What if you ignore the call

[nunintraining]

Hector,

I had some of the same hesitations when I realized that God was calling me to religious life. It is HARD to give up marriage and family. BUT if God is calling you to the priesthood this is a huge opportunity.

He is most likely calling you to this life if this life would make you truly happy and the most fulfilled you can possibly be. If you want to give this up, a treasure from God meant to bring you the closest to Him as possible, then I think the question is not so much if it is a sin but if you really want to give that opportunity up for your own desires and feelings.

I also considered the fact that marrying someone when I knew I was called to religious life would have been very unfair for my husband and future children because I would not be completely fulfilled in that vocation as it was not the vocation that God called me to.

That being said, I think in some cases God gives people a choice and they are truly free to choose either way of life.

So your answer can only come from God. If He wants you to choose the priesthood, He will make that clear and He will give you all the graces to follow Him. That is not to say it is not still a sacrifice for me, it is still very difficult. But through that sacrifice I know that God will bring many fruits and bring many souls to Him. And that makes it worth it to me.

Yours in Christ,

Theresa

 

[Suslar]

Notredame,

Just because you notice pretty girls doesn’t in and of itself make you sinful. And, once you become a priest, you don’t lose your eyesight or your humanity. But you will gain great grace and the support of priest brothers to help you overcome temptation.

Please seek out a really good, faith filled spiritual director. It will make all the difference in the world as you work thru some of your questions.

I just sent you more info in a private message.

Please know I will pray for you.

 

[Dofan]

Recently, Archbishop Nicholls (UK) said in a vocation festival something that was said to him: not answering to a call is not a sin.

God wants a free answer to a vocation. It is an answer to a path offered to you, with a promise that, if you take that road, you will find a happiness that may be difficult to understand, at first, but that is engaging every day.

Marriage is also a vocation, just a priesthood is. Both have different ways of renunciation. With marriage, you renounce to the freedom the priest enjoys to serve others than his own family. With priesthood, you renounce to the possibility of having your own family. Both involve sacrifices for a greater good.

It is totally normal, when somebody hears, with the ears of his heart, the first sounds of a call, to be scared and say… “but I want this…” Seek advice with a spiritual director or a vocations director in your parish or diocese. Try to understand, from a Catholic point of view what both vocations (marriage and priesthood) really mean, and be certain that you decide with a clear and informed mind. Do not romanticize any of those (marriage may be harder than celibacy in many respects), and at the end of the day, be certain that God knows better than you what is best for you, and in any case, he already knows what your decision will be. In the meantime, explore. Vocation discernment is a fantastic way to know your faith, to get closer to God and to know yourself. Whatever your decision, there could not be a better deal… you know from the beginning that you will win.

 

[Th0t]

I understand completely what some of you are going through. Right now I feel I am at a wall. At first, I thought I was for sure God was calling me to the priesthood, but now that I have been having a diligent discernment, marriage is there also. cuz I was with my ex-girlfriend for 2 years and maybe its the devil using my emotions or its God. But in the end, I want to do what God WANTS.

I have been reading vianneyvocations.com/store/ To Save A Thousand Souls. Really great book for those discerning a diocesan priesthood.

It says in the book that God pre-destines our vocation. Yet, He still invites us to figure out and fully trust in Him with it. He doesn’t force us into anything. But if we choose the wrong vocation, we could truly never be happy. Like priests or nuns that were meant to get married, or married couples that were meant to be priests or nuns.

It also says to discern between four voices: the world, the devils, yours and God’s.

I don’t know who these saints or married couple were (heard them on EWTN) that a man and a woman were discerning the priesthood and the sisterhood but were not happy. After some time, they got married and all their children became nuns and priests and one of them even became a saint!

I told my ex-girlfriend, I can’t just get married with you like that with the priesthood in my head, if we were to get married now, for the rest of my life I will think, “WHAT IF…”

Trust in God. Take it with time. Do only three things… Pray and go to Mass (and daily Mass if u can) and Pray!!!

Only prayer will truly help u and a spiritual director.

GET THE BOOK TOO! SO WORTH IT!!!

 

[Suslar]

Th0t, do you really believe what that book says? “That God pre-destines our vocation. . . . He doesn’t force us into anything. But if we choose the wrong vocation, we could truly never be happy . . . “ That would make free will not truly free. It can’t be both ways – either we have free will, or we have free will but if we make a “mistake” then we’re doomed to a life of misery. How can a kind, loving, just God do that? (rhetorical question – God wouldn’t & doesn’t treat us that way). It’s not like we’re all on some type of quest to discover God’s perfect will for us and He’s holding that knowledge in secret and we just have to guess – risking eternal damnation on the guess.

I really think it’s more like what the Scriptures tell us about HOW to be, not WHAT to be. In 1 Thessalonians 4:3, we are told, “This is the will of God, your holiness: that you refrain from immorality.” So will becoming a member of the clergy make you holy and help you refrain from immorality? Will becoming married and raising a family help you refrain from immorality? God’s call throughout Scripture and echoed in the Words of His Son Jesus while on Earth is the call to come to holiness. We are made in God’s image and invited to constantly be more Christlike. I think that is God’s will of desire for us – that we come to holiness and perfection. But I don’t think God offers a step by step roadmap. Instead, He gave us reason, logic, intellect, friends, family . . . . and Holy Scripture and the Sacraments

“Therefore, encourage one another and build one another up, as indeed you do. We ask you, brothers, to respect those who are laboring among you and who are over you in the Lord and who admonish you, and to show esteem for them with special love on account of their work. Be at peace among yourselves. We urge you, brothers, admonish the idle, cheer the fainthearted, support the weak, be patient with all. See that no one returns evil for evil; rather, always seek what is good (both) for each other and for all. Rejoice always. Pray without ceasing. In all circumstances give thanks, for this is the will of God for you in Christ Jesus. Do not quench the Spirit. Do not despise prophetic utterances. Test everything; retain what is good. Refrain from every kind of evil. May the God of peace himself make you perfectly holy and may you entirely, spirit, soul, and body, be preserved blameless for the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. The one who calls you is faithful, and he will also accomplish it.” 1 Thessalonians 5: 1–24

Before I’m misquoted, Yes, God does have a specific plan for our lives BUT I don’t think it is one that He expects us to figure out before we make any decisions. I don’t think God cares much if we live in Chicago or if we live in New York. He just wants us to make choices that bring us closer to Him. Will He punish us for choosing a certain path in life? Not if He is truly all good and loving. Expecting God to direct every choice seems to me to be a recipe for disappointment and indecision. If we wait for 100% certainty, we may be waiting a long time. And, if we look back with regret and fear about our past decisions, then we are deprived from true and perfect forgiveness in Hm.

I don’t know what the future holds, but I know God’s will for us is simple – “Rejoice always. Pray without ceasing. In all circumstances give thanks.”

If you become a priest, be a good, devout priest who does not bring scandal upon Mother Church. If you become a husband and father, be the best one that you can be. Above all, be holy and help all of those on your path in life to become holy too.

Please pray for me and rest assured that I am praying for you.

“Therefore, from the day we heard this, we do not cease praying for you and asking that you may be filled with the knowledge of his will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding to live in a manner worthy of the Lord, so as to be fully pleasing, in every good work bearing fruit and growing in the knowledge of God, strengthened with every power, in accord with his glorious might, for all endurance and patience, with joy giving thanks to the Father, who has made you fit to share in the inheritance of the holy ones in light. He delivered us from the power of darkness and transferred us to the kingdom of his beloved Son, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.” Colossians 1:9-14

 

[Th0t]

I know what I wrote is kind of paraphrased. You have to read the book to understand that type of logic better. Maybe in a way it’s like our Protestant brothers and sisters who can’t and won’t believe that only through the Catholic Church can one be saved.

Maybe its true, maybe it isn’t. I don’t completely believe in it, but it does make sense. (Due to reading the book.)

And you’re right. One day our vicar asked us to ask ourselves. Have you asked God whyyou live in the city you live in? This state? Out of the 50 states in the U.S. why this one?
He has a plan for each and every one of you. Why did God choose Jerusalem? or Israel? Maybe it could’ve been here in this continent. Though we know for sure it wouldn’t be called “America”

But I will pray and thank you very much for including me in your prayers :]

 

[Suslar]

Thanks for the prayers, Th0t.

If you would indulge me giving you a piece of advice, find a good, holy priest to be your mentor. It makes a world a difference!

As for me, I am blessed with the opportunity to assist one of our elderly priests at the parish with little odds and ends around the rectory and I know I have learned far more from sitting at his feet and listening to him than I would ever gain from a book.

 

[UponTheAltar]

If you wanted a wife and children it is far more likely that you did not have a religious vocation after all.

That is wrong. All people have a natural desire to be married and have children. When discerning a vocation to religious life, you are more often than not advised to not go based on what you feel but, to be open for the call of God. When I talked to my priest about vocations and what happens if we miss our call he told me that God has a plan for each of us, a vocation, and if we follow it, we will have the most fulfilled life we could live. That is plan A. Plan B, however, is your own plan and does not necessarily mean you will have a bad life or go to hell or anything, it simply means your life will not be as fulfilling as it could be. You may have a good life or a bad life but, it won’t be anything like what you could have had with Plan A. I forget who it was but, someone estimated that about 1/3 of all people have a vocation to religious life but, now a days only 1 in every 10,000 or so follow that call.

 

[Wavering]

I can only give you what I’ve been going through and still am.

When I first started my discenment, I was in doubt, confuse, afraid, etc. The first thing that came to my mind was this " carry your cross and follow me". I am still trying to find out what my cross is to this day and it’'s been a couple of years already.

I’ve tried to ignore and avoid His calling over and over again even after He has shown me where He wants me to be. However, He always remind me that He’s calling. The only thing I could do was learn to trust Him, but it is easier said than done. He has cut off my escape routes, the only thing I can do is take a step forward toward His voice. It’s not an easy journey and there’s always some kind of struggle in my mind whenever I think about vocation He’s calling me to. It’s like I am in a never ending battlefield. I personally don’t think that this battle/war will end for as long as I am still living here on earth.

I don’t have a spiritual director that I can talk to whenever I run into a wall, but God did let me meet people who helped me in realizing my vocation even if I only met them once.

Prayer and learning to put your trust in Him are the only two things I can suggest. For me, it is struggle to do them but I believe that they are very important in discerning my vocation.

May He guide you in your discernment.

 

[Th0t]

That is wrong. All people have a natural desire to be married and have children. When discerning a vocation to religious life, you are more often than not advised to not go based on what you feel but, to be open for the call of God. When I talked to my priest about vocations and what happens if we miss our call he told me that God has a plan for each of us, a vocation, and if we follow it, we will have the most fulfilled life we could live. That is plan A. Plan B, however, is your own plan and does not necessarily mean you will have a bad life or go to hell or anything, it simply means your life will not be as fulfilling as it could be. You may have a good life or a bad life but, it won’t be anything like what you could have had with Plan A. I forget who it was but, someone estimated that about 1/3 of all people have a vocation to religious life but, now a days only 1 in every 10,000 or so follow that call.

Yes! Exactly as the book describes it! Lol I am bad sometimes at explaining things…

I do have a spiritual director who has been helping me discern :]

 

[Dsivanish]

Remember St Paul’s words (not quoted exactly) “a married man worries about his wife’s needs, a single man worries about God’s needs. If you burn with lust, it is better for you to marry, as for me I wait on God”.

 

[notredame_999]

Remember St Paul’s words (not quoted exactly) “a married man worries about his wife’s needs, a single man worries about God’s needs. If you burn with lust, it is better for you to marry, as for me I wait on God”.

I’ve had a question about this quote. Is it sinful for a man to want to get married so he can have a wife, childeren that are catechized, but also so he can have sex regularly? That’s kind of what I feel sometimes. On one hand I think I may be called, but on the other hand I have to be realistic and acknowledge that I have never lived a chaste life.

 

[JoyfulLife]

St. Alphonsus Liguori stated:

“Not to follow our vocation, when we feel called to the religious state, is not a mortal sin; the Counsel of Christ, from their nature, do not oblige under this penalty. However, in regard to the dangers to which our salvation is exposed, in choosing a state of life against the Divine Will, such conduct is rarely free from sin, much more so when a person is persuaded that in the world he places himself in danger of losing his soul by refusing to follow his vocation.”

catholicapologetics.info/catholicteaching/vocations/Vocare.htm

Not following the state in life you were created for certainly will mean you won’t find complete fullfillment and happiness as you would in your calling. Your calling is the best path to holiness and saving your soul.

 

[Th0t]

Then it is true what the book describes about choosing the ‘correct’ vocation so to speak.

Awesome to know, though it kind of scared me a bit that I obsessed making the wrong decision. But in the end I know God will help me and let me know.

 

[Suslar]

I think it is dangerous to talk about “correct” vocations and being “more content” or “more happy” in one way of life than another. To believe this is so would mean free will is not truly free. It would be that our all kind, perfect, loving God is playing some kind of game with His people – and that just cannot be. Freewill is His ultimate act of love for us – He lets us choose.

The quote from St. Alphonsus Liguori specifically says “Not to follow our vocation . . . is not a mortal sin. . . .” Unless I am reading it wrong, the rest of the quote is about being careful in making our choices so that we don’t obstinately choose a sinful path.

On the feast of the Annunciation, our priest asked us to consider the fact that the Blessed Virgin Mary could have said “NO” when Angel Gabriel appeared to her. Stop and think about that for a minute . . . . . because God’s gift to humankind is total free will, Mary could have refused to be the Mother of Jesus. Would she have “sinned” by refusing? Nope. Would she be damned to hell or anything like that? Nope. That’s the consequence of free will – we can make the choice.

 

[wina]

I’ve been ignoring the call for a long time now. I’m not at peace with myself for doing such a thing. God continues to bring me back to the thought of religious life, no matter what I do.

That’s exactly what I’d been, but I’ve started to discern about my vocation to join religious life more seriously, and with God’s grace I may follow and do His holy will.

 

[Th0t]

On the feast of the Annunciation, our priest asked us to consider the fact that the Blessed Virgin Mary could have said “NO” when Angel Gabriel appeared to her. Stop and think about that for a minute . . . . . because God’s gift to humankind is total free will, Mary could have refused to be the Mother of Jesus. Would she have “sinned” by refusing? Nope. Would she be damned to hell or anything like that? Nope. That’s the consequence of free will – we can make the choice.

But in a way if you think about it, why would the Lord apart her from sin from the moment of her conception? Yes she could have said no but the Lord was preparing her since before her birth. Since the time of creation. But who knows. To us it could be a game but hey He’s God He can do anything He wants but everything He does is with Love and not to our understanding as humans.

 

[JoyfulLife]

I think it is dangerous to talk about “correct” vocations and being “more content” or “more happy” in one way of life than another. To believe this is so would mean free will is not truly free. It would be that our all kind, perfect, loving God is playing some kind of game with His people – and that just cannot be. Freewill is His ultimate act of love for us – He lets us choose.

I disagree. What I have said I even heard from a Sister in the EWTN program “Completely Christ’s.” We are each created from the beginning for a specific calling, and we will find our complete fullfillment in what we are called to. I’m not saying we are not free. I’m not saying that religious life will make you happier than marriage, for ex. I’m saying that the state-in-life you are called to is where you will be happiest because it is what you were created for, gifted for, given the desire for, and so on. St. Therese’s parents became Saints as married people; she became a Saint as a religious. You don’t know all of what God could have done with you in a specific calling, that you didn’t get to by living a different state. What if any Saint refused some portion of the graces they received to do all the amazing things they’ve done? Their cup would be more like a thimble; full, yet not as grown and happy as they could be. There are different degrees of happiness even in Heaven, according to the degree of Sanctity of the person. What I’m saying is that God has a plan for each person, and His plan is the best. I want all that God has in mind for me.

I hope that makes some sense.

 

[Vico]

I’ve had a question about this quote. Is it sinful for a man to want to get married so he can have a wife, childeren that are catechized, but also so he can have sex regularly? That’s kind of what I feel sometimes. On one hand I think I may be called, but on the other hand I have to be realistic and acknowledge that I have never lived a chaste life.

The desire is not sinful, only thoughts and actions and omissions can be sinful, but the desire can be for something sinful, because humans exist after the fall of Adam and Eve.

It is not sinful to be married and to have children if it is done correctly. To have sex regularly is an illusion. You can grant the gift, and hope to receive the gift, in accordance with your matrimonial covenant, but there is no guarantee. You do not know what the situation will become. So marriage or not, life is service, sacrifice. We expect happiness in heaven not on earth. (see Matthew 19)