What if my vocation is marriage, but there are no Catholic men?

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_Gemma

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I’m a convert and am 21, all the Catholic men in our Parish are married or are priests, the thing is I have a strong faith and if my vocation is marriage I only want to date a Catholic. I don’t like the idea of a man converting for me because he will be doing it for ME and not for God.
So, because there are no Catholic men does this mean my vocation is not marriage?
I was always happy being single (I always have been) but my priest and family want me to marry. Kind of hard when there is no one!
I do like the idea or romance and all that but I don’t believe I will ever find love.
Please no one suggest going to singles groups or dating online that seems to be what desperate people do and I don’t believe in dong that. No offense if anyone has, but that is just not me.

Being a nun isn’t practical, being that I have to care for my mother who is alone and who doesn’t support me as a Catholic. I was just going to spend my life working but apparently being single isn’t a vocation so now I’m lost.
Any advice?
 
Well, if you feel strongly called to marriage, then you can try visiting Catholic singles site and singles groups anyway.

Or you can be a nun because you think that would be socially awkward and it’s what desperate people do.

Whichever works.

(edit: btw you can be single and not be a nun)
 
St Anne, St Anne, bring Gemma a man!

(I understand this must be a very difficult time for you so please forgive me if my tone is somewhat more lighthearted than is appropriate. I’m single, 24 years old, and (God willing) soon to be a convert from “non-denominational” evangelical Christianity. So I might relate almost too much with your situation.) 🙂

That being said, being single is too a vocation! It might not be what God ultimately has in mind for you (and it sounds as though you’re pretty sure it isn’t), but that doesn’t mean that the single life is somehow illegitimate. I’ve met many happily married couples who didn’t marry until later in life. Who knows? It may well be a blessing that you haven’t met someone yet. I don’t know how long its been since you converted but think of how difficult it would have been if you had already been married before entering the Church. And now you’re in a much better position to find a good husband!

I know this is easier said than done of course but my best suggestion (and this goes for all of us) would be to make a conscious effort through your prayers to really try to trust that God has led you here for a reason, and as much as possible try to take comfort in the fact that He knows what He’s doing. His plans are always better than ours.

And I completely understand your aversion to singles groups and dating sites (Catholic or otherwise). Maybe try getting involved in other faith related social activities, like Catholic campus groups, or the pro-life movement to name a few.

Peace!
 
TK421 said:
Or you can be a nun because you think that would be socially awkward and it’s what desperate people do.
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Both Jesus and St. Paul spoke very highly of the religious life, as has generation after generation of saints. Indeed marriage, which is a thing of this world, is included in christian life as a concession out of love for the weak who could not contain themselves. (Though it is also true that the graces of continence will never be denied those who seek it.)
 
She said she doesn’t want to visit singles groups or sites because that’s what desperate people do. I wasn’t saying nuns become nuns because they’re desperate.

There’s a lot of great people in those settings. A ton of people end up joining them for reasons other than desperation; maybe even because they’re very particular and they don’t want to just pick whoever they happen to run into in their everyday living, which can be very narrow.
 
TK421 - your post came across as rude, I don’t believe in internet dating because I’ve seen disastrous effects on people and singles groups are mostly women with only a few men.

UntimelyBourn - Thank you for your post and suggestions.

Inego de Loyola - I think there are only a few thousand of them in the world and I’ve heard most priests have never heard of it. I think ‘consecrated virgin’ has just become a popular internet suggestion for people who are single.

Elizium23 - I don’t have a spiritual director but I think I need one, thanks
 
My only advice, which has always held true: Pray. And trust in God. With all your heart. If you keep praying earnestly and seeking your vocation, God will let you know when the time is right. If he wants you to be married, he will show you Mr. Right - but you must pray that you will not miss Mr. Right; that you will find him when God brings you two together. That being said, He may be calling you to another vocation. You must trust that God only wants whats best for you. If it’s to be married, you will find Mr. Right soon enough. But always be open - God may be calling you to another vocation, even if you may not want it at the moment. Be strong, pray, trust, and believe. 🙂

P.S. - A good, short, and powerful prayer that can help you on this journey is the “Devotion to the Infant of Prague”. I highly recommend it for you 🙂 Thanks. 🙂
 
If God has a vocation for you, He will get you there.

But, you must be open and willing. To rule out anything, the way you have dismissed internet dating, seems to be closing yourself off to potential avenues of grace. I know many people who have had success with online dating, leading to happy marriages. You should not be so dismissive, especially since your post here seems as “desparate” as the people who turn to internet dating.

You are only 21. It’s hardly time to worry that you’ll never find a man.

I wanted to meet Catholic women when I was in my 20s…so I got out there and did. I went to local, and not so local, activities for young adult Catholics. At one such activity I met a wonderful young woman. We have been married for about 10 years now. I didn’t wait for God to deliver her to me with a pretty bow. I got out there and worked with God, putting myself in situations where His grace can operate.

I note you are in Australia. I’m not sure exactly where, but there are lots of opportunities to meet young adult Catholics in many places (I am in Sydney). If your priest is pushing you in this direction, ask him bluntly to help you find suitable activities to meet people.
 
I will pray to Saint Gemma for you. I know it is hard to find someone, i’ve been experiencing the same thing as well, it seems there are almost no ‘good’ catholic single women out there. Sure they’re out there, it is a question of patience I think.
 
_Gemma said:
I’m a convert and am 21, all the Catholic men in our Parish are married or are priests, the thing is I have a strong faith and if my vocation is marriage I only want to date a Catholic. I don’t like the idea of a man converting for me because he will be doing it for ME and not for God.
So, because there are no Catholic men does this mean my vocation is not marriage?
I was always happy being single (I always have been) but my priest and family want me to marry. Kind of hard when there is no one!
I do like the idea or romance and all that but I don’t believe I will ever find love.
Please no one suggest going to singles groups or dating online that seems to be what desperate people do and I don’t believe in dong that. No offense if anyone has, but that is just not me.

Being a nun isn’t practical, being that I have to care for my mother who is alone and who doesn’t support me as a Catholic. I was just going to spend my life working but apparently being single isn’t a vocation so now I’m lost.
Any advice?
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Unless you are going to step out of your comfort zone, both physically and emotionally, things will NOT change for you.

For example, you say all the men in your parish are married or priests. Staying there will NOT improve your chance of finding a husband.

Assuming that a non-Catholic would convert just to please you, IMHO, is a bit eqotistical and insulting to men. In my family we have numerous individuals who converted due to marriage and are wonderful practitioners of the faith.

Also accept the fact that God wants you where you are right now, for a reason. Maybe it’s to make you more appreciative of when the man does come in your life. I don’t know the reason why, but prayer, discernment, and spiritual direction will help you get through this period in your life.
 
Visiting other parishes and cities is fun 🙂 You’ll meet a lot of new people which is always exciting 🙂 You could combine your Sunday mass at a nearby parish with a sight seeing or shopping tour especially now during summer times 🙂

Someone who sits with us at Kiddush is going to fly to Israel in order to find a wife. This is how bad it is to find another Jew 😦 Maybe I should just fly with him and tryna find me a husband.
 
_Gemma said:
So, because there are no Catholic men does this mean my vocation is not marriage?
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First of all, there are Catholic men. The ones in your parish may not be available, but if you are going to limit your choices to immediately within your parish and dismiss any other kind of social forum or online dating site, you cannot claim that “there are no Catholic men”. If you do not want to make the effort to find one, you probably won’t. However, no, your vocation doesn’t change simply because none of the men in your parish are available to date.

It doesn’t actually sound like you are sure your vocation is marriage to begin with though. Just because your priest and family “want” you to marry, doesn’t mean you should. Your vocation is not about what the people around you want; it is about what God wants for you. Perhaps the fact that you are not compelled to look very hard for a spouse means something. Only you can figure that out- but if you are confused I agree with the poster who suggested finding a spiritual director who can help you to discern what God is calling you to do.
 
You sound so much like I was at 21. I was a new convert and on fire for the faith. And I was desperate – I mean desperate – to find a good Catholic man to marry and start a big family ASAP. Well, I did find a Catholic man at 21, and almost married him. It’s a very good thing he called off our engagement, because if we had married, our marriage almost certainly wouldn’t have been valid. I was just so blinded by my desperation that I didn’t want to acknowledge all the huge red flags.

In the end, I married a much better man several years later, and I am so glad I did. If I could go back and talk to myself at 21, I would tell myself that 21 is so young, and that I shouldn’t be so desperate to find a man that I ignore serious red flags. I would tell myself to pray a lot, and ask God to reveal what His vocation for me is, and ask Him to provide. In short, I would tell myself to take a deep breath and wait on the Lord’s timing.
 
DaddyGirl said:
Being single isn’t a vocation?
I mean…are your only choices either to get married or to be a nun?

You can’t go to college, have a great career, and do wonderful things for people and in the world? And if you happen to meet a great Catholic guy at some point along the way that you love and loves you back, then marry the guy?
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This right here.

Take a breath. You’re 21. You’ve got your whole life ahead of you. Instead of being desperate to find a guy or become a nun and do it right now… why not spend the next few days/weeks/months discerning what God wants from you? Why not complete your education and work and in the interim, spend some time in front of the blessed sacrament and pray? While you’re waiting to come to the realization of what God wants from you, why not get out into the world and as DaddyGirl said, go do things for other people.

It’s a great point that he makes; the more you get outside of yourself, the more people you’re going to meet. And the more time you spend doing good works in communion with others, the more likely it is that you will meet good people. And maybe even a good guy.
 
Wow, thank you everyone who has posted, you’ve all offered me some good advice that I will definitely take on board!
Thank you to those who prayed as well, I’m going to pray God helps and leads me to my vocation and what he wants to do, I trust in him.
 
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