What if I'm not contrite?

[Johnathanmc]

I often sin but I don’t really feel sorry for them, even if they’re mortal. I confess them and I try my hardest not to do them again but I don’t really feel any guilt. After confessions I then question if I was forgiven or not because I was not contrite. I find it hard to feel guilty for disobeying someone I cannot physically interact with in any way. I really want to feel contrite but I just don’t in most cases. Can my sins be forgiven? And what about the mortal ones? I often fear damnation to hell because of this.

 

[Dan_Defender]

Seems to me you need to work on your faith.
‘Perfect contrition (also called contrition of charity), is a repentance for sin that is motivated by faith and the love of God. It contrasts with imperfect contrition, which arises from a less pure motive, such as common decency, or fear of Hell.’

 

[regression]

It is my understand that confessing mortal sins because of imperfect contrition and striving to not do them again still means the person is absolved from the sin and not dammed to hell, correct? A person in that state might need some extra “time” in purgatory, but is still destined for heaven after confession.

 

[Dan_Defender]

'When [contrition] arises from a love by which God is loved above all else, contrition is called “perfect” (contrition of charity). Such contrition remits venial sins; it also obtains forgiveness of mortal sins if it includes the firm resolution to have recourse to sacramental confession as soon as possible.

The contrition called “imperfect” (or “attrition”) is also a gift of God, a prompting of the Holy Spirit. It is born of the consideration of sin’s ugliness or the fear of eternal damnation and the other penalties threatening the sinner (contrition of fear). Such a stirring of conscience can initiate an interior process that, under the prompting of grace, will be brought to completion by sacramental absolution. By itself, however, imperfect contrition cannot obtain the forgiveness of grave sins, but it disposes one to obtain forgiveness in the sacrament of penance. (CCC 1452–53)’
I would not presume to know who goes to hell or purgatory. It is up to God.

 

[Arkansan]

Contrition is an act of the will,not an emotion. It is a choice to regret having committed the sin along with a firm resolution not to repeat it.

Contrition is absolutely necessary for forgiveness. The emotional feeling associated with it is a useful aid but not necessary.

 

[Bon_Croix]

nfessions I then question if I was forgiven or not because I was not contrite. I find it hard to feel guilty for disobeying someone I cannot physically interact with in any way. I really want to feel contrite but I just don’t in most cases. Can my sins be forgiven? And what about the mortal ones? I often fear damnation to hell because of this.

I don’t agree. Perfect contrition is emotional. It is sorrow. It’s like when you do something your mother told you not to do then you feel sorry when you learn you hurt her.

 

[dshix]

Contrition is an act of the will, not an emotion. If you don’t “feel” anything, that doesn’t necessarily mean you lack contrition.

Now, if you’re not “feeling” anything, there certainly is a problem that your heart is hardened, and you are not feeling sorrow for offending God, or for fear of Hell. You need to pray for that sorrow, which would be fruitful in your soul.

What is required for a valid Confession is to make an act of the will at the time of confession to avoid committing these sins in the future. If you do not do this, that is, if you know full well that you intend to commit the same sin(s) with full knowledge and consent of the will, your confession will not be valid.

The key detail there is “consent of the will”. You may well have a strong weakness for a particular sin, and you may know you are likely to commit it again. But at the time of confession, all that is needed is that you intend at that moment to avoid the sin.

 

[Bon_Croix]

I often feel the same as you. You repent, but you have trouble feeling sorry.

True contrition comes to me once in a while after a sin or after confession.

As the priest says, “He came to heal the contrite”, and boy you can really feel the healing after perfect contrition.

 

[Dan_Defender]

Yes an extreme example is the good thief on the cross, he had probably led a very sinful life, but in those last moments, he had such a contrition, that Jesus forgave all his sins right on the spot.

 

[TheLegend]

After reading St. Luke 23:39-43 i see no expression of sorrow rather an admission of guilt and fear.

 

[Spyridon]

I have a hard time believing you’d go to Confession or come here and post this if you truly weren’t contrite.

 

[porthos11]

The problem is that there is too much focus on the emotion or feeling.

Feelings are not the point. Contrition is an act of love, and therefore of the will. One can BE sorry without FEELING sorry or sad. The important thing is to will to be contrite and firmly resolve to not commit the sin again.

Feelings are unreliable, and amoral; they are neither right or wrong. Sometimes, God grants the emotions to aid in repentance, but they are in themselves not necessary.

 

[Charybdis]

You say you have trouble feeling sorry or obeying someone (God) who you do not interact with physically. That is not true. After you go to Confession, go to Mass and pay special attention to the Eucharistic Prayer. Then, when you come up for Communion, you WILL interact with God in the most unique and physical way: the Eucharist!! Jesus himself! His Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity!!

 

[Ron_Conte]

Contrition is not the feeling of sorrow, but a detestation for the sins and a resolve to try to avoid them in the future. Your fear of damnation indicates imperfect contrition. If you are trying not to commit those sins again, that also indicate contrition. Perfect contrition is motivated by love of God, so if you love God and neighbor, that indicates perhaps you have perfect contrition.

 

[Erikaspirit16]

but I don’t really feel any guilt.

It depends on what you mean by “guilt.” Theologically, there is a difference between “guilt” and “shame.” Guilt–think of a court–simply means you accept responsibility for the sin. “Yes, I did it. I was responsible.” It does NOT necessarily mean that you are sorry or that you feel “shame”–“shame” in this sense being a deep feeling of sadness or worthlessness because you have sinned.

A lot (most?) people confuse the terms. “Guilt” has become synonymous with “shame,” and it’s not, at least in religious terms. “Shame” is not necessarily a good thing–if you feel so ashamed of something that you don’t seek forgiveness, or you believe that no one could possibly forgive you, that’s a bad thing. On the other hand, if you simply say “What was I thinking? Why did I do that? That was a crazy thing to do!” that’s a good thing.

But shame is not an essential part of sorrow for sin. So if you don’t feel ashamed (“guilt” in your terms), it doesn’t lessen your admission that x was a bad thing to do, and that you are responsible for doing it, and that you wish you had not done it (=sorrow for sins).

I find it hard to feel guilty for disobeying someone I cannot physically interact with in any way.

I assume by this you mean God, and not your mother who lives 1,000 miles away. Leave God out of it for a moment. In the Catholic church, morality is based on natural law. In other words, even if you were an atheist you should feel guilty for murdering someone or stealing or lying. Sin almost always hurts someone else. If you can’t connect with feeling sorry for hurting God, feel sorry for hurting other people–or even yourself. Getting drunk in your own home isn’t going to hurt other people (assuming you live alone), but it hurts you.