the phrase he then used in his speech was "and the guys read this and say, ‘see that, honey? ok, now make me a sandwhich’. But they miss the parts of the Holy Scripture that direct a husband to love their wives as Jesus loved His Bride, the Church…and what, ultimately, did Jesus DO for His Bride?

He died for her.

Jesus provides for her, he protects her, he defers to her, he obeys her,? he lives for her and ultimately he DIES for her.

That’s a lot for a good Catholic Christian man to do.

I don’t think it’s nitpicking to challenge part of what you (or the psychologist) said. Jesus does not defer to or obey his Bride. His Bride defers to and obeys him. We don’t make up the rules. He does. He is Lord. Yes, he humbled himself, but not to the point of revoking his commandments. He humbled himself to show us that God knows what it is to be really human. We no longer have the excuse of saying that he is some distant being…not after what he did.

LSK:

And I have been taught, in my 12 Step program, that the way to earn back the respect I (rightfully) lost due to my behavior when I was treating my alcoholism by drinking alcohol rather than the way I am treating it today is by doing things which EARN the respect of society, my family, my co-workers and my friends. I have been sober for 13 years…and it took at least six or SEVEN of those years before some people who had been through hell for and with me actually believed that I was SERIOUS about this ‘not drinking thing’.

I’m just looking for clarity here. I don’t mean to be a pain. But wasn’t the going through hell for and with you a sign of their respect for you as a person? Yes, you may have felt that you didn’t deserve that respect. And they may have felt the same way. But in spite of the feelings involved, wasn’t it really there for you anyway? That’s what love is all about. And respect is one form that love takes.

LSK:

I would hope, in my heart, that what husbands would want most from their wives would be respect, love and honor and a wife that would make Christ the center of their home.

Absolutely.

 

[Lexee15]

Georgess:

An issue of concern about husbands who are a serious threat to the health of the wife or their children and for whatever reason , unaware of this / not choosing to be aware , the respectful thing to do would seem to be help him to know how serious his actions are by even a stepwise program of removing yourself physically etc;
In these days of AIDS etc; sexual immorality is a serious risk .

The scripture gives us plenty of examples of how The Father respects our freedom - an alcoholic or abusive husband is asking like the prodigal son to be let go , I would think.
And even if it causes pain , it might be the respectful thing to do - and hope and pray that he would come to his senses !
Hope they /he/she would have first tried the best -through fasting , almsgiving ,prayer esp. Eucharistic adoartion, Rosary, confession ( the full armor to fight the enemy - esp.the power of praise )counseling etc (www.exceptionalmarriages.com

gives telethone counseling )

Have heard how Mo. Teresa used to tell the nuns about some really difficult persons - ‘here comes Jesus , in a very clever disguise’ Often joining with the person,in our heart , in prayer , reciting the Chaplet of mercy ( 'have mercy on us and the whole world ’ - www.thedivinemercy.org) would also help us to hold the peace- trusting that we would receieve the wisdom to deal with it all !
God Bless!
I try to see my husband as Jesus himself, I know that no matter what he does he is still a child of the Lord, that is why it hasn’t been until lately that I have treated him with little respect. It’s been almost four months since I found out about his affairs, until now I have treated him with dignity and respect, I have been very civil and in the beginning, when I thought he wanted to change, I was even loving…after all he was my husband and I did love him. After I found that his affairs continued and that he started more affairs my desire to be loving disappeared although I still respected him and treated him civily.

It’s been lately, the last month or so that my patience is wearing thin, he expected me to accept a man in my home (his co-worker/friend) for Thanksgiving, who knows and has helped him in his adultry…that is beyond insensitive, I explicitly told him that I did not want him in my home and why…the guy never showed up…thank God, cause I don’t know what I would have done. This thread has definately helped though, I think all I needed was some prespective and a reminder as to why I need to continue to be charitable towards him no matter what he does to me and our family. And as far as letting go, I will be letting him go, I do respect him that much…to give him what he wants…and I will pray for him that he may one day see the error of his ways and repent.

 

[Lexee15]

StephanieC:

Lexee,

I just wanted to tell you how deeply your posts have touched me. I have prayed, and will continue to pray for you, your husband, your babies, and for God’s will to be done in your lives.

I know you posted to talk about the respect thing, but if you’d like to PM me, I’d be glad to help by listening (reading) and continued praying. Your husband is still to be respected as a child of God & His unique creation, but it seems appropriate that your respect for him as a husband has diminished due to his actions.

Remember that you are a beloved daughter of a King. A Princess! Carrying life within your body, you are a living reminder to the world of the One who became man for us. May Our Lady of Guadalupe shield you from all worry, and may St. Joseph intercede by turning your husband back to his family.

God bless.

Thank you StephanieC, I will PM you and I greatly appreciate your prayers, :angel1:

Lexee

 

[miguel]

Lexee15:

I try to see my husband as Jesus himself, I know that no matter what he does he is still a child of the Lord, that is why it hasn’t been until lately that I have treated him with little respect. It’s been almost four months since I found out about his affairs, until now I have treated him with dignity and respect, I have been very civil and in the beginning, when I thought he wanted to change, I was even loving…after all he was my husband and I did love him. After I found that his affairs continued and that he started more affairs my desire to be loving disappeared although I still respected him and treated him civily.

It’s been lately, the last month or so that my patience is wearing thin, he expected me to accept a man in my home (his co-worker/friend) for Thanksgiving, who knows and has helped him in his adultry…that is beyond insensitive, I explicitly told him that I did not want him in my home and why…the guy never showed up…thank God, cause I don’t know what I would have done. This thread has definately helped though, I think all I needed was some prespective and a reminder as to why I need to continue to be charitable towards him no matter what he does to me and our family. And as far as letting go, I will be letting him go, I do respect him that much…to give him what he wants…and I will pray for him that he may one day see the error of his ways and repent.

Your situation is a good reason why all of us are called to be kind. None of us really know what kind of hell people go through. Say a prayer to St. Jude. He is the patron of very difficult or lost causes. I will too.

 

[LSK]

I don’t think it’s nitpicking to challenge part of what you (or the psychologist) said. Jesus does not defer to or obey his Bride. His Bride defers to and obeys him.

Actually, Miguel, you are incorrect. The psychologist pointed out that in Holy Scripture Jesus PROMISED that whatever His Church would bind on earth HE would bind in HEAVEN…the Catholic Psychologist used this as an analogy for the men in his audience to remind them that Jesus promised that He would defer to what His Bride, the Holy Mother Church, would bind and loose on earth - He would, in other words, obey her decisions.

We don’t make up the rules. He does. He is Lord.

And the Lord made up that RULE.

Yes, he humbled himself, but not to the point of revoking his commandments.

This did not revoke anything. Holy Scripture points out, as Jesus said, that He came to fullfil the OLD LAW and establish NEW Law.

He humbled himself to show us that God knows what it is to be really human. We no longer have the excuse of saying that he is some distant being…not after what he did.I’m just looking for clarity here. I don’t mean to be a pain.

And now you have it and you are not a pain.

 

[miguel]

LSK:

Actually, Miguel, you are incorrect. The psychologist pointed out that in Holy Scripture Jesus PROMISED that whatever His Church would bind on earth HE would bind in HEAVEN…the Catholic Psychologist used this as an analogy for the men in his audience to remind them that Jesus promised that He would defer to what His Bride, the Holy Mother Church, would bind and loose on earth - He would, in other words, obey her decisions.

I don’t know how psychologists see this. But actually, the Church sees this promise to Peter as a source of its teaching on papal infallibility. What if the Pope puts forth a false doctrine for all of us to believe? Would Jesus, as a result of his promise to Peter, also affirm something in heaven that is untrue on earth? Of course not. Jesus is not a liar. He is the way, the truth, and the life. He can neither deceive nor be deceived. But he does have the power to protect the Pope’s teaching from error. And that is exactly how he fulfills this promise to Peter. And it is exactly why we can trust the true Church’s teaching. In this way God is being proactive, and faithful to his promises certainly, but not obedient.

 

[LSK]

He was using it as an ANALOGY…to remind Husbands that even Jesus said He would honor the decisions HIS BRIDE made…so that Catholic men would not stop at the Holy Scripture that says “wives submit to your husbands” and think that was it…the reality is, if Catholic men are to love their wives as Jesus loves HIS bride they have a LOT TO DO…and his analogy is valid…the reality is, men must lead in their homes, but they must recognize, as Jesus states quite clearly in Scripture and as our Popes have always understood, that their true authority stems from guidance by the Holy Spirit and not from mere men.

 

[miguel]

LSK:

He was using it as an ANALOGY…to remind Husbands that even Jesus said He would honor the decisions HIS BRIDE made…so that Catholic men would not stop at the Holy Scripture that says “wives submit to your husbands” and think that was it…

As a father and husband, I usually back up my wife’s judgement…because usually I think she has good judgement. But there are times when I think her judgement is faulty…and no doubt she thinks the same about mine at times. But this is where I think the analogy fails. In these situations, I don’t think God wants me, the husband, to just mind my own business and watch disaster happen. St. Paul didn’t say husbands submit to your wives.

 

[LSK]

I didn’t say St. Paul I said Holy Scripture. Stop arguing with ME I was quoting a Catholic Psychologist and I was saying he was making a valid analogy and it is still valid…what a husband wants most from their wife I would hope is a woman who would love, honor, respect and put Christ first in their home.

Oh, and BTW??? now you are being a pain.

 

[sparkle]

It is a Truth. What men want most from their wives is RESPECT, despite the the fact they screw up alot, they still need this.!!! This has been a hard one for me, in light of having a H who has screwed up ALOT in recent years. I have had to comes to terms with this…and I must say, God has given me a new love for my H, I never thought remotely possible, after much prayer over it. I am more in love now than in recent times, have had to come to truly know that Love does not depend on circumstances or feelings, that it is a choice. When a spouse makes this choice, it’s life changing.! And I’m no bundle of fluff either…he’s put up with me too!
I just know we go to bed at nite now, after “so many years” and we feel so good our marriage has lasted just so long…I am more in love today than 10 years ago, despite all the turmoils we’ve faced. Perhaps turmoils strengthen Love, do you think?

God Bless~~

 

[miguel]

LSK:

I didn’t say St. Paul I said Holy Scripture.

I know I’m pushing it. But St Paul is the one being quoted in Ephesians Chapter 5:

5:24 Therefore as the church is subject to Christ: so also let the wives be to their husbands in all things.

Note that the Church is subject to Christ, not the other way around. And St. Paul uses this as his analogy for how wives are to be subject to their husbands. This is why I took issue with what the psychologist said. There are too many who want to brush aside this teaching, in the interest of political correctness. And it has led to chaos in family life. But this teaching is not a license for husbands to be domineering. St. Paul goes on to exhort husbands:

5:25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ also loved the church and delivered himself up for it:

Following our Lord’s example, our love for our wives is to be sacrificial. That’s the challenge.

LSK:

Oh, and BTW??? now you are being a pain.

Sorry. Now you know what my wife has to live with.

 

[pira114]

I believe in treating women like queens. So, it’s hard for me to understand. I’m around men all day who abused their wives. I’ll never agree that they deserve any respect. They gave up that right. They’ve EARNED disrespect! Staying with an abusive husband only teaches our children how to be victims and abusers. Mostly victims. I wouldn’t mind meeting your husband, I’d “respect” the hell out of him for ya. :irish1:

 

[StephanieC]

pira114:

I believe in treating women like queens. So, it’s hard for me to understand. I’m around men all day who abused their wives. I’ll never agree that they deserve any respect. They gave up that right. They’ve EARNED disrespect! Staying with an abusive husband only teaches our children how to be victims and abusers. Mostly victims. I wouldn’t mind meeting your husband, I’d “respect” the hell out of him for ya. :irish1:

Pira, just for clarity’s sake in this thread, which post are you referring to? I don’t remember anyone mentioning abuse (unless you were referring back to the men you work with?)

I find this thread fascinating in that it’s gone down the scriptural route with some posters, but it seems like it started off with a “the difference between men and women” sort of feel…(although, since this is a Catholic board, what did I expect?! )

 

[buffalo]

miguel:

I know I’m pushing it. But St Paul is the one being quoted in Ephesians Chapter 5:

5:24 Therefore as the church is subject to Christ: so also let the wives be to their husbands in all things.

Note that the Church is subject to Christ, not the other way around. And St. Paul uses this as his analogy for how wives are to be subject to their husbands. This is why I took issue with what the psychologist said. There are too many who want to brush aside this teaching, in the interest of political correctness. And it has led to chaos in family life. But this teaching is not a license for husbands to be domineering. St. Paul goes on to exhort husbands:

5:25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ also loved the church and delivered himself up for it:

Following our Lord’s example, our love for our wives is to be sacrificial. That’s the challenge.
Sorry. Now you know what my wife has to live with.

5:33 In any case, each one of you should love his wife as himself, and the wife should respect her husband.

 

[Lexee15]

StephanieC:

Pira, just for clarity’s sake in this thread, which post are you referring to? I don’t remember anyone mentioning abuse (unless you were referring back to the men you work with?)

I find this thread fascinating in that it’s gone down the scriptural route with some posters, but it seems like it started off with a “the difference between men and women” sort of feel…(although, since this is a Catholic board, what did I expect?! )

StephanieC, I think I was the only one who posted about her husband, so he may be talking to me, after all emotional and mental abuse are just as damaging as physical abuse. I absolutely think that Pira is right, I started with love, respect and trust for my husband…with his actions he earned the disrespect and mistrust I have for him. After this thread I have made a huge effort to not let my love end for him, no matter what I have to love him because he’s a child of God even if he doesn’t live his life like one. It’s hard and believe me I would take Pira up on his offer if I thought it would snap him out of this behavior!!! In the mean time I need to let God kick his butt when He thinks it’s time.

I also find it interesting how the thread has gone down the scriptual route…I’m not good at quoting scripture, but from what I have read it seems much is expected of men, scripture addresses itself mostly to men on how they should live a holy life, I don’t understand how it’s the men themselves who choose otherwise.

 

[miguel]

5:33 In any case, each one of you should love his wife as himself, and the wife should respect her husband.

Bottom line. I think LSK’s valid concern about domineering husbands is adequately addressed by St Paul in Eph. 5 without the need for Catholic psychologists (or anyone else) to resort to absurd misinterpretations of Mathew 16:19 that attempt to make Christ (God!) subject to the Church. Here, Jesus is delegating authority to Peter and his successors. When a corporate CEO delegates authority to a subordinate (e.g., makes him a VP over a specific area of the business), does the CEO stop being the boss? No. He is simply saying to the rest of his subordinates that this specific VP has this specific authority. But the CEO still reserves the right to overule the VP. He does not become subject to the VP.