What if your priest doesn't like you

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How much can I relate to this. I too have a priest in my life (thankfully not at my parish) who has done great harm to me, and I have no idea why. He has also turned others against me. The pain has been difficult.

I have no idea why he is treating me like this, and he has refused to speak to me. So what I did was turn the matter over to the Lord, placing it in His hands. Results are happening and things are beginning to get better. I pray for him regularly, too.

Never leave the Church based on the conduct of an individual, even a priest.
 
Feeling like you haven’t received acceptance from someone that you desire it from is not a good feeling, especially around Christmas time.
Try to keep in your mind why you are there and maybe even use these incidents as a lesson in humility. I know that’s what I do if I experience a feeling of being snubbed or someone exhibits a lack of patience, etc. When I think of it that way, it instantly lifts my spirits and sometimes I have to even stifle a smile because I’m so grateful for any opportunity that I can receive this gift from.
It may be that your parish priest is having some problems of his own and even if he isn’t, it will help both of you if you take it to prayer.
God bless and I’ll pray for you.
 
Assume the best about him rather than the worst. Maybe it’s just a personality difference–maybe he is socially quite shy, and unable to interact well with different people…

back in my college days I had a woman tell me I was very cold and unapproachable. I was stunned. I had NO idea I was coming across that way toward her or anyone else… But that’s how she interpreted my personality…

it isn’t necessary that every personality “click” with every other personality…that would be unrealistic. Some people are going to rub you the wrong way and visa-versa. But charity–believing the best about others, and hoping for the best in them–should be the foundation for how we interact.

On a very practical level, I would suggest that you make it a personal goal to pray for this priest daily until the Holy Spirit directs you it is ok to cease praying for him…and then see how God works…
 
I hate to be honest about this, (I hope I dont get banned) but its been my experience that many priest are like this. The “nicer” you are to them the more rude they treat you. That goes for different parish priest I’ve met when I served for 10 years and some Jesuits I’ve met here at my school/work place. I am not sure if it’s just an American culture or what. These same priest treat others much better and those others are the ones who don’t take “attitude” from others. Maybe it’s just me but it’s what I noticed. Maye next time don’t act so humble around him 😉 and as others said have a sit down with him and have him explain what his problem is with you.
 
GoneAstray said:
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However, after the Mass, as I was leaving, the pastor was in conversation with another parishioner. He stuck his hand out without even looking at me or stopping the conversation. I said “Merry Christmas” and he just continued talking to the other man as if I didn’t even exist.

Maybe I am making a big deal of this and I shouldn’t. But I don’t even want to go to church any more. I haven’t been to Confession in forever even though he doesn’t treat me like that during Confession. It’s just hard to go to someone you know can’t stand you for some reason even if they can put those feelings aside.
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I fail to see what he did wrong.

So he didn’t interrupt another parishioner who was speaking to him (for all you know was pouring his/her heart out to him about something else)…he kept his eyes glued to the person he was already in conversation with…even though he stuck his hand out to you and acknowledged you were there, and you are offended?

and you don’t want to go to church anymore?

Sorry, but if you were that parishioner that was speaking to him and he interrupted you in order to talk to someone else, even in passing, you would probably be offended and “not want to go to church anymore”.

I don’t get it.
 
I know it’s a very uncomfortable feeling if you believe that your parish priest doesn’t like you… and it can bug you, a lot.

I thought my priest didn’t care much for me, he always seemed to look away to any other person but me when shaking hands. Just small stuff. But he is a busy man and I noticed he was not the only priest that didn’t look you in the eye when shaking your hand. Some priests don’t know etiquette and it can send the wrong message (Anglican priests seem to be much better at this sort of thing I’ve noticed). But think about it: a priest has only a few seconds per person after mass and he can’t afford to get into any detailed conversation or answer questions at that time lest he ends up ignoring everyone. I should have known better at the time because he talked to me at length during Confession and often makes me laugh.

The bottom line is, most priests are terribly busy and have to deal with people who help in running the parish and after that the general congregation. Priests don’t get instructed in etiquette at the seminary and are bound to seem rude to some people as they go about the business of being priests.

Sometimes the brain plays tricks on you and you can never be totally certain if such situations are real or imagined. It shouldn’t really matter BUT when I felt extra poorly about how I thought the priest felt about me I didn’t talk to the priest about it because I couldn’t be sure if my brain was making it all up. What I did do was to take it to our Lord to deal with, and He did within a couple of weeks when the priest asked me by name to do something for him in the middle of a Mass.

Just take your concerns to the Lord and continue on at Mass whatever the outcome. Just let the Lord know that He is your primary focus, that you love Him.
 
I’m sorry, but when I read the title of this thread, I LOL’d. :rotfl: I was a seminarian years ago and I used to [anger/infuriate/annoy] a different priest every other day it seemed (it was more like the same handful of priests, with rotating days of peace and discord). Sometimes it’s okay not to like them back (a wonderful opportunity to demonstrate agape love–love that hopes for no return). I knew a pastor (of a BIG church in downtown Chicago) that used to talk to me as if I was a child, and I know he did it on purpose; he just didn’t like me and thought I was an idiot. He stopped just short of patting me on the top of my head.

I heard a talk years ago by a Jesuit, and he said *if you’re a dingbat the day before your ordination, then the day after, all you are is an ordained dingbat. * The sacrament only goes so far.

If this guy took you off of his blog e-mail list, then *he’s *got the problem, not you. How petty is that.
 
if a priest says that he doesn’t like you - you can send me a pm.
 
All I can say is priest or not, we NEED to forgive and move on… it is a HUGE Christain necessity of Life in Christ. A wise pastor once mentioned this. If you hold onto sin (unforgiveness) it is as if you are holding a poisonous snake. LET GO OF THE SNAKE or you will be poisoned. Let God be in charge, not you! You of course don’t even know for SURE he doesn’t like you, you are implying that AND it might be false. Regardless, he IS a priest and through his hands come our Lord regardless his sanctity. Accept those hands from which the Blessed Sacrament comes and pray, pray, pray for him and yourself.

Blessings in Christ,
mlz
 
Pray for him. I think it is one of the devil’s attack to keep you out of church. I learned that I must be happy with the attacks because the more I am close to GOD & on my right way the more I ‘ll be attacked. Attacks will stronger your faith. Please don’t give up, continue to fight the devil (The bad treatment of the priest) & remember that you are not alone, You are under GOD’ s protection. God bless you.
 
GoneAstray said:
I attend a small rural church. I was a lapsed Catholic for years and have been back for about three years.

The priest doesn’t like me. It has been very obvious to me. He ignores me when I speak to him. After Mass, he acts like shaking my hand is some kind of imposition.

Christmas Day was the worst. First of all, it was the worst Christmas of my life. I lost the person dearest to me I always spent it with in April. Three days before Christmas a neighbor died and I had to go to the viewing which brought back all the pain. Plus I really liked this person.

So I decided rather than be alone, I would go to Mass on Christmas Day rather than Christmas Eve. That was actually a good call.

However, after the Mass, as I was leaving, the pastor was in conversation with another parishioner. He stuck his hand out without even looking at me or stopping the conversation. I said “Merry Christmas” and he just continued talking to the other man as if I didn’t even exist.

Maybe I am making a big deal of this and I shouldn’t. But I don’t even want to go to church any more. I haven’t been to Confession in forever even though he doesn’t treat me like that during Confession. It’s just hard to go to someone you know can’t stand you for some reason even if they can put those feelings aside.

I have also noticed another woman who used to sit in my pew has stopped going to Mass. She was really incensed over something this priest did and the next week she was gone.

I don’t think he’s a good pastor but I have nowhere else to go.

I was doing okay with just ignoring it and going because it’s the Mass that counts. But that Christmas Day experience really hit home. He has no idea what I’m going through and how his actions could effect me. It would have taken five seconds to say “Merry Christmas.”

There is no point in talking to him. He has a very healthy ego. I doubt he would care.

And in addition to that, he has a blog. He made a big deal about it and how we should all read it. I subscribed to it and got the posts in daily emails.

I noticed right after Christmas they stopped. He has taken me off the subscriber list apparently because I checked and there are new posts.
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Provided that you are giving a correct testimony of the situation, it sounds like he might not like you.
How far would be the nearest Catholic Church? I go to the next parish over myself, as my most local parish pastor does not recognize single women. My son was the only active teenager in many ministries, and it was as if there was no respect. A parish over makes the world of difference.
 
Well, you can’t expect everyone to like everybody, and I know I don’t like everyone, and I know everyone doesn’t like me. As a matter of fact, sometimes I assume someone doesn’t like me when it turns out that isn’t the case at all. In other words, I can be a little hypersensitive, and sometimes I even crave more acknowledgement from others than they’re prepared to give at the minute for reasons that have nothing to do with me. Sometimes there is an unmet need that I think the person in question should be trying to address, and they’re not, at least not to my satisfaction. That thought (nearly unconscious) is what sets this whole train in motion, and sometimes (usually) the person involved is completely oblivious to the need or expectation that I have. I’m not saying that this is the case with you, though.

Knowing this quirk of my own personality helps me discern whether I’m acting overly sensitive, or whether some problem objectively exists. And as long as I’m treating the person in question with the courtesy, kindness, and fairness that Christ commands, my own conscience is at peace. Since this piece of my personality was pointed out to me during the course of spiritual direction by a priest who is not my pastor, I’ve been able to deal with it a little more calmly. People who don’t seem to “like” me don’t occupy much space in my thoughts anymore, other than to pray for them.

As my spiritual director pointed out to me, Jesus commands us to love our neighbor, but doesn’t say we necessarily have to like them! I can only be responsible for my own actions and thoughts, and leave others to theirs.

Our pastor is a little on the grandiose side, in my opinion, and focuses his attention on big growing families, or the very elderly who have been parishioners there for decades. He doesn’t necessarily ignore the rest of us, but we don’t get the big attention that people belonging to those groups get, even though those of us who don’t have large families to support and good jobs may be a significant support for the parish. My previous church was a smallish parish in New York City with a lot of single and widowed Catholics, and the two parish priests were very engaged with the parishioners, so it’s probably a bit of cultural shock for me. From what I’ve seen, too, a lot of priests seem to have a difficult time with how to relate to women, particularly women on their own. I’m in a mixed-faith marriage and don’t have any children (not by choice.) That means I go to Mass by myself, all the time. For all I know, Father’s perception of me might be something totally different than what is actually the case.

My SD at first always kept pointing me to the foundation and first principle of St. Ignatius of Loyola’s Spiritual Exercises. Basically, it says, loosely translated into modern readable English, to give others the benefit of the doubt. Since I started consciously trying to practice that in all my human relationships, life seems to have gotten a lot more peaceful.
 
I feel for you. I would rather be around a cranky, grumpy priest who abides the rules than a warm welcoming man who could care less about my soul, though.
Right now, our relationship with the parish priest is business like. I am not sure if it is personality clashes, combination of things or what but this is what it takes so I do not leave the Church…then I deem it necessary.
Why don’t you look around, maybe retired, for a priest to help you with the grieving you are experiencing?
I would just add, after Mass is not the best time to have a heart to heart discussion with priests as they seem pulled in all ways. You could have a Mass said for your deceased friends and that may open up a door where he offers you consolation. Although we may not say the right words all the time, know that God is always good and makes up for the fumbles of many.
I am sorry for you loss especially during this time.
 
A friend of mine had a similar situation and it troubled her so much that she went to confession - to the same priest who caused the problem:D. So they had time to talk it over before the Lord and she let the tears flow… My assessment is that sometimes we demand too much from the poor priests, knowing that they too have some flesh and blood like us. Especially when we are the same one who work closely in the parish and are expecting some recognition. Your case may be different from and unique because yo are who you are and he is who he is. So, if I were you, I would go to a confession to him and speak about it, taking the humble position. You might be suprised of the results.
 
pat_mc said:
I am having the same problem with our new priest. I been a life long member of my parish and Im a Sacristan and a altar server. Im always there.
He ignoresme and makes sure that I have nothing to do when I get to the church.
I had it over Christmas weekend. He snubbed me 3x.
I wished him a Merry Christmas and he walked right by me without even a care in the world.
He even to as far as to make one of the servers do everything during the vigil mass while me and the other server set on the other side of the sanctuary doing nothing throughout the mass.
Then he had the never to tell me that I need to be straighten out because I didn’t agree with something he does.

I’m searching for a new parish at this time.

I guess we are in the same boat. :mad:
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Priests come and go, lifelong parishoneers stay!
Stop assisting at mass, stop performing the sacristans duties. Sit in the middle of church and focus on the cross during mass not the priest.
Keep your feelings to yourself.
Give this 4/5 month time period before you move.
 
I have the same problem with my parish Priest.

For me I go to church to pray for God Jesus Christ and if the Priest behave in a way to disturb my peace I’ll never leave the church as many did when they have the same problem.I’ll continue going and I’ll pray for him.

If you go to a church and there is an Icon which loses their colors you will stop going to the Church or you will continue going ?
Either this Icon will be repaired or will be changed ,Pray to God.

I consider that this may be due to:
  • Devil attacks to leave the Church.
  • He is too busy to take care of all members of the parish.
  • May be he is interested with people who gives him more advantages.
  • A way of pressures on some people to give him more time for services and more money for the Church, and I don’t like this way.
    -He doesn’t like some people you must be convinced that many personalities cannot deal with each other and this is a fact.
I recommend that such Priest must have spiritual training by their bishops and courses of ethics I don’t know how to do this.
 
thomas_jd said:
Priests come and go, lifelong parishoneers stay!
Stop assisting at mass, stop performing the sacristans duties. Sit in the middle of church and focus on the cross during mass not the priest.
Keep your feelings to yourself.
Give this 4/5 month time period before you move.
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That’s very good advice. I face a somewhat similar situation at my parish – big blow-up just before Christmas. While there is just no way I am going to leave, I have stopped helping as you noted. While I’ll continue to attend Mass at my home parish I will also attend Mass at another parish a couple of times a month. I very much want to be an “anonymous pew sitter” when I attend Mass these days.
 
Aelred_Minor said:
Anyway, I was forced to take an impersonal approach to him as essentially a sacrament dispenser
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HAHAHAHAHA

My priest can’t stand me. It was actually a bit disconcerting at first, because I remembered him from when I was in school (same diocese, different parish) and really liked him. Plus I’m not used to having such an acrimonious relationship with a priest, it is strange for me. But I realised that he is just a man, and I can’t expect everybody to like me, just like I don’t like everybody I meet. I also figured that he probably doesn’t give much if any thought to me outside of seeing me in Mass, so I’d apply the same. It’s a little awkward for me sometimes because my kids love him and think he’s just wonderful, and I struggle with them always wanting to say hello to him after Mass or whatever, and how much of that I should allow. All things considered, though, while it’s nice to have a priest you like, I don’t go to Mass for the priest (and sometimes I go in spite of the priest). And I drive to the next town for Confession. 😛
 
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