What if your confession is unwanted?

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uglygal

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The last time I attempted to go to confession, many many months back, the church was empty and the priest was reading a newspaper in the confessional. I tried to do confession but the priest was in quiet a hurry to get back to the newspaper and I left feeling literally ‘kicked out’.

I attempted to go to confession today - against my better judgment but I thought I’d go - and I was denied confession because I was 2 minutes late, though according to the parish bulletin I was on time and within the hour. I felt ‘kicked out’ again. I’m starting to remember why I distanced myself from the church to begin with and I feel hurt 😦

Anyone else had a similar experience? I have come home feeling extremely hurt and pushed aside. I am trying to be patient but my patience with the church is wearing very thin, I feel slapped in the face time and time again, I feel rejected and hurt.

Anyone else had an experience like this, especially someone like me (a former catholic) who upon their first attempt to return is immediately reminded of precisely why they left?
 
I would just go to another parish close by for confession. I did this when I was really sinful before I changed my ways completely so the priest would have no idea who I was. Try a different priest at a different parish.

My experience was a very cold shoulder when I confessed about premarital sex. The priest wanted nothing to do with me. I never went back and changed parishes. This wasn’t the only reason though, but the last straw.
 
I’m afraid that I have had plenty of bad experiences in the confessional.

I could tell that one priest really did not want to hear my confession. Every time I went to him, once I got started I could hear him let a deep sigh–as if saying “Not this again”. I used to go to confession to him regularly because he was the only one available. I just laughed it off. The sacrament is still valid. In fact, in a way I almost enjoyed being a thorn in this priest’s side by going to confession with him. I don’t know whether enjoying that is a sin or not.

I had one really bad experience where another priest started verbally attacking me, saying that my sins weren’t sins. This priest had very liberal views about morality and disagreed with the catechism and the magisterium and the tradition of the Church. I’ve studied enough theology to realize that this priest was just whacko. He almost started yelling at me and accused me of having a mental illness. I thought he was going to kick me out. I should have just got up and left. That experience was just terrible. I was depressed for a couple of days. It was as if I exposed my heart in an act of trust and he plunged a knife into it. Now I’m a little afraid to even go back to confession–although I still go.

On two separate occasions, I mentioned to friends that I had a bad experience in confession. Both people knew exactly who it was even though they were from different cities. They said he is notorious the diocese of Lansing for verbally abusing young men in the confessional. Just ridiculous. Someone like that should not have faculties to hear confessions.

So you aren’t alone. Just remember that the sacraments work in spite of the sinfulness of the priest. It is Christ who works in the sacraments. So even if the priest is a jerk, Jesus is still present giving you his help.

However, if possible find a different priest to go to confession to. Most priests that I know are very serious and compassionate when it comes to confessions. The bad ones are rare.
 
I’ve had bad experiences too. But that is no reason to stop going. It’s funny you mention the newspaper thing, last time I went by God-incidence the priest was reading the paper as well! That threw me for a loop. I’ve seen rosarys but not the paper. Oh well. Sometimes it must get boring waiting for people. :rolleyes:
But I’ve also had some pretty good experiences as well. So don’t give up.👍
 
I had a similiar experience once. The priest was reading a
newspaper and didn’t rush me but didn’t say much at all, and
just like with you, there was no line of people waiting. On the
other hand I have only had positive experieces except for that one.
 
Do you have friends locally? Maybe they can recommend someone. Do keep trying. When you find a good confessor, you will be very happy you persevered. —KCT
 
uglygal said:
I attempted to go to confession today - against my better judgment but I thought I’d go - and I was denied confession because I was 2 minutes late, though according to the parish bulletin I was on time and within the hour. I felt ‘kicked out’ again. I’m starting to remember why I distanced myself from the church to begin with and I feel hurt 😦
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what is the schedule at the parish for confession? At my parish, I normally show up 2 hours ahead of time to make sure by the time it is my turn, the priest have at least 5 to 15 minutes for me.
 
uglygal said:
Anyone else had a similar experience? I have come home feeling extremely hurt and pushed aside. I am trying to be patient but my patience with the church is wearing very thin, I feel slapped in the face time and time again, I feel rejected and hurt.
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I’ve had priests not keep their full hour before. It depends upon the priest, but to be sure, I’d show up about 10 minutes into their hour. That way you are sure that they are already in there before you show up. Sometimes they feel rushed at the end of the hour, so by showing up near the start of the hour, you avoid that issue. If it is a place with long lines though, you might want to get in line before the hour starts. Also, most parishes let you schedule an appointment if you like instead. Since it has been awhile for you, that might be a good idea. That way you can take your time. If you were at my parish, the pastor would be happy to do that.

My experience is that the vast majority of priests are good in the confessional. I’d give it another shot. 🙂 Maybe say “Bless me father for I have sinned. It has been over XX years since my last confession.” That way he will know to help you through the process a bit.
 
I assume that these confessions are done face to face? We have confessionals (well, actually a little room with a screened/grated window to the 2nd - close enough). I can’t see Father nor can he see me. I have never heard the rustle of newspaper, so I think he’s relatively attentive.

Sorry to hear all of these bad experiences.
 
I don’t know how to put this but I feel sad and relieved that others have had similar experiences (not that you have had them just that I’m not the only one).

I have decided I was wrong in jumping to the worst conclusion about the priest, despite my feelings and impression given, and I will give him the benefit of the doubt that his intentions were good and pure.

I think this is the best way to go. Maybe he was having a bad day or had a dr’s appointment to get to. 🤷 🙂
 
We’re pretty lucky.

Our parish offers to hear Confessions 1/2 hour before every Mass (6:00am, 9:00am and 12:00 on weekday, plus more on Sundays), in addition to 4 hours on Sunday.

We have a ‘retired’ priest in residence that is 95 years old. In addition to saying our parishes 6:00am Mass every day, he and our pastor will hear confessions before Mass. If there is anyone still in line when the pastor has to leave to get ready to say Mass he will stay and hear the confessions of anyone still in line when daily Mass starts, or will come back after the Sunday Mass to finish hearing those confessions. I figure he spends about 2 hours a DAY in the confessional.

And yes, we still have lines.
 
There are posted times for confessions in my parish:

Saturday, Eve of Holy Day, Thursday before First Friday: 2:30-3:30 & 7:30-8:00 p.m.
Sunday: 45 min. before the 9:30 a.m. and Noon Mass until the Gospel starts

Even on Saturday, even though there are set times, at least one priest will be in a confessional until the start of the Gospel.
 
Its why finding a good confessor is such a blessing.

Years ago, we had a priest that almost seemed resentful, that he had chosen to become a priest. When you went to confession, he’d rush you through it, and for the most part, telling you that what you were confessing, were not sins. He ramble through your absolution with an attitude of be gone, as he slammed the door of the confessional window shut.

Today, I have a great confessor. He takes his time and provides some counseling.

So, pray to find a good confessor, even if you have to go to another parish to find him.

Jim
 
Please be informed that until the false spirit of Vatican II recedes and the true spirit of Vatican II is encouraged you will find from time to time the symptoms of modernism that continue to plague our church. Be mindful that the sacrament of Confession is one of the attack points by the enemy and the priest may have been clouded in his judgment on the importance of the sacrament. I suggest you attempt to find another church. Pray to find a good confessor. When God provides you will be overjoyed after making a good confession and your memories of why you left will fade…

Welcome home…I will pray for you…will you pray for me?
 
uglygal said:
I don’t know how to put this but I feel sad and relieved that others have had similar experiences (not that you have had them just that I’m not the only one).

I have decided I was wrong in jumping to the worst conclusion about the priest, despite my feelings and impression given, and I will give him the benefit of the doubt that his intentions were good and pure.

I think this is the best way to go. Maybe he was having a bad day or had a dr’s appointment to get to. 🤷 🙂
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This is the best approach to many situation.
 
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