Yes, A man should not have to earn respect. The world says you need to earn respect. God says I respect you despite your sinfulness. Of course men should never check out and give up otherwise they would not be following the example of Jesus. However, if a man does fall short that is no exuse for the wife to not respect her husband as much is it is possible for her to do.
Let’s define “respect” here, because it can mean both to treat someone with the dignity due to a human being, regardless of how they act–of course, that kind does not have to be earned–and it can also mean to show deference to merit, and it can mean other things.
Should a husband respect his wife? What kind of respect is he entitled to that she is not entitled to and that
he ought not have to merit? If you are saying that a wife ought to have the respect due her office and a husband ought to have the respect due to his office–similar to the respect that a member of the clergy ought to have among the faithful, regardless of his merit or fidelity, or that is due to a judge or a governor or a president–I can live with that.
If you think that both a bad or arrogant husband and a bad or arrogant member of the clergy ought to be treated
exactly the same as their virtuous and faithful counterparts, that is something else again. I think that there is respect and especially trust that both a pastor and a husband do not deserve if their actions and attitude towards those they lead do not warrant it. There is also cooperation that neither a pastor nor a husband can demand, not just in theory but
especially in practice. Your pastor can tell you all about this!! Christian leadership is not the bishop dictating to the priests with no care about their concerns, it is not the pastor dictating to the parish with no care about their concerns, and it is not husbands being dictators to their wives, with no care about their concerns, as if the bishops’ priests, the priests’ parishioners, and the husbands’ wives were children or chattel or mere employees.
No, the bishop and the pastor and the husband must lead in the knowledge that their leadership will be judged by the standards laid down by Christ. The bishop, the pastor, and the husband must work to come to know the needs of those he leads, and must lead as a servant of the servants of God. Also, just as the Prophet Nathan confronted and admonished his king, David, without usurping the kingship himself, just so might priests and parishioners and wives are not only allowed but
duty-bound to confront and admonish someone who is betraying both God and those they lead by a self-centered or arrogant mode of leadership.
When the wife is put into the situation of the Prophet Nathan, but unlike King David her husband will not repent, she has to do the best she can to provide leadership to her family that is according to God’s heart. If a husband and wife are arguing and digging their heels in over a question that could go either way, that is not good. Someone needs to give in, and it does not always need to be the wife. It needs to be whoever it needs to be, so that the marriage is put first. That is the course of fidelity.
This is what I see too. I see many young men trampled on and publically disrespected while young wives stamp their feet and whine if things aren’t going their way. I see women who are waited on hand and foot while they trash talk their husbands. I see moms talk bad about dad to the kids and undermine his authority over his own children. Men are potrayed as stupid and chauvinistic. In past generations I saw women disrespected and put down, but the pendulum has swung too far in the opposite direction. That is what’s wrong
Let us remember that we do not ever see everything that has gone on in a marriage, let alone in a courtship. Still, there is no excuse for adults to act like that towards anyone, but least of all towards their spouses. That is so plainly outside a life of Christian virtue as to be beyond relevance in a discussion such as this. Let us restrict ourselves to the example of two Christians spouses with very different views on the capacity their family has to welcome more children. I think that is what the OP was asking about, and we are digressing from that question.
